LITTLE PLEASURES I spent the third day studying with the boys, and it was just as fun as the previous ones. Even though I argue in the US's favor a lot (per how we have lower wages - "We have a low cost of living", how we can't walk as much - "Our country is not set up that way", and how we don't get our 10 year old kids drunk - "Why should we do it just because Europeans say so? If it's not right for us, then it's not"), if never does any harm. I think Stephen loves how I argue in fact. I stand up for myself.

Stephen was really touchy, even though he always is. It makes me feel loved actually.

Lunch was fun as well. Megan told me to go bother Mike, that he was hiding by the cooler, since she knew I wanted to get my dessert. I went over and looked down, "Come on Mike, I don't have all day" I joked. He got up and said, "Hey, how are you?" I told him a chocolate cake and he got me two without me asking for it, which I thought was sweet. He's not supposed to and yet he did for the second time this week.

And then May sent me a third facebook flower, which I thought was sweet of her. Always thinking of cute things to do, like Liz and Franzi used to do.

Entry ?

LIFE HERE, GROWN UP, CHANGE, BEST FRIEND

Friends (AUS)

• Gareth!
  
• Ash...
  
• Mike...
  
• Stephen...
  
• Arthur...
  
• May...
  

Friends (US)

• Kristen
  
• Betty...
  
• Christina...
  
• Jess...
  

AUS lifestyle:

• No car
  
• Expensive food and clothing
  
• I can't even go shopping alone
  
• I would have to live with someone else
  
• People are nice and yet obnoxious
  
• No family
• But I have Gareth
  
• Good reputation
• Clean air, but HOT air
• So isolated and boring...did everything just about
• Has plenty of jobs
• Good pay, but expensive living
• Not so powerful, but no killings (supposedly)

US lifestyle:

• I have a car
  
• Food is so cheap, as well as clothing (which is styles I like)
  
• I can go shopping alone
  
• I don't have to live with someone
  
• People are nice, obnoxious, but just like me
  
• I have my family
  
• But I have Betty (ugh) and Kristen 
  
• Bad reputation, and yet they fucking love us
• Cleanish air, but I don't even notice + colder weather (nice)
• Soooo much to do
• Still has good jobs
• Not as good pay, but fucking cheap living
• We're powerful -> Our power may be dying, but then others die too

Overall, I'm going to be happier in the US.  The only thing that will bother me is knowing that undeserving people will live in Australia (because I WANT TO LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY) and that most importantly...Gareth.  But, we have such a strong friendship that I can withstand only emails and seeing him every year.  We're so strong that he'll forever be my friend and we'll see each other for sure.

I've lost Betty and Jess, but really does it matter much?  If I have Kristen down the street, I'll be okay.  And with a job I can make new friends.  And if it doesn't work out, there's Gareth to go running to or another city.

UNI CLASSWORK  it was my last presentation ever.  Ever, ever, ever.  I was there early, followed by a few people I don't really talk to, then Nash who was a struggle (he just stares anymore and doesn't bother.  An asshole or has he always been this way?).  Finally, Ash came to the rescue and then Mike.  He was nicely dressed up and came straight to me.  "You're dressed up!"  "And he has shoes!" Ash added.  But then Mike left and I was left with my group and sort of Ash.

"Before class he came up to me and said he didn't mean to do that as far as giving me a 6.5 for "not putting in as much effort as the others" and that he's "really busy and must've mistake my true mark amongst all his papers."  I think he could tell on my face that I was thinking, "oh, bullshit, don't pull that" because he nudged me and said, "Don't take it personal."  Hmm."

Finally the presentation came and we were the last ones to go.  I wanted to be first, but it was okay.  Once I got up there it felt natural, but I felt so disconnected from everyone.  I need to get to the point where I can actually talk to them and know exactly what I'm saying word for word at the same time.  Also, passion.  I need to be more passionate without being annoying.

During the rest of the presentation Stephen walked past twice and May and I were laughing and waving.  Seeing Stephen actually made me feel better.

Afterwards he asked me a few questions, but they were so easy that I didn't mind at all.  Just clarifying.   May asked him, "Do you have any comments for our group?"  "I think the professor was really impressed because he said, "Great idea-- are you going to go through with it?"  (We all said no).  "Are you thinking of selling the business plan then?"  (We laughed- but I think he's serious)."

After the presentation I realized that I don't want to see most of these people ever again, and then ones I do want to see, I probably never will.  When I left I didn't say goodbye to Nash this time, because I'm tired of his pissy happy attitude.  He obviously doesn't care about me.

INVITES  "And then I talked to May and she invited me out to dinner with the rest of our group members since I'm going back home and ZeFeng's going back to China, but I sure don't want to go.  I have to go, but I surely don't want to.  Especially if Nash'll be there, since he's got this thing against me for some reason.  (Unless it's just his Indian-British background of just staring and not saying anything?)."

LITTLE PLEASURES  But I caught Mike on the way out, luckily because I thought he was long gone.  Maybe he was waiting up for someone or me, I don't know.  I asked him if he was going to the tute, and he said no (figures).  Then Armell walked past, the French chick, and she was oddly nice to me.  Mike hugged her goodbye and I was jealous, but also surprised at how touchy he is with people he doesn't even really know.

After Armell left, he was talking about how I could help him out and I told him, "What do I get?" HE HUGGED ME!  It felt so great.  How often do boys I like hug me?  Not often. What, just Geovanny, Gareth, and now Mike?  That's it.  And after he hugged me he said he'd give me something extra special.  He's such a lovable player.  And as he was leaving I called out, "See you in the brasserie!"  "I'll give you extra dessert!"  he called back.

UNI CLASSWORK  Beforehand I was with the boys chatting and trying to do some work.  And my last tutorial ever was fine- I brought my laptop and that was that.  I've never done it before, but it felt damn good just pissing around on the internet like every one else does.  Afterwards, our prof wanted a class photo.  Amei, Ying's friend, sat next to me and held me-- close!  And afterwards she got right in my face, just the way she is,to talk. Wow- talk about cultural differences.

