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Nothing. I hid in my room and stressed about my HRM final, trying to finish it. I never put things off...oh how things change at the end.

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UNI CLASSWORK I spent the morning and afternoon studying with the boys in our old IFM room. Notably, not much. It was just fun. I walked in and Arthur said, "I was wondering where bubbly Jen was." Aw. So we were studying, talking sense and non-sense, and just having fun. I've noticed lately that my stomach aches so bad if I don't eat...so much that I have to countdown to when lunch is. Maybe nerves? Anyway, when I went to get lunch I felt great as if I own this place and walked back up to eat my burger. But lately Arthur's getting weird again. He keeps trying to get me to sit close to him. He repeatedly pulled my chair towards his, and I finally had it. I joked it, but he knew I was serious. I got up and walked away, "See! Now you pushed me even further away!" He needs to learn anyway.

In the bathroom I ran into Aslihan, our professor, and we made really nice small talk. I enjoy her. And when I got back in, Stephen and Arthur and I exchanged contact information. Apparently Stephen's going to miss me. He still wants me to stay for this professional degree.

DINNER Mike was at the dessert section. "One or two?" he asked me....because he knows he owes me. Then I talked about studying, he talked about Neva, etc. "I'll keep in touch," he said. "Yeah, because you need to use me," I said back. You can't be too clingy, now can you?

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LIFE HERE, GROWN UP, CHANGE, BEST FRIEND

Friends (AUS)

• Gareth!
  
• Ash...
  
• Mike...
  
• Stephen...
  
• Arthur...
  
• May...
  

Friends (US)

• Kristen
  
• Betty...
  
• Christina...
  
• Jess...
  

AUS lifestyle:

• No car
  
• Expensive food and clothing
  
• I can't even go shopping alone
  
• I would have to live with someone else
  
• People are nice and yet obnoxious
  
• No family
• But I have Gareth
  
• Good reputation
• Clean air, but HOT air
• So isolated and boring...did everything just about
• Has plenty of jobs
• Good pay, but expensive living
• Not so powerful, but no killings (supposedly)

US lifestyle:

• I have a car
  
• Food is so cheap, as well as clothing (which is styles I like)
  
• I can go shopping alone
  
• I don't have to live with someone
  
• People are nice, obnoxious, but just like me
  
• I have my family
  
• But I have Betty (ugh) and Kristen 
  
• Bad reputation, and yet they fucking love us
• Cleanish air, but I don't even notice + colder weather (nice)
• Soooo much to do
• Still has good jobs
• Not as good pay, but fucking cheap living
• We're powerful -> Our power may be dying, but then others die too

Overall, I'm going to be happier in the US.  The only thing that will bother me is knowing that undeserving people will live in Australia (because I WANT TO LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY) and that most importantly...Gareth.  But, we have such a strong friendship that I can withstand only emails and seeing him every year.  We're so strong that he'll forever be my friend and we'll see each other for sure.

I've lost Betty and Jess, but really does it matter much?  If I have Kristen down the street, I'll be okay.  And with a job I can make new friends.  And if it doesn't work out, there's Gareth to go running to or another city.

UNI CLASSWORK  it was my last presentation ever.  Ever, ever, ever.  I was there early, followed by a few people I don't really talk to, then Nash who was a struggle (he just stares anymore and doesn't bother.  An asshole or has he always been this way?).  Finally, Ash came to the rescue and then Mike.  He was nicely dressed up and came straight to me.  "You're dressed up!"  "And he has shoes!" Ash added.  But then Mike left and I was left with my group and sort of Ash.

"Before class he came up to me and said he didn't mean to do that as far as giving me a 6.5 for "not putting in as much effort as the others" and that he's "really busy and must've mistake my true mark amongst all his papers."  I think he could tell on my face that I was thinking, "oh, bullshit, don't pull that" because he nudged me and said, "Don't take it personal."  Hmm."

Finally the presentation came and we were the last ones to go.  I wanted to be first, but it was okay.  Once I got up there it felt natural, but I felt so disconnected from everyone.  I need to get to the point where I can actually talk to them and know exactly what I'm saying word for word at the same time.  Also, passion.  I need to be more passionate without being annoying.

During the rest of the presentation Stephen walked past twice and May and I were laughing and waving.  Seeing Stephen actually made me feel better.

Afterwards he asked me a few questions, but they were so easy that I didn't mind at all.  Just clarifying.   May asked him, "Do you have any comments for our group?"  "I think the professor was really impressed because he said, "Great idea-- are you going to go through with it?"  (We all said no).  "Are you thinking of selling the business plan then?"  (We laughed- but I think he's serious)."

After the presentation I realized that I don't want to see most of these people ever again, and then ones I do want to see, I probably never will.  When I left I didn't say goodbye to Nash this time, because I'm tired of his pissy happy attitude.  He obviously doesn't care about me.

INVITES  "And then I talked to May and she invited me out to dinner with the rest of our group members since I'm going back home and ZeFeng's going back to China, but I sure don't want to go.  I have to go, but I surely don't want to.  Especially if Nash'll be there, since he's got this thing against me for some reason.  (Unless it's just his Indian-British background of just staring and not saying anything?)."

LITTLE PLEASURES  But I caught Mike on the way out, luckily because I thought he was long gone.  Maybe he was waiting up for someone or me, I don't know.  I asked him if he was going to the tute, and he said no (figures).  Then Armell walked past, the French chick, and she was oddly nice to me.  Mike hugged her goodbye and I was jealous, but also surprised at how touchy he is with people he doesn't even really know.

After Armell left, he was talking about how I could help him out and I told him, "What do I get?" HE HUGGED ME!  It felt so great.  How often do boys I like hug me?  Not often. What, just Geovanny, Gareth, and now Mike?  That's it.  And after he hugged me he said he'd give me something extra special.  He's such a lovable player.  And as he was leaving I called out, "See you in the brasserie!"  "I'll give you extra dessert!"  he called back.

UNI CLASSWORK  Beforehand I was with the boys chatting and trying to do some work.  And my last tutorial ever was fine- I brought my laptop and that was that.  I've never done it before, but it felt damn good just pissing around on the internet like every one else does.  Afterwards, our prof wanted a class photo.  Amei, Ying's friend, sat next to me and held me-- close!  And afterwards she got right in my face, just the way she is,to talk. Wow- talk about cultural differences.

