Monday, 31 December 2007


Sunday, 30 December 2007


Saturday, 29 December 2007


Friday, 28 December 2007


Thursday, 27 December 2007


Wednesday, 26 December 2007


Tuesday, 25 December 2007


Monday, 24 December 2007


Sunday, 23 December 2007


Saturday, 22 December 2007


Friday, 21 December 2007


Thursday, 20 December 2007


Wednesday, 19 December 2007


Tuesday, 18 December 2007


Monday, 17 December 2007


Sunday, 16 December 2007


Saturday, 15 December 2007



Friday, 14 December 2007


UNI RESIDENTS Decided to do my laundry at 4:30am and I expected no one to be around, but as I passed the second bungie, two guys were on the porch. The blond I've been seeing stopped me and I had to backtrack and may not have been friendly but I was tired and didn't care. My knees shook, my mouth went dry, and I kept shifting. They were asking hard questions like why I didn't like Bond and if it was my attitude and why I was so shy. I was entertained and they weren't being mean, so I stayed. For over an hour. Accusing fun.

The blond kept over and over telling me I was a hot girl and they I had pretty eyes. If the other wasn't there, I would've reciprocated. But it's difficult when you have two guys. Then the blond hugged me twice, pushing against me, and it felt great. Warmth. Touchy.

The redhead asked if I'd go to Macca's and I decided I really didn't need to study. It was awkward because I'm shy and I was too tired to think, but it went okay. They kept talking like a date, question after question, and it was still entertaining for me. Two country boys. Australians. Hot. Well, the blond over the redhead.

The redhead kept saying goodbye and the blond walked with me, but I wish it wasn't so sudden with him. He said he'd see me in a few hours, and he was off to do his office hours for HSA.

After my exam I kept looking for him.
I'm assuming he's staying in Bungie 2 for next semester.

Well, there's this rule. He won't remember and it won't be fun for him, so just let it go. He's popular and could have any girl.

Next time I see him: make it sarcastic, say hi all cheery, and ask how his day was and tell him that I'm not so shy after all.

UNI CLASSWORK Ying arrived late as I figured to the exam but we were both like nothing happened and back to normal. Time apart did well. We hurried inside and the first look at the exam..."Fuck, this is easy!" I was out of there in no time and as I went to the back to get my bag, Hugh was there and he noticed me. But a regulated exam? Couldn't acknowledge him.

For the first time I walked out of the exam smiling at this university. I felt so great walking up to her and handing it in after 35 minutes. Stephen looked at me and I just flicked my eyebrows and smirked, as if to say, "This is exactly what she told us would be on it" since he got the post-grad student to reveal too much information for us. How awesome is he?

Two books, but I figure I've gotten cuts so she better treat my book well.

YING is her and so we had our last dinner together, first one in two weeks. It was actually nice and I couldn't stop smiling because I was officially done. Turns out she took the Reserve and will live across from me and will no longer bother me for dinner & lunch. She told me I'm lucky to be seeing Gareth and I just smirked. According to her the boyfriend's finally coming and taking her to Melbourne and Sydney and as if I'm supposed to be excited or jealous? Either way I didn't care and there she was borrowing me two books. To compensate I got my analysis books online for only $15 and $45 because she got two books for free. That's what's bothering me: how she gets two of her books next semester for free. How asinine is that?


Thursday, 13 December 2007


NEWCASTLE & EMAIL & BEST FRIEND I was giggling so much. I couldn't stop smiling.

Yeah, that's the guy I think. The sort who sounds all big and tough...until you do it back, then runs away with his tail between his legs (I tried being nice all the time at first but realised that that doesn't really work with him...makes him think he's the boss or something).

I don't know what we say instead...the city maybe, "into town", the suburb's name? Hmm...I'm sure we say downtown sometimes...don't we?

Well, I'll be in Newcastle when you get there then. I guess the bus stops at the train station (hopefully it's a decent really does look like it's going to be a wet summer this year, it's een raining for the last few days, and it's still overcast today).

Yeah, I know, I was always goig to be there on Saturday, just needed to work out when to get there, or whether I should come to the airport, however you wanted everything to go, that's all.

Eh, I think the only thing that worries my mum is whether you're getting bored or not, rather than having someone extra to deal with, and like I said, it's going to be a little christmas this year...oh and remember, a trip to Newcastle isn't really that far (it's actually pretty small when you think about it, kind of like you going to if it was Woolongong, that'd be slightly longish, but still not a big deal really).

To be honest, I think it'd be easy to stay for the entire time, whether it's just a day or lots of days, it's not going to bother anyone (I think it'd bother more if you had to stay in newcastle all that time)...I thought I could spent a few days (a week or something) in the Newcastle hostel, but then I doubt there's any accomodation available right? Anyway when your here it's easier to steel mum's car to get around.

Escape anywhere, I think the key to escape (or else the fun kind) is just to get away, and then work out what the hell's going on from there.

But baby octopus salad is so nice...or maybe that's when it's made in good restaurants? I think I might just cook whatever, and not tell you what it all is until you've chewed and swallowed it (might need a bucket handy). I had a flip through a few things to cook this far thinking
-blackberry and treacle pudding
-fruit salad
-mince pie (that's the fruit kind) ice-cream
-oysters (that's probably only for me though)
-mixed tomato salad
-canellini bean tabouhli
-bloody marys (never tried one, though I should)
-swordfish and tuna steaks (the fish version of chicken)
-mixed chocolates and cheeses
-beer and bubbley wine
It's all subject to change. To be honest I'd be happy with the oysters, chocolate, and beer.

Yeah, I've heard about the Where the Wild Things Are'll be kind of strange, I think Wes Anderson's making it (the guy who did Life Aquatic). Hmm, I have the feeling astro boy'll turn out to be like the new version of transformers or something...I'll have to get the dvd series some day.

Noozles?...I remember there was a cartoon about a bunch of weird underwater things once, could that be the Noozles? Oh pfft, a Koala! no, Never. Oh yeah, I'm thinking of the Snorks.

The same goes for pears I think, at least for the next six months maybe.

Anyway, that's my day etc pretty much, decided to leave my exercise stuff (at least the first session- usually do two thirty minute sessions two days out of three) until after lunch today, might just sit down and read the paper for a while.

So see you really soon



I might just buy the film anyway, it'll make me bee a bit more careful seeing I have to pay for it.

UNI CLASSWORK and RESIDENTS The rest of the day? I couldn't find Stephen, but luckily I went back and I ran into Arthur and asked him if he'd seen Stephen. He called and there was Stephen and I studying on the third floor of the library. Stephen went to ask Sudhir about the exam but instead found the grad student who offered to help instead. With his pushinesss and almighty attitude, he was able to get her to reveal too much information and so now we should be set with the exam. God, I hope so. Stephen said I'm set for Analysis next semester since he, Aurthur, and I will have a study group. That makes me feel really good.

GROWN UP I didn't feel grown up asking my mom to call to cancel my YHA stay.

ADVICE Stephen told me today I have to feel confident to get things done. But I also have to show an interest in someone or their work to get them to do what I want.

EMAIL Arthur sent this cute email:
Hello Jen,

Hope you are doing well and not stressing out too much during exam time.

Just wondering if you have the Marketing Fundamentals book, and if so hoping I can use it next semester.

Let me know. :0)

your friend,

King Arthur

YING It's odd not having Ying around for so long, but feels so good.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007


I giggled, I dreamed, I was surprised.

"So your landing in Newcastle right (CBD sounds wierd when it's Newcastle, it always makes me think Sydney, Newcastles CBD seems a bit pathetic a cute kind of way) , does that mean you know when the buses go and everything.