LITTLE PLEASURES  That night at dinner Mike scanned my card and asked me about class.  Then he acted as if he was waiting so he could serve me, but then he had to serve the guy in front of me.  Dessert?  He ran over even though a woman already started serving me since no one was coming.  "Would you like anything else?" he said in a sneaky way, inferring to earlier in the day.  "Next time when there's chocolate I laughed."  I felt cool.

Entry ?

I had a meeting with Ashnita at 1pm, so I went over to the library to see the boys, Stephen and Arthur, meanwhile. However, Ash sent me a text cancelling and I was elated that I didn't have to deal with it. But meanwhile I had to deal with Stephen and his bullshit. He started arguing with me that I needed PR to live there. "I don't want to live here. I love my country. Why should I?" "Australia's a haven!" I laughed at him. I couldn't stop myself. "I talked to my uncle, I talked to his friends, and I talked with two foreign doctors who all said this program is bullshit and I don't need a visa." Why does he even care? I wasn't upset, but I was shaking because I'm not used to taking him on. He wasn't even that passionate either, because for once someone was calling him out on things.

It felt great.

"Now I'm debating if I should do this," Arthur said. He's such a sheep. He'll do whatever someone persuades him to do, but it makes me laugh because he's so stupid. He's not doing this to live in Australia, but to get out of the US since Stephen's telling him it's going down.

"We'll miss your smiling face," Stephen said in all sincerity. Does he just want me to live here for someone to talk to with Arthur?!

I had to go to the cashiers and on the way I ran into the accommodation lady who still remembered me. How does she do it? She asked me about me being on the waiting list, and then off I went to cashiers with a nice lady to help me.

11:11 my iTouch said. Perfect timing.

Lunch was over in the cafe with my brasserie food with Stephen and Arthur again. The middle-easterner next to us was eyeing my seat as if he wanted to use it, so I asked, but he brushed me off. What, because I'm a useless girl? Regardless I felt good just offering at least.

But then Arthur brought up me leaving the Gold Coast and asked if I'm coming back up before I go home. What is he upset that I'm not doing the PR program? And Stephen's convinced I will want to stay because of Gaz, but I adamantly denied it because I won't. I already went through it and survived. So is this him just looking out for me, or being an asshole?

Then Stephen kept asking how long I will be on the coast. Uhh, why? Caring again?

The three of us went to see Aslihan, who was nicest to me and Arthur becasue we were polite and talked about her life. Stephen just barged in, sat down, didn't offer me a seat (Arthur did), and kept talking about his life. Aslihan was focusing on us two with chit chat, not Stephen. I watched him get what he wanted by asking directly if she had the answer for something, and when she wouldn't say, he got up and looked at her answer book.

What an asshole.

We ran into Alex on the way out, and he finally acknowledged me for the first time in almost a week, since Zala attacked us. It felt good to know there's nothing bad between us.

LIFE HERE Back with Stephen and Arthur while they did their thing, and I tried to work on HRM. I hate Stephen and yet I can't get away from him...that's terrible. I said the words "loo" and "oopsie daisy" since I've lived here so long and both boys noticed. "You sound Aussie." DUH, it's called assimilating. "You'll do well traveling," said Stephen. "I know. I assimilate unlike most people I meet here," with a gab at Arthur, wondering if he noticed.

LITTLE PLEASURES I had a nice talk to Mike at dinner again, and he asked me, "how's studying going?" just to get the conversation going. And it went. We talked about how you can tell what day it is by what they are serving. We talked about staying all day with Stephen and Arthur, even though I hate it, just because it happens. He scoffed at Stephen's stupid, "Australia is a haven!" which made me feel great that he agrees. Then he asked me to send him my IFM study guide with that flirting smile. All while bending down to talk to me (to hide, or to get closer, I don't know), which was lovely. "Yeah, you weren't there," He said when I mentioned how Ash told me he came to visit. Aw! We kept at it until the guy came by and asked for some chips.

Entry ?

CHANGE Today was such a learning experience. I ended up being in another world, figuratively speaking of course, and the Canadian's friend ended up calling me a bitch for not realizing she was talking to me. Hmm, people are so nice here. But the reason I bring this up is because it actually didn't bother me like it would've in the past. I barely even noticed-- I think my newly acquired "don't care too much about what others think" way of thinking is paying off.

LIFE HERE But I'll move on to Arthur for just a tiny bit, because he's still hasn't changed much. But wait! He's finally realizing that yes, Aussies are just as bad as Americans as far as acting like assholes and bitches. I mean come on, it took him a year and a half to realize that?? And how did he not know that Aussies don't pronounce the "-er" in words, but with an, "-a" sound instead? How is a guy this stupid to the culture going to stay here, but I may not?! But most of all: he blames every fucking thing on Americans. I tell him all the time, how can you hate your own people? That means you're an asshole if you're calling all Americans assholes. He just laughed, dumbass. But then if Aussies do something differently than Americans, then he calls them stupid!

LITTLE PLEASURES I ran into Mike twice, and he sought me out two other times. I read my professor's philosophical novel last night, which just happened to talk about the universe giving us what we need (even though I don't fully believe in that...only somewhat) and here it was happening for me. Serendipity I suppose.

But I'll go back a little bit to the beginning. I was in the library waiting for Arthur, because he can't be alone and he made up some lame excuse for me to be there. Fine. While looking for him I ran into Mike and we said hi as he went to his meeting with Ash and company. Meanwhile I found Arthur and we went into a group room to "study" (I was, he wasn't). Mike happened to walk past and popped in to talk, but mainly to me. It was just stuff about International Finance, etc, but it was fun because Mike always has us laughing.

There's this thing about Mike...he just does it and is confident about it, but in a loveable way. So we went back to "studying" when he popped in again and stole my financials from my group to show his. Meanwhile Ashnita hears I'm there and comes over to say hi. To we're all laughing and talking as usual, but it's stuff like this that makes my uni experience fun.

And when they go to leave, Mike cuts through my room and he stays a few extra seconds to chat and say goodbye. Ash waves and they're all off. Or so I think. I then leave Art for a little bit (I get fed up with how slow he is) and run into Mike out by the Brasserie back room/Bungies. We're talk, he lights a cigarette, and I'm not sure if he wants a long chat or not, but neither of us are really pushing the other to leave.