LITTLE PLEASURES  That night at dinner Mike scanned my card and asked me about class.  Then he acted as if he was waiting so he could serve me, but then he had to serve the guy in front of me.  Dessert?  He ran over even though a woman already started serving me since no one was coming.  "Would you like anything else?" he said in a sneaky way, inferring to earlier in the day.  "Next time when there's chocolate I laughed."  I felt cool.

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BEST FRIEND  & EMAIL  First of all, my best friend, Gazzy.  So I was in the Multilearning Centre with Ashnita when he emailed me, so I was pretty surprised to turn on my iTouch and find his name pop up after randomly checking shortly after.  

• "Made octopus last night, a tagine. You might have actually liked it" includes me in his life
  
• The fact that he doesn't go, "Lucy, my dad's partner's daughter" makes me feel special, like I should know
  
• "So there should be a pile of ideas that’ll fly through your head" about his $3,000.  So he wants me to plan what we can do now that he has that money?
  
•  "Damn, I was keeping my fingers cross for PR- I’ve never been good at cheating the system either (just look at centrelink), it always seems so easy for everyone else though- I don’t know why. But at least your mum’ll be thrilled (‘horay!’). Exactly, I think I might gradually be getting the hang of saving up (at least temporarily), so America’s only a few steps away."  So that's his response?  I guess it's okay.
• "I reckon we should give French silk pie a go ourselves" to my response of telling him of how to make one after he mentioned what he incorrectly thinks one is
• "Or we could take the celebration to new levels and buy some pre-packed sandwiches from the supermarket, and make it a truly memorable experience! Please not McD’s! No!"  He is SO FUNNY when he wants to be.
• "A pact- Tokyo Aquarium before we die" Um, so we'll be traveling together for years to come?  Awesome, especially since I used to say this and now he is.
  
• "It’d be fun to see how you’d react to it all (they’d probably love you, but all of them together can be a little draining)."  They'd love me?  What am I, a girlfriend now?  Aw regardless!  
• Huh, like I’d pass the opportunity to have my own special chauffeur (and as if you could resist all those roundabouts, you know they’re so much fun!)."  Again, funny when he wants to be.
  
• "Hope you come up with some fun plans in the next couple of weeks, and I’ll see you then."  Again, with the planning, aw.
• "Oh and I did my first real marshmallow roasting last night with a real fire, not cheating."  He's sooo Americanized it's not even funny.  
  

UNI CLASSWORK  I had four meetings in one day, which is two more than normal for me.  I was tired, but yet if felt like I had something to do in life.

The first meeting was more casual- it was with Arthur and Stephen for our IFM assignment.  I met them in the library, and before Stephen came, it was just me and Arthur sitting like two old people watching others walk past while talking.  And how walks past?  Elaine.  We were laughing at how she was walking like as if she had a stick up her ass.

The second meeting was with Ashnita, which ran into my meeting with Arthur and Stephen.  With her it was quick, easy, and painless as she quickly showed me what she wrote for our paper, and I was surprised she did so much work (like four pages, but for her that's a lot).  We talked about how I really should go to Fiji since I can visit her, and then we talked about how Gaz and I should just get together already.  She's convinced we are in denial, but I know better to fall for him again like that. 

I went back to the library and found the boys in a group study room.  Stephen's such a knowitall that I call out nowadays.  I used to not, but now why shouldn't I?  He thinks he knows Cleveland and was arguing with me about my own fucking city, but when I called him out when a very detailed "no, you're wrong" answer, I just laughed at his face.

Break was lunch in which I went over to get a chocolate cake from Megan, who smiled knowing what I was going to ask for.  Then back over to the library before walking back over to my bungie with the boys to drop off their bags in my room.

JOB  Which lead to my third meeting.  It was with Kirsty, who is not as likeable as Amy, but very nice.  She just pauses long and I question if I'm supposed to speak or not.  My problem is the filler kind of talking, so I can't stand that.  I was proud how I wasn't nervous and we laughed and chatted, because I needed to work on that.  But I also need to work on getting to the point and not deviating as well.  She told me, just like Nash and Stephen, that "It's not what you can do, but what you want to do." So again I feel better.  I also like how professional she was: standing when I came in, standing when I went to leave, making it more informal, and knowing what she was doing over all.

And finally, my last meeting.  On the way to meeting May and company, I saw the boys in a room two doors down.  I was talking with them when Dino and May came in and I left jealously.  I found Nash alone and he's so weird nowadays.  I have to forcibly talk to him and I won't bother anymore.  Thankfully Dino and May soon followed-- she got her job!  But I must remember to, well, remember what's going on in their lives so I can ask later on.

Basically what do I remember about this meeting?  I didn't get credit for my work yet again. And David Robinson?:  "Not to complain in this email about someone you don't know, but...so it's no secret to anyone that I loathe my entrepreneurship professor, David.  I mean really, how can someone like him get $100,000+ per year to teach nothing to us at all?  And on top of that, not remember our names or give us our correct marks?  It only takes a girl to flirt with him for him to give her top marks, right?  So the other day he posted our grades on ilearn and after hearing that Nash in my group got a 7.5 for doing nothing, I was pissed at my 6.5/10 for doing every single thing for my group.  Normally I wouldn't care, but knowing that my professor gives high marks to only the people he likes since he's biased, I was pretty peeved off.  I emailed him with, "I was the first one who spoke, and I was the one who gave the longest critique with the most information.  I was chosen as the representative for my group.  I just spoke to the rest of my team members today during our meeting, and they all agreed that it seems subjective and doesn't add up when I was the one who spoke for the entire group."  The entire time I was going, "that damn wanker" over and over again while typing that.

Now I'll get to see if he acknowldeges the fact that either, a) he doesn't know my name and gave me a generic mark, or b) didn't give me a high mark since he forgets I exist since I don't flirt with him, or c), he doesn't pay attention to what happens in class and just gives us some random number when putting down marks.

