Entry ?

WELLBEING  I was with Arthur in the MLC today after he asked me to join him.  All was fine, until it just hit me that I do wish I made things differently.  I wish that I got close to the American Jess so I would go out partying.  I wish I could've gotten closer to Mike sexually.  But then I thought- really?  Yes, maybe I missed something, but maybe there was a reason for otherwise?  Jess was too cool for me.  Mike was too hairy, and is a great friend regardless.  Overall really, I've had a great run here.  I have my close class friends, and many non-class acquaintances, and I also rid myself of my desire of staying here (almost rid myself at least).  Yes, I could have partied more, but at least I did that during my study abroad.  It just wasn't right here.  I never met those girls, like Liz and Bec, who took me under their wings.  Instead I had a bunch of class friends.  Ah, well.  No regrets really.  That's what life should be about.  

I could regret not having a boyfriend right now.  I could regret living with Gaz during the breaks instead of traveling even more.  I could regret pissing of Liz.  But this is life, right?  I want change and at least I'm getting that.  

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK It's Wednesday and I had a meeting with Ying and Ashnita, following the fall out with Ying yesterday and naturally I was worried that Ying would push me out of our group. And so there was a saving grace with Arthur texted to say he was in the library and I went to join him to avoid waiting alone. It was even better when Ash called to ask about what room we were in and I knew for sure that Ying didn't sabotage me.


UNI RESIDENTS Thus when I found Arthur outside the room I felt better since when Ying went by I didn't have to deal with her at all. Best came when Ash arrived, stopped to chat, and we were laughing with Art as well.


UNI CLASSWORK & YING Ash and I walked into the room. I sat semi across from Ying and we ignored each other until...I actually talked of her and she then semi looked at me and acknowledged my suggestions like I was doing. First I was surprised by her maturity, but also mine! While we were leaving Ash was talking about rugby and I felt cool because I watch it to and love it as well.


INVITES We were laughing about that, and when Ash and I walked out, we stopped by Arthur. Ash found out I was going back home in August/September, she invited me to stop in Fiji since she'd be home and said I could visit her.


UNI RESIDENTS Art and I walked over to the STA like planned where we ran into Toby on the way out. I was surprised, but he stayed 30 minutes to talk to us about his woes in life and I felt good because I love being with Arthur and running into people for chats. I know them as well, but I rarely stop to talk like Art does. And then we ran into Dino who sat really close to me for a guy and for a Chinese person...


WELLBEING I now actually feel much better, just like when I got rid of Franzi, because it's like a bad part of my life is finally gone and I don't have to deal with it no longer. I no longer have to worry about her ugly Chinese stares, pauses during my happiness, and belittling of my life. Not to forget those forced conversations and annoying dinners.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-TWO

UNI CLASSWORK On the way to the library, or rather to really pick up our assignment, I ran into Ying. Then of course Shivang found us (how are Indians so sneaky?) and that's when we were shocked that we received a 66%. I've never gotten so low on an assignment before, and we were pretty much livid. Stephen walked by and said we should talk to Ray Gordon, the head of business, but instead we kept level heads and it actually pushed me to study that much harder.

WELLBEING I told Stephen that he made me feel better by saying I only need 10% of my 55 point exam to pass. I told him and he seemed to enjoy it, so whatever makes him realize that his support actually keeps me sane. But it is completely true.

Then to make me feel even better, I told Arthur that he and I should go to Q1 next semester, and that Stephen should come if he wants, too. And they both agreed and we all thought it'd be rather enjoyable. Yes, they're both older than me, but really, I'm getting used to older friends. I had Doris at Target and now them here. It makes me feel more mature and connected, since they understand me and can help me when it comes to school matters. No immaturity.

YING came to my room when I was eating and I told her I could bring my half eaten lunch to the tables so I could eat with her. It was rather relaxing and we made each other feel better considering we were still getting over the shock of the 66% exam. Arthur came to join us and it even lightened the mood even more.

LITTLE PLEASURES I told her, "Why don't we study together? Just talk it out?" And so we did on the lawn with the gorgeous hot sun. It actually felt good to study with someone.

But then it got cold and we went to her place to study and talk it out so much that my voice went hoarse. She misinterpreted my, "I may stay up the whole night" as wanting to stay over and there I was going to the bungies with her to get my blanket and pillow. It happened so fast that I didn't even have time to be uncomfortable with the situation. In fact, this is the first time I've done this, besides with Gaz and Liz, in years and years. I didn't even want to do this when I first met Liz!