I just love stuff like that.

A little bit later me and Arthur saw them writing, "A <3 J" in the sky via a skywriting plane. It's always so much fun to watch that. It's the second time I've seen it on campus, and like fourth I've seen in Sydney (the first two were in Sydney with Gaz three years ago when the swans won).

CULTURE I asked mom, "how'd you go?" without even thinking about my Aussie English, ha.

To back track a little bit, I found gaz's email, bright and early (10 min after woke up)!

Mum had fun in Italy [...]. Does he talk about his mom since I know here and I'm like family in some ways? Or because he has nothing else to say?

Yep, only three weeks till the next big adventure (oysters, kidneys, livers…and hotdogs). He makes me laugh-- all disgusting things. But really, so he thinks of this trip as an adventure?! Maybe I'm so over him that I never thought of it that way. [...]. Take things step by step, get excited about finishing and not having to worry about uni, then you can start panicking about planes and stuff. What's this in reference to? Leaving Bond? Because where does the plane thing come in then? Or is it about our trip and waiting to plan it until I'm done with Bond? What matters though is that he cares enough to offer advice.

So far with centrelink I’ve been able to save up two 2 ½ grand. WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU HAD NONE! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SAVING WITHOUT TELLING ME? [...]. I think my chest was 87 centre metres, and I weigh about as much as a sumo wrestler at the moment (53kg- haven’t been that light since about year 8!)- the solution, I’ve checked out what women’s clothes are uni sex and I’ll see how that goes. [...]. There's his weight thing again, always mentioning his weight and scaring me when he does it. And is he gay or not? If I’m a good boy I should be able to save up maybe around three thousand before I pick you up in Newcastle/Sydney (it’s Newcastle right? 17^th?), which means we’ll actually be able to have some fun every now and then…hmm, Hobart…Perth…Fiji…McDonald’s! This is the best part. He's saving his money so we can do something together, irregardless if it's just for his sake or not. And he actually wants to do some real traveling! I just wonder why he hasn't mentioned this earlier, when I first told him I'm coming? Is that why he wanted me to stay longer than a week?

CULTURE I told him that I don't mind people bashing my country really (only when it's Americans who think it's cool to bash now that they think Australia's completely godsent or something), but that it does bother me that Aussies are so one-sided about it. It's never what's also bad about their country, but rather it's always about mine. Nothing's wrong with good-old Australia...but every thing is wrong in the US according to so many of them. But being a true neutral thinking guy, fair all the way, he said this about my talk to my Fijian friend (Ashnita): Hmm, it wouldn’t be too hard arguing what’s wrong with Fiji either really, all of those coups and stuff all the time. I think the hard thing on you is that Fiji’s never in the news, where as every man and his dog get saturated with American news (hell, England’s barely ever in the news and it’s supposed to be a super-power, and I can’t remember actually EVER hearing about Canada in the news…your right, nothing happens there). I bet everyone’s an expert on China with all the news they’re getting now days. Yep, he remembers what I say about Canada.

[...] I think the trick could be just to leave with as many fond memories as possible, and not miss it to much. This is about me leaving Bond, my friends, and all the cultural fun. Again, it's him giving advice.

[...]

[...]

Hey, driver’s license, that’s long term thinking (if I get it now, you’ll still be driving anyway, so there). Ha, how did he know what I was getting at?? [...].

[...]

[...] I’ll let you know how it goes here. We always do that now, but it still means a lot.

See you in a little bit. And this as well, but at least this time he's talking about in a little bit.

Gareth.

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES & UNI RESIDENTS running around campus with Stephen and Arthur. We were laughing so hard, just going around running errands. Stephen told me that he's serious about hiring me, and he'll pay me $90,000 a year to do so. "What, are you hiring me early?" I had joked when he asked me to read over his paper. "I'm serious," he replied. Up to Neva's, who said, "Hello, Jennifer" when she saw me, meaning she does remember me. Then down to the HSA building, where Vishen was there chatting with me and Stephen, and it's always fun. Run ins with class friends, just catching up.

Dinner, Mike, Angela. As usual, but it's great because seeing them makes me happy. Angela and I were doing some small chatting, and then it was over to Mike because I can talk to him longer as he's at the dessert counter. He kiddingly grabbed my dessert ticket and I told him about how Art and I tried to stop Stephen from forging his signature this morning. We were talking about that and he told me about how he has to study for International Finance, but he has a group meeting tomorrow. In fact, now that I think about it, I told him how we're starting tomorrow, so he probably assumed that was an invite to join (it was), and that's why he said he has an entrepreneurship meeting tomorrow. But of course a guy had to come up behind me, although Mike never pushes me to leave just like he didn't do today, but we still had to cut it short. We smiled and said see ya, and then I was out of there feeling so good.

Entry ?

IM  May IMed me like I hoped, because really, I miss my chats with Liz.  Although my chats with May aren't the same (she believes so much in God, we don't know that much about each other yet, and she's always too busy to stay on long), she still cares about me and it shows. I did what I used to do with Liz (since she's the first real friend I've ever had): encourage her and be happy about it.  I felt great.  And it was so much fun to see the little bubbles pop up in G-chat since I haven't used it yet!

UNI RESIDENTS AND GREAT PLEASURES  Finally getting off campus was a great pleasure, considering I haven't done it since June when we went to Noosa.  Stephen picked me up and I told him how good his haircut looks (I rarely think to compliment people for some odd reason) and we were off in an easy to go ride with easy talk.  Once at his house Arthur just walked in and sat down as if he owns the place, because Aussies are informal (CULTURE).   Their house is your house basically.

LITTLE PLEASURES  Helping the boys do their take-home exam was fun, just because I wanted out of campus for once.  There was no embarrassment like the last three times because I pretty much know Stephen and his house and his family well enough.  That's a little pleasure to get to that point.

Now I try to be patient with Arthur, but it gets to a certain point where you can't take his slowness and lack of focus any more.  He took 5 hours for a 3 hour exam, and we were rushing to get lunch once Stephen drove us back to campus.  I needed to make it there by 2:20pm and Stephen saw they were still serving...and I just made it literally by seconds.  Wow, considering I need my burger every Thursday.  (He cares enough to make sure they're still serving for me).

CHANGE  On the way to the Brasserie I was joking, "ooooh, Stephen!" in a sexy tone and I couldn't stop giggling because I'm never that cheeky.  Where is this personality coming from?

I met back up with them after they went to see Neva at Bond Cafe.  Before Stephen left I said, "And me!" about joining them tomorrow and he just smiled.  "I love this social side of you sweetie" and he kissed my head.  He's right, I'm definitely more happy and social.  

I'm starting to take charge and doing what I want, without worrying about others.  I know I belong. I feel like an alpha-female of sorts.  

Entry ?

{The two photos Gaz sent me a little bit back.  Did he get even skinnier?  He's such a showoff that boy. He's not as shy as he comes off.}

UNI RESIDENTS & LITTLE PLEASURES  I skipped Entreprenuership by semi-accident after sleeping in through class since my body desperately needed rest. But meanwhile May sent a sweet message about how she missed me in class, and then a reply about how she hopes I feel better.  I don't know, friends like her are difficult for me to get, and so it's shame to have to leave it.  Yes, I'll have it long distance, but that's such a shame all together.

I went looking for Arthur and meanwhile missed Stephen's phonecall.  Before looking for Art, I had accidentally gone to the finance tutorial too early, by an hour, and I ran into Ying's friend Amy who wouldn't stop talking to me.  She's so friendly.  And I think it's because she feels the same way about Ying I do!  She says she'll only do what she wants to do, she's angry, and she won't listen.  Thank God most people see that.  

CHANGE  So when I got to the tutorial, Stephen and Art showed up but not Mike.  Turns out they wanted to invite me to lunch, but that was okay in the end that I didn't get the chance to go.  After talking to Zala and Alex, both stupid dumbasses (they only use you, and don't care about me), about the quiz, I moved to sit by Stephen.  I just got this urge and did it in the middle of class, not caring.  That's not like me at all.

GREAT PLEASURES  After class the three of us went to an empty classroom where I was being weird and flying paper airplanes.  Stephen said I've changed and I'm so much more carefree now that I've let go of my past in NSW and I have to agree.  I do have a non-neurotic, do what I want, just do it, whatever attitude now.  It feels great.  I was laughing so hard flying those airplanes.  And Stephen said, as I tidied and organized the room, that once again I'm going to Zurich to work for him one day.  He said that the three of us have to exchange personal information and keep in touch.  I love long-term friends, no matter the age.   When a professor came and I was giggling because we were being naughty flying paper airplanes (see I don't care), Stephen kept hugging me and kissing my head.  He adores me I think.  He's like an Aussie father.

Art and I ran into Vishen who waved like a queen (like I did as a joke) and came over to talk to us.  Shivang came as well, but he's such a user.  He's only nice to network and does not care about people (like Zala and Alex above).

At dinner the nice New Zealander girl knew I wanted take-away for the first time ever and when I went to get my dessert, a girl shorter than me was beside me!

Entry ?

I'm debating what I should do. I have so much to write about because I was gone basically the whole day. Where do I start? Write everything or just the bits that really stand out? We'll see.

Well, it all started out with a nightmare of sorts.

DREAMS I'm in a long and wide hall that reminds me of Lake Catholic High School. I apparently have killed a girl and I look down at the floor and notice a pool of dried blood they have not cleaned, wondering why not. I go to the water fountain and through an open door I see Suzie and Katie (elementary days) crying. Then I wonder, why am I STILL having weird dreams involving Katie considering I haven't seen her since junior high? But there's something to do with Jess, my sister. I guess I blamed her for the killing. Meanwhile I'm in my basement with Tiger and Sparkie (huh? I dream about our old cat?) with plane tickets to Zambia. I'm hiding from mom and when I go to feed my cats, I find the tickets.

Cut to the second part of the dream. I'm in Zambia. And I'm wondering in my dream why I've chosen such a random place. But all around me are black people dancing, all surrounding me, in their native dress. They're dancing up and down, and when I look up, I see a semi-circle of them clapping and banging drums.

Then I woke up.


CULTURE Cut to waking up at 6am and then again at 7am. I got ready to go meet Arthur, and I miscalculated and got to the library before it opened at 10am. So I was sitting there with three giggling muslim girls and one guy. There are always multiple girls and one guy, and he's always got that alpha male thing going on. I caught him looking at me, and then he went to the vending machine to get a snack while singing something that sounded like a terrorist song or prayer. Not that I'm mocking it, but it made a sick feeling in my stomach. I can't help it.

LITTLE PLEASURES Selva, Arthur's friend past by, and thoughtfully came over to chat to me. After which, Vishen came and sat with me to have a chat before the library opened. It's always pleasant to have random conversations with people I know and yet barely know.

CULTURE Once in the library, up to the top floor, I chose the computer in the corner. I was the only one, and the next person to come was a Westernised Asian who sat right next to me....with the entire room empty as is. Then Ying's friend, a girl I don't really know, came over and waved in my face (cute Asians) and then was talking to me on and off while we sat there (she too sat next to me, even though every thing else was empty). When I went to leave she was really nice and waving and giggly. Wow, but pretty cool.

IM But not to forget during the above...May IMed me again through G-Chat! I saw a "may says" pop up and I got excited. I looked around to see if anyone saw me chatting. I felt so cool (see chat log in gmail account!). She's becoming my Liz. Now to do that with others as well. She started it, so I can do that with others, too.

I went over to the group study room to meet Arthur, as he's clingy and always wants to study and yet we never study because it's just a reason for him to socialise. Once there Toby and Vishen, who were in the room over, kept going by and joking with us through the window in our group study room. Toby kept dropping in to talk and do the "going up the stairs" and "going down the stairs" manoeuvres. Then Vishen walked past and stuck his tongue out with his hands against the glass. When Art and I left, I waved like a queen with them mimicking me.

BEST FRIEND Art and I went to the IGA to get some groceries and he's acting too much like Gaz. Yet with Gaz did this stuff, I was smitten because Gaz is attractive. Art is hideous (sorry!). Anyway, Art was reminding me of Gaz with how he got a basket for me and held it. And then he took forever shopping.