I'll let you know what he gives me and what he says.  Normally I don't care, but there's just something about this womanizer that I can't stand, you know?  At least give me what I deserve even if I don't go "ooooh, Daaaviddd, you're sooooo smart!" like the other girls."

Lastly, dinner.  I saw Ying yet again.  I was glad I was smiling in a good mood and I instinctively went around without seeing her at first so that I wouldn't be too close to her.   Unlike her I was smiling from the good mood and I felt good as if a "fuck you."

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UNI CLASSWORK While waiting for class to start, the Canadian started talking to me again, even though I ignore his arrogant ass. Then class started, and thus the fun. I was nervous because we were told that we were going to be put on the spot and be called out with a lot of difficult questions. I wasn't happy, naturally, as I hate being put on the spot. That didn't happen since we didn't have time.

But instead, we had to give a group critique in the front of the class.


LIFE HERE
"Do you know what they call jumping jacks?"
"Yeah....star jumps."

"Don't you mean elevator?"
"No, I mean lift."

Why can't Arthur fucking assimilate like me? Why is he amazed that I have?

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DREAM First day back at work in Target and Dale is there, but he for some reason doesn't recognize me. I go to call dad who says that he'll go to lunch with me, but even though I know that's him on the phone he denies it. I get angry and smart talk back to him. I can't figure out why he doesn't recognize me or is doing that on purpose.

UNI CLASSWORK Stephen needs power and control. That's why he's so nosy, I get it now. I told Arthur, just him, that he had to watch out for the professional degree since you needed a job for PR as well. Stephen was such an asshole butting in. And now he's taking the information as if he found it out, and he's on a power trip telling others. According to him, an internship=a job. Yeah... So what did the asshole say? "Give up," but I stood my ground and told him, yeah, because why do I care about PR for tax evasion? Aussie Kirsty was staring and I stared right back at her. Can anyone mind their own business in this fucking country?

Just to back peddle a little so I don't get confused in the future, but basically Stephen has been fucking us over the entire semester with his astrological view of finance. Mike went off on his own and got us started to finish our own project without the astrology part, but I ended up doing it all on my own anyway. I not used to that much responsibility. Ever.

So when Stephen went to present, he pushed Arthur out of it (who would be telling the class how the three of us went off on our own and used non-astrology) and spun it so that my money was only made because "I'm good at trading in gold according to my chart." Fucking retard, sorry the immaturity. And what happened? Zala attacked with, "So full of crap." But then it started to sound more like she was attacking our group as a whole, which was bullshit. But I didn't get hurt too much. Toby turned around and said, "I love you" while drawing a heart, like a fun and nice smartass.

When Toby went up there I was laughing so hard that I was crying. How often does that happen to me? "Did you know we could trade gold?....We didn't" in such a deadpan, serious voice. "We saw it, but we thought it was an asian currency." "We traded...10 units at a time. I traded 5,000 units at one point, but Kirsty wanted to kill me. We lost $500."

In HRM Toby was talking to our professor about where he was when major world events occurred, and I was just thinking how Toby is so natural at thinking of what to say and taking the initiative to talk to others. Of course Ashnita wasn't there and Ying was being a baby by hiding in the back away from me, and I was a little lonely without Ash. During the break I shared a lift with a girl who was making happy small talk about how cold it was, and then I ran into a guy who ran into me and we went back and forth with "sorry!" in a joking way.

After HRM I had to meet up with Arthur and Stephen to work on our finance assignment, but instead they were at an MBA seminar to which I met them at for the free pizza. Stephen being a no-it-all said, "You should do it." "Why? Tell me, Stephen, why?" And he spun his bullshit. "Yeah? But why do I care? In the US MBAs are a dime a dozen and you're better with a specialzation." What beautiful words did I hear from him? "You're right." OF COURSE, YOU'RE NOT RIGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I KNOW SOME SHIT, TOO. Alex and company ignored me as they went around me to get their coats, so I purposely didn't move out of their way. But then Selva came up to apologize on the behalf of Zala that morning-- such integrity! And it made me feel so much better. I thanked him and we were just smiling.

Finally we got out of there and I was sitting with Stephen at a picnic bench while we waited for Arthur. Stephen bothers the fuck out of me, such a loudmouth who cheats the system, but he's helped me in the past and he can help me in the near future. He told me hat he wants what's best for me-- that having an Aussie passport will distill less hatred on me overseas (ughh...what about my accent though?) and will allow for cheaper taxes. I call bullshit. But while he's annoying, a know-it-all, and only instills bullshit in my head, he still acts like a protective father. He's like Mary Rose- you hate her, but love her.

Stephen told me over tea, after Art came, that he'll employ me in Malta and I'll get cheaper taxes one day. But what's really relevant about this is that while I was comfortable, he seemed lost without Arthur with us. Like he didn't know how to talk to me for some reason?

All three of us, plus Nokita (his son) went up to work on our assignment, and I'm already acting like Stephen's assistant with me doing all the organizing and fixing, and him thanking me.

After a long day of frustration...

EMAIL & BEST FRIEND it was perfect timing. As I literally walked into the door I saw my blue envelope (from May) and then I saw an email from Gaz being alerted to me. And this is after a semi-shitty day and hiccuping at 5:30, so it made my day. But what makes this special is the fact that he had already emailed me and I hadn't answered yet. So is he bored? Does he miss me? What? And he basically covered some of what he didn't in the last email:

• He's telling me more about his family
• He's reminding me even more of my dad ("finally found one of those old fashioned metal desk fans I’ve always wanted- even if the electrics need fixing. It weighs an absolute tone- it’s brilliant")
• "We’ll have to check the place out, I bet there’ll be an old compass hidden away in there somewhere…" Did he want that, or did I? I think I did. WOW, he remembers more than I do!
  
• "like a French silk pie"...again, him remembering the littlest of things
• "They made a pumpkin pie as well (grammar they call it), but I’m still not too fond of them (it always seems to be connected to sickness…urgh)." Poor Bear, all because I made him one in Bathurst.
• "I can pick up my next money envelope on Friday. I’m being good, I’ve only spent fifteen dollars so far (If I save up enough I might even be able to run away- How much does it cost to get to America at the moment? Just out of curiosity)."
  