Yup, that's a baby octopus...I think I've figured out the key, don't get anything that resembles a whole dead animal (I'm guessing if there was a suckling pig on the dinner table you'd have to force it down), stick with things that don't have eyes and heads still attached, and preferably not bones either. It looks like it's going to be a pretty small christmas this year around, just you, me, mum, and (huff) big sis. Hopefully she'll be to preoccupied with the ugly little dog...and we can escape with the car or yet no plans for food have been set out...but I've got a thing for oysters and beer, but probably chuck in some sourt of cakey-puddingish-sweet desserty thing in (there was a fruit pudding in the paper the other day, which'd be cool with cream...I might even find the energy to try make my first mud cake...hmm), and other stuff (I've decided less food is better this year around...usually half of it ends up in the bin, and seeing as big brother and sister in law are spending christmas at the other place and coming for boxing day, they be too stuffed from the day before). Anyway, there'll definitely be a nice selection of chocolatey, unhealthy stuff like always. Hmm tuna, I don't know. Hmm maybe a pile of good chocolates, a summer pudding (that's the fruit thing...seeing a mud cake and chocolate would make you pretty sick), tuna and steamed vegetables (or something), oysters and beer, champagne etc...anyway, looks like christmas is going to be very unchristmassy (so any escape would be easy).

Plan for the day...I'll see if I can enrol for something before the day's out (the one I'm looking at...well, one of the two, is already full, but it offers another way of doing it for professionals it seems, it costs three grand, so I just want to see if that's all worth it). The other one looks like a beginners course (I guess that's not so bad though...seeing I'd definitley be a beginner's the printng and graphic design least I think that's what it is...those two things are involved somewhere along the way anyway)...then call house person (I called yesterday but who ever answered didn't talk...I never seem to get a nice simple 'hello what can I do for you' from the other end of the line). Sit down read (Alice through the looking glass), then maybe buy one of the crappy pay-per-view movies on TV (no.23 seems like the least painfull option)...then what ever really.

Well, good thing is it's just the one exam.

I'm sure you'll have the airports completely worked out, tell me what you what you want me do do at my end? (continuing from the top paragraph).

Hmm, so I guess I better get a few polaroid films for the next few weeks (and not let my sister steel it, she just end up using all the film if I do...and then find some way of making it my fault).

Got to avoid eating hot-soggy-weetbix everyday though, it's too special to go the way of tea, and pears. Maybe I should alternate with scrambled eggs or something.

Well, I'll see you on Saturday (just a couple of days till your exam is over).



Tuesday, 11 December 2007


I want to create beautiful things. I wish I had my old talent back, or maybe it's just on hold because of uni.

KNITTING A few days ago I finished a knitted cozy of a squid and also a few days ago I finished adding ears to my red & cream (original) ipod cozy. Knitting the bear ears made carrying that ipod around even more fun. It's embarrassing, but it's mine, it's fun, and it's cute.

CREATIVITY this creative piece from pushing daisies (season 1, episode 8) made me giggle so hard since it was unexpected, sweet, and the delivery was perfect. This is what sparked my desire to be creative.

UNI RESIDENTS Stephen stood me up, which is unusually, even though he is usually late. I was glad because I got there and didn't want him to show, even though it would've helped me. That's how I get these days. I want to do it, go to do it, and then I don't.

On the way to lunch the redhead wasn't very friendly, overly like usual, but on the way out I ran into one of the workers I see smoking under the passway and he said, "Oh, thanks, love" when I was holding my cup of coke and waiting for them to move a large door. It made me laugh and giggle.

Before dinner made me feel special. Stephen came to find me for the exam and it felt great running after him, all free, talking in the common room.

Dinner was fun. Brunette-teeth woman was laughing so hard because she didn't notice me standing there and short-blond got the take-away tray because she didn't hear. On the way back to my bungie for once Jillian jumped when she saw me on the porch and we were laughing so hard because I'm always the one jumping.

Afterwards I realized how nice it is not to have Ying around all the goddamn time. I like peace.
BEST FRIEND Gaz emailed me. It wasn't very friendly or caring, so I've already written a short draft to send tomorrow. Meh. I'm losing so much love for him.

Gareth's an asshole and I don't care, and then I do care. So I sent him a semi-cold, semi-fuck you email. Like a I don't need you kind.

Monday, 10 December 2007


Puking up baby octopus with small tentacles and separate large suckers. I was excite to get fish only to find the surprise all over it. First this and now Gareth not emailing me yesterday. Whatever, I don't care anymore. Christmas will be so depressing this year. No fun, no family, nothing to look forward to.

"Are you doing anything for the holidays?" The blond caught me off guard and I was going on and on while smiling and she looked interested. And I hope she took it as me being interested as well; since I like talking to her. She's now the nicest brasserie worker. Next time I see her I'll ask her if she's going to Sydney for New Year's Eve.

"Anything good at the Bra?"
Jillian's friend was nice and I was glad since they usually aren't. Made me feel great as well.

So with those two and Gareth emailing me, today didn't turn out bad after all.

Sunday, 9 December 2007


BEST FRIEND Well I gave him his chance to invite me to Christmas, but he didn't. Do I care? Not really, just as long as I have somewhere to stay those two weeks like he promised.

So Bear emailed me a second time last night (aw! it's been a while since he's done that):
"I had a little think about things today, and decided that next year I'll try to focus on getting back to normal again, getting my identity back (I'm not sure if I wrote it to you, or whether I just wrote it out in a journal to desperately try to stop thinking and get to sleep, but my sister told me that we all really just grown up versions of who we were as kids, but it can get lost behind all the layers of crap sometimes...I'm trying to believe that)."

" pizza in the world I've heard. Even I could fantasise about working in an embassy. Who needs to get married, it's outdated...Get a job at an American company in Australia, jump at the first chance you get to work in the embassy, then retire to a lasy cafe somewhere (away from Sydney). And I'll just go here there and everywhere with absolutely no identifiable goals or direction, and drive everyone crazy...It's unavoidable, I think that's the way it will always go (I'll retire at seventy though, or sixty-five maybe...provided I live that long...not being fatalistic in any way)."

"I'll try (I've decide if I can't, I'll go crazy and wander the streets in the middle of the night in my pyjamas, Donnie Darko style). You sleep well to."

But he didn't email me today?

DREAMS and AMERICAN HOME A disturbing dream woke me up. I dreamt that I couldn't find Melissa (Kolbow) or Nikki's (which?) phone number in my cell after re-connecting with them, leaving me no friends. I think it's because I won't when I get home. Gaz is all I have and he's in Australia. Then again, I already live a life of sadness. When he's down there, and I'm up here, I have to go everywhere alone anyway. Jess did email me back, but it wasn't pleasant. I did have Christina, but that's just a dream now, I think. There's Betty again though. And where's Kristen?

I hope the U.S. is doing this. I love Australia for this kind of stuff.

Saturday, 8 December 2007


Bear emailed me again first thing around 8am and I would've found it but hotmail was slow with delivering. Had brekky and was proud that I got my first take-away, my fourth brekky here. And it was allowed me to quench my craving for sausages and eggs while I scarfed them down in the privacy of my room. I took a walk afterwards with my Touch and it felt good to walk around with attitude while listening to music. But after that, my period brought cramps and bloating, so I was on the toilet all afternoon, unfortunately.

BEST FRIEND What does this mean?
"Yeah, I could find the daughter of some rich construction worker who has a claus that she has to marry to gain access to her inheritance, even though she doesn't want to, and we could come to some sort of deal...hmm, like a ten percent cut, so if she inherets say a hundred million...ooh, that'd be ten million. The worste thing is now I'm imagining it being possible,
I've got this stupid fantasy in the back of my head."

Well, there it is- he's either gay or bi.

"You know, I've never actually been to any christmassy thing, unless you count primary school carols (I don' used to happen before christmas anyway), just like I've never been to a new year's celebration. But I'm sure there's plenty of organising going on."

And does that mean me organizing or his family?

"15th of december, okey-dokey.
Not too long now...Eh, there'll be lots of stuff to choose from christmaswise."

That he'll meet me there?
That we'll do Christmas stuff together?

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner made me afternoon when the redhead and I were having easy conversation, just chatting each other up. Her smiling. And then asking me if I'm coming back next semester. Does she enjoy me? Am I really that friendly that they remember me and smile? Is it because I'm always smiling and saying thank you? James was odd-- he gave her a weird look and maybe it's because he was wondering what we were laughing about.

