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IM  May IMed me like I hoped, because really, I miss my chats with Liz.  Although my chats with May aren't the same (she believes so much in God, we don't know that much about each other yet, and she's always too busy to stay on long), she still cares about me and it shows. I did what I used to do with Liz (since she's the first real friend I've ever had): encourage her and be happy about it.  I felt great.  And it was so much fun to see the little bubbles pop up in G-chat since I haven't used it yet!

UNI RESIDENTS AND GREAT PLEASURES  Finally getting off campus was a great pleasure, considering I haven't done it since June when we went to Noosa.  Stephen picked me up and I told him how good his haircut looks (I rarely think to compliment people for some odd reason) and we were off in an easy to go ride with easy talk.  Once at his house Arthur just walked in and sat down as if he owns the place, because Aussies are informal (CULTURE).   Their house is your house basically.

LITTLE PLEASURES  Helping the boys do their take-home exam was fun, just because I wanted out of campus for once.  There was no embarrassment like the last three times because I pretty much know Stephen and his house and his family well enough.  That's a little pleasure to get to that point.

Now I try to be patient with Arthur, but it gets to a certain point where you can't take his slowness and lack of focus any more.  He took 5 hours for a 3 hour exam, and we were rushing to get lunch once Stephen drove us back to campus.  I needed to make it there by 2:20pm and Stephen saw they were still serving...and I just made it literally by seconds.  Wow, considering I need my burger every Thursday.  (He cares enough to make sure they're still serving for me).

CHANGE  On the way to the Brasserie I was joking, "ooooh, Stephen!" in a sexy tone and I couldn't stop giggling because I'm never that cheeky.  Where is this personality coming from?

I met back up with them after they went to see Neva at Bond Cafe.  Before Stephen left I said, "And me!" about joining them tomorrow and he just smiled.  "I love this social side of you sweetie" and he kissed my head.  He's right, I'm definitely more happy and social.  

I'm starting to take charge and doing what I want, without worrying about others.  I know I belong. I feel like an alpha-female of sorts.  

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UNI RESIDENTS Ash and Mike. Mike and Ash. So Ash and I had our meeting this morning, and it was easy enough. She praised me for my draft of our paper, but then again her standards aren't that high. I used emailing her the newest version as an excuse to get her gmail address just in case. And then at lunch I saw Mike, naturally. He smiled really big and teased me and wanted to talk. That's what I love about him. He loves to talk, but I don't think it's just to me unfortunately. Either way, it's always a pleasure.

GREAT PLEASURES Later Mike surprised me with his eager knocking, just standing outside my door in his jumper and trackies smiling at me. It completely caught me off guard, but I must confess that I somehow knew this would happen one day. I just did somehow. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is simply because I've always wanted us to become better friends and it's slowly happening. Too bad it's happening now, and not over a year ago, back when I had plenty of time at this university.

He had me laughing, just running around and trying to find a way to light his cigarette, so I had to sit down as he did his thing. I find his super-hyperness as exciting, but considering I'm more Holdback than that, I just had to step back. I waited my porch for him and once he had his cigarette lit, he joined me where we started talking easily as always. Non-stop, and never too superficial. Besides Stephen and Arthur at this uni, he's the only other one that really knows anything private about me (Ash recently as well...) and so I feel close to him. Now if he feels close to me, again, I don't know.

"Don't lock me out, Jen!" he teased when I went back to my room to get my jacket. I told him how I'm leaving soon and how sad it is, and he seemed confused, and then he asked when I'm leaving. I can't gauge it. Is he disappointed to lose me? Or just making small talk? I can't remember the details really.

I just have another Gareth on my hands now, which is great. The trick is getting to the same point, because Gaz was much easier. It was just natural for us to keep in touch and for me to come visit. But with Mike...he's too good for me unfortunately.

Earlier in the day....I passed Selva and Arthur, had a chat with them, and then went to my second meeting of the day with Ashnita to see our professor. I just find little run ins as fun. Well, most of the time. On the way back I ran into Ying who chose to be a sore loser with trying to ignore me (not meanly, but awkwardly) and I rolled my eyes as she stupidly moved to the wrong side. We both ignored each other. It was never supposed to be this way, unlike with Liz and Franzi, so this is all Ying's problem for once.

And then the close of the day was an hour visit from Arthur, sitting watching TV, and telling me how Stephen took my tease to a literal sense and will pick me up tomorrow to join them while they do their exam.

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{The two photos Gaz sent me a little bit back.  Did he get even skinnier?  He's such a showoff that boy. He's not as shy as he comes off.}

UNI RESIDENTS & LITTLE PLEASURES  I skipped Entreprenuership by semi-accident after sleeping in through class since my body desperately needed rest. But meanwhile May sent a sweet message about how she missed me in class, and then a reply about how she hopes I feel better.  I don't know, friends like her are difficult for me to get, and so it's shame to have to leave it.  Yes, I'll have it long distance, but that's such a shame all together.

I went looking for Arthur and meanwhile missed Stephen's phonecall.  Before looking for Art, I had accidentally gone to the finance tutorial too early, by an hour, and I ran into Ying's friend Amy who wouldn't stop talking to me.  She's so friendly.  And I think it's because she feels the same way about Ying I do!  She says she'll only do what she wants to do, she's angry, and she won't listen.  Thank God most people see that.  

CHANGE  So when I got to the tutorial, Stephen and Art showed up but not Mike.  Turns out they wanted to invite me to lunch, but that was okay in the end that I didn't get the chance to go.  After talking to Zala and Alex, both stupid dumbasses (they only use you, and don't care about me), about the quiz, I moved to sit by Stephen.  I just got this urge and did it in the middle of class, not caring.  That's not like me at all.