• "Excited about coming down! Such a bad liar." Huh, about me saying I was excited to come down?
• It seems like he wrote this over a long time period.
• "And that was my exciting day." Does he want emails more frequently now?
• "I'll see you in a bit" again.
  

IM aw, May! My face was actually red and hot because she said some really kind things. And, what, I never IMed Liz this much? And here I am doing it, so far, twice a week? Three times a week? She's so talkative and loveable, like Liz, that it's easy and it makes up for the loss of Liz.

CALL Then to finish the day Ashnita called to invite me out for coffee at 10pm, but I think it's only because she had no one else to go with. I told her I was too busy (honest) and that was that. Regardless, it was a nice way to top things off.

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UNI RESIDENTS Stephan was joking about how we're not the cool kids, and Mike turned around and said, "Jen, I think you're cool." He's a funny friend. But the best part was the end of class. Mike was wrestling me, actually playing like a kid with me and hitting arms and pulling, and then I poked his nose so he fake gagged. And then I said, "Is anyone coming?" which surprised myself. I rarely ask for attention. Mike looked but I didn't look since I hate coming off as clingy, and Toby came with me since we had HRM next. I moved. He moved. I stopped. He stopped. It just happened and we were laughing so hard about it. Playful much, Jen?

UNI CLASSWORK (As written to Gaz). "I went out for "coffee" twice this week, which is the most I've done that since...um...January? I went with my only group member left (more on that later), the Fijian Ashnita, after one of our meetings. We were talking about a mutual friend of ours and somehow that lead to her asking me to go for coffee, because she likes to gossip. Anyway, so not only did she have to gossip about people we both know, but she was pretty blunt about what she thinks is wrong with my country, but it was fun to talk about that. She did give me a compliment (I pretty much remember word for word things people say for a long time...I think I'm an auditory learner): "I've always thought Americans were loud and arrogant until I met you and Arthur." Yay, I guess...?

The second time was a couple of days ago on campus, at this place I've passed several times in the past year and a half and yet never went to. We met up for "coffee" (I got a hot chocolate this time, but mocha the first time) before our meeting with the HR director of Bond. Ying (or Elaine as I usually call her) didn't come because...well... she decided that we were "stupid" and that she didn't want to work with us any more. Mind you, this is after Ash and I waited and waited to get started all because of her. Not that I hold a grudge really, it's just funny considering.

So we were in class discussing this and all three of us went to talk to our Professor to check our idea with him. Meanwhile, Ying waited until we left and then told him that she wants to do a hotel instead of Bond for our project. So we're confused. He's confused. And Ying won't explain to us what's going on. Basically she's indirectly doing what she always does, and so now she's doing a 25 page project on her own because she's being stubborn. Ash and I were like, "what the fuck?" about it all, but we actually don't mind either way. I just can't figure it out (what part of "group work" does she not get?) and even Ying's friend ran into me and asked what was going on (apparently she's frustrated with her, because she pretty much badmouthed her own friend to me).

When we met with the HR director, this assume laidback Aussie guy who was so deadpan funny, he said the same thing we said. "I hate teamwork." Now if a 50 something HR director can say that, then yeah, apparently it happens at every single level you're at.

All the bad uni work aside (really does it ever end with my luck?), it's starting to dawn on me that I'm leaving Bond, which means I'm leaving all the cultural crap behind. It's good and bad, because it's really opened my eyes to just about every culture under the sun since you can find just about someone from every country here. I'm going to miss hearing all the different accents at once, especially getting excited when I hear the rare Aussie one. But most of all, I will just miss this overall experience and the people I know at this uni (considering I won't see the majority of them when I leave). But I suppose that's just one of the downsides of being an international student.

CULTURE I spent most of the weekend studying for a quiz I haven't been given yet, and a 10% exam that was pretty good. I was studying with two of the three Americans I know here, and it just kind of gives me a homey feeling I guess. I'm starting to really understand why foreigners/migrants cling so much to people of the same nationality. As much as I love the Aussie life, I still need to have something familiar every once in a while like an accent or someone who gets what I'm referencing in American pop culture or stupid American humor when it comes to joking. (I think our teasing/joking is American universal, in the same way sarcasm seems pretty universal here. I've noticed that Americans don't question my teasing humor, but non-Americans definitely do)."

DISCOVERED how at ease he put us at, or at least me, since Ash didn't need it. He shook our hands, we introduced ourselves. Then he gave us his card. Next he was so laid back that he sat back in his chair and commented on his office with jokes instead of getting right into it. I like that so much. Ash was a natural. She was talking to him like a conversation as well as making small talk, instead of going question by question. I have to improve my small talk skills and asking questions instead of just going, "yes" in agreement. Also, Jen, shake hands goodbye!

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner with Mike, as always now. It's almost a constant theme. He took care of me and neither of us were being friendly enough, but I didn't let it get to me. Then he had to come back to help the sides section, and he served me again with a, "Hello again." He had to say that, well technically not, but I'm still pointing it out. I told him, "The vegetarian...I guess" without realising it, and he said, "I guess?" And then I said, "And chips...and a lot of them in case" and he knew exactly what I meant. "In case you don't like whatever this is?" And that's when he finally smiled.

Entry ?

DREAMS I had a dream about Mike and Ash in class. He was was standing or walking some some books to his side, and he smiled. Ash sat next to him. I was wondering how they knew my name? Then I walked down a hall and saw Meatball on the ground with Jess. I was lying with them, remarking how light brown and incredibly fuzzy he was.

(Why am I dreaming about Mike and Ash??).

UNI CLASSWORK Toby, Arthur, and I were studying so to speak. But Toby kept asking questions, and I can't study in groups as is, so I used my dying laptop as an excuse to get out of there. For a little bit at least. I'm just too exhausted to study. He's so easy with talking, but I can't even remember what seemingly random questions he asked. It was about my past at least.

CULTURE It was just fun watching him flirt with another gay. That's the first time I've seen that in person.

On the way way past my dorm a little bit later Toby was pretending to hide when we were passing each other in front of the Bra. "You're supposed to be studying," I joked. "I need energy, Jen!" I'm so much more outgoing this semester!