Friday, 7 December 2007


BEST FRIEND Now I'm worrying he'll never come live in America or that I'll never see him unless I come back to live here, even though he told me he wants to live there (and not Canada and not Australia). He's just not reliable. He's probably changed his mind and wants to stay here. Am I over-analyzing? Probably, but I don't care.

Best part of this slow day? Gaz emailing me at 8am and waking up at 10am finding it, smiling, feeling great.

Hours later I'm okay again, finished reading Angela's Ashes, and I finally finished Shrek 3 (which was not good, as I figured, but I'm desperate for entertainment). How funny it is how I track each day but not when I was actually having fun and creating this Aussie foundation.

Thursday, 6 December 2007


I woke up, let my hair down, and was amazed by the curliness the new humidity makes. I let it be, feeling lovely and different, and walked around like I owned it. Hiding in Cerum I found three emails, a first in a long time, from Gaz and Kenny and Jess.

This is not Christmas. No chrissy songs. No snow. No coldness or apple cider or chrissy decorations in stores like someone puked it all up.

Thursdays are great because it means the burger section at the Brasserie and she was nice enough to give me two patties, and there I was enjoying them alone at Cerum until two younger workers came half-way through and I waited and waited. They never left, so I did, to another part where I at in peace. Why do Aussies insist on sitting so close?

Wednesday, 5 December 2007


Extremely tired since I couldn't sleep until 3am since Jillian and company were on the porch laughing and whinging and being social pains. She's gone and it's so relaxing. She's here, and I can't stand it.

I more than doubled what I did last time!

Tuesday, 4 December 2007


I had a feeling I would run into Peter Meggitt and I can't explain why, but I actually did it and I was actually right and there he was standing with that smile at the counter of the Brasserie. I tried to play it off, try to blow it off, and he interrupted me while I was talking to the blond because he just cannot clam down. Move, move, move. Thankfully I shouldn't have to see him again. He treats his multinational students like prizes, trying to collect each country, and he doesn't enjoy the American ones. So, thank you Peter, no more of you.

Blond woman was nice thankfully, but not to Peter even though he explained to them that he's never done this before. And when I came back for dessert, the other Bond Cafe worker was very nice and smiled at me. The other one just doesn't express herself apparently.

I studied properly by finally, finally, finally throwing my laptop off my desk and using it to actually study and not as a laptop holder. It felt great, too.

The dorm pain-in-the-ass is back, 5pm she arrived, and once again I planned her arrival by just guessing. All the noise, laughing, loudness, so I blasted the TV on 14 and they quieted down. I get this intuition where I just sense things. Although she wasn't loud that night, I still couldn't sleep as I wasn't used to her presence any longer.

Ying is unhealthly obsessed with me. She came to the dorm while I was masterbating, of all times, and then texted (I have no credit), and then called (two rings as always and I couldn't get to the phone fast enough). She was upset I had no contact with her when in reality that is not my job. She can't just use me. I'm busy, she's busy. She wanted to know where I was. Her English is bad and makes her sound like a bitch who is demanding where I am. Like, How Dare I! I hope I wasn't stern but I wasn't giggly nice, just asking her, "what's wrong?" Like, Why Contact Me Like This? Obsessed much?

Monday, 3 December 2007


Gareth didn't email me yesterday and looks like he won't today, so I guess I will head to the accommodation office tomorrow and book for the 6th of January and on. Then I have to figure out transport to and from the Newcastle airport so that I can do that on my own while booking a week in Brisbane (kill me of boredom NOW).

Ran into Romain even though I was trying to avoid him, because of embarrassment, but he turned around smiled big with a wave and hello. I want to become his friend, but I don't want him to think I have a thing for him. That's the problem with guys my age.

I walked over to the brasserie to get some dessert and chose a busy time by accident to have nice trendy girl who calls me "little one" scream to another to take care of me, "the little girl." I just smiled and knew why she said it and it didn't bother me that people by her turned to stare and look to see who she was calling that. Meh.

I slept for four hours and tried studying afterwards, slow, slow, slow as I was waiting for Gareth which eventually did come. Why can he control me like this? This time though, I wasn't sad, upset, or nervous. I was just lonely.

Sunday, 2 December 2007


Sable Sushi slept with me that entire night and stayed with me until 12pm before she went off exploring. I was out on the porch, very relaxed since Jillian is gone for the week, and I ran into both dormies. Audrey was nice as usual, but Ivette didn't want to talk as usual (and she has her boyfriend shacking up with her at the moment, up here from ANU). Does he really like sex on a pink, flowered doona like a teenager with carebears? I saw her room the one day, and it fits her.

"How's your day been going?" The blond Brasserie worker and I have been talking little bits for a while now, but this is the first time she's asked me this and it made me feel good. Like she cared. Like she wanted to be a friend.

Locked myself out of my room. there have been times where I've feared it but it never happened, but tonight it did. I walked to the security office pumped up and not afraid. First, cop was nice but not overly friendly. Second one was so nice, older, and jolly in a way. He asked my nationality and we talked about how half his relatives went to here and half with to America. I giggled and smiled since I didn't know what to say. He kept smiling, so he must not have thought I didn't want to talk to him and that I was nice.

Ran into Annabelle again. She was much nicer this time and it was she who stopped and back tracked to say hello. It these kind of run-ins that make me want to get to know everyone.

LITTLE PLEASURES There were fireworks for some reason and I was the first one to figure out that if you walked by the blocks, you could see them. Shortly after, all that had followed me to the picnic tables outside the bungies, followed me to the blocks. First a guy joined me and then two girls and two guys. Neither acknowledging me except the first, but all copying me.

Sable didn't come back, so I'm guessing she's gone. I didn't think I'd grow so attached, but I kept checking the porch every hour for her.

BEST FRIEND My so-called best friend didn't email me today after almost (or over?) two weeks of emailing me everyday now that he has free internet access at his mum's house. Am I worried? No. And I disappointed? Very much so.

Saturday, 1 December 2007


Ran into the Spanish speaking girl whose beautiful name I can't remember and from which country I cannot recall either. We talked for a good twenty-five minutes about nothingness really (finals, why I have to stay four semesters, etc). And she's always able to do that. I just don't know how she remembers me so well when I was barely in contact with her last semester?

While she I are were talking, Romain walked past, turned red, smiled big, and said hello. AH! I'm smitten with a French guy.

While coming back from the IGA I ran into Sable Sushi and she followed me all the way back to my bungie. She didn't want food this time, but she was much more relaxed. Everywhere I went she followed and she sat right next to me or under me each time. That night she slept with me until 10am, for the first time overnight, and it was so pleasing to have company for once. I miss Tiger like crazy.

"While tea is the world's most popular beverage, Americans consumer more than 80 percent of their tea iced." WOW, I knew that was true, but not to that degree.

Friday, 30 November 2007


Why'd I answer the phone? At first Ying called, cheery, asking how my presentation was. Now, that's a surprise that she even bothered, but I know why: it affected her ability to have lunch with me on Thursday. That's only why. The second time she called: she decided not to stay in her room and that she would go over herself, and that I should meet her at the "children's area" (English issues). So I got pissy and she wasn't cheery herself, so I wasn't going to fake it. What's the point of me going? And I will miss dinner.

Now I know I like change, but my patience with her using me is long being tested. It's teaching me something though: how have past friends put up with me when I did similar things? Maybe that's why they rarely lasted.

Gillian was on the porch and she said, "Hello" first, and I returned it, but that's it. If she wants to acknowledge me or pretend I exist, that's fine. But I will be nice and yet not give her the time of the day either.

People have caught on that the Cerum theatre is a great place for using your laptop, and so I was forced to a room, which was much better regardless.

I feel the need to be creative. It's an urge and yet I'm a bit stressed.

Met her at 5pm, after seeing the black kitten that's been living on and off in our living room, and I was a bit grumpy. I didn't see the point. And dinner with her was her, once again, telling me about her friends and what they said rather than what she knows. It's fine, but then she doesn't know the reality of it and argues with me about what they said. Most of what she hears comes from Easterners who don't know Aussie/Western culture, so it's misinformed.

At the end of it though, she was smiling. So meh. She's not upset, but I'm impatient anymore.

According to an online test:
You can expect to live approximately another 21300 more days, (until I am 82).

Thursday, 29 November 2007


Marketing was a breeze, kind of pointless, but I finally got to tell the creepy German off who said in such a callous and controlling way, "Why NOT?" when I told him I didn't have my sheet with me. Did he really think I was lying? He even went to touch my marketing book, which it wasn't even in it. So I got bitchy and snotty back, "Why are you criticizing me?" I wanted to say something else, but that wouldn't have been nice, so I went with the calmer option.

I ended up saying hi to Ying, against my wishes, by passing by, touching my hand to the table, and telling her I had to run since I had a speech. I didn't want her to think we were okay and I wanted her to work.

This is so Buddhist like. Buddhism is too difficult at the time being.

I kept going back and forth, should I offer chocolates and questions throughout? I finally decided, that yes, I would.

Was a bit nervous walking into my last class of the semester, but I calmed down once the French guy and I were joking about not wanting to go and that "we already went, remember?" Neva offered us to choose who to go first and I offered, some to my surprise.

The Dutch guy joked I couldn't be nervous with four people, and Neva, but I said I could and they all encouraged me much to my delight. Never tell people you're nervous, they say, but it's easy when "we're all friends" (as the Dutch guy told me).

They loved my idea, wrote stuff down, answered, excited, supported, smiled back
congrated me, and told spoke elequently
french guy shared and called jenny, awwww

Wednesday, 28 November 2007


I slept in two hours more than I wanted and found his email, unfortunately. On the way there I ran into Victoria again (twice in a row when not since last semester??) and thankfully she was on the phone since I wouldn't know what to say anyway.

"I wish I could properly describe my professor, the one I had to have lunch with. Well, he acts like he's hyped up on caffeine and he's always moving. Always. He doesn't slow down to think, but rather rushes through everything. So I was a little disheartened when I was waiting for ten minutes and he finally showed with Melissa, where we were then rushed around. He always asks the same questions, rush and rush and rushing. And so it was a little hard for me to keep up with since I was exhausted. The worst part for me was watching him eat with strings of cheese hanging from his neck and chin-- I started gagging, so I took my glasses off (thankfully I was too tired for contacts) and that helped."

It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable when someone I don't really know talks to me about politics. Doesn't he know, being a cultural professor, not to talk about religion or politics?! Anyway, so he brought it up regardless and I know where he stands (he's an open Bush & Howard hater) so I had a bit of fun. He asked if Ohio is republican or democrat, so I told him. The fun part was telling him how we were the deciding state for re-electing bush -- specifically my county -- and he face just stopped. Well, he did what I knew he'd do and he shut up and changed subjects! He probably thinks I support Bush, but who cares, as long as it stopped him. Pssh."

Overall I asked more questions since I genuinely cared and it was quite unlike me and a nice surprise. He ran off at 12pm exactly and left all his trash, and it was Melissa (thankfully) who thought to ask me for my email address. I really like her, even though conversation can be tough with the language and cultural barrier, but I did want to keep in contact.

Best part? I got an HD! My first Aussie HD for a subject, yay.

At my real lunch (the salad was making me gag), I tried something new with the fake blond who now seems to not only recognize me, but also like me. I smiled big and asked, "How are you?" and she actually paid me attention.

Went to the library relaxed since I had my iPod on and a "don't care" attitude even though it was busier than ever. Ashnita had to of seen me and I tried catching up, but instead didn't bother. If she wanted to give me the time of day then she would've said something when we first sort of ran into each other. And there we were walking side by side not doing anything. I literally said, "pfft" outloud and went on my way.

Ying tried calling. Maybe about dinner together? That Christmas gathering with May? Don't know, and don't care. I don't want to be better friends, only class friends.

Tuesday, 27 November 2007


"For some reason I was incredibly tired last night, but I stayed on to practice my fake Thai some more. I explained to him that there was no way I could teach a language I had no background in, that I would only give them the wrong pronunciations, but he said it would "be fun!" So I finally gave that workshop and got it over with this morning and it wasn't too bad. I get all worked up over nothing, even though I wasn't nervous at all the night before. The whole thing is, I knew I wouldn't get much cooperation from a class of stuck up people and the whole point was to get them to interact while I taught them Thai culture.

The presentation itself was exciting because I didn't get nervous, even when the same people I knew would (there's a few girls who are so snotty) were glaring at me. There's this one girl who never pays attention, this girl from Boston, and he always calls her out on it during my presentations. I think there's a conspiracy against me, ha! Anyway, I only got nervous toward the end, so it's all good."

After I wrote him that I remembered how dry my mouth went (how unusual for me), but mostly because 15 minutes is the longest I've talked so far. And I remember not displaying awkward-scared voice tricks, until the end when a few girls were glaring at me. But overall I had the "I'm never going to see you again" attitidude and I was really relaxed.

He had us take a group photo and they were acting like we all like each other- and now we will have a fake photo to represent the cliques and glaring girl.

The night before I had this weird dream with Kenny emailing me and Victoria going on a roadtrip with me. That morning Kenny emailed me (hmm?) and I ran into Victoria for the first time since last semester. What are the chances? I love talking to Aussies and it hasn't been since second semeter, since they just get me. And they're so fun and optomistic. I asked how her semester is going and I found out we'll have A&A together next semester. And she remembered and guessed about Gaz. Hilarious.

Oh, and I got an HD on my second assingment, so I'm guess I got an HD in the subject!

Monday, 26 November 2007


A fun day with a run to the post office before marketing to smile and be cheery about getting my ipod touch in the mail. I was shaking with excitement, especially as the German guys and Stephen gave me some like back in high school when I used to have the newest technology. Damian went out of his way to say hi to me despite dirty looks I give him as he stares at me (natural response) and Joey came over to peek at my iPod Touch.

Alex talked to me prior to class since he was early for his presentation and I purposely ignored Ying. If she will walk in and ignore me, then I will do the same. I rushed through the TEVALS ("teacher evaluations") and brisked out before she could finish. It's sort of like a game with us anymore. She does her own thing and uses me whenever she wants, and I don't want to be used.

Dinner tonight? The Brunette calling me "love" again, James smiling as I smiled, and the blond talking about my calf muscles from tip-toeing. It's been so long since James smiled at me.

The most wellbeing experience from the uni residents today? Walking back to my dorm a scruffy guy, blond, I've never seen (or remember seeing) was walking in front of me. He said hi and asked how my finals were going, so we talked about that on the way. Was he interested or just being friendly? Don't know. But he's an Aussie who lives in Bungie 2 with Matt, and I like that. I felt cool.

I learned from last time and didn't say hi to Gillian and her friend as I went past, as it's pointless when they're going to ignore me. I just smiled. The second time I had to go past them, once they realized I wasn't a friend, I did the same minus the smile. Why be fake? Unbuddhist like, probably.

Sunday, 25 November 2007


According to the news this morning: "Mr Rudd used his victory speech to underline his determination to continue the relationship, despite his policy of a staged withdrawal of Australian combat troops from Iraq, in consultation with the US.

He singled out the US for the first special mention, ahead of countries in Asia and Europe, as the nation with which Australia had a special relationship."

And from the NY Times: "Mr. Fullilove said Mr. Rudd’s experience regarding China was unlikely to make a significant difference to Australia’s relationship with the United States. “I would counsel against people assuming that because Kevin Rudd speaks Mandarin there would be a big rebalancing of the relationship in favor of Beijing,” he said."

Double Yay!

I woke up late, feeling free, after almost finishing my WTO presentation last night. No Gaz today, making me wonder if he took my political talk the wrong way? I'm tired of the droves of Japanese tourists, older tourists, snapping photos of our campus like it's some palace. I hide from pretty girls, skinny, with lots of makeup and skimpy clothing like I'm completely inferior.

CHANGE My perception is changing. I'm thinking more about the world we live in.
Walking on campus I noticed ants scrambling away and I wondered why they didn't go near the building where no one walks. Then I remembered that they are tiny and can't see far enough to tell if it would be safer and how easy it is for me to see that. And that, I too, am like an ant in a way. Like the night I wondered the area looking for a store, thinking I would know if one is near by, but the world was too big to tell. And there was a store right under my nose, but I couldn't tell with my small perception.