Entry HUNDRED-EIGHTY-TWO

WELL BEING I watched the Dead Poets Society and then Endless Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, making me think about life. In one they push themselves to do what used to scare them or what they deeply love, and in the other she makes the most of life by acting immature and not thinking. She just does it. She doesn't care what others think.

YING arrived late. Yes I get pissy with her. Yes she bothers me and her mood swings mess with me as well. I can't explain what happens, but when she's late and she's on the phone with someone, it pisses me off. When she's just her, it pisses me off. And while I was in line she saw Toby (is he ALWAYS there?) and did the May thing, "Oh, Toby!" and acting all giggly and smiley at him.

I must've looked sad, because I know I felt that mixed sad-upset-shakey, and Toby asked how I was. Instead of assuming I was being a bitch (which I partly was), he stuck with it to make sure I was okay. In line, waiting, Ying trying to get my attention even though I was busy getting my food because she starves for it. And after we went to the picnic bench outside the uni centre

ADVICE "It's not the scar that you make. It's the Memory you leave with it"

GROWN UP Looking at facebook I wonder, what am I doing? No boyfriend. Lost my high school friends. Lost my LEC friends. Same old story, right? But then I think about how I have the most amazing best friend: Gaz. But then I worry, what about when I'm home in the U.S.? I'm grown up now. No more playtime. Jess is gone, and I have to work for a living now.

Entry HUNDRED-SIX

A fun day with a run to the post office before marketing to smile and be cheery about getting my ipod touch in the mail. I was shaking with excitement, especially as the German guys and Stephen gave me some like back in high school when I used to have the newest technology. Damian went out of his way to say hi to me despite dirty looks I give him as he stares at me (natural response) and Joey came over to peek at my iPod Touch.

Alex talked to me prior to class since he was early for his presentation and I purposely ignored Ying. If she will walk in and ignore me, then I will do the same. I rushed through the TEVALS ("teacher evaluations") and brisked out before she could finish. It's sort of like a game with us anymore. She does her own thing and uses me whenever she wants, and I don't want to be used.

Dinner tonight? The Brunette calling me "love" again, James smiling as I smiled, and the blond talking about my calf muscles from tip-toeing. It's been so long since James smiled at me.

The most wellbeing experience from the uni residents today? Walking back to my dorm a scruffy guy, blond, I've never seen (or remember seeing) was walking in front of me. He said hi and asked how my finals were going, so we talked about that on the way. Was he interested or just being friendly? Don't know. But he's an Aussie who lives in Bungie 2 with Matt, and I like that. I felt cool.

I learned from last time and didn't say hi to Gillian and her friend as I went past, as it's pointless when they're going to ignore me. I just smiled. The second time I had to go past them, once they realized I wasn't a friend, I did the same minus the smile. Why be fake? Unbuddhist like, probably.

Entry HUNDRED

A milestone, one-hundred entries, but unfortunate I don't have any significant to write other than the fact that day was peaceful. It was nice. I felt good and relaxed in our communication tute since I looked at the answers ahead of time. But also how I ran into Arthur in the library and he gave me some tips on my upcoming subjects. Despite the fact that my final semester will seem to be hard, I have to do it and I know I can survive it.

The short blond and older redhead smiled real smiles at me today. It made me feel good.

Entry SEVENTY-SEVEN

BUDDHISM is luck apart of Buddhism? I saw two lady bugs, and one landed one me. Scores of butterflies flew around me. It was beautiful. I was smiling looking around and I probably looked really strange doing so, but it was too pretty not to do so.

BEST FRIEND Trying to study I just couldn't. I started crying thinking about how Gareth doesn't support me. He hasn't visited me yet or at least said he couldn't, only that initial and after remark. But when I asked last week if he meant the Gold Coast? No response. So whatever, I need to ween myself off of him. If his (possible) email on Monday is not to my liking, that's it. I'll send his beanie, but that's it. No more depending on him to only have him rip my heart out by never visiting me before I leave. That just shows he won't come to America. So fuck it. That's why the push for New Zealand. To make myself do something without depending on him.

LIFE HERE is pretty now with butterflies swirling around me and a bee coming right to my fast like in the movies and just drifting and buzzing in mid-air as if looking at me before buzzing away. It's so enchanting.

WELLBEING Right now I think I shouldn't be in your life with all the feelings of sadness I just can't get rid of. It's been almost a year since I came here and went through that hell, and I still just can't get over all the hurt I've experienced over the last two years. So I wanted you to know now. I guess I always felt like nothing to you, despite you claiming otherwise, and I see no point in going through all this several times a year with us arguing over this. And I don't think you intend on visiting me while I'm here, which means I won't be seeing you once I'm at home, so it's probably best anyway just to do it now so I don't go through the whole Bathurst episode again.
Thanks for all the happy times,
Jen


I don't know how we got on the subject considering I didn't want to talk about it, but we were talking about how it feels like Gaz uses me. But does he really anymore? He's finally giving me more attention. It's just meeting Sam...but she came to him, and the fact that he hasn't said recently how he's coming up here. So solution? I'm giving him until the time I leave to come see me. If not, fuck him.

TRAVEL Elaine's going to try to come to New Zealand with me! She loves the idea of how it's a powerful trip, my first without him.

Entry SEVENTY

Good morning Melissa,
For you and Jenny, now not until Tuesday week, 30 October
Only the differences and similarities on ONE PPT slide.
Have a relaxing Sunday. I hope it rains.Both of your case studies were first class.
See you Tuesday.
Best wishes,
Peter Meggitt

-----Original Message-----
From: shan-shan yang
Sent: Sat 10/20/2007 10:58 PM
To: Peter Meggitt
Subject: some questions about the presentation

Hi Peter,
I wonder when the presentation will be presented? Next Tuesday or Wednesday?
Do we need to talk about the theory or only present the differences and similarities?

regards,
Melissa

BEST FRIEND Then if felt great reading that (thank you Melissa and thank you intuition for checking), that I danced and felt relieved and smiled, only to hiccup and think that Gaz just may be thinking of me. You know how he said his friends knew of me as "Gareth's best friend"? It must be true because sneaking peeks at his emails found Guy, Sam, and Lou (and Tilly?) all mentioning me and my name.

WELLBEING 20/20 was on ABC and I thought I'd watch since Aussies love to bash the American health system. I wanted something to say next time it happens and this is what I should be doing regularly, watching news shows and reading magazines and newspapers so I can argue back.

Good things about our healthcare system:

-shorter wait time (no supply and demand driving wait time up)

-competition, so more innovation and incentives

-no one taking advantage (since it's not free)

-world leaders come here since our healthcare is so advanced

UNICLASSWORK It just worked for me, somehow and I'm hoping it continues the way I want. While waiting for him, for twenty-five minutes, I saw the crystal, light-blue color of the fountain and developed an urge to swim. Called Elaine, told her how Thomas didn't show up, so we agreed to make him present then. On the way back, feeling so much freer with this and the communication news, I looked to find that Adam had Emlily Guynn as a friend on facebook, a girl I haven't seen since junior high, how was so uncool. Now, with almost 300 friends, she seems to be fine. It's funny how much our lives change. Me, so shy, and here I am in Australia with the greatest best friend. But I also learned that anyone can have a boyfriend...if they lower their standards, that is. Jen ;)

Nine hours later of straight Elaine and working on our paper, her endlessly going over what's already been completed, I hope I've had enough to practice. Yes, that's right, we're giving it now that she sent a threatening email to Thomas. So he's out. I'm pissed she did that, but she's right, why give him any credit?

I'm hoping Gaz hasn't emailed since Thursday since he did go to Orange to his brother's and his sister now dropped him off at his place. I'm wishing. A sneeze and hiccup later, I feel better.

Entry SIXTY-THREE

WELLBEING Basically nothing today. I slept from 4am till 5pm, and it felt great. It was like my Target days when I was so exhausted and I would just crash the whole day.

Part of me worries he won't remember even though he has (or at least had it in his old phone) in his phone that it's my birthday on Monday. And so part of me also hopes he doesn't remember so I can get all this rage out on him. Does he really love me? His last email was unloving and he didn't today even though he should be home, so if none on Sunday and Monday, then that's it. Tuesday I will have the satisfaction of calling and being a bitch and just ending this heartache. What's the point? But then again I get emails and *some* support every other day, so I would lose that. Then again, once I leave, that's it...

I'm also afraid that if he does remember, then he may not make it special for me and I'll be disappointed.

But do I really want to lose him? In Canberra I had the option and I tried, and yet I worked my way back to him...

.

Entry THIRTY

UNI RESIDENTS She must be American. Undergrad, too. A cute boyfriend and I think she's American (I can never tell anymore since Aussie is just as normal!) because visiting boys said, "slurpee!" So she's not alone. So she has a few boys over. It's odd how it's not quiet anymore. Therefore I hope we do become friends (her idea after all). Now to get that going...How did it happen at Hargraves?

Woke this morning with the urge to work in my moleskine, but what would I write or draw? Jess emailed and it seems excited, but I haven't read it yet. She was the one I wanted to hear back from the most, but I was expecting at least Cassidy to email as well (maybe too soon?). I'm fearing Gaz, as if I did it too early, but it's nothing out of the ordinary for me to reply right away. I just hope he emails soon. If not, he will eventually.

Turned my head to the side and watched the little blinking bar instead of the words and I love this new perspective. See things differently.

The boys are going back and forth from her room. It's going to be a noisy dorm this semester- good. I just want to be included. It's like Hargraves all over again.

Later that night Jenny stopped by to welcome the new girl. I heard her say as she left "Jen is here" but I'm not sure why since I couldn't hear the whole deal. But I thought it was sweet she still remembers and that she mentioned me.

IM/Text/Email
Gareth Thomas to me 12:24pm (11 hours ago)

Hey Gen

So I woke up exhausted today, which is weird because I skipped the gym yesterday- wonder why? I did go to the gym just then to make up for missing he last couple of days, but after...oh...twenty second on the bike and then the treadmill it didn't look like that was going to happen, good thing is I actually got a weights session out of the way for the first time in four weeks (feels better than nothing. I might just have a movie session today, sitting in front of the heater?)

I guess I'll try doing a bit of homework too. Search the internet for a few leg etc exercises other wise I'll never get it done.

That and return the video (I've got more fines, I was to stuffed to bother yesterday- nobody should have to get up that early, even if they've got no choice).

I've run out of money like always, but I've already sent an SOS to mum. Asked for thirty and she's going to give me fifty- I love how they always do that (she knows it's fifty I really want anyway, who asks for thirty dollars? It's a stupid amount).

So I'll try to finish my other book later and get started on harry potter I guess- may as well.

I'd visit the tattooist today except that I'm too zoned out and I've got no money anyway. It'd feel weird going in and not making a booking (plus he'll just tell me to come back monday anyway), so Monday it is, then booking the soonest time I can.

And that's about all, oh except I did a massive pooh this morning- felt so good, it's not going to last.

I'm betting you made it back fine...stay away from annoying 'knowitall's, I think a kick in the balls is a perfectly understandable reaction.

I'd write more, but as you can see, not much happens in my life in twenty four hours (guy at the gym had nice arms though...bastard)

See ya,
Gareth.

PS. find out wht all the asian dishes are, my minds going crazy with curiosity!







KNITTING Oh, how I missed you so! The majority of the down time in Canberra I was craving to work on my blanket, have to relax and half to just get my first finished knitted project. Today I did just that. I got the urge to sew the pieces together, on inspiration, and it worked so nicely and they are as if knitted together. Only problem is the obvious jagged edge, however this is my first blanket and I'm proud of it regardless. I did it with no help.

Brown side: 71cm
Blue side: 62cm
In total: there will be three brown, two blue. The middle brown will be "fancy" (the last piece I will do).

Maybe one fifth of it is finished, and I feel so good now that two pieces are together and I know this will work. I've pushed myself to continue.

But do I keep it, give it to mom, or to Bear? Decisions, decisions.

WELLBEING Rules to live by: live by your rules. Don't stick with what is easy or familiar, or else you will not discover or learn. Be kinder. Be patienter. Laugh and smile more. Take some chances and risks. Be bold when need be. Be confident. Know that you belong here as well. Don't sabotage friendships. Value those you have. Believe in yourself. Be positive. Know your life will get even better. Remember you always have Gareth. Don't waste time. Dream. Listen. Look. Try again and again. Let go of the bad. Remember and record. Don't worry about tomorrow and live for today. Make the most of what you have and remember that it can always be worse.

Entry TWENTY-NINE

WELLBEING I will build more relationships, tear down the anger and assumptions and just talk. I started this morning with an eight am run to the IGA and I chatted with the deli woman. It was the down time between waiting for the credit card to process and having me sign, so I told her it was a new one and how light the signature turned out. Just silly small talk, but I wanted to get used to it. To talk more. To smile. To get to know these people.

BEST FRIEND Last night I felt upset once I realized I wouldn't wake up to him in the middle of the night. And then I heard his voice and mannerisms like he was there regardless. His deep cough, this mmmrhhh, and his soothing voice.

When will he email? He promised and seemed determined to, so he will. If it takes a month then, well, I don't know. If so, then I will email the photos and ask for his address so I can send the postcard. Meanwhile it will be hard, but he said he would and he was sad, and so I believe it. Also, not to forget, I have a semester starting on Monday to keep me busy!

Just remember: "I guess I'll email you when I get back." "I thought we agreed I would?" I just can't remember what we said after that. And later on if the postcard had to do what that, or the fact I would miss him.

IM/Text/Email huh, hey, eh. Just minutes before I received a hiccup but I brushed it off, I'm too superstitious, although I was right! My first reaction- print it and then read it later when I can't hold the temptation anymore. Second reaction- that was quick! Only took him the next day. Third reaction- giggles. He's more open- poo and man arms?? The deal about this email is the fact I told him I wouldn't email first and he said he would, but I didn't know when. And I didn't expect it to be the next day! What's important about this is that I've always been the one to do it first. Not anymore, thankfully.

LIFE HERE I feel lost here. Nervous. Upset. Out of place. And yet I feel superior since I know what to do and there are people obviously wandering around for the first time. Looking at the lake. Stumbling on the steps. Looking at the postcards at the bookshop. But I still felt nervous this morning until I snapped out of it. At first I went to the bookshop and couldn't find my books right away, unlike last semester, and then I couldn't find the Bond postcard on top of it. I felt lost and then got nervous, so I had to leave.

LITTLE PLEASURES Gaz knows me so well. Too well, and got me a jasmine tea at the shops in Canberra, knowing I wanted a massive blooming one. So much better than others boys, namely Hugh who didn't listen to me when I told him the ones he found were too small. Gaz just gets me. And when I tried giving it back in the heat of an argument, he kept throwing it back to me. No matter what, he loves me for some reason. Today I then discovered the little pleasure of watching the tea bloom. Open slowly and then popped out little yellow flowers that floated to the top. then the red bits grew out with more yellow flowers tangled between. How beautiful life can be.

TRAVEL the people you meet are the best part. The ones that come and go and especially the ones that stay. The ones that hurt you and love you. Hugh. Nick. Dave. Pearly. Stephen. The Hargraves girls.

CULTURE I think I'm different from these new Americans because I didn't have an American group to hang out with. Instead of mocking and disgracing, I had to fit in and discover. Now I have to deal with others thinking I'm just like them, and I don't have an Aussie group to hang out with this time. Luckily I have a small group of "friends" started in my subject, and hopefully I will see a lot of them again. {Now I'm "home", I keep forgetting I'm still in Australia}. {The Americans are everywhere. It's so annoying. They are annoying. I don't want to blend in with them either}.

Entry TWO

I'm so tired and yet I can't sleep. I toss and turn. Maybe it's my back pain. Maybe it's because I'm worried I may not wake in time tomorrow for the cleaners.

MORNING I tried staying up all night, not that I wanted to, but I knew that if I didn't then I would be sleeping when the cleaners came. A weird dream woke me up. It was someone receiving a blowjob and I'm not sure who was involved. It was odd enough to arouse me and realize it was past nine am. Twenty minutes is all it takes to get ready if I don't take a shower. That's long because I scuffled around the room looking for things I might have missed to hide from the cleaners. I can't trust them. They steal. They destroy. They barely clean.

AFTERNOON I should be outside enjoying the sun, but instead I am stuck in the library for a "group meeting" of sorts. I should be taking the walk I missed this morning by sleeping in so I can feed the ducks my old bread.

The meeting wasn't so bad. Andrew showed, sat by me again, and he asked if I was Canadian, which started the whole American thing. He was kind about it, and I hope I was as well, but I tried to assert I wasn't the "typical American". We played with Google Earth and I showed everyone the uni and where I live. It was fun...and well I love attention. I miss that about working at Target, where I always had lots of attention, from lots of people. In the end Joey and Andrew high-tailed it out there, barely without any notice, and I just shrugged it off. I used to be one of them, but for some reason I was determined to do my part for this project. Maybe it's how Stephen screwed me over in Global Business by telling me I would do half, and then doing the whole thing when it came time for it. I was red, hot, and speechless. Yet I didn't feel it until I got home an hour later and I declared to myself that I wanted to go home. Now look how strong I am! Look what you can do if you put your mind to it, the strength you can have.