BEST FRIEND After leaving them I hooked my laptop back up and...found an email from Gaz. Perfect timing! I'm not sure how that works sometimes...

Nothing really much to mention this time. I think we've exhausted the excitement of me coming down to see him now. But there were a few things that stuck out at me. Like, how he mentions the food again and reconfirms it and confirms again that we will be going to his beer place. Or his reaction to me watching a movie I remembered he hated, and I had dragged him to: "You re-watched Elizabethtown! Ouch." (he's using italics!). Kind of reminds me of how little I really did know him then, when he couldn't even tell me straight out that he didn't like the movie afterwards. Not that I hold it against him! And then this:

"Oow, that sounds really good. Where's the hotel in NSW? It would be perfect if that worked out [...]." (I told him I was looking in both Queensland and NSW, but he specifically asked about NSW! He obviously wants me to stay. Now if it's for myself, him, or both of us I don't know.

He finished with his/our usual affirmations. Telling me that he'll let me know how something specific in his life is going, and wishing me luck/etc when it comes to my life. This time it was aimed at a job and PR for me, aw.

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner that night, Mike was there as always. I just said hi and went on with my order, but he asked about finance and if we had anything to do for it. I told him about the quiz and the look on his face was worried. Now I know he's using me, but don't we all use each other time and again? Anyway, he was stalling serving the guy behind me to talk and I said, "take care of this guy first and then I'll tell you," as the guy was smiling at me as Mike and I talked. Whoa, assertive much, Jen? It was all in good fun. Either Mike was stalling as usual for me and being a good friend, or he was worried for himself. I'll never know. Either way, he joked at the end, "Do you think I have time?" "Do you want me to help or not?" and he shrugged a "not me" kind of shrug with a smirk.

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK even though I woke up late, I was proud in that I finished my entrepreneur paper after almost two hours' work in the library. When I work in the library, on my own laptop, I actually get much more done. Unfortunately, for the rest of the day, I didn't study international finance like I planned. I just worried about my HRM project and what we were going to do about that (but hopefully we can come up with a compromise and Toby's group hasn't started either).

UNI RESIDENTS But I did run-into Arthur that night when I went to the library on purpose, knowing he'd be there. It's just a comfort thing of mine, to see someone each day (whoever it may be) so that I don't feel lonely. On our walk back to my bungie and his parting way to his sharehouse, we ran into Peter "the German" and we had a nice chat with him. Art is always good when we run into people we both know since he always stops to talk. I usually just pass and say hello.

But naturally, there's always Mike at dinner to look forward to. We smiled at each other. He jokingly grabbed my card with force and I joked back, "Be nice to me!" in an innocent girl kind of way. He then asked me happily, "How are you?" and I continued my little girl act with a smile and flirty tilt of the head. He then went into how his day was and we chatted until someone came up behind me in line. I get a kick out of him.

In fact, I was just thinking how much I'd like to get drunk and how it's been a year since I last did get drunk. I wonder if Gaz will do it with me? If not, I'll get buzzed on my own.

Entry ?

UNI RESIDENTS & CLASSWORK out of bed, got ready, and went upstairs to the fourth floor where I unsurprisingly found Arthur, but surprisingly found Vishen. We were laughing, joking, just having fun. Ying came around and said hi to Vishen, because if he weren't there she wouldn't have done anything other than walked past, but she did ask what room we were in. I stayed with the boys while she went in there, huffed that no one was going in (Ash still hadn't arrived), and stormed off. Meanwhile Ash came and joined us for a chat before we went in for out meeting.

The meeting itself was a lot of fun because Ash and I are just sarcastic with each other and she just gets it. In fact, being with Ying didn't do anything even though I don't care much at all (seeing as I'm fed up with her, not the other way around). She went on ignoring me like a big sook, and I just laughed with Ashnita, who agreed with me about Dave looking at our boobs while talking to us (that's when Ying wanted to talk to me- "shock").

Ying wanted to make sure I knew she was going somewhere, but neither Ash nor I asked her where she was going (in my head I was thinking, "let it slide Ash, let it slide"). And I so-called got back at her when Ash and I were talking about Fiji and I said, "I'll think about it, I want to, but I'll be in Newcastle for a month." "With your "friend?" Ash joked. We may not be close, but she still knows enough about my life for us to talk. And at the same time it probably pissed Ying to hear I was going to see Gaz for a month, and that Ash knew.

Ying left first thankfuly, which left me and Ash and Arthur and Vishen all saying see ya and smiling goodbye.

I went to grab lunch and Milke was there- after our four hour discussion yesterday we weren't awkward at all, and we were nice, but just not chatty that's all. And when Jesse went to serve me at dinner, he was nice to me (because he saw me with Mike yesterday?).

My second meeting was as fun as the first, but not as amusing. We were laughing and it was easy, and it was wonderful how May takes charge since I don't have to feel stupid as she is smarter. And thankfully May didn't mention Ying and Me as an issue, so I was happy about that.


I guess I wish I could put into words what I learned today:
*Ash made a professional cold call to a law firm, asking for the department first, introducing herself, and then our project. She made it so easy.
*May knows what to do and leads straightaway. She just gets projects, but it also helps since she has other assignments to go off of. She thinks about what she's typing instead of just going with her first instinct (like I do).

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK (IFM) Just a bunch of uni related stuff today, even though it usually is anyway. But firstly it was international finance with an early Toby and Arthur coming in just after I did. We were laughing and joking as always, because Toby just has that type of personality and Arthur loves to flirt with guys and feel cool.

Mike came in late and neither of us paid much attention even though he chose to sit directly in front of me, until the quiz came and he chatted with me. And then when he went to leave, he smiled at me with a "Oh, well..." look on his face.

(IHRM) I went to drop some stuff off in the classroom and went back to my IFM classroom to find Arthur and Stephan leaving just in time. We walked over to the library where Art and I had a chat with our IFM professor. I see how he does it: he makes a nice comment and that gets them talking. Unlike me who just says hello to professors.

Once in class Ying chose to be a baby and sat on the other side, while being ignored by Thora (which made me laugh). I didn't care really, but I wished Ashnita was there at least to keep me company. Why is she turning this into something that it's not? This is not a Franzi episode where I'm being immature! It's actually the other way around for once, ha.