AMERICAN HOME I called mom back since I missed her call and apparently she's checking the economy for me; I don't think she wants me to do the professional degree. I guess we're technically not in a recession yet, and she's talked to several people who are hiring master's degrees and that she had a 24 year old patient who is doing what I want to do in *Cleveland* (work for an international company with an IB degree, and she only has a bachelor's). We agreed: even if the US goes, so will Australia with it. Not to forget, the cost of living here is fucking ridiculous. Even if US food goes up, Australia is still more than that.

UNI RESIDENTS We also ran into Ann, the one Asian girl who knows my name but barely talks to me. She's cool, but we never clicked really.

But it didn't stop there. Nope, Selva was back and with Zala this time. She actually complimented me, but that was about the extent of her attention to me. She's so fake. She can't even pretend to care I exist, just as I don't with her either.

And that about finished our day about. Once again Art was being a pain in the ass not really studying, and so I left early.

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES going into line with a smile at the Bra, and the older woman happily grabbing take-away without me saying. Then the usually grumpy woman talking first. And then Mike and I smiling hello and goodbyes (with no talk in between, because I sometimes feel like I don't want to be clingy).

GREAT PLEASURES May emailing back that we have to do something before I go back to the USA with a :( attached.

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES walking into the room after their class got out, and scaring Stephen who jumped back when he realized I was silently standing next to him. Mike saw me and said, "Hi, Jen!"

We walked over to the couches for our meeting and Mike asked, "Do you have your cozy?" when he saw my iTouch. How'd he remember? He actually does care and listen, doesn't he? It was just the little bouts of attention he gave me.

And then there was the pleasure of when our meeting ended and Stephen said I should go work for him since I'm so organized and he needs that. According to him, that's my niche and that he even told a friend, who said the same thing. That'd I be great for project management. Anyway, after that lovely compliment, somehow Mike knew I wouldn't want to work in Europe (Where Stephen's moving) and that made me feel good.

Stephen, his son, and Arthur and I had lunch together. For some reason it just worked out that way with Stephen not inviting us, but making it known we were going. So there I was in the Bra in line, getting my food.

"Which chocolate is it today?" Megan asked. "How'd you know?" "I know you," she said cheekily. Jesse was there, too. And I consider these two to be the "cool kids" of the Bra, and therefore it made me feel "cool" as well.

I found Stephen, his son Kik, and Art, and it was just fun sitting back and talking. I felt cool to be out of the ordinary and actually eating out with the sun shining, some good conversation, and some lively atmosphere.

After lunch Art and I went around runing some erronds for him and I noticed how much it felt like summer. It was warm, the sun was extra bright, and I wasn't wearing a jacket. In fact, I was wearing my comfy AE clothes and feeling good because I've been fake most of the semester and trying to wear dressier clothes to be non-American like.

We ran into Alex who acknowledged me, even though I didn't talk. We ran into Ann, some Chinese girl who introduced herself to me at the beginning of the semester but barely talks to me now. And then Art worked his magic at trying to get some info on this PR situation for us.

Then I hung out with Art in the library, like I've done since last semester. While on the computer:

IM ! Yay, May really is becoming like my new Liz. Very slowly, and unfortunately I will lose her when I move to the US. She messaged me for the first time through G-chat and I was so happy to see that because I miss feeling cool and messaging people.



SADNESS Meanwhile, I have to let Jess go. She hasn't bothered responding to me, and well, I guess that's that, right? I could try facebook messaging her when I return, or post a notice to see if she notices, but otherwise I guess chasing her around won't do much. I mean, it would be good because she likes to go out and party, but ah well.

All I can hope for is to reconnect with Jess, find Kristen, continue with Betty (ugh), and go from there. I will always have Gaz, but he's in Australia. As for May and Ash, they'll probably be there, but again, only in Australia.

It's tough living abroad!

Back to today though. While we were leaving the library, I finally asked him questions about his religion (LDS) and I was open about it, and he was open as well. I wasn't offending him I told him, I just wanted to find out from the official source. And basically, my views are still the same. They may be harmless, but it's still like a cult.

LITTLE PLEASURES (pt. 2) At dinner Mike walked over very fast to serve me even though his bit was supposed to be the second half of the line. He was happy, asked how I was like he always does, and I started chatting with him about the meeting earlier on. As he finished with me, he kept turned to me to talk even though he was going to serve the guy behind me. He just makes me always feel so special and good inside.

I was walking over to the dessert section and Toby was there with Ann (the one mentioned above) and he was talking to me, reminding me about our study session on Sunday. But the socialness didn't stop there! I went over to Jesse and I was second in line, but a bunch of guys showed up right after me. I started worrying thinking Jesse would serve them first (since he and I aren't friends so to speak, and Jesse will treat those he knows well better and I wasn't sure if he knew I was there first), but he went right for me. He teased me about the chocolate and take-away, and said "no worries" when I said thanks (he rarely does).

I felt soooo good today.

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UNI CLASSWORK Tuesday, which as always, is Entrepreneurship and IFM. I went in ignoring the Canadian yet again, because he's arrogant and thinks he can act American, until he spoke for some reason. He asked if I've been paying attention to the election and I told him yes but I've given up. Okay, a good start, until he started his whole "I'm Canadian" and "The US is not ready for a black president" and "All the news here is American news" shit. I then chose to ignore him and decided to talk to Nash who is more intellectually stimulating. Once May came, as well as Dino, we were at our group dynamics laughing and joking. In fact, Dino's never joked and laughed so much with me before.

Next was my tutorial where I chose to ignored Mike, who for some reason (yet again) felt compelled to say hello. I ignored the first one (after what Ying did I didn't want to seem clingy now) but he said it a second time louder. He asked why I looked grumpy and I made up some stress issue.

My tutorial was actually pretty interesting as we had a question regarding J.C. Penney in our textbook (which was written by an American) and our professor said, "everyone knows them." So one of the Aussies told her that no, because it's an American company, and it's rarely mentioned in movies as is. So (Stephen) the Australian that spent five years in the US over 30 years ago piped up and said, "it's a store which sells clothing, sporting goods, the whole lot." My two American friends next to me turned to me to make "what the hell?" faces and I said, "Nooo" which apparently my professor noticed. So she asked me, "You disagree?" "Yes, it's mainly clothing." "It was in the 70s," Stephen said. I had to tell him it wasn't anymore, and then he started talking about it again from what he knew back in the 70s. So the first Aussie who spoke up said, "Can I hear from someone who actually LIVES there?" to get Stephen to shut up and turned to me and my friends to ask what exactly they sell and for how much they sell it.

But then it didn't stop there.

We then went to a question regarding Walmart...so Stephen went as far to argue with one of the Americans (Toby) that Walmart is only a small town store, so Toby turned to me for backup. "No, Stephen, they're all over, even in NYC," I told him. "NYC? Then it has to be a small store if it's there." "No, Stephen. It's actually huge, and spans several floors." Either he likes to be a knowitall even about things he doesn't know squat about, or he secretly wishes he still lived in the US (which I doubt, as much as he hates my country despite all the things he misses from it).

LITTLE PLEASURES After class Mike waited until I was facing the other direction and bumped into me sideways like a little kid. Flirting? Joking? Friendship? I don't know but it's fun!

YING it's finally a goodbye to Ying. I actually foresaw her telling me my bra was showing (I decided to go for a low cut tank top to show off cleavage after talking to Stephen yesterday) and yet I didn't think I'd finally snap. I just snapped not because she told me my bra was showing, but because I'm just so sick of it all. All the little things over the past two semesters have finally gotten to me. And actually, she was taking it well, and I wasn't mean at all and I was pretty much understanding considering (no yelling, no shaking, no name calling). But yet again her English skills still didn't get it no matter how much I repeated the main points. I told her that obviously I care, but because I want to be happy in my last semester, I'm only ignoring her. Bottom line.

DISCOVERED so there's my third female friend down the drain. No more link to China, but oh well, does it really matter? But I've discovered that I have to tell people right away when they're bugging me. I have to let the little things go for good. I have to invite friends out more often. So it was a learning experience all up.

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DREAMS Last night I kept dreaming random things about Mike, and how I've finally got attached, which is not good considering I've leaving in two months. Part of me wants to chase after him and the rest of me is scared still. Why couldn't this happen earlier? But at least it happened!

UNI CLASSWORK Not much today in comparison to Tuesday except for a meeting for IFM, which Mike seemingly "forgot" about. Which meant that Stephen dropped into the Bungies to get me, and of course we couldn't find Arthur because he's slow and doesn't think to text people with where he is when he's supposed to be somewhere else. I had to endure Stephen for an hour with us trying to keep conversation going because when we're alone and there's nothing to talk about, we struggle. And when Art showed up, it's like someone poked us and we came to life.

Meanwhile Elaine walked by twice to which I ignored her and she ignored me, so it kind of made me feel empowering to not care. Because really, I do care in a way, but when it comes down to it, all I care about is having one less friend. Not her per se.

The great thing about Stephen is though, that he does teach us what we didn't learn in class and I actually listen and ask questions since it's just the three of us. It makes studying much easier and better for me.

CULTURE I took a break for lunch and ran down there only to be greeted by massive amounts of muslims girls. It was awkward only because I'm rarely around them and yet here they are in massive amounts this semester. Although it's great because that means I'm finally in contact with that culture. At the dessert counter there was Megan who said, "I prepared this earlier just for you" because she makes me laugh. Not bad for someone who I thought was a bitch last semester. A cultural lesson I learned long ago (that it takes a while for Aussie women to warm up to American girls) is still true.

ADVICE Stephen is always full of it. About how I should stand up from the start to prevent people walking over me (and then when I do stand up for myself they think I'm suddenly a bitch). And how "You're only worth what you think you're worth." And how I can do anything I want. And how I need confidence to just go in there and do it (if you act like you belong, they will believe it). JOB He told me that, yes, we learn on the job. Uni does not prepare you except for a foundation and discipline. And that I'm detailed oriented, so I need details before I start something or else I worry.

Talking with people these days, especially to Stephen, makes me realize that life experiences and reading the news does help so much when it comes to conversations. I feel smarter and I can talk about so much more now.

YING & LITTLE PLEASURES Finally at lunch I ran into Ying, unfortunately, and we were both surprisingly nice. She asked if I'd get take-away and of course I said yes, knowing she wanted me to invite her to eat with me, but I refused. Naturally she went off on her own despite me making small talk and stalked like a little kid when I stayed to talk to Mike about class. We talked for twenty minutes until he really had to go back to work (group work, exams, studying, Arthur's weirdness), during which he went out of his way to give me his number again (even though it's only for his personal use to have me call about when Stephen's "teaching" us again). Despite that, it still made me feel good for him to treat me so nicely. I'm not being used, as we're already friends, so it's okay. And turning out of instinct to see Ying staring as she ate her soup before she left was just pure gold. She's so jealous that it's easy to piss her off. Before I left he joked some more with me and then I was off to eat.

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EMAIL I was feeling awful sad but I wasn't sure why. Was it the tension with Ying? Was it the stress of uni? Or was it not hearing from Gaz in a week-ish? But then of course I felt better after hearing from Gaz who emailed me later in the day and surprised me with a "Hey Jen" which is something he hasn't done in months and months and months. I could tell it was rushed, but only because he was writing it in an internet cafe of sorts probably. Regardless I loved:

"Hey, I like that beanie, and the red one (even if you don't believe it), it's gone a bit fluffy now though..and if next summer's anything like it was this time, I'll be needing plenty of beanies too. But anyway, must dash, time limits and people staring and all. Hope uni is a breeze, just think, you'll have a masters, smart arse.
See ya (I'll have internet again in a few days I think, so I'll tell you how things are going)."

What is important is why I loved this bit. Well for one, he must really want me to knit him more beanies since he won't shut up about how he really likes the ones I've knitted when I thought we were over the topic. Then he said the bit of me being a smart arse because I told him I feel inferior to them here. And then of course the promise that he'll write soon.

UNI RESIDENTS Arthur texted me and I met him in the library to work on our IFM assignments together, but of course on the way I had to run into Ying. Yes I hope I looked kind when I kindly said hi to her, but we'll see if she takes me not stopping to talk as a bad thing. Yes I was being cold, but in a nice way, because I'm over her. She's more pain than pleasure.

LITTLE PLEASURES Besides Gaz the award of the pleasure today goes to Mike. It's just the little things I love. And with Mike today it was a little thing when I went there and he asked right away, "what'd you think of Art's email?" So we get in a serious and nice discussion about it, with his full attention on me. I felt lovely. Really.

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LITTLE PLEASURES like how the woman in the accommodation office still knows my name and I can be cheerful with her. How easy it was to email Christi and Mary Rose. Or even my group meeting this week for Entrepreneurship. I was on my way there when I ran into Nash and May and even though talk had a bunch of gaps, it wasn't so bad at all. May's just a natural with charm and talking, so much so that I wish I could do that. Talk to anyone. Fill in gaps. Say meaningful and yet useless things.

But what was so pleasurable about that? The fact that I did some pre-work and I didn't look so useless therefore. The week of I not only got started on my own part, but I also did some pre-work on what we would be doing together. I've (DISCOVERED) that I tend to claim up around those I think are better than me, and so I look and sound useless. Therefore, by doing some pre-work I didn't look inferior to them.

Which leads to my GREAT PLEASURE of the week. Jesse and I have had a period of time since the last time he was kind and open to me, but then today happened. We were a little cold and yet not mean to each other, and then he cracks a joke out of no where. Being the flirt I can be, I surprised myself as if I've known him for a while and said, "Aw, you're smiling!" To which he smiled throughout because of, and he just kept talking. It made me feel great. Just lovely.

YING emailed me, which I was deep down kind of hoping for because I'm tired of hating all my email friends. She started the shit and I didn't baby her, and as always, she stood up first. What can I say. I just can't keep female friends. Meh, whatever.

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LITTLE PLEASURES I do have a wonderful mom (Ying always tells me so). She called at 7am to wake me up without me even asking her to, which was lovely considering I slept through both alarms. Although I didn't make it to class since my nose kept bleeding 5 minutes before it started, and I was too sick to bother anyway. Now I feel really guilty, but that always happens. Always.

YING So I don't know what it is about her that I want to rip my hair out about. Just like with Franzi, too. It's like I get bored very easily and once they fuck something up, I just never forgive them. In fact, today, I don't even know how it started. It just did. And I wasn't that bad, but I was frustrated that she always wants it her way and can't compromise with me, so I won't budge then. I left without saying anything to her, no biggie. Then she was in line behind me in the Brasserie, directly after class, and called out my name. I was nice. Then she ignored me, so I got to ignore her lastly by walking past her and then out the door. I felt great. Evil, but great.

It's not only her inability to do only what she wants, and never what I want, but also that she still pissed me off from two semesters ago on Val Day by ignoring my greatest achievement here (winning the Top Class award). Hey, at least I know why I hate her.

EMAIL Two emails that were funny or special today, and neither from Gaz surprisingly.

From Kenny:

well, all for now. Take good care.
look forward to hearing from ya again soon,
next time I email Doris, I'll tell her hi for ya.
always your pal-Kenny

From Mike:

Steve, Jen..... .... an Arths

Thanks for coming to class on this fine day!!
So apparently the assignments were rubbish so they are to be redone!!
Everyone just described the organizations instead of critiquing and forming an opinion on them we have to do it again for Monday!
Check Ilearn for updates!
An we need to have a progress report on the trading assignment! Thats due tomorrow! We need to discuss where we stand and all that rubbish, i think she'll put stuff up about that on Ilearn aswell!!!

Let me know what you want me to do for the "progress report"


Cheers,
Mike D

P.S.
I hope you bastards had a good sleep in!!

.

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LITTLE PLEASURES It's a slow sunday, but somewhat an accomplished one. There's this "gay" guy I've seen around who is such a cute Aussie. I want to be his friend, but I've never talked to him...until today. He was so kind and smiley and we were both shaking. I don't know why, but we were. He reminds me of Gaz- quiet and not aware of his cuteness. At least I got to finally talk to him before I leave Bond, finally after over a year.

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LITTLE PLEASURES I always have feared the phone, so much that at times I just won't do something but at other times it's okay. I'm fine if something is straight forward, but I'm not if I don't know what to do. And as usual Ying was listening to me and was acting like I was just being a pain in the ass when really I was scared and I told her that. Sigh. But I actually called and it was so easy once I did it! Why do I get so afraid? I miss Liz and Franzi pushing me in a nice way and encouraging me. They were real friends. Double sigh.

UNI RESIDENTS I went to get a salad at the Lakeside Grill for the first time in at least an entire semester when I ran into Artika, one of Ying's friends whom I know by association. How she knows my name, I'm not sure, and why she called me over I'm only vaguely certain (to make it appear like she knows more people on campus). Regardless though, it made me feel like I had more friends anyway.

So the day before at my meeting, Nash heard me mention my trip to Byron Bay and offered to drive me and Elaine/Ying. Very kind and that is why networking in Australia is awesome! It was easier for me in Bathurst, but it's not so bad here in Robina either. And so that was set, and I just had to call Ying to tell her that my YHA was booked. When I did, I even offered (surprisingly) to eat a salad with her before her tutorial.

Tutorial? Yep, she invited me to see this American guy that's supposedly the best of the best and I was thinking there was no way in hell. She's known for sleeping with older men and thinking they're just "brilliant" and so I had to see if this was just her odd ways or not.

(AMERICAN HOME) "I went to this lecture to check out this professor who is supposedly the "best professor ever" to some people and I was extremely curious to see how that could even be. Apparently he teaches at a top American MBA uni and is here for 7 weeks out of the 14 since he's that busy. When I went I had to admit that he actually made the 4 hour lecture incredibly interesting, so much that I didn't even realize I was there for 4 hours (plus, I wasn't that interested in the subject of Branding but he made it that much fun). He kept telling me, "You're accent sounds strangely familiar!" and "My friend here would know what I'm talking about" when he mentioned American companies. After class he went up to me and asked which state I'm from, which led to him making me feel at home because he actually knew all my sports teams and the "mistake on the lake" history of Cleveland."

LITTLE PLEASURES dinner that night, Jesse was lovely again. I was half asleep and asked for a paddle pop forgetting to say "chocolate" as well. So he smirked (the first rare part) and said, "there are actually 4" (the second rare part- joking). Once again I just felt elated.

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She was struggling to get people to participate, so for some reason my mouth just opened and words spilled out when she was asking if any one had an answer for the last problem, number 22. My mind just jumped on it for some reason and I took that leap, and I succeeded.

"The International finance professor has taken to actually getting desperate for answers during our tutorials since no one answers. And I'm still surprised that I volunteered to go up to the board and work out a problem for her, something I basically never had to do ever in my life, and yet I find myself doing it a lot here at Bond. I was laughing at myself, which was silly because there's serious Germans in there, and I don't like feeling stupid in front of such intelligent people, but I had friendly faces and so it made me feel better. Plus my professor even gave me a chocolate for doing it."

LITTLE PLEASURES Other than that, my morning got to a great start with a run-in with one of the cleaners while I was waiting for my classroom to be opened up. Such an Aussie bogan with her dress and hearty demeanor, but that also means she was kind and very talkative (CULTURE). So kind that she wished me a good day as I passed.

UNI CLASSWORK Nash gives us lollies all the time, which is such an Indian cultural thing to do I noticed (CULTURE). And so they may scare me because they are far more superior in their knowledge, but I've learned not to let Nash and May deter me. Like today when May took my executive summary and then fixed it a little, and yet her version was far from perfect as well.

UNI RESIDENTS Alex the kind and cute German is someone I love to kinda flirt with. During his presentation in IHRM he kept smiling and I kept smiling, and so he smiled when he saw me smiling. I just can't help it. Then there's Toby, who is gay, and so I can definitely play with that and not feel it's doing anything wrong. He turned around and we waved at each other. I just have fun joking around with certain people (Ash, Alex, Toby, and Mike).

On the way to my IFM tutorial I passed Alex who was on the mobile, and we both waved, which made me giddy for the above reasons. And in class it was just me joking with him, Toby, Mike, Arthur, Stephen, and Vishen. It makes me feel so loved.

"Jen-Jen!" Stephen always calls me.

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YING & DISCOVERED I had brekky with Ying and I must say, that I have to learn how to hide my displeasure somehow. I told her three times that they used to do this brekky deal back in 072 and she didn't listen until the third time, making me think her "uh-huhs" are when she doesn't understand what I said in English. Fair enough. It has to be tough. But I have to learn to hide how disappointed I was that I paid $13 for brekky when said said "it's good" and I found out it was the same old deal they used to offer at Lakeside Grille.

TRAVEL & CULTURE "I'm expecting us to travel," she told me a little too firm. Usually I'm the only being snotty about making sure me and a friend travels, and her she was doing it back to me and I laughed inside. All along she led me to believe she wanted to go to a big city, and turns out her displeasure, blank stares, and silence meant she disagreed. I knew that she was unhappy, but how am I to guess why? I wish I could say how she did it, but I can't explain it in words. She just has a way of being forceful without being forceful. She told me she wants to see the real Australian, but then she doesn't want to spend money, and finally she wants to see nature related things.

So I came up with Noosa and she finally agreed. We're going next week, which is thrilling, and also our first over night experience travelling. Let's see how this goes, because usually I'm not too well behaved. I love new things, but I freak if I don't know what to do and start getting angry-stressed about it.

A step for our friendship maybe?

LITTLE PLEASURES the accommodation lady who somehow knows me smiled and asked how I was and asked if I was graduating when I went to turn in my room form. I felt great knowing that someone who only sees me a few times a semester remembers my name and situation.

And then there was Mike. Neither of us were smiling at first, but then I joked how all chocolate cakes are the same, which started a "nuh-uh" back and forth game. He just smiled the flirty smile and said, "See ya!" loudly when I left.

But the best pleasure today was Ying, surprisingly. We talked on the phone about Noosa when we did the back and forth "bye, bye, bye" with such giggling that neither of us could stop. It was our own, "no, you hang up!" kind of game.

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UNI RESIDENTS Nash found me despite me trying to hide from him, because I find that things tend to work out that way. It's not that I don't like him, but just that unlike most mature aged students, I find it more difficult to talk to him. He's easy going, and yet I can't think of anything interesting to say like May can always do with him.

May was acting strange, friendly and yet weird, until she asked if I was going to the bathroom and I followed her. A girl thing I admit and it makes me feel all girly and loved like back in the day with Liz. Good old Liz days, yes. And here I have it again, and yet it took long enough to get here, that's for sure.

On the way back into class we ran into Toby who is always a fast talker and a crowd pleaser, so I tend to giggle and he actually commented on it this time. "You always laugh!"

Class was finally over. "Jen-Jen!" Ashinta said to me again, just like last week. Mike tagged with us and smiled at me as Ash talked and for some reason that made me feel good. It was like Mike wanted to be apart with us, as if we're all May semester buddies. And what is with Ash being so suave all of a sudden? Why butter me up with attention?

But after three hours of entrepreneurship, that means two hours of International Finance almost straight after. And when I got in there my closest friends (Art, Stephen, Mike) were missing and two of which came ten minutes into class. So even though I knew Toby and Zala and Vishen, I still felt kind of awkward in a way. Eventually when Arthur did get there, he moved really close to which I freaked and moved back. Lately he's been getting in my private area and a little too close, so I'm trying to not give him the wrong idea. Why are the wrong men attracted to me?

LITTLE PLEASURES Stephen eventually showed to and went, "Is that okay with Jen tomorrow?" regarding Q1, because here I thought they had forgotten about it.

At dinner I ran into Mike and I didn't want to be too clingy since I've been the last week, and instead waited for him to speak first. Which he did. We laughed about him missing the meeting because he missed class and how weird it is that Stephen trusts him. It just makes me feel loved to talk to the brasserie workers, especially Mike, since people do it all the time if they're special enough.