GREAT PLEASURES  After class the three of us went to an empty classroom where I was being weird and flying paper airplanes.  Stephen said I've changed and I'm so much more carefree now that I've let go of my past in NSW and I have to agree.  I do have a non-neurotic, do what I want, just do it, whatever attitude now.  It feels great.  I was laughing so hard flying those airplanes.  And Stephen said, as I tidied and organized the room, that once again I'm going to Zurich to work for him one day.  He said that the three of us have to exchange personal information and keep in touch.  I love long-term friends, no matter the age.   When a professor came and I was giggling because we were being naughty flying paper airplanes (see I don't care), Stephen kept hugging me and kissing my head.  He adores me I think.  He's like an Aussie father.

Art and I ran into Vishen who waved like a queen (like I did as a joke) and came over to talk to us.  Shivang came as well, but he's such a user.  He's only nice to network and does not care about people (like Zala and Alex above).

At dinner the nice New Zealander girl knew I wanted take-away for the first time ever and when I went to get my dessert, a girl shorter than me was beside me!

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LITTLE PLEASURES going into line with a smile at the Bra, and the older woman happily grabbing take-away without me saying. Then the usually grumpy woman talking first. And then Mike and I smiling hello and goodbyes (with no talk in between, because I sometimes feel like I don't want to be clingy).

GREAT PLEASURES May emailing back that we have to do something before I go back to the USA with a :( attached.

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UNI RESIDENTS & GREAT PLEASURES I had to stand up in front of the class and I was caught off guard by our professor's answer. Now normally I would be really embarrassed, but this is my semester of "whatever" with those things. But the main thing for me to remember is that while I really don't know them too well, the American girl and the Brazilian girl were so nice and supportive of me. The American smiled and mouthed, "Good job." I thought it was sweet.

Today was all mostly about Mike. Wonderful, lovely, Mike. I went to talk to Ash, and since he sits there, he wasn't deferred by me "ignoring" him. Instead he said, "Hi, Jen!" with such excitement and I mimicked, "Hi, Mike!" back laughing.

During out IFM tutorial Mike actually showed, and it was weird because he sat in front away from me for some reason. But I didn't take much notice, since I don't want to get myself attached to him. And I soon forgot it because Aslihan (the professor) said, "Jen knows. She's organized." She barely knows me and she knows I'm organized! I felt special actually.

After class I hung back to wait for Arthur, but meanwhile Mike was holding back waiting for me. "Why are you dressed up?" he asked me, like he does every time I dress up. But then he added, "Are you going to the bungalows?" So he followed me. And we walked past the cafe and out by the carpark. And naturally I felt nervous in a way, even though it's only Mike, because I'm rarely alone with guys my own age any more that aren't Gaz. "How are you going with the trading game?" he asked me. He's a smooth one that doesn't have to worry about talking, that's for sure.

Somehow we got on the subject of Europe, his favorite topic since he went on the trip, and then he stopped to talk. We talked, all up, from 1:50-5:10. Almost three and and a half hours. It was definitely one of the highlights of my time in Bond by far. And even though that sounds pathetic, it's not considering this is me and I rarely mesh well with popular people, especially popular males.

What makes it special is that he was so open with his past, and even though he's popular, he's not cocky at all. He treats me well, treats me very well in fact, and he always makes me laugh. Best of all, he doesn't use girls and he respects us so much.

But I was also open with him. We were talking about how American girls are sluts, and then I told him that I waited myself. I offered up details for some reason, shyly, and he was so shocked that he kept laughing with this surprised look on his face. Then I told him about the Gareth saga, with full truth (without saying that we never really dated in the first place), and I felt free. I kept telling him, "Usually I'm not this open. Usually it takes me longer."

We were talking about how people don't even know where South Africa is and how they can't figure out why white people where there (since he's South African), when Ying walked past. Perfect timing considering I was just telling him how she knew neither, but she didn't hear it probably. I was just happy that she was storming past, knowing full well that I was there with Mike, talking in the carpark, with him sitting on the fence barrier as if he's been there a while.

Then his co-worker, Jesse, walked past and saw as well. I mention this only because it gives me more cred to Jesse now.

Then Mike finally acknowledged his girlfriend, but I figured it out a while ago. I was totally okay with it. I mean, it would've been nice, but we've always been in the friend stage.

The trick is, he comes off cool and confident because he was a res student and is apart of res wars, but really he isn't. Deep down he is sensitive and caring. Wow.

I asked him why Stephen asked him to be in our group, since he can't stand him, and he said, "because I'm friends with you and Arthur." As silly as that is, I felt so great because he acknowledged the word "friends" about us. And it made me think back in Bathurst the first time Gaz said it about us, and how from there our friendship just got so much stronger. I wanted the same with Mike.

He defended my quiet American life, with my friends who don't party too much, and he said he enjoys that lifestyle as well. I felt great when he said that. He's only been partying since he's joined Bond, became a res student, and the rest of A-Block had to know who he was. I always knew that, because from day one he walked in the classroom insecure, searching for someone he knew but not knowing anyone. You can just tell.

But I can't forget: halfway through he went to my bungie to "piss" and when he was finished, he walked onto my porch and sat down. I joined him, not expecting him to stay even longer, but there we were doing that. He has a way of just taking charge, but always doing the right thing.