But then we had a debate, something I have never been good at. (DISCOVERED) I discovered though that I need to take more initiate. That I need to plan even more. That I need to start thinking more quickly and clearly. And that a good leader explains well and checks on others to see if they're okay. Somehow, thankfully, I lucked out and got the easiest part. Thank you for the forces for doing that.

(YING) It was hilarious watching Ying thinking she was cool because she was with the Germans and yet having our two Chinese students breaking her down. ("She really pisses people off," even Stephan said!).

Afterwards, Art told me to come find him, but instead I ran into Stephan first. Not bad, but that lead to yet another half amusing and yet half frustrating talk at Bond Cafe since Stephan thinks he knows all. It's hard to get word in edgewise and Art has no mind of his own, but instead listens to everyone like everyone is right (except me. I'm never right to him). But why do I mention this? Just because it's odd for me to have two friends who are 45 and 32ish. And yet I'm no longer embarrassed because it's fun. They get me and help me. I feel like I can go to them when I'm upset.

But then I had a group meeting. Me, Nash, Dino, and May. We were practicing and it was odd that I clammed up in front of them. And yet even though Nash sucked, I didn't like him criticizing me even though know one criticized him. May was incredibly sweet though. I just felt like I should've done better even though I practiced so much, truly. Oh, well.

This is why I always feel inferior, and yet I'm told that I'm not (ADVICE).

BEST FRIEND

"Hmm, have to find the proper marshmallows (test all the ones available- I think the Mr.Mallow ones look about right). You’ll have this stupid godiva chocolate bar sitting here waiting to (if dad sneaks in and eats it, I’ll have to kill him, seeing I’m trying to protect it)."

Awwww! My bestie can always make me feel lovely when he wants to. First he mentions it again out of no where, and then he's extremely defensive of it to make sure I get it! It's so Gareth to go "stupid" since I think he does that when he's trying to hide his romantic side or try not to lose face.

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK I got back into doing my weekly readings, not realizing I've ever strayed, and now I feel much better. I feel so much more productive for once.

LIFE HERE I spoke to mom this morning and she saw no problem with the internship program, just as long as they do what they promise. I was shocked and in fact I was the one who was doubtful!

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK  Our entrepreneurship lecturer is just...creepy.  And I'm not just saying that because he refuses to remember my name (seriously, eight weeks and you still can't get it even though I repeatedly tell you??).  May and I walked into his room because May is lovely and thought to have him re-check our work since somehow she knew he was full of himself (he didn't even check it correctly the first time).  And what I've learned is that he likes to stare at our chests. He's not a real professor.  And he smells bad with his greasy hair, fake men's vogue clothing, and terrible cologne.  But more importantly, I learned from May how to say, "This is per our email" and how to small talk to someone you're being introduced to.  Little business etiquette techniques.

DISCOVERED  I need to treat May like she's special, since she does it for me, and ask her repeatedly how she is and put my life aside while I talk to her.  

UNI RESIDENTS & LIFE HERE  After the meeting I received a call from Arthur, freaking out thinking something bad happened since he rarely calls.  But when I finally found him, we sat talking for almost an hour before Stephan came to join us- as strange as it is for me, I feel comfortable with those two older guys.  But the reason Art called is that there's a new possibility for me to stay on if I can convince my mom to let me do it.  Bond has teamed up with immigration and is offering a free program for us to get the two year requirement.  And Art found this out by chatting up several people- so talking always helps!

ADVICE  Life is about getting people to do what you want, and then you can get anything.  Give them something first.  Make them happy first, and then they will return the gesture.  

HOLIDAYS  "Jenn!  Jennnn!  Say hi!  Happy 4th of July!"  Said Toby after I caught him pissing on a parked car.  I had no idea it was him after first, but I felt cool shouting, "Happy Independence Day!"

Entry ?

DREAMS I woke up at 8am and went back to sleep for a couple of hours, during which I had another sexual dream. I dreamt that some badass was having sex with me and he was so big that he filled me up and left me sore. But it felt so good. But then my mom woke up and I had to open the window for him to sneak out. I even told him which car, even though it was his, to take as a getaway. His was blocked in but I figued he could still do it. And yet when I went down to my garage I found him and some of his buddies taking my family's cars. Then I woke up...

BEST FRIEND & EMAIL

Well I’m reliable in my own funny way. Yep, 17th of August. Maybe you should stay for longer than two weeks, There’s always a place to stay with me, I’ll make sure of that so you don’t have to worry about that (even if it’s not exactly the most fun in the world around here). Hmm, yeah, from what I’ve gathered your mum’s threat doesn’t sound too solid. So there’s mum or dad’s, neither of which would be put out (or I don’t really care if they are)- mum’s is good if you want to drive around the same old vineyards or go to Newcastle etc (pretty much if you want to go somewhere occasionally seeing it’s closer to everything and she only need’s her car three days a week, plus I think she’d be glad for the company…I get the feeling it’s a bit lonely out there)- dad’s is good if you want to get away from everything and just slob out for a while, it’s further away from everything, and it takes longer to get anywhere, and the people here could drive you crazy (it would involve meeting new people as well- at least you know what to expect from my mum, these once could drive you crazy pretty quickly…I know I get a little bit of a murderous twitch a few times a day- which is pretty impressive seeing they’re not around most of the time). So that’s what’s available here, unless we can come up with some other plans as well.

I woke up to his email, which was such a nice surprise. He's so wonderful! He's going way beyond what I expected!

UNI CLASSWORK I ran into May and Nash in transit to the library, both of which were all smiles. Once we were inside the library study room (I guess I should describe that since I may not remember down the road: on the top of the fourth floor there are six study rooms groups can book), it was all fun naturally. They're hard workers who know a lot, especially at this end bit, because they think more critically and they have more prior knowledge. I can't keep up. But I think May knows I'm trying.

She gave us lollies and we were eating, laughing so hard at the end that my stomach hurt. May hasn't done that to me yet, but things just worked out that well somehow. She's like Liz so much, just Asian. And at the end she told me, "Jen, you're a diplomat! You'd be good in HR" because I placed a :) at the end of her strict email to Dino.