I'm also thinking more like a business woman, although I don't remember the most recent example. I'm also thinking like a team member/business student. I walked past the newly set-up tables thinking, "Now that will promote team work." What about my perception of a student? Have I changed and I can't tell yet as I'm in the middle of it? I feel like I'm working harder and putting more thoughtful effort in, producing better material, but am I?

YING I got fed up with Elaine today; I'm not being obnoxious, I'm just being western. But she takes everything as me insulting her when that's not true. And I don't find her "I don't know anything about Australia, nor do I want to learn" cute either. I wasn't mean, but instead of giggling and being happy, I started to walk away and said I would see her tomorrow at the end of our walk. If she can force me into things I don't want to do by repeating it over and over, I can act western and stand up for myself for once.

UNI RESIDENTS Matt made me feel "cool" again, like back in Bathurst. He drove past as I was walking with Ying and he honked three times and waved. (!)

Saturday, 24 November 2007


Ying called; next thing I know we're sitting too close for comfort (I thought Asians didn't like that?) on the steps as an American with a "USA" t-shirt is staring at me (I had my AE shirt one). Lunch was trying to get her to talk and feeling like I was being obnoxious, but it's difficult to talk to an Asian who refuses to adopt some sort of Western style. Therefore, we have conflicting styles.

She asked me to go to dinner with her even though I didn't have a meal left, so we sat outside and shared. To her credit, she knew what food I liked. So that made me feel good.

Rudd won today. I hope that's good for Bush and we stay strong as allies. For the first time, I care when a foreign official is elected.

Friday, 23 November 2007


The day I realized that I'm both bored and unloved by Gaz. He seems to rush though my emails with his responses. So my response? I won't bother much anymore. And I'll wait til tomorrow to respond.

But then I emailed him hours later and he emailed back an hour later, with more depth. See? I can't hold a grudge against him and my view is not always true.

This was too cute not to post, but it was stolen from someone's LJ: "if you're ever in a jam,
i'll be your peanut butter ♥

I've been trying to do this everyday, and today I hit my first 1,000 grains of free rice for those starving.

Thursday, 22 November 2007


Nothing out of the ordinary and I'm awfully tired right now.

Two main things come to mind:
1. I feel in like to our Marketing Professor's teaching finally
2. I was too talkative in Regional

It felt like the end of school, like I was in high school again, now that there's only one week of class left. So there I was talking in regional with Ashnita and the Germans and Arthur like there was no tomorrow, like I was giddy, even though I wasn't and they were probably annoyed. But Ashnita remembered Canberra and we laughed about that. It felt good for her to remember. To be teased that I was going for a boy. It was end of the year kind of fun. Free. Careless. Carefree.

And marketing? We got into a psychology aspect and Ying and I arrived at the same decision simultaneously: we enjoyed him today and he's not bad after all. See? Change the subject so it's interesting and all of a sudden you like the professor.

Gaz emailed me early this morning, surprising me, considering he didn't have to email back yet. So it was a nice treat. On top of it, I had two major hiccups in a row later that night I hope that was him thinking of me.

Wednesday, 21 November 2007


Just in time she told me, as she was placing the sushi out, which allowed me to ask, "Do you have vegetarian?" It was easier than I thought.

I got in line and the woman giving me my ticket, the one woman who really doesn't know me, knew I wanted take-away without me opening my mouth. Then the next woman knew of course as she went to get my food (she was one of the first to get to know me). Then the dessert lady? She called me "little one," yet again, and then told me, "you always get chocolate cake." The weird part is, how do they know me so well when I'm not one of the kids to talk to them? There are people who will chit-chat and make friends with them, while I'm rather shy (unless it's the short girl or redhead or James, since they're my age).

Bear emailed me early, at 9:30am, and it surprised me. Next day? So soon? Only about me and not him?

But then he surprised me a second time, emailing me less than two hours after I had replied.

Ying also called. I knew she would. I ignore her and she comes back. Anyway, I knew something else was up and sure enough she's worried about her boyfriend. And she may be stranded over break, so we'll see how that goes. I just don't want her in Newcastle considering she thinks Gareth and I are a couple. I don't even know how that started to be honest- I think she called him that and I never corrected her.

Tuesday, 20 November 2007


A milestone, one-hundred entries, but unfortunate I don't have any significant to write other than the fact that day was peaceful. It was nice. I felt good and relaxed in our communication tute since I looked at the answers ahead of time. But also how I ran into Arthur in the library and he gave me some tips on my upcoming subjects. Despite the fact that my final semester will seem to be hard, I have to do it and I know I can survive it.

The short blond and older redhead smiled real smiles at me today. It made me feel good.

Monday, 19 November 2007


By a stroke of fortune I tried emailing Gaz after not hearing from him (but the email wouldn't go through) and he texted me ten minutes later.

Text one: (half was lost, but the gist was that he was telling me he was in Greta, that he thinks the beanie I knitted for him is 'fantastic' and how bored he is); around 12pm

"Well don't worry to much, it'll be over before you know it. It's okay, apple's no really my thing. I'll just get some ginger beer, and fruit later."; 2:48pm

"Goodluck, why's that?"; 4:24pm

"Well, not for a little while by the look of it now...if doing things over your break is going to keep getting blocked."; 4:50pm

"Hey, you can pester me...just not so accusingly. Hm, I'll see if mum can get that computer tomorrow (sorry about the time delay, got frustrated and decided to recharge the phone)."; 7:18

"Not at all, it's not like I see you much anyway, just a week or two every once in a blue moon. I've only seen you a few times this year, and it's almost over." (about me being afraid he'll get sick of seeing me); 8:00pm

"Sandcastle definitely (I think I've forgotten how). I'm going to look for a place in a. cooks, b. derby st, c. hamilton, fingers crossed. Eh, I'm happy seeing you when the chance comes, there's no set quota. Apparently there's a Japanese restaurant in Newcastle, and getting a hamburger should be easy."; 8:57pm

"I think there are just those little shops you see in certain areas (not quite like Haymarket). Yeah me to, there should be plenty of good food there, don't worry about that."; 8:30

"Yep, it's just not that big really. You still have to get from one place to the other, that seems to be a reaccurring theme though."; 9pm

"Hmm, only a month and a bit. Hopefully my place in newcastle will be set out by then (or the first few baby steps anyway)."; 9:30pm

"It'll be find once it's organised, I'll do share again, it's the only thing I could ever afford, but it's better that way anyway. Whoa, almost fell asleep, think it's bedtime. So goodnight, hope you get some sleep at least, even if it's not enough. Remember, worry about stuff later. Whoa..."; 9:55pm

There were more, but they somehow kept getting deleted on their own. There was one about wanting to send me a photo of his tattoo, but how he'd rather show me in person, and that's what started with us figuring out he doesn't know I was coming to Newcastle. Good thing, because now I know he knows. Another missing important one is about how I can tay at his lace and if he doesn't have it by then, then his mum's place! I received at least 12, a couple an hour. We texted from 12pm until 10 pm. The conversation kept going, something we haven't done by text yet, and I loved it. Sent and received: 16 messages each! So I'm missing 5 from above...:(

Ying left class without me, starting a chain reaction of bitchy randoms, but I took it in stride. I just won't acknowledge her on Thursday. And no, Ying, I won't go to lunch with you. Ah, but wait. I have class with her next semester, so I need her. I'll just do it discretely.

Audrey was cute. My door opened as she closed the main door and we had a giggly chat about it.

Sunday, 18 November 2007


I found this through stumble and I want to do this in Newcastle.

more: written down on newie and in mobile.

Saturday, 17 November 2007


I woke up two hours later than desired, but it allowed me to run into Arthur who was eager to talk in the library. I have a rosy outlook now that Gaz and I are good. And it's always the little pleasures of running into campus friends. Just like I did with Ivette while waiting in line for dessert with Elaine. Elaine called to invite me to lunch and it was quiet pleasant, although conversation was a bit laxed. She didn't ask if everything was okay with Gareth, but we did talk about Brissy tomorrow.

some artistic creations with

Friday, 16 November 2007


DEEP SADNESS My stomach's so upset that I feel like I'm going to puke...constantly. In line I heard a song sing "It's not over" over and over again and it made me feel better. I just don't get it. I hope the delay is the fact he's moving this weekend. If not, I guess I'll call Monday and ask, "So, what do you want to do?"

BEST FRIEND I laughed so hard that I snorted. Why, I'm not sure, considering it wasn't meant to be funny. Just that he had to re-iterate it again. Even after he said that thing about abruptly ending and then still going on.

Before I forget though, I went to sleep thinking it was past and he wouldn't email, but I woke up at 4pm (ten minutes after he sent it) to a surprise.

"Hey, if I though it would be opposing on my mother I wouldn't have suggested it (same goes for the idea of you coming, haven't we sledge-hammered all of this into each other's skulls already?).

Eh, it's okay, when each email's only a few lines long, it can't really get annoying (plus when I can finally get some sort of access to the internet for any length of time, it's like and exciting little present when I find them seeing as your the only friend I appear to have right now, well the only one I've spoken to/emailed in a long while anyway). But then I guess I can understand, I get the feeling I'm annoying someone when I email two days in a row.

Oh, and buy the way- reason I didn't respond to the call- I got to the phone on it's last ring like always, and we yet again have no land line at the least not until I leave anyway.

Basic- I want you to come to Newcastle at least for a little bit if you think you can manage it (or else I wouldn't have offered), the reason for not contacting you was because I could (whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you). I think your called a friend right?

And now I have to go, I could only get half an hour because everything else is booked out.

Bye Bye.

I know it's an abrupt ending, but I'm over my time limit


PS I do want you to come, and it wouldn't be putting my mum out."

UNI RESIDENTS Andrew says hi to me despite me not (first time I've seen him since last semester: "Hi, Jen" with a big smile) and yet bitch Gillian doesn't bother to say hi to me even though I smiled and said, "Hey" first.

ADVICE: Oprah- "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

Thursday, 15 November 2007


saw ivette
talked to arthur
helped joey who followed
i passed
he smiled as left
small gesture try to open for
we ate, she made laugh so hard, said love me and i make her laugh
she said he loves me and this won't ruin it
(he prob x knows i blew up and thnks normal so tom)

Wednesday, 14 November 2007


i'm too sad right now to give this justice, but i got the blond grumpy girl to laugh when i told her about our height and we were dancing on our tip-toes to see each other over the high counter. she asked what my height was and we were laughing so hard about it down the line that i didn't care about the people around me.

i just wanted to fucking see gareth. why is he being so cold? am i no longer important? i keep crying and crying, much to my dismay, going back and forth. there's so much right now. my first 30 minute presentation. failing marketing (not for sure, but I know it). gareth being unloving now about me staying over. then to top it off i sent him two emails (one as a sorry for the first), tried calling which didn't work, so i sent a text. why if he hurts me do i comeback? and the only reason i'm crying is because i'm afraid he won't answer me, hence the text in the first place.

when i first read his email i laughed and cried at the same time for the first time in my life, that i can at least remember. i just couldn't stop laughing and the tears were pouring without much effort. it just hurts because i always assumed that it would be like last year where he asks me to stay over and we were good enough friends where it was no problem.

i think i just fucked up my best friendship ever over something stupid.

He never responded to my call/text, so I sent a third email apologizing about the other times with more of an explanation.

What may be working for me:
-he doesn't have many friends
-he loves me
-we've done this before, although not like this
-my $1,000

I've never cried so hard. Slept four, five hours. I don't know what to do. I can't live with or without him. And now I'm stuck here for four weeks, doing nothing.

Tuesday, 13 November 2007


Today's the day I finally admitted to myself that I'm depressed here. My sleep's worse than ever.

Lecturers like her make it worth it. I called myself brave and went to see Neva who was forthcoming in her office and very nice. She explained more than she had to and she said I can work with Arthur, even though he's not taking the subject for credit, if I don't have a partner (small class, most have already paired off).

Love how knowledge is interconnected. I knew about investment in Africa because of my global subject last semester. This stuff really does have a purpose.

LIFE HERE/DISCOVERED earlier in the day Stephanie, the short blond at the Brasserie who is usually nice to me, wasn't very nice again. Nor was she later that night. But I talked about how busy it was and it made her smile at the end. Don't judge- just be nice. Although Sudhir (asshole professor) says niceness is a sign of weakness. I'm undecided on that yet. Maybe in the business world and when you want to get something, yes.

Monday, 12 November 2007


Nothing spectacular today other than while I was coming out of marketing I decided to go see Neva about the paper so I could start it, but she was taking too long. Waiting there on the blue chair, waiting outside for the German guy to talk to her, and her speech was so slow. I decided to come back when I ran into a smiling Alex, the first time since last semester. He still remembers my name. About halfway home I decided to go back, but she was still talking, so I finally left for good when I ran into Ashnita. Smiling, in a rush, but still wanted to talk about regional.

No Gaz today, but I'm assuming in lieu of tomorrow since I sent a really long email. I know, excuses, excuses. And even though I was excited for it, I wasn't upset when I didn't receive it. It's a big step from earlier this year.

I was off schedule where instead of going to lunch at 12pm exactly, like I've done all semester and half of last, I went to Market Square to see that fountain. It felt good to be organized and yet deviate from it. It felt free. Unplanned. Change.

I had two odd dreams:
dream 1: I dreamt of walking through my grandparents house, the Ussai's. I haven't done that since I was eight, nine? I remembered the majority of the first floor, but not the second. I remember how scared I was of the stairs in the basement and that hidden bedroom as well.

dream 2: "three levels of building, raining, no marathon or bike, guys never spoke to from last semester, mean facebook winks, hide in third floor with roomes between floors and door must blimb out of, quiet third eatery and even fourth." Okay, I don't remember the first bit other than I was being scared off into this imagined building on campus that had four floors. I was hiding on the second floor, ran into a bathroom, and then went out the door but found I had to climb up since it was halfway between two floors. The ceiling was low. The third floor I found didn't have as busy as an eatery, and the fourth floor, which I never knew of, was quiet and like a nightclub with fancy dressed people eating at a bar.

Sunday, 11 November 2007


I think Elaine called again. I slept in until 12:30 again.

3pm I went to my not-so-secret spot overlooking the lake to work on the WTO and who appears? Elaine. I kind of gave it to her when she heard I went to "Brisbane" (a lie, I know) and she acted as if I went without her. So I told her how we had planned it and I had talked about it, but she didn't say anything, so I went on my own. She's a Liz. After a small row, we agreed to go to Brisbane for the day next weekend, on Sunday. I'm excited actually.

Dinner with Elaine was eventful for once. She invited Toby over, who invited his friend Alex, and there we were this big group with Toby leading the discussion. I loved it, just like in high school. So Toby's American and so is Alex, so Elaine felt left out of course.


Saturday, 10 November 2007


UNI RESIDENTS I was up at 5am when the sky was turning from dark blue to spots of orange and birds were calling in 360 around my bungalow. I woke up at 12pm with Elaine standing outside my window screaming, "Jennifer! Jen! Jennifer!" instead of knocking.

Last week we found a park, so today I went there to study, but I only lasted a few minutes with the wind. I tried holding down the pages of my marketing book, but it didn't work very well, so instead I wandered around campus the long way before going back to my bungalow.

DISCOVERED This will sound rather odd, but I felt like I was in Bathurst. Back then when I got bored or no one was around, I would just wander around the city. I remember that's how I finally discovered that they had wineries and hidden grocery stores. I still haven't gotten too far, but I will eventually make it out to Robina (which looks like Varsity Lakes, but isn't).

AMERICAN HOME Still don't know what to do about Jessica, but as far as I know, I won't have much when I finally do get back. We've been keeping in close contact, but god love Jessica, she's pretty forgetful and not very reliable. Basically, she's done this several times in the past and it doesn't surprise me, but I just thought things were going so well. So maybe things will be different once I'm actually in the same country as her. (Just like Christina. She only wants to give me attention when I'm not actually there- err).

Also I deleted Liz off of MSN, even though we've purposely haven't spoken to each other since August, and it felt great. Why it took so long, I don't know, considering what's happened over the last two and a half years.

CULTURE I think I've figured out how to get the Aussie 'doll' and 'hun' back home. ""Honey", along with variations like "honey bun" and "honeypot" and the abbreviation "hon," has become a term of endearment in most of the English-speaking world. In some places it is used for loved ones; in others, such as the American South, it is used when addressing casual acquaintances or even strangers"

Friday, 9 November 2007


NEW/CULTURE "Surfers/the beach will have to wait until Sunday or Monday, as it started to rain here even though it was supposed to be only sun today (although, it *has* been raining all week, so makes sense). Ah, but wonderful news! Elaine and I were supposed to be meet for brekky at 8:30, and I got an angry (meh) call at 9:00am waking me up, and asking if I'm still coming. Gotta love Chinese culture in general, but dealing with it everyday is a bit different (I kept apologizing, and to "save face", she didn't say anything but I knew from my experience and textbook studies she was pissed-- even though I've *never* been late before).

So I went to breakfast by myself at 9:30am and got in line because they had congee. I gave her my white ticket (meaning, it's the main meal) and she gave me a sympathetic look when I asked for it (must've been wondering why I was requesting it). I told her that I promised you I'd try it, so she said to give her the yellow ticket (the dessert ticket) and gave me a bowl saying, "Well, it is popular". Why was she surprised? Anyway, I added some salt and pepper (eh, why not?) and it was better than I was expecting. Although, it was a bit too lumpy for me and I would've liked it to be thicker, but the actual taste wasn't bad. I tried it, but I don't know if I'll be going back for more, but it was good nonetheless. I ended up going back with the white ticket to get pancakes (drenched in syrup) and two sausages. They were busy dancing behind the counter to be too busy to serve me. Two guys were served before me because the girls knew and liked them, even though I was first, but I was too tired to be bothered."

He emailed me again today, something I wasn't suspecting.
That's my bear.

UNI RESIDENTS today I ran into all three dormies, two of them at once, and it finally felt like we're comfortable. We say hi and smile as if we all belong. As if we don't have to try too hard.

Thursday, 8 November 2007


I tried so hard to get to the congee this morning, but it only reminded me how much I need to get around once in a while. After I got ready and rushed to the Lakeside Grille, I saw it was empty in hopes I could take a picture of the congee, but instead I found that it was deserted because they've stopped offering breakfast this semester. No wonder the Brasserie offers breakfast so much- why couldn't I see that? Of course, it makes sense. And so that's why I should get out more and see what's been changed and updated sometimes. Why is it so difficult to get to now that I actually want to try it? I even tried the Brasserie and found that they were only offering porridge, baked beans, and spaghetti. Gaz believes me I know, but it's got to be funny how I can't get ahold of the stuff. This is my second time trying and I will try again tomorrow (friday) and, if not, Saturday or Sunday. I need that photo to prove I'm good to my word.

No German in marketing made me feel free as I smiled and felt no pressure to look as if I were keeping busy, as immature as that may sound, but that's always my reaction around someone I'm blatantly not talking to. Even though I did no wrong. Elaine surprised me with how talkative she was with me for once, but maybe because she was a bit more earlier than usual. Either way, she gets on my nerves, never asking about myself.

Joey and Dino (two Chinese) sat in the back as usual and I asked Joey to see their draft (which we already did ours weeks ago) and Dino was obviously talking about me and pointing in my direction. Joey smiled and when I handed back the paper I gave a "meh" and "rude" smirking look and didn't say anything. Joey must've realized and wanted to talk while they both smiled at me.

"So there's this other German guy (a forth of the class is German, after all) and he sits at the table next to mine, always bothering me with seemingly pointless questions. Anyway, today he asked me what I thought of the midterm, so I told him the truth (that I didn't like it, even though I prepared two weeks in advance). I don't know if this is a personal thing, or a German thing (because I found this with Franzi), but he told me I didn't like it because I didn't prepare. He told me I didn't study right and I didn't study the right stuff. I just kind of looked at him and went "uh-huh" and went back to working on my laptop. Cultural things, it's the little cultural idiosyncrasies that are just as annoying. He doesn't know me and yet he "knows" I studied wrong and that he's automatically smarter than me. Hmm."

Elaine must have been tired of eating alone because she asked me to lunch. I knew she wanted Lakeside so I obliged while she went around the fact with, "What do you want?" The place was busy, the salad made me bloated, and it was disgusting as usual. She knows I hate it, but I'm always the one giving in. No more. What made the situation even more unpleasant is that we were conversing fine, but as usual she didn't care about my life. Only hers. She wanted to talk about her boyfriend, but was emotionalless when I told her I was staying here with Gaz.

"And once again the academic highlight of my week was my favorite subject, regional studies. I felt good for once in that class because we were talking about Australian history, and guess who was the only one who knew her questions? Me for once, go figure (take that Europeans who think they know everything!)...I think hell just froze over and pigs are flying. Anyway, it's thanks to you teaching me so much over the years. I even giggled when she brought up Holt, because I instantly remembered you telling me that. Let's see, and strangely enough, I was the only one in the class to have gone to Melbourne and to The Rocks and know about Ned Kelly..."

Jillian kept looking back and me and commenting, as Americans and Canadians know each other, and it made me feel good to talk to her. I want to be her friend but she's sometimes hard to get to. She's cool and has her friends already.

On the way back from class I ran into that random cute, blond guy again who said around week two, "Hey, how ya goin'?" which I love. Then Matt saw me and was especially happy like old times, running the conversation in his fast talk and smile.

I started mom's beanie/hat yesterday and so far I've been working four hours on it (what is above). I love the pattern of it, the little bumps. That's why it's taking longer than Gaz's did, but it's going to be so pretty when it's finished. A little hiccup occurred when I didn't realize the pattern was big enough for doing it in the round, hence the double "ribbing", but I like the look actually.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007


Last night I was doing my laundry and saw a frog come out of nowhere, reminding me how beautiful nature is when no one is around.

UNI CLASSWORK I slept in but somehow woke up thirty minutes before my tute, which was much more pleasurable this week. Why? He eased the pain with allowing us to borrow past papers for our workshop and then I actually had enough personal experience to talk about the reading today. It was friendly and I left smiling.

GESTURES I was going to let the lift shut but I heard the running heels and stopped it in time. She thanked me and was a very kind aussie, so it made me feel really good.

UNI RESIDENTS Ivette was in front of me in line for lunch and was nicer than she has been lately, said how it's week 9, and asked if I'm leaving over break. I enjoy run-ins with dormies now, unlike last semester.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007


IM/Text/Email/Post/Call Bear called like he said he would, made my day, made me feel better. Less stress. Towards the end while I was sneakingly skirting around the fact that I wanted him to straight out invite me, he said that he'll be in Newcastle in a few days, once I said I'll let him know when about we could meet.

We both said, "How are you?" at the same time, we laughed, and he said, "I asked first." It was cute, flirty, fun. He talked a lot, almost non-stop throughout, until we both grew tired at the end. Not much about the actual reason he called, making me feel special, since he only wanted to talk.

He told me to cook a turkey for Christmas. "I'll need to borrow your oven," I told him and he agreed. Made me feel like he wants me around for Christmas.

He kept talking to the nine people in the house, but I wasn't jealous, just a bit annoyed. He seemed so happy to talk to them, he's changed. But it was so much fun every time the drunk girl came on to tell me Gaz loved me, that he's moving to Queensland, and that he always talks about me. I laughed, wishing it were true.

I skirted around again to see how long I could stay in Newcastle by telling him I don't know how long to stay in each since I've never been. He told me four days for Byron Bay and only one day for Port Macquarie.

"I have to get you a chickaroll [not sure the word] sometime," he said making me feel he's being more personable with me again. "And an Aussie pie." And then he told me I should get champagne and sushi for the beach on Christmas day. ("I can't have it still." "It's okay, I don't liek it." Did he want it with me?). "We can make it sushi and appletinis," he corrected. Aw!

An hour and 32 minutes.

Yesterday when he said, "I'll ring you tomorrow" and "see ya tomorrow" made me smile in anticipation for today!

Monday, 5 November 2007


No, not turning this into a fashion blog, but I'm
starting to respect nice, chic looks. I want to look
like this one day.

; I decided it was smarter to come home and reek the benefits then it is to stay here and be bored. And, since I only have one mid-term, I can see Gazzy that entire week before! Plus, how can we have four weeks when he can't travel? And I can see him anytime now that he's even closer. So far Jessica P. is the only one I told. Awaiting her response! {edit: she was on facebook but ignored it. Hmph, typical of her}.

BEST FRIEND I woke up a few hours later feeling depressed over the midterm and then felt saddened over Gaz. Will he email? I hope so even though I keep telling myself that I don't care. And if he doesn't I'm calling him, although I'm not sure yet if I do it nicely or snarkingly.

{edit: So he did email me, although it wasn't very loving. Whatever. I give up, but I need him so I'll ignore it}

3:51pm; I tried calling Gaz who wasn't there, so I sent a text with the information instead.

5:09pm; We were on the phone for one hour. Nice ;) I felt much better afterwards, but then I felt guilty as if he went from 'going home is good' to 'you should stay here' because he felt like he had to. I really, truly didn't want him to offer for me to see him, but he did. He told me traveling the coast would be a good idea, but his motive? Either way, he said I could. And he really was trying to help me decide. And he, said...he would call tomorrow after I said I will think about the entire thing. Why'd he offer? Wow.

UNI CLASSWORK Well the exam was terrible from what I can tell, so now I have to work even harder and hope we passed the presentation and then hope he gives me at least half of participation points for showing up to his shitty class. What a terrible feeling. I haven't felt this yet at this school.

UNI RESIDENTS Elaine made me laugh, which made me feel better. Doing bad on the midterm (which I had to of) isn't so bad if I have the other points. (Hopefully Elaine will ask about our presentation on Thursday).

"I miss China." Finally she gets what I mean about Aussie not being that great, when all she did was criticize me. She told me, finally confessed, how it's not so great here and how she doesn't get why people emigrate here. Yes! That's what I mean!

On the way back to the dorm from shopping in Robina Town Centre (yep, that's right, I went there after successfully not going for months and months) I ran into Jillian. When I asked her how she was, she finally responded the way I wanted...about her life. She told me how all her work is becoming due, etc. It made me feel good, semi-important.

Sunday, 4 November 2007


BEST FRIEND I woke up late because I refused to get up, not realizing until after I was up that it was probably the fact I feel sad. Why am I suddenly depressed over him? He's done this before. Last time he updated his facebook and (told me he would write back soon?) I called to call it all of and he got sad and defensive and obviously it never broke. So it's all on Monday. If no response, then I call. If not the response I want, I call. If a response, I consider it because obviously my heart hurts without him.

Really wanted to do well on this test and I started over a week ago, but here I am forgetting stuff. So let's hope I at least pass. I want to pass this class so I never have this asshole again. What went wrong? Why am I forgetting most of it? I started so long ago, too!

CALL; Elaine called and wanted to know if I'd like to go for a walk. It was so easy going and again she had something on her mind: the Canadian usually emails every day and today he hasn't. Sound familiar to my situation? And so I tried my best to help her.

DISCOVERED It was so nice walking off the beaten path. We walked through a part of Varsity Lakes I haven't seen....all these businesses around like a mini-corporate area in the middle of nowhere. She even showed me a bakery I've never seen! It pays to look.

It happened a couple of hours ago but it's still in my head. Coincidentally Elaine was having the same problem as me, and then I overheard Jillian (who was speaking loudly) going through semi-emotional call as well, sort of like I was anticipating on doing with Gareth. She had the patience to ask her ex how he was first, and then asked if he wanted to resume their relationship, even long distance. He surprised me and asked if she wanted kids, and that he wanted two boys. Then she went into the details of their sex life (anal sex, etc). It was like a real-life soap opera.

Saturday, 3 November 2007


No Gaz Email for some reason. But I'm not worried, I'm just curious.

Later I found, through his lovely facebook, that he was on at 1pm messing with his profile. Emailed me? Nope. So you know what? He better send one amazing fucking email, or that's it. And I mean it, because why would he do that after he promised?

Edit II: It isn't bothering me as much as it would in the past. It's just, why though? Why didn't he finish emailing me? And is that why he was answering friends funwall questions, since I told him to try harder? In the past I would assume the best, but not anymore. No more excuses for him. Or has he given up on me since he figures I'm leaving anyway?

And then I wanted cried the more I thought about it, because this means I'm losing my only real friend. Oh well, life sucks.

Edit III: I gave in a few hours later and emailed him a short and friendly email, but then again added, "Way to email me like you said you would. I think you're ignoring me, Mr. Gareth." Sam emailed him about him not calling her for Christmas, so I'm not worried. And if he cares, he won't be bothered by it. And if he is, then well, he's a wanker. (Does this count as chasing him? Because I don't want to chase anymore. Then again I didn't email him back, but he said he would finish it and meanwhile was on facebook...I don't know).

Edit IV: Now I'm angry and don't want to talk to him. Why do I do that? What makes us go from sad to fine to mad?

Edit V: I think it's just the fear that he's for some reason only read half the email and he's mad. Not the fact he's skipped over emailing me back. Rationally, I've done it and he's done it and we've all done it, but we don't mean it.

UNI RESIDENTS Elaine and I had brekky as planned and she did it again...pushed me to eat other things and this time I was firm. "No. I got this because this is what I want to eat. I have a small stomach and I don't want to overeat." "They should charge you half price," she replied. I don't know if she means it in a kind way, but she keeps doing it. And I eat, so what is her problem? There was Liz who was like a mother and did it in a nicer way, and there's Elaine who pesters me when there's no problem to begin with.

Friday, 2 November 2007


UNI RESIDENTS Elaine called an hour before we were meet. "Can you send me that email? They didn't send it to me and I need to talk to them." Hmm, blame it on them? I told her repeatedly that there was a deadline and that she should talk to them, but she didn't listen to me. I realize she might not have understood, but how can accommodation "forget" to send her the email...when they sent me four? And so I wonder what will happen. They can't do anything now for her. And she is the one who was so highstrung about moving off campus.

What perplexes me is how un-Chinese-like this is. Chinese aren't supposed to pick fights like that, be so forward.

Regardless, the lunch was much better than I thought and it was followed by an enjoyable walk with Elaine. But first, the actual dinner was very nice and fun towards the end as the Canadian knew exactly what I was feeling and it's so nice to talk to an Westerner for once.

  • Agreed with me on the "poppy syndrome"
  • Told Elaine that, yes, I am right and that Aussies hate Americans on this campus
  • Told me I should pretend I'm Canadian because of the above (cute!)
  • Knew exactly what I meant by "I don't hang out with the other Americans" without me spelling it out
  • Caught my "pop" and told Elaine about my Os sounding like As
  • Told me he could tell I'm from Ohio by my accent
  • He thought Iwas friendly, not as he expected from other Americans (aw!)
Elaine told me the last point while she called me in my room and asked for me to go on a walk with her. She stood there and told me to give her a hug (our first) and then she called me her best friend here. Yep, like Liz in a way. It's nice. But no Liz. Liz was fun and didn't have that cultural barrier. Elaine holds back too much.

Email; Gaz emailed me to my surprise. I thought for sure he wouldn't after I told him bluntly about how he seems to not care about me and how he has to try harder with others. So it made my morning to wake up and find his name in my inbox. It me even happier to see what he wrote at the end.

[Snippets] I kind of do feel a bit better, although it does feel like I'm admitting defeat a little bit, giving up [...].

Whole entire that's even better than just the whole house [...].

Coincidence, meteorology was an idea I had floating through my head once upon a time.

Okay, so that's brief but they've only given me 1/4hr on the computer, everything else is booked out, so I should get around to finishing the rest of the email really soon.

Bye bye, be well.

I'll be back soon.