Overall, it's so easy with him. He's so intelligent, fun to talk to, and he makes me laugh. Conversation doesn't falter between us.

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GREAT PLEASURES Wednesdays are usually slow or boring and today the Brasserie was slow as well. When I walked in there, absolutely no students were around, and of course I got nervous thinking I wasn't supposed to be in there. Like it was a fluke that the doors were open. And so naturally, as always, I started laughing and I asked, "Where is everyone?" to which Megan hugged and danced with me. She said something about keeping me company. I was laughing to hard to hear or remember. What makes this memorable is that Megan barely knows me really, and yet she's one of those people I envy who don't think twice and can make people feel loved somehow.

I went to get my dessert and of course Mike is there, just because he seems to always be in a place where I can talk to him. And so we were there for ten minutes talking, just stuff about class and how his manager "hates him" (why does he always tell me stuff from his life? A friend does that, I guess but I always saw as him only as someone to flirt with). He did something to fake peeve me, and so I joked that I hated him, and he said, "You love me!" again like he did in class yesterday as he went to serve a student. I wish I had more friends like him, or that I could know him beyond this place, but unfortunately in two months that will end.

UNI CLASSWORK my first meeting was with Ash and Ying, which was unpleasant in theory, but not so bad in practice. Ash was nice as always, seeing as she's a good aquaintance who gets just close enough, but never enough for me to dislike her. I can never stay friends with females for very long or else I start wanting to choke them because of their constant bullshit and difficulties. They always end up using me or getting too close and sufforcating me. With this in mind, Ash surprised me in a way. Like Mike and most like him, she just says and does what she pleases and people just go "okay" about it without arguging. So when she said, "I'm going to the U.S. and I'll visit you," it too me off guard since we're not that close. And if I were her, I would've danced around the issue or just asked instead of telling.

My second meeting was good in a bad way. This time I did all my work before hand so they don't think I'm doing nothing since I freeze up around them. That's fine and May liked it. However, that also meant they mooched off me and May still gave me the biggest part to do as "homework" for the next meeting. Naturally I was pissed off. Not at her since it's impossible to be mad at her, but that I had to do it after typing four pages of a four page requirement already by myself.


Mike's email for our IFM group made me laugh:

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Tuesday means Entrepreneurship and then my tutorial for International Finance. Entrepreneurship was nothing significant, but international finance definitely was. Mike and I have known each other for over a year, but we've never been this close until this semester and he's never joked with me in this way before. And let's just say it was two hours of him flirting with me and me just blushing. It was all in fun, but then I started taking it seriously, and therefore I had to bring myself back down again to reality.

It started with him walking in ten minutes after the start and saying pretty loudly, "Hey, Jen!" Then he worked with the photos below, going back and forth. He non-stopped talked to me. Was very giddy, and even made me giggle when he schootched his chair towards mine until they were touching just to be closer to me. He kept leaning into to talk, shared with me some of this gum, his hands shook, and he kept giving a flirting and nervous smile.

I wish it could be serious, but I think he was just in a happy, flirty mood unfortunately.

After the tutorial he calmed down and we had a serious talk about our group project. We instinctively went one direction towards the bungies and market square, with Arthur running to catch up (such a five year old, and he's like 32!). Mike asked why I'm with Stephen yet again when he's constantly doing bad things to our group work and I made a funny: "Because I like being fucked?" as in "fucked over." I felt witty for once.

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GREAT PLEASURE  This is a great pleasure because it's a bunch of little pleasures added up. Mike and I were non-stop giving each other attention, smiling, laughing, joking, and borderline flirting and it made me so giggly and happy beyond belief.  Why can't I feel that more often?  It got an excellent start with Mike coming in and saying, "Hello, Jen!" because I love when people say my name considering they rarely say it.  Of course he sat next to me, where we non-stop talked basically even though we were in class.  And he was so excited to show me his drawings, which are just like Gaz's with the small and rough lines that combine in pen marks to make a photo, and I joked with him in general.  It was like he truly enjoyed it, that was the difference.  Like we were close friends sharing secrets and fun.  

"Come on, you're holding me up!" he joked as he pushed me forward, the first time he's touched me ever.  All three of them joked about how they care about me and I told them that my life would be boring without them as we walked to the couch for our meeting.  And I pulled out my iTouch cozy without much thought and Mike said, "What's that!"  So they joked about it and he was so adament about naming it that he named it "Eskimo."  I thought that was adorable actually.  So this is life with other guys than Gaz?  He kept hi-5ing me when he like something I said.  So three touches in one day, for the first time ever.  I LOVED it.  

After IFM and our little mini meeting, I had my IHRM class.  Besides walking in and smiling like a dope and saying hi to Vishen, it was nothing out of the usual as I was still ignoring Ying for being a pain in the ass, and the professor was still being not so nice to me for no reason.  I come in smiling and saying hello and all he can do is stare blankly and say, "Hi" even though he's more cheerful towards others??  I'm not taking it too personal though, because really it doesn't matter in the end. 

LIFE HERE  At lunch I ran into Elliot from bungie 2 who moved to bungie 7.  He punched my arm in a friendly gesture even though we've only had maybe two conversations, and people I know better hardly do that, making me think how easy it is for some to make others feel like they are important.  And when I went to get my food Jesse knew take-away as always, and he knew the meatball sub just because I was standing in front of it.  Comfort of no words.  

On the way back to the bungies I saw a heart shaped cloud and smiled.  And I read, "Catch up on some zeds" and just giggled.  Then I saw this:  Queensland is running ads asking Queenslanders to kill any and all fire ants they find.  I thought it was a joke when they said they'd offer a $500 award if you report a nest, and then they called it a bio security measure...and I've just never seen anything like that.   They are sooooooo anal here.

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YING I was nice and she was nice, and so dinner wasn't bad at all. As usual I was doing the most talking, but this time it wasn't because I was bragging or being the centre of attention. I was just long winded with my answers, that's all. Plus I'm tired of her sabotaging my happiness. She repeatedly tries to discourage me and Gareth (just me and Gaz's FRIENDSHIP!) and tries to one-up me with Mike. Jealous, much? But I let her have it. I don't mess around any more.

GREAT PLEASURE knowing Gaz will email soon and then my Sunday convos with Mike. I ran into him as I was getting a second fork, and he was standing there watching the plasma TV. I smiled at him and he smiled at me. He had his sleeves rolled up so I teased him about his "muscles" and he laughed and joked back. And that's when he got talking. I gave him a, "What are you doing look?" and he said in response, "I'm watching gladiators. What did you watch as a kid?" It's just little flirting instances like this one that I adore.

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LITTLE PLEASURES like how the woman in the accommodation office still knows my name and I can be cheerful with her. How easy it was to email Christi and Mary Rose. Or even my group meeting this week for Entrepreneurship. I was on my way there when I ran into Nash and May and even though talk had a bunch of gaps, it wasn't so bad at all. May's just a natural with charm and talking, so much so that I wish I could do that. Talk to anyone. Fill in gaps. Say meaningful and yet useless things.

But what was so pleasurable about that? The fact that I did some pre-work and I didn't look so useless therefore. The week of I not only got started on my own part, but I also did some pre-work on what we would be doing together. I've (DISCOVERED) that I tend to claim up around those I think are better than me, and so I look and sound useless. Therefore, by doing some pre-work I didn't look inferior to them.

Which leads to my GREAT PLEASURE of the week. Jesse and I have had a period of time since the last time he was kind and open to me, but then today happened. We were a little cold and yet not mean to each other, and then he cracks a joke out of no where. Being the flirt I can be, I surprised myself as if I've known him for a while and said, "Aw, you're smiling!" To which he smiled throughout because of, and he just kept talking. It made me feel great. Just lovely.

YING emailed me, which I was deep down kind of hoping for because I'm tired of hating all my email friends. She started the shit and I didn't baby her, and as always, she stood up first. What can I say. I just can't keep female friends. Meh, whatever.

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TRAVEL & YING  I did feel really bad afterwards because I tend to let me emotions and frustration out without really meaning too.  It's just that she makes me want to gouge my eyes out and I can't explain why.  She doesn't listen to me and I'm constantly repeating myself.  I told her that I can't charge her room to my credit card and yet she insists on doing it.  But when I talked to my mom and she overheard, then she finally changes.  Well, listen to me in the first place.  I don't say things just for the fun of it.

CULTURE  The best part was having her sit in my room because I know she hates my room.  I know she thinks it's inferior to her room just because it's older, although I've had her room and it feels like you're living in a hotel.  I've told her the week before that she never comes to my room and it upsets me, after I told her to come to mine and she gave me a blank look with no response.  I won't deal with her Chinese culture any more.  That's sad for me to say, but I'm fed up with it.

The nice thing was going into the Brasserie after having to deal with Ying and having Jesse be nice and ready with my take-away.  He's rarely nice to me and so it's always a pleasure when he is.

GREAT PLEASURES  I was waiting for my group at the wrong time of 2pm, unknowingly, but there was this kind Aussie blond in the hall with me.  She sat and I took her lead, only making a comment on it, which lead to a decent introduction conversation.  It is fun making chit chat with strangers.  But the real great pleasure came with Ash and Mike.  They asked what I was up to and Mike was so willing to help me, and just wouldn't stop until he really had to go.  That surprised me since he's always given me attention, but never this much attention.  And then he also said, "You're higher in my books now" when Ash asked if I was going to see Sex & The City and I told her that I've never seen an episode.  Does he like me?  I wish, but I don't think so.  Although while he stood extremely close to me as he was determined to get ahold of May for me by using his mobile gave me that electricity feeling.

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CULTURE "There you go, darling" she said as she handed me over my black, plastic food tray in the Brasserie. She just finished dropping a few chips in the spaghetti sauce, so I giggled, and we joked about how I was giggling at her, which made another guy laugh.

Aussie women aren't so bad if you learn how to deal with them.

UNI RESIDENTS Arthur came by to say that we better not go to Q1 due to the darkness, cloudiness, coldness, and potential ran. I agreed, however, I wasn't too happy with how he insists on visiting instead of just calling. It's creeping me out again, yet again, with how he's always around me and my room. I know he doesn't mean anything bad, but having a 32 virgin is creepy. He stares at everything and came sniffing my tea this time as I backed into my room in horror.

YING we had dinner again, but this time was awkward. I should of learn by now that she's quiet and feisty when some thing's bothering her. This time I didn't get upset when she thought I was deviating when I really wasn't and I have to learn to stay on topic-on-topic and just not deviate when someone is bothered (I didn't realize she was so upset at Ashnita for not working. I need to learn how to identify that). And I don't get hurt at the Asian silence any more either!

Otherwise dinner was a time of politeness; Darryl laughing at my mistake of saying "take-away", a muslim girl hearing my quiet "excuse me," and the weird server knowing I said "thank you" even though I mouthed it.

GREAT PLEASURES/EMAIL I finally read his email and I was surprised at it's length (I think that's the longest he's ever written me) and how sweet it was (see highlighted). Both have been a long time coming.

And it's only been three days, yay! I don't feel as bad about that (handy thing is, I've got some things I can actually write about too).

Yeah I think that's right really. Armidale's not bad, I could live there happily, if I had a reason too...so cold up there though. (I've got a bit of a short temper around these guys though, which is only natural I suppose).

Cooking pancakes right now for some reason (not exactly sure why, I'm not going to eat them...but I just have the urge to cook things...my stomach's got a life of it's own at the moment, so I'm not really in an eating mood...not that that'll stop me I suppose, but I know I'll feel bad if I do). So I'm trying to work out what I can do with a combination of pancakes and steak for dinner...it'll take some imagination.

I've finally managed to get the recruitment agency appointment out of the way, after weeks of trying. I managed to get out there yesterday (had to leave at six in the morning just to spend about half an hour there nodding and hmm-ing like I didn't already know everything they were telling me already (I'll scream if I have to go through that whole proccess again). But I managed to distract myself by staring at her wonky eye throughout the meeting, so I wasn't too bored).

They eat so much meet here...pretty much every meal...they keep complaining when I don't (although I guess there must have been a time when I did pretty much the same if they think it's so unusual for me not to).

Arms are still nice and smooth (I don't know if I told you, but I tore all the hairs out again...why??? I tell myself each time I do it that I'll never do it again, after they start growing back and it becomes so uncomfortable, but I must forget about it every time...?

I haven't had a haircut yet either, I'm going to look like a shaggy dog by the time we meet up.

I don't think I've been this light in ten years (honestly I must have been this heavy back in year 9 or something...and I didn't even try. But winter's coming along, so that's gotta do something...I'll be a sumo wrestler by the time the sun comes out again. 55kg- need to gain weight.

Armidale funnily enough is the NEw England area of Australia...maybe it's kind of like Maine without the water (and a lot smaller). It's kind of like Bathurst weather but it looks like Scotland (according to Dad, I've got no point of reference really, having not been to Scotland). Apparently it was all started out by the Scots, so it makes sense. So the only good thing about Bathurst combined with Scotland and that's pretty much the picture.

Apparently they've got eels in the river around here. I'm going to have to try and catch some soon. Maybe I'll be able to cook it myself and see what you think. Jellied eel, you'll love it trust me. It's kind of out in the middle of nowhere though, even more than Greta...no trains (or buses even), so I'm a little trapped at the moment (not that that's so bad, but I wouldn't want to be out here for too long...god I really do have to get my license one day before I get too old, but then no one'll be driving cars pretty soon, what with the petrol problems and all).

Yeah, it does kind of make sense. But then South America and Africa are in the southern hemisphere. But then how can that compete with USA, Europe, China, and India. Massive amounts of people. I wonder why it worked out that way though? Did every one just decide millions of years ago "hey, let's just go up there and not bother with the stuff down the bottom"? After all, the weather's generally nicer down here (apart from California, Florida, Italy etc...etc).

Back exercises...yeah, I think I should take a leaf out of your book and start with stomach exercise, they seemed to help back in the old days. But I'm sure it's the same with you, it's just so hard to bother for long periods. Maybe one day I'll go back to the gym.

Yep the cinema's closing down, incentive to open my own (but I don't think arty movies are good business around here..or so the closing down would indicate). I've figure that everyone got tired of putting up with her permanent bad moods.

I feel for you. There's nothing worse than not being able to sleep in when you want to.

I'm completely reverting to my child like state...if I hadn't already a long time ago. I've been sticking with fantasy books for the while (and even borrowing picture books from the library)...but I'm sure it'll only be a short time 'till I fell guilty again and revert to more adult tastes (I've already marked out the books I'm going to dissappear from here when I get back to Jesmond in a few days).

I'll have to research those books...Bell Jar, and Edible Women. They sound awfully familiar but I can't place them...more to add to my list. I'm getting through the final Harry Potter at a rate of a few pages a month. I should have fought my way through it by the end of the year. They just got progressively more annoying as the series progressed. Even Ron need a kick up the arse since the goblet of fire.

Why bother changing the currency style, I though it was kind of iconoclastic of America...the green back and everything (and our money looks stupid anyway).

Rarely smiling isn't that bad...I always take the side that it makes the times when you smile so much better, because it doesn't happen so much. He must be a really great guy though.

It's cool that things are comfortable finally, pain in the arse that's it took ages though.

I walked around Singleton the other day, and realised I was right- I would be happy spending much more than a day in the place. I'm going to have to sit down and explain to the two of them here that I'd rather die than spend my life here (and maybe threaten to be a bit more proactive on that point if I do end up here...just kidding). But it does make me feel a bit dissappointed just walking around the place knowing I'm back here. I don't think you'd like it, even if I've been a bit enthusiastic demonising the place over the years.

Yeah I can understand being nervous going to the clubs around there. I guess the ones in Bathurst where like a high school dance in comparison (but then the few I went to in Canberra felt like that too, so matbe it doesn't matter where they are, maybe they're all the same regardless...I don't know, and I've got the feeling I'll never really be to worried about finding out).

Well two groups out of three's not bad...at least you can happily move on from the last one, and never have to go through that again (fingers crossed anyway).

Hey get the mittens and gloves, I'm going to get some gloves and beanies and stuff to add to the collection. Woolen undies- they must exist. I've decided to make the most of winter this time around and get all the nice warm floppy wooly things that I've never had, to wear around the house...I think I might even get some thermals for once (and don't worry, apparently it doesn't really get cold down here, so it'll be weak on my part to...maybe you can just prettend you grew up in Miami...or Death Valley even, I think that'd pass).

I guess it's just those people are the main stream...drink, party etc...same old same old boring. Where as you me and all the other's are alternative, we've got our own tastes...which has to be more interesting, after all even though I get jealous about them, I've never really felt like I'd want to be friends with those people. I've decided it's more about mixing with the people who are right for you, rather than the ones who are 'cool'. I guess they're kind of like the Mariah Carey of the people world, where as you, me etc are all the different things in between, they're pizza hut, where as we're the little woodfire pizza cafe that's not everyone's cup of tea.

I've actually been tempted to have a bath each night before bed, but haven't yet. Maybe tonight. I've been having hot drinks before bed, but I think I've grown used to them, they don't do anything anymore...except wake me up during the night to go to the toilet.

See you,

I'll be good, as long as you are to and don't worry, plenty of reading and movie watching planned.

Gareth.

HR...ergh!

Entry ?

EMAIL I was blurry eyed when I turned on the internet, saw Gaz's name first, then mom's, and then two others I don't remember to be honest. The night before I read the clock at 11:13 and figured he would indeed email me, since that how it happens instead of 11:11. As crazy as that sounds, I don't do much wishful thinking as I used to. I'm not crazy anymore. In fact when I was speaking with Elaine last night, saying it out loud made me realise that I really don't care as much any more. Yes, I do, but definitely not as much.

His email will remain unopened until I bother with it.

GREAT PLEASURES It was lunch time and I was dressed in my black pants, AE dressy shirt, with some pretty make-up on when I spotted the surfer at the sandwich station. I wanted to avoid him because

doesn't bother me//its the same and smiled and kept talking after. both wrapped for.

Entry ?

GREAT PLEASURES I told Arthur the night before that I would stop by that morning just to say hello, and so I had this little gut feeling pushing me to go at this certain moment in time. And so when I got there I was surprised to see May and Arthur was just leaving for his appointment. May told me to sit, and I thought, "You're just like Liz." She invites me in, thinks of me, and is always cheerful. And so I sat with her in a comfy state, just helping her to sell her IT book.

Then she invited me to lunch with her and Elaine and then asked me to go to a seminar with her the next day (doing as Liz once said, "You don't have to" as if she was forcing me and I was just giving in).

I pretty much felt loved.

And I even felt comfortable walking with her over to market square to get her lunch and then back over to find a sitting Elaine waiting for her.

take away, little one? smile, big smile
push to go see, and there was may and then to lunch and to class tomorrow invite; 11-1:30
go to arth for a wlak, 1hr 15 min

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK Tuesday morning, my second day of classes and my last day of classes for the week. I arrived not too early but I was still the first one in, with some stuck up girls to follow. I didn't bother looking up and neither did they as they passed. As so that's how it goes when you're all in your final semester and know who you want to know already.
But eventually May, Nash, and Ying arrived together and Ying somewhat ignored as May and Nash sat next to me. I don't get Ying and I never have. She has these weird moods where I try to please her and it's never enough and she just acts like she barely knows me. But to be fair, I do it to her too at times.

INVITES & GREAT PLEASURES I discovered May was engaged and was genuinely happy for her. Not jealous, but only happy for her. And like Liz she invited me to her wedding in Malaysia and it was just so exciting for me. I finally get to make up for my Liz mistake. I should've never ended our friendship but it was destroyed as it was anyway.
Later in the day May came to my room with Arthur and me to see it, and it made me feel good. Besides Art, Ying, Mike, and Stephen, and now her, no one else has come by.

LITTLE PLEASURES Mike sat behind me again and so I said, "Why do you always sit behind me?" "Because I love the view," he quirped. And then he asked why I dressed up and when I told him it's because Americans are bashed for being casual, he said, "But I hate when girls dress up." I felt lovely. Then for some strange reason I felt loved when Ashnita said, "Jennifer" like Liz used to, as in a teasing way.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-EIGHT

LIFE HERE "Hey, mate!" Megan said to me. I tried not looking at Jesse since he must think I have a flirting sensation for me. I'm beginning to think that even though I don't like him. It's just the Gaz factor. He's quiet and stand-off-ish, and I'm incredibly attracted to it.

YING came and got me out of surprise and for THREE hours we were talking. It felt like an hour, tops. But it was fun talking about Helen (We didn't get the lowest grade! Natalie's group got a 56%, which is terrible of Helen) and culture and how bullshit Australia is with their lies. No, it's not great to live here. They are biased, racist, hateful, and jobs aren't that easy.

GREAT PLEASURES I felt like I was flirting with Geovanny. He even started to get a little nervous and shakey. But for TWO AND A HALF HOURS he acted at home and we talked about life on campus, and going out, and how he "hates Americans" and it was so much fun. I was even letting him go on an ego trip with his little "me, me, me" stories. I just have to accept that men are like that. But like I kept telling him, I know more about him after tonight than the year I've known him. He thinks I'm a loser, half-kiddingly, so I told him the back story. It was just a pleasure talking to him, really.

I also learned that Darryl's an asshole because he hates take-away and he hates girls (he's gay).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-NINE

NEW I did something new today.

• I was gravitated towards the sandwich section. I've been afraid because Megan runs it and I've never known how it works. It's been there staring at me in the face the entire semester, and so for some reason, something forced me to walk there. I just couldn't stop myself. Over to the sandwich queue. And it paid off. While she wasn't smiling, she still knew I wanted take-away, and off I was eating the most satisfying food I've had for a year. It filled me up with pure happiness.
• I was social. More on that a little later.

BEST FRIEND He hasn't emailed me nor Sam in a week. Something's off, but I'm actually pretty strong and not caring as much as I would otherwise. I'm planning to email him either a few days before I leave or straight after.

Edit: He's emailed me and while I was happy, I wasn't esctatic. In fact, it was short but at least semi-happy.

"Of course I'm hansome...I should be an underwear model (give me a year or so to work on the stomach though). I think I need a haircut though...but all the same, I'm kind of proud of my mop.

So we'll see how tomorrow goes, and hope the rest of your week is totally hassle free (we can dream)."

DISCOVERED I discovered that doing what I've feared is not so bad after all. Again, I just gravitated towards the post office and finally closed my mailbox and so now it's weird not having the part of me in Australia. I was afraid of how to go about it, but actually it was quite simple.

Today was an amazing, crazy day.

• 10am: I received a LOVELY text from May giving me hugs and hoping all my studying is going well (...
• 10:30am: I received a text and call from Ashnita hoping we could study.
• 11am: Elaine and I went to Fish Liquor for one last time, and then she was off (or so I thought).
• 12pm: Christina somehow knows I'm coming home to the US? I haven't spoken to her in months and m...
• 2pm: Stephen dropped by wondering if I've seen Arthur and we went on a search for him.
• 3pm: Stephen returned and we went over stats for an hour and a half.
• 4pm: Mike called (how the living hell did he get my number?!) and was natural as can be, asking i...
• 4:30: Arthur shows up and we stay chatting.
• 4:45: Elaine drops by and is pretty much shocked to find me, Arthur, and Stephen bullshitting tog...
• 5pm: I'm all alone :( But I'll see them all tomorrow.
• 7pm: Ash calls and texts, saying I don't have to help her any more (thank god!-- she was just bei...
• 7:20pm: Shivang emails about our CA project (hmm!)
• 8pm: Bear finally, finally emails!
• 9pm: Mike calls again about stats.
• 9:05pm: Mike shows up, so there's me flirting and blushing while he was acting like he's been the...
• 9:30pm: May sent me a lovely email in response to this morning.
• 10:30pm: To finish off, Betty replying to my email.

CULTURE hearing Stephen speak set something off in me and hearing the accent was really pleasing. Maybe because I was focusing on the fact it was Aussie that it registered in my head and all my pleasure senses went off.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-TWO

I seem to be the helper this semester. I'm helping both Arthur and Ashnita with their projects, but Ash is only doing so because she waited last minute. And it feels good doing so, it really does. But it also feels good because for once I know something that I can pass on (besides with Ying who lacks total common sense in life).

LITTLE PLEASURES We were all there waiting for the class to open, minus the two Germans. It was funny with May and Toby and me all joking together, the South African going "hi, hi, and hi" to us all, with Mike on the ground next to me, and Ash coming up behind us. Just a social, fun, talking family. That's what I like about knowing these people, the small international classes, and the best part of this uni.

DISCOVERED May is so cute. She's my Liz! I just realized that! She makes me feel better. Tells me it's okay. Pinches me. Jokes. Teases. So there is a way to get back what you lost.

I won't discuss the meeting here since it's pointless to discuss how terrible they are. Instead I will discuss what I learned: DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS IN. Yes they fucked you over, but when you finally snap, they'll just think you're a bitch instead of realizing they're the ones to blame.

Afterwards I went to Arthur who is always fun to talk to.
I even helped Ying with her project.
And I picked a gum leaf to show to Arthur and his nice Canadian friend who didn't know you could crush them for the smell.
His Canadian friend said see ya to me. Friendly.
And then Shivang surprised me with a text message saying there was a way I could stay because Bond was offering a job (well, position, and it's not guaranteed).
It made me feel special.

GREAT PLEASURES then Gaz emailed me the day after I emailed him. Although it was short, it was to the point and it made me laugh and blush-- something he hasn't be able to do for months. He also seemed to be in a much better mood, so my email about my old journal entries of us must have done the trick?

{EMAIL}

"Yeah, it seems that way. Put eggs in something and it just makes things so much better.
Everything seems to be made of eggs too, so if someone says 'pfft, no way, spaghetti's
better', well pfft, spaghetti's made of egg so neh!

Well, I guess now I've learned that the page closes if I pull the cord out, so I won't be doing
that anymore...but like I said before, I'll probably just stick to the movies for big things. Got to the movies again after ages yesterday- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, which was good, and french, and stuff.

Oh, that's another thing that's bugging me too. My music box died on the way to the bus a
while back, so walking is extra boring. It's okay though (it was as cheap as chips, so it didn't
make me too sad...just gave me an excuse to see what happens to mp3 players when you
throw them really hard against the ground), I've decided to pretend I'm unfit and I'm starting
out for the first time, so my bodies sort of having a holiday. I'm sticking to normal people
exercise and gradually getting back up there (but then this is me talking, I'll probably send an
email saying I'm running around Australia next...which has occured to me in crazier
moments).

I think Australians generally have a habit of saying -y on the the end of names. Saves having to bother thinking up an elaborate nickname I guess.

The birds and the spiders any day over these stupid squeeking dogs. But I haven't seen a blue tongue in a long time, and it's starting to get cold here now too, so it'll be a while until the next one.

Piss-weak, it's kind of like saying crummy, pathetic...let's see, like letting off a firecracker expecting a massive explosion, but just getting a little pop.

I got 30 Days of Night Out and I've decided I just don't get vampire movies, it's just a bunch of actors with pointy theeth running around hissing...I need a bit more to relate to.

Well what do you know, the dairies actually come in useful in the end! I wonder what I'll think of mine if I read it years from now...if. I think the things I write down might be a little indeciferable after a while though, they not very descriptive. Maybe I should put a location and date next to each little entry.

Hmm, I seem to go through hugging periods...or more correctly the hugging barrier needs to be broken down all the time, because if it gets the chance it just builds itself right back up again...so annoying!

You know, I think that proves your my friend. I told the psych guy that what I'm really looking for in a friends is being dag and not worrying about what anyone thinks...sounds about right really.

So Liz is to blame! Of course.

Yeah I remember the business with the packing. I didn't notice Liz or Mary though. I remember being amased you keeping everything! The reciepts too!?! But...but...

Ah superbad, still among the small list of good movies I've seen this year (even if it was on dvd).

And now I'm of to watch Into the Wild, by you favourite actor Sean Penn...I've been meaning to watch it for a while now, I missed out at the movies (probably watching something better) so here's hoping it's worth the wait.

See you, and have a good night.

Gareth

PS I'll be checking out a place tomorrow night. I'll let you know how crap it is!

Hmm, 21 steps interesting. This will require my full attention. Hopefully I'll be in a good mood for it when I get back tomorrow (or alternatively it can chear me up if I'm not!). Sounds hard to write though. And, yeah, I guess I should really get onto stumbledupon now I've got this internet."

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY-TWO

GREAT PLEASURES Arthur just happened to find me in the library shortly after it opened and I heard that famous, "Jennnnn!" from him. It was perfect timing really. And following him, an hour later, was Stephen who brought more pleasure to it by hugging me after joking about sexual harassment. This is the second Aussie to hug me that way- as if choking, but caressing, and it's soothing. Just like Tim, the Aussie from Bungie 2 did last semester when flirting with me. Now, Stephen's double my age, but we are just friends. Enough said. I haven't laughed so hard in so long, that I was trying to catch my breath and my face was red.

Another great pleasure? Being in a tall building and looking down on the rest of the world, which is why I want to go to the Q1 building in Surfers after learning it's the tallest residential building. But this is something I also discovered a few months back after flying home from Gaz's place: the thrill of a plane ride. Don't think of it just as transport, but also as a ride, as a thrill It's literally being on top of the world and for a few hours (or more) you get to have the ultimate amusement ride and watch people get bigger and smaller. You get to ride through clouds after staring at them most of your life. You get to be larger than it all.

UNI RESIDENTS & YING Ines was actually on time for our observation, then came Ying ten minutes later. She's pissy all the time, and has been this entire semester. But it's to the point that I don't care at all (since I didn't care much before) and I find her very annoying. I'm hoping that next semester I won't have to deal with her and that she takes strategy instead of Entrepreneurship. It's just that she's too annoying and lacks commonsense ("They are all driving here, so they must live far away." "No, they're just lazy. It's a cultural thing. Like you guys don't drive everywhere in China, but they do here" and the other two agreed). It's just too easy to correct her, not that I'm bringing her down on purpose, but she has to realize that she doesn't know it all.

Regardless of how irritating she is, I have to stop with her. I have to stop thinking of her as a friend, and strictly as another girl, and that will stop the badness from both sides.

CULTURE We all parted and thankfully Ying went opposite with Ines and Shivang went with me. What I like about Shivang is that he may be a pleaser and smile and do whatever it takes to get his way (He is Indian) but it still makes you feel good. He gave me a really cheerful, "See ya!" as we parted on the boardwalk.

LIFE HERE This is what I like about uni life: you can run into friends and be exceptionally social. I ran into Arthur in the labs, without even trying, and so we had a fun hour and a half. On the way out I walked in the rain with happiness and carefree-ness, eating chips which satisfied my hunger for junk food. It was bliss. I was so satisfied after that.

.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-NINETEEN

UNI RESIDENTS I felt left out as I was listening to my iTouch on the way to find Arthur and Stephen helping a girl find a calculator from the U.S. But I felt left out because I went to talk to Arthur who was busy listening instead of talking to me. Brushed it off as Ying looked in spurts from seven feet over by the class door. I'm not going to be fake with her.

GREAT PLEASURES Once inside Stephen made up for it by saying, "Jenny, my Jenny" to me which caused me to giggle.

GESTURES I was talking to Arthur while I was getting to leave and he was whinging about not having a stapler, so I ran to the library and did it for him. It felt good. And on the way, who did I see? But my favorite Canadian I was just thinking about a few weeks ago- Gillian. The one who saved my ass so many times in classes when I didn't now the American answer. Turns out she's here still, taking a job at Bond.

YING I was tired of waiting for Ying so I went to leave. "JENNN???" a whine came with that annoying Chinese accent. I told her I was leaving, that I wasn't waiting any longer, and she said she'd meet me. Here she was taking her time, but the moment I left, she got her behind moving within minutes to meet me at the brasserie.

I told her that I was going to my dorm to eat, she knew that. I'm tired of doing whatever she wants. Time for me to do what I want. I want to take like she always takes. So she followed, because she's Chinese and can't argue directly, while I can. But dinner wasn't so bad. And again I have to give it to her- she but up with a moody me (because I had to eat with her). Thankfully she asked a lot of questions, considering we haven't spoken for a month, but no I don't see myself ever being friends with her again.

She hurt me too much on Valentine's Day.