UNI RESIDENTS Mike was all happy like at dinner. He went next to Jesse, who served the person in front of me, and grabbed my hard. He asked how I was, and then moved over right away to get my food for me, while Jesse served the guy behind me. Happy much to serve me?? How cute! We weren't as talkative, but he was still nice and happy. The added bonus was going to get dessert and Jesse was nice again.

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK It's Wednesday and I had a meeting with Ying and Ashnita, following the fall out with Ying yesterday and naturally I was worried that Ying would push me out of our group. And so there was a saving grace with Arthur texted to say he was in the library and I went to join him to avoid waiting alone. It was even better when Ash called to ask about what room we were in and I knew for sure that Ying didn't sabotage me.


UNI RESIDENTS Thus when I found Arthur outside the room I felt better since when Ying went by I didn't have to deal with her at all. Best came when Ash arrived, stopped to chat, and we were laughing with Art as well.


UNI CLASSWORK & YING Ash and I walked into the room. I sat semi across from Ying and we ignored each other until...I actually talked of her and she then semi looked at me and acknowledged my suggestions like I was doing. First I was surprised by her maturity, but also mine! While we were leaving Ash was talking about rugby and I felt cool because I watch it to and love it as well.


INVITES We were laughing about that, and when Ash and I walked out, we stopped by Arthur. Ash found out I was going back home in August/September, she invited me to stop in Fiji since she'd be home and said I could visit her.


UNI RESIDENTS Art and I walked over to the STA like planned where we ran into Toby on the way out. I was surprised, but he stayed 30 minutes to talk to us about his woes in life and I felt good because I love being with Arthur and running into people for chats. I know them as well, but I rarely stop to talk like Art does. And then we ran into Dino who sat really close to me for a guy and for a Chinese person...


WELLBEING I now actually feel much better, just like when I got rid of Franzi, because it's like a bad part of my life is finally gone and I don't have to deal with it no longer. I no longer have to worry about her ugly Chinese stares, pauses during my happiness, and belittling of my life. Not to forget those forced conversations and annoying dinners.

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK Tuesday, which as always, is Entrepreneurship and IFM. I went in ignoring the Canadian yet again, because he's arrogant and thinks he can act American, until he spoke for some reason. He asked if I've been paying attention to the election and I told him yes but I've given up. Okay, a good start, until he started his whole "I'm Canadian" and "The US is not ready for a black president" and "All the news here is American news" shit. I then chose to ignore him and decided to talk to Nash who is more intellectually stimulating. Once May came, as well as Dino, we were at our group dynamics laughing and joking. In fact, Dino's never joked and laughed so much with me before.

Next was my tutorial where I chose to ignored Mike, who for some reason (yet again) felt compelled to say hello. I ignored the first one (after what Ying did I didn't want to seem clingy now) but he said it a second time louder. He asked why I looked grumpy and I made up some stress issue.

My tutorial was actually pretty interesting as we had a question regarding J.C. Penney in our textbook (which was written by an American) and our professor said, "everyone knows them." So one of the Aussies told her that no, because it's an American company, and it's rarely mentioned in movies as is. So (Stephen) the Australian that spent five years in the US over 30 years ago piped up and said, "it's a store which sells clothing, sporting goods, the whole lot." My two American friends next to me turned to me to make "what the hell?" faces and I said, "Nooo" which apparently my professor noticed. So she asked me, "You disagree?" "Yes, it's mainly clothing." "It was in the 70s," Stephen said. I had to tell him it wasn't anymore, and then he started talking about it again from what he knew back in the 70s. So the first Aussie who spoke up said, "Can I hear from someone who actually LIVES there?" to get Stephen to shut up and turned to me and my friends to ask what exactly they sell and for how much they sell it.

But then it didn't stop there.

We then went to a question regarding Walmart...so Stephen went as far to argue with one of the Americans (Toby) that Walmart is only a small town store, so Toby turned to me for backup. "No, Stephen, they're all over, even in NYC," I told him. "NYC? Then it has to be a small store if it's there." "No, Stephen. It's actually huge, and spans several floors." Either he likes to be a knowitall even about things he doesn't know squat about, or he secretly wishes he still lived in the US (which I doubt, as much as he hates my country despite all the things he misses from it).

LITTLE PLEASURES After class Mike waited until I was facing the other direction and bumped into me sideways like a little kid. Flirting? Joking? Friendship? I don't know but it's fun!

YING it's finally a goodbye to Ying. I actually foresaw her telling me my bra was showing (I decided to go for a low cut tank top to show off cleavage after talking to Stephen yesterday) and yet I didn't think I'd finally snap. I just snapped not because she told me my bra was showing, but because I'm just so sick of it all. All the little things over the past two semesters have finally gotten to me. And actually, she was taking it well, and I wasn't mean at all and I was pretty much understanding considering (no yelling, no shaking, no name calling). But yet again her English skills still didn't get it no matter how much I repeated the main points. I told her that obviously I care, but because I want to be happy in my last semester, I'm only ignoring her. Bottom line.

DISCOVERED so there's my third female friend down the drain. No more link to China, but oh well, does it really matter? But I've discovered that I have to tell people right away when they're bugging me. I have to let the little things go for good. I have to invite friends out more often. So it was a learning experience all up.

Entry ?

"So the reason I had such a long nap is that I had my first presentation of the semester this morning. I woke up at 8am for my International Finance class, only for her to cancel ten minutes prior to the start (but a group of us were unaware, and waiting for her for ten minutes). That gave me two hours to practice my presentation, but meanwhile I was talking to the older Aussie who had my crying (I rarely cry in front of people I don't feel so comfy seeing that side of me, so that was kind of weird). I had my hair down, which I do maybe half the time, and he asked why I don't do it all the time....which for some reason means to him that I think I'm ugly and that I don't want to attract attention from men? Which I denied, and then started crying out of frustration.

My actual presentation was fine, although I'm out of practice, and that was my day before crashing and going to sleep for five hours."

ADVICE That was written to Gaz, but to get into more detail: yes, Stephen made me cry. He said I need to start wearing my hair down and showing cleavage to get guys, that I'm not doing so subconsciously. And I did start crying because he wouldn't stop and for some reason it just got to me. Not to forget, this was all before my first presentation of the semester.