EARLY EVENING There was another part to our meeting. Before I could realize what was happening, Stephen was walking toward Market Square and I was following unknowingly. I was worried, but not scared, about what to do considering I had no money and he acted too quick for me to figure out what was going to happen. He told me it was okay and paid for our meal and he could care less. Surprisingly it was easy to talk to him before we sat down to work on the highlighting for our project. We talked. On and on. His bragging slowed down. For the first time ever, he was asking questions instead of dominating the the conversation. He kind of scared me by saying that you need to be sponsored for PR, but that citizenship takes 48 hours since Australia is desperate for citizens! Then I worked on him, like Andrew, but I was more careful. I told him that I do assimilate, that I love what I do, and that I love to learn along with the travel. He told me that we (he and I) are needed by companies since we do well with change. I think he changed his mind about me, that I truly want to be here.

BOYS Are Gareth and I okay? Why is it taking him three days? I jumped on his back and shoved a knife in there, and yet he told me he loved me, and so I'm sure that if I can survive that, I can survive anything. Maybe he's just busy and those days straight of hearing from him was his down time with nothing going on. I happened to catch 11:11am that made me smile with relief, so maybe that's a sign that all is well.


READING: The Old Man and the Sea
DAYS TO CANBERRA: Twenty-three

Entry ONE

Livejournal is down due to a power outage in San Fran, so I've been inspired to start a proper blog. This is where I should keep track of more of my feelings, rather than a simple "this is what I did today" kind of every-day-type of entry. This is also where I will try to develop my skills of photography.

Wellbeing
My body ached all over when I woke up this morning- that must mean that 30min-60min walks I started a few days ago are really getting my body into shape. I don't think I'm overweight...well, slightly. My jeans aren't falling of me as much, and my belly bulges with gas, and so I'm more conscience of how I look. The fact I live in "the sunshine state" doesn't help much either, since I'm surrounded by skinny girls who wear tight clothes.

Boys
I'm a bit worried about Gaz, but not really. It's been two days and I'm only "worried" since I crave so much attention from him. He makes me so happy and he makes living here that much more enjoyable. He's there to talk to when I have a problem and he knows me better than myself at times.

I love you as a friend still makes me happy, but it has yet to give me a giggling, warm, stomach-turning, kind of feeling. I think it's the way I read it. He was being pissy in reaction to the mean stuff I had said, so I wasn't in the right mood when I read it. BUT HE FINALLY SAID IT and I DIDN'T HAVE TO SAY IT FIRST.

Life Here
My nails have grown long. As much as the food can be repetitive and sometimes not to my liking, I love the variety I've never seen since my mom only knows how to cook five dishes. This is food heaven here. This room feels more like MY room, as if I never want to leave it. The bed is so big and sturdy so my back does not hurt. I was supplied with a pale green blanket that makes me smile when I see the beautiful color. Sometimes I love to detach my laptop from my desk and just lie on my bed to start typing or surfing. And my desk. I have a big desk unlike at home!

No rain means no rainbows, and I love the rainbows so. This state is true to its motto. Regardless, I feel safe here now. I feel much better now that the semester is coming to a close. Classes are not a chore and they are actually enjoyable, since that's when I get to be sociable. I do miss boys flirting with me and even chasing me, but I guess you can't have everything. Gareth and I are much closer, I feel comfortable here, and I have class friends, so all is pretty well so far. Maybe, just maybe, things will improve next semester. Maybe boys will start chasing after me!

My semester binder is almost full and it makes me feel accomplished to open it and see all that I have learned. It is also intimidating considering finals are approaching...fast. My new moleskine planner is also starting to bulge now that I've taken to printing out Gaz's emails and pasting them on the blank pages of each week. This way I can re-read his words when I get lonely, be it in class or waiting for class.

Advice
"No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention.
Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day."
-Invisible Monsters

Travel
To be honest, just like with "I love you", traveling to Europe in January hasn't hit me yet. Maybe because I didn't plan on it and I was never one to get excited over Europe. I'm an Asia girl, by far. But regardless, I'm happy I get to check FIVE countries off my "Countries I've visited list" and those at LEC who had "Europe!" albums and statuses can be jealous that I've gone as well, on top of currently living in Australia. I can't hide that I've always been one to brag and one-up people I don't care much for.


Reading: The Old Man and the Sea
Days til Canberra: 24