UNI CLASSWORK The presentation itself was fine like I told Gaz and I was laughing and joking at the beginning. But for some reason my nerves got to me a few minutes in, but regardless, overall, it was fine I think. I hope I wasn't too nervous and didn't look down too much.

Naturally afterwards I felt so free because it was finally over with.

Entry ?

It's Saturday and Stephen came to get me so we could study with Arthur. CULTURE And somehow while we were waiting for Arthur we started talking about the US and Australia, which made me feel good. I was well informed of both and had strong arguments, which means I've been still good with keeping up on my Aussie culture education.

UNI CLASSWORK I felt guilty that I didn't contact Mike yet, so I texted him to meet up and he showed up ten minutes later. He tried flirting but I wasn't having much of it, since I don't want to seem desperate after Tuesday's happenings. And when we all parted, it was just so "meh". We were happy and said our goodbyes, but nothing special. I felt weird because Mike rather study on his own than with me and Arthur. So there we were under the library dome talking rapidly and then departing as I was walking down the large steps back to the bungies.

Entry ?

DREAMS Last night I kept dreaming random things about Mike, and how I've finally got attached, which is not good considering I've leaving in two months. Part of me wants to chase after him and the rest of me is scared still. Why couldn't this happen earlier? But at least it happened!

UNI CLASSWORK Not much today in comparison to Tuesday except for a meeting for IFM, which Mike seemingly "forgot" about. Which meant that Stephen dropped into the Bungies to get me, and of course we couldn't find Arthur because he's slow and doesn't think to text people with where he is when he's supposed to be somewhere else. I had to endure Stephen for an hour with us trying to keep conversation going because when we're alone and there's nothing to talk about, we struggle. And when Art showed up, it's like someone poked us and we came to life.

Meanwhile Elaine walked by twice to which I ignored her and she ignored me, so it kind of made me feel empowering to not care. Because really, I do care in a way, but when it comes down to it, all I care about is having one less friend. Not her per se.

The great thing about Stephen is though, that he does teach us what we didn't learn in class and I actually listen and ask questions since it's just the three of us. It makes studying much easier and better for me.

CULTURE I took a break for lunch and ran down there only to be greeted by massive amounts of muslims girls. It was awkward only because I'm rarely around them and yet here they are in massive amounts this semester. Although it's great because that means I'm finally in contact with that culture. At the dessert counter there was Megan who said, "I prepared this earlier just for you" because she makes me laugh. Not bad for someone who I thought was a bitch last semester. A cultural lesson I learned long ago (that it takes a while for Aussie women to warm up to American girls) is still true.

ADVICE Stephen is always full of it. About how I should stand up from the start to prevent people walking over me (and then when I do stand up for myself they think I'm suddenly a bitch). And how "You're only worth what you think you're worth." And how I can do anything I want. And how I need confidence to just go in there and do it (if you act like you belong, they will believe it). JOB He told me that, yes, we learn on the job. Uni does not prepare you except for a foundation and discipline. And that I'm detailed oriented, so I need details before I start something or else I worry.

Talking with people these days, especially to Stephen, makes me realize that life experiences and reading the news does help so much when it comes to conversations. I feel smarter and I can talk about so much more now.

YING & LITTLE PLEASURES Finally at lunch I ran into Ying, unfortunately, and we were both surprisingly nice. She asked if I'd get take-away and of course I said yes, knowing she wanted me to invite her to eat with me, but I refused. Naturally she went off on her own despite me making small talk and stalked like a little kid when I stayed to talk to Mike about class. We talked for twenty minutes until he really had to go back to work (group work, exams, studying, Arthur's weirdness), during which he went out of his way to give me his number again (even though it's only for his personal use to have me call about when Stephen's "teaching" us again). Despite that, it still made me feel good for him to treat me so nicely. I'm not being used, as we're already friends, so it's okay. And turning out of instinct to see Ying staring as she ate her soup before she left was just pure gold. She's so jealous that it's easy to piss her off. Before I left he joked some more with me and then I was off to eat.

Entry ?

GREAT PLEASURES Wednesdays are usually slow or boring and today the Brasserie was slow as well. When I walked in there, absolutely no students were around, and of course I got nervous thinking I wasn't supposed to be in there. Like it was a fluke that the doors were open. And so naturally, as always, I started laughing and I asked, "Where is everyone?" to which Megan hugged and danced with me. She said something about keeping me company. I was laughing to hard to hear or remember. What makes this memorable is that Megan barely knows me really, and yet she's one of those people I envy who don't think twice and can make people feel loved somehow.

I went to get my dessert and of course Mike is there, just because he seems to always be in a place where I can talk to him. And so we were there for ten minutes talking, just stuff about class and how his manager "hates him" (why does he always tell me stuff from his life? A friend does that, I guess but I always saw as him only as someone to flirt with). He did something to fake peeve me, and so I joked that I hated him, and he said, "You love me!" again like he did in class yesterday as he went to serve a student. I wish I had more friends like him, or that I could know him beyond this place, but unfortunately in two months that will end.

UNI CLASSWORK my first meeting was with Ash and Ying, which was unpleasant in theory, but not so bad in practice. Ash was nice as always, seeing as she's a good aquaintance who gets just close enough, but never enough for me to dislike her. I can never stay friends with females for very long or else I start wanting to choke them because of their constant bullshit and difficulties. They always end up using me or getting too close and sufforcating me. With this in mind, Ash surprised me in a way. Like Mike and most like him, she just says and does what she pleases and people just go "okay" about it without arguging. So when she said, "I'm going to the U.S. and I'll visit you," it too me off guard since we're not that close. And if I were her, I would've danced around the issue or just asked instead of telling.

My second meeting was good in a bad way. This time I did all my work before hand so they don't think I'm doing nothing since I freeze up around them. That's fine and May liked it. However, that also meant they mooched off me and May still gave me the biggest part to do as "homework" for the next meeting. Naturally I was pissed off. Not at her since it's impossible to be mad at her, but that I had to do it after typing four pages of a four page requirement already by myself.


Mike's email for our IFM group made me laugh: