Entry HUNDRED-ONE

Just in time she told me, as she was placing the sushi out, which allowed me to ask, "Do you have vegetarian?" It was easier than I thought.

I got in line and the woman giving me my ticket, the one woman who really doesn't know me, knew I wanted take-away without me opening my mouth. Then the next woman knew of course as she went to get my food (she was one of the first to get to know me). Then the dessert lady? She called me "little one," yet again, and then told me, "you always get chocolate cake." The weird part is, how do they know me so well when I'm not one of the kids to talk to them? There are people who will chit-chat and make friends with them, while I'm rather shy (unless it's the short girl or redhead or James, since they're my age).

Bear emailed me early, at 9:30am, and it surprised me. Next day? So soon? Only about me and not him?

But then he surprised me a second time, emailing me less than two hours after I had replied.

Ying also called. I knew she would. I ignore her and she comes back. Anyway, I knew something else was up and sure enough she's worried about her boyfriend. And she may be stranded over break, so we'll see how that goes. I just don't want her in Newcastle considering she thinks Gareth and I are a couple. I don't even know how that started to be honest- I think she called him that and I never corrected her.

Entry HUNDRED

A milestone, one-hundred entries, but unfortunate I don't have any significant to write other than the fact that day was peaceful. It was nice. I felt good and relaxed in our communication tute since I looked at the answers ahead of time. But also how I ran into Arthur in the library and he gave me some tips on my upcoming subjects. Despite the fact that my final semester will seem to be hard, I have to do it and I know I can survive it.

The short blond and older redhead smiled real smiles at me today. It made me feel good.

Entry NINETY-NINE

By a stroke of fortune I tried emailing Gaz after not hearing from him (but the email wouldn't go through) and he texted me ten minutes later.

Text one: (half was lost, but the gist was that he was telling me he was in Greta, that he thinks the beanie I knitted for him is 'fantastic' and how bored he is); around 12pm

"Well don't worry to much, it'll be over before you know it. It's okay, apple's no really my thing. I'll just get some ginger beer, and fruit later."; 2:48pm

"Goodluck, why's that?"; 4:24pm

"Well, not for a little while by the look of it now...if doing things over your break is going to keep getting blocked."; 4:50pm

"Hey, you can pester me...just not so accusingly. Hm, I'll see if mum can get that computer tomorrow (sorry about the time delay, got frustrated and decided to recharge the phone)."; 7:18

"Not at all, it's not like I see you much anyway, just a week or two every once in a blue moon. I've only seen you a few times this year, and it's almost over." (about me being afraid he'll get sick of seeing me); 8:00pm

"Sandcastle definitely (I think I've forgotten how). I'm going to look for a place in a. cooks, b. derby st, c. hamilton, fingers crossed. Eh, I'm happy seeing you when the chance comes, there's no set quota. Apparently there's a Japanese restaurant in Newcastle, and getting a hamburger should be easy."; 8:57pm

"I think there are just those little shops you see in certain areas (not quite like Haymarket). Yeah me to, there should be plenty of good food there, don't worry about that."; 8:30

"Yep, it's just not that big really. You still have to get from one place to the other, that seems to be a reaccurring theme though."; 9pm

"Hmm, only a month and a bit. Hopefully my place in newcastle will be set out by then (or the first few baby steps anyway)."; 9:30pm

"It'll be find once it's organised, I'll do share again, it's the only thing I could ever afford, but it's better that way anyway. Whoa, almost fell asleep, think it's bedtime. So goodnight, hope you get some sleep at least, even if it's not enough. Remember, worry about stuff later. Whoa..."; 9:55pm


There were more, but they somehow kept getting deleted on their own. There was one about wanting to send me a photo of his tattoo, but how he'd rather show me in person, and that's what started with us figuring out he doesn't know I was coming to Newcastle. Good thing, because now I know he knows. Another missing important one is about how I can tay at his lace and if he doesn't have it by then, then his mum's place! I received at least 12, a couple an hour. We texted from 12pm until 10 pm. The conversation kept going, something we haven't done by text yet, and I loved it. Sent and received: 16 messages each! So I'm missing 5 from above...:(




Ying left class without me, starting a chain reaction of bitchy randoms, but I took it in stride. I just won't acknowledge her on Thursday. And no, Ying, I won't go to lunch with you. Ah, but wait. I have class with her next semester, so I need her. I'll just do it discretely.

Audrey was cute. My door opened as she closed the main door and we had a giggly chat about it.

Entry NINETY-EIGHT

I found this through stumble and I want to do this in Newcastle.

more: written down on newie and in mobile.

Entry NINETY-SEVEN

I woke up two hours later than desired, but it allowed me to run into Arthur who was eager to talk in the library. I have a rosy outlook now that Gaz and I are good. And it's always the little pleasures of running into campus friends. Just like I did with Ivette while waiting in line for dessert with Elaine. Elaine called to invite me to lunch and it was quiet pleasant, although conversation was a bit laxed. She didn't ask if everything was okay with Gareth, but we did talk about Brissy tomorrow.

some artistic creations with jacksonpollock.com

Entry NINETY-SIX

DEEP SADNESS My stomach's so upset that I feel like I'm going to puke...constantly. In line I heard a song sing "It's not over" over and over again and it made me feel better. I just don't get it. I hope the delay is the fact he's moving this weekend. If not, I guess I'll call Monday and ask, "So, what do you want to do?"

BEST FRIEND I laughed so hard that I snorted. Why, I'm not sure, considering it wasn't meant to be funny. Just that he had to re-iterate it again. Even after he said that thing about abruptly ending and then still going on.

Before I forget though, I went to sleep thinking it was past and he wouldn't email, but I woke up at 4pm (ten minutes after he sent it) to a surprise.

"Hey, if I though it would be opposing on my mother I wouldn't have suggested it (same goes for the idea of you coming down...um, haven't we sledge-hammered all of this into each other's skulls already?).

Eh, it's okay, when each email's only a few lines long, it can't really get annoying (plus when I can finally get some sort of access to the internet for any length of time, it's like and exciting little present when I find them seeing as your the only friend I appear to have right now, well the only one I've spoken to/emailed in a long while anyway). But then I guess I can understand, I get the feeling I'm annoying someone when I email two days in a row.

Oh, and buy the way- reason I didn't respond to the call- I got to the phone on it's last ring like always, and we yet again have no land line at the house...at least not until I leave anyway.

Basic- I want you to come to Newcastle at least for a little bit if you think you can manage it (or else I wouldn't have offered), the reason for not contacting you was because I could (whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you). I think your called a friend right?

And now I have to go, I could only get half an hour because everything else is booked out.

Bye Bye.

I know it's an abrupt ending, but I'm over my time limit

Gareth,

PS I do want you to come, and it wouldn't be putting my mum out."

UNI RESIDENTS Andrew says hi to me despite me not (first time I've seen him since last semester: "Hi, Jen" with a big smile) and yet bitch Gillian doesn't bother to say hi to me even though I smiled and said, "Hey" first.


ADVICE: Oprah- "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

Entry NINETY-FIVE

saw ivette
talked to arthur
helped joey who followed
i passed
he smiled as left
small gesture try to open for
we ate, she made laugh so hard, said love me and i make her laugh
she said he loves me and this won't ruin it
(he prob x knows i blew up and thnks normal so tom)

Entry NINETY-FOUR

i'm too sad right now to give this justice, but i got the blond grumpy girl to laugh when i told her about our height and we were dancing on our tip-toes to see each other over the high counter. she asked what my height was and we were laughing so hard about it down the line that i didn't care about the people around me.

i just wanted to fucking see gareth. why is he being so cold? am i no longer important? i keep crying and crying, much to my dismay, going back and forth. there's so much right now. my first 30 minute presentation. failing marketing (not for sure, but I know it). gareth being unloving now about me staying over. then to top it off i sent him two emails (one as a sorry for the first), tried calling which didn't work, so i sent a text. why if he hurts me do i comeback? and the only reason i'm crying is because i'm afraid he won't answer me, hence the text in the first place.

when i first read his email i laughed and cried at the same time for the first time in my life, that i can at least remember. i just couldn't stop laughing and the tears were pouring without much effort. it just hurts because i always assumed that it would be like last year where he asks me to stay over and we were good enough friends where it was no problem.

i think i just fucked up my best friendship ever over something stupid.



He never responded to my call/text, so I sent a third email apologizing about the other times with more of an explanation.

What may be working for me:
-he doesn't have many friends
-he loves me
-we've done this before, although not like this
-my $1,000

I've never cried so hard. Slept four, five hours. I don't know what to do. I can't live with or without him. And now I'm stuck here for four weeks, doing nothing.

Entry NINETY-THREE

Today's the day I finally admitted to myself that I'm depressed here. My sleep's worse than ever.

Lecturers like her make it worth it. I called myself brave and went to see Neva who was forthcoming in her office and very nice. She explained more than she had to and she said I can work with Arthur, even though he's not taking the subject for credit, if I don't have a partner (small class, most have already paired off).

Love how knowledge is interconnected. I knew about investment in Africa because of my global subject last semester. This stuff really does have a purpose.

LIFE HERE/DISCOVERED earlier in the day Stephanie, the short blond at the Brasserie who is usually nice to me, wasn't very nice again. Nor was she later that night. But I talked about how busy it was and it made her smile at the end. Don't judge- just be nice. Although Sudhir (asshole professor) says niceness is a sign of weakness. I'm undecided on that yet. Maybe in the business world and when you want to get something, yes.

Entry NINETY-TWO

Nothing spectacular today other than while I was coming out of marketing I decided to go see Neva about the paper so I could start it, but she was taking too long. Waiting there on the blue chair, waiting outside for the German guy to talk to her, and her speech was so slow. I decided to come back when I ran into a smiling Alex, the first time since last semester. He still remembers my name. About halfway home I decided to go back, but she was still talking, so I finally left for good when I ran into Ashnita. Smiling, in a rush, but still wanted to talk about regional.

No Gaz today, but I'm assuming in lieu of tomorrow since I sent a really long email. I know, excuses, excuses. And even though I was excited for it, I wasn't upset when I didn't receive it. It's a big step from earlier this year.

I was off schedule where instead of going to lunch at 12pm exactly, like I've done all semester and half of last, I went to Market Square to see that fountain. It felt good to be organized and yet deviate from it. It felt free. Unplanned. Change.

I had two odd dreams:
dream 1: I dreamt of walking through my grandparents house, the Ussai's. I haven't done that since I was eight, nine? I remembered the majority of the first floor, but not the second. I remember how scared I was of the stairs in the basement and that hidden bedroom as well.

dream 2: "three levels of building, raining, no marathon or bike, guys never spoke to from last semester, mean facebook winks, hide in third floor with roomes between floors and door must blimb out of, quiet third eatery and even fourth." Okay, I don't remember the first bit other than I was being scared off into this imagined building on campus that had four floors. I was hiding on the second floor, ran into a bathroom, and then went out the door but found I had to climb up since it was halfway between two floors. The ceiling was low. The third floor I found didn't have as busy as an eatery, and the fourth floor, which I never knew of, was quiet and like a nightclub with fancy dressed people eating at a bar.

Entry NINETY-ONE

I think Elaine called again. I slept in until 12:30 again.

3pm I went to my not-so-secret spot overlooking the lake to work on the WTO and who appears? Elaine. I kind of gave it to her when she heard I went to "Brisbane" (a lie, I know) and she acted as if I went without her. So I told her how we had planned it and I had talked about it, but she didn't say anything, so I went on my own. She's a Liz. After a small row, we agreed to go to Brisbane for the day next weekend, on Sunday. I'm excited actually.

Dinner with Elaine was eventful for once. She invited Toby over, who invited his friend Alex, and there we were this big group with Toby leading the discussion. I loved it, just like in high school. So Toby's American and so is Alex, so Elaine felt left out of course.

Meh.

Entry NINETY

UNI RESIDENTS I was up at 5am when the sky was turning from dark blue to spots of orange and birds were calling in 360 around my bungalow. I woke up at 12pm with Elaine standing outside my window screaming, "Jennifer! Jen! Jennifer!" instead of knocking.

Last week we found a park, so today I went there to study, but I only lasted a few minutes with the wind. I tried holding down the pages of my marketing book, but it didn't work very well, so instead I wandered around campus the long way before going back to my bungalow.

DISCOVERED This will sound rather odd, but I felt like I was in Bathurst. Back then when I got bored or no one was around, I would just wander around the city. I remember that's how I finally discovered that they had wineries and hidden grocery stores. I still haven't gotten too far, but I will eventually make it out to Robina (which looks like Varsity Lakes, but isn't).

AMERICAN HOME Still don't know what to do about Jessica, but as far as I know, I won't have much when I finally do get back. We've been keeping in close contact, but god love Jessica, she's pretty forgetful and not very reliable. Basically, she's done this several times in the past and it doesn't surprise me, but I just thought things were going so well. So maybe things will be different once I'm actually in the same country as her. (Just like Christina. She only wants to give me attention when I'm not actually there- err).

Also I deleted Liz off of MSN, even though we've purposely haven't spoken to each other since August, and it felt great. Why it took so long, I don't know, considering what's happened over the last two and a half years.

CULTURE I think I've figured out how to get the Aussie 'doll' and 'hun' back home. ""Honey", along with variations like "honey bun" and "honeypot" and the abbreviation "hon," has become a term of endearment in most of the English-speaking world. In some places it is used for loved ones; in others, such as the American South, it is used when addressing casual acquaintances or even strangers"

Entry EIGHTY-NINE

NEW/CULTURE "Surfers/the beach will have to wait until Sunday or Monday, as it started to rain here even though it was supposed to be only sun today (although, it *has* been raining all week, so makes sense). Ah, but wonderful news! Elaine and I were supposed to be meet for brekky at 8:30, and I got an angry (meh) call at 9:00am waking me up, and asking if I'm still coming. Gotta love Chinese culture in general, but dealing with it everyday is a bit different (I kept apologizing, and to "save face", she didn't say anything but I knew from my experience and textbook studies she was pissed-- even though I've *never* been late before).

So I went to breakfast by myself at 9:30am and got in line because they had congee. I gave her my white ticket (meaning, it's the main meal) and she gave me a sympathetic look when I asked for it (must've been wondering why I was requesting it). I told her that I promised you I'd try it, so she said to give her the yellow ticket (the dessert ticket) and gave me a bowl saying, "Well, it is popular". Why was she surprised? Anyway, I added some salt and pepper (eh, why not?) and it was better than I was expecting. Although, it was a bit too lumpy for me and I would've liked it to be thicker, but the actual taste wasn't bad. I tried it, but I don't know if I'll be going back for more, but it was good nonetheless. I ended up going back with the white ticket to get pancakes (drenched in syrup) and two sausages. They were busy dancing behind the counter to be too busy to serve me. Two guys were served before me because the girls knew and liked them, even though I was first, but I was too tired to be bothered."



He emailed me again today, something I wasn't suspecting.
That's my bear.


UNI RESIDENTS today I ran into all three dormies, two of them at once, and it finally felt like we're comfortable. We say hi and smile as if we all belong. As if we don't have to try too hard.

Entry EIGHTY-EIGHTY

I tried so hard to get to the congee this morning, but it only reminded me how much I need to get around once in a while. After I got ready and rushed to the Lakeside Grille, I saw it was empty in hopes I could take a picture of the congee, but instead I found that it was deserted because they've stopped offering breakfast this semester. No wonder the Brasserie offers breakfast so much- why couldn't I see that? Of course, it makes sense. And so that's why I should get out more and see what's been changed and updated sometimes. Why is it so difficult to get to now that I actually want to try it? I even tried the Brasserie and found that they were only offering porridge, baked beans, and spaghetti. Gaz believes me I know, but it's got to be funny how I can't get ahold of the stuff. This is my second time trying and I will try again tomorrow (friday) and, if not, Saturday or Sunday. I need that photo to prove I'm good to my word.

No German in marketing made me feel free as I smiled and felt no pressure to look as if I were keeping busy, as immature as that may sound, but that's always my reaction around someone I'm blatantly not talking to. Even though I did no wrong. Elaine surprised me with how talkative she was with me for once, but maybe because she was a bit more earlier than usual. Either way, she gets on my nerves, never asking about myself.

Joey and Dino (two Chinese) sat in the back as usual and I asked Joey to see their draft (which we already did ours weeks ago) and Dino was obviously talking about me and pointing in my direction. Joey smiled and when I handed back the paper I gave a "meh" and "rude" smirking look and didn't say anything. Joey must've realized and wanted to talk while they both smiled at me.

"So there's this other German guy (a forth of the class is German, after all) and he sits at the table next to mine, always bothering me with seemingly pointless questions. Anyway, today he asked me what I thought of the midterm, so I told him the truth (that I didn't like it, even though I prepared two weeks in advance). I don't know if this is a personal thing, or a German thing (because I found this with Franzi), but he told me I didn't like it because I didn't prepare. He told me I didn't study right and I didn't study the right stuff. I just kind of looked at him and went "uh-huh" and went back to working on my laptop. Cultural things, it's the little cultural idiosyncrasies that are just as annoying. He doesn't know me and yet he "knows" I studied wrong and that he's automatically smarter than me. Hmm."

Elaine must have been tired of eating alone because she asked me to lunch. I knew she wanted Lakeside so I obliged while she went around the fact with, "What do you want?" The place was busy, the salad made me bloated, and it was disgusting as usual. She knows I hate it, but I'm always the one giving in. No more. What made the situation even more unpleasant is that we were conversing fine, but as usual she didn't care about my life. Only hers. She wanted to talk about her boyfriend, but was emotionalless when I told her I was staying here with Gaz.

"And once again the academic highlight of my week was my favorite subject, regional studies. I felt good for once in that class because we were talking about Australian history, and guess who was the only one who knew her questions? Me for once, go figure (take that Europeans who think they know everything!)...I think hell just froze over and pigs are flying. Anyway, it's thanks to you teaching me so much over the years. I even giggled when she brought up Holt, because I instantly remembered you telling me that. Let's see, and strangely enough, I was the only one in the class to have gone to Melbourne and to The Rocks and know about Ned Kelly..."

Jillian kept looking back and me and commenting, as Americans and Canadians know each other, and it made me feel good to talk to her. I want to be her friend but she's sometimes hard to get to. She's cool and has her friends already.

On the way back from class I ran into that random cute, blond guy again who said around week two, "Hey, how ya goin'?" which I love. Then Matt saw me and was especially happy like old times, running the conversation in his fast talk and smile.

I started mom's beanie/hat yesterday and so far I've been working four hours on it (what is above). I love the pattern of it, the little bumps. That's why it's taking longer than Gaz's did, but it's going to be so pretty when it's finished. A little hiccup occurred when I didn't realize the pattern was big enough for doing it in the round, hence the double "ribbing", but I like the look actually.

Entry EIGHTY-SEVEN

Last night I was doing my laundry and saw a frog come out of nowhere, reminding me how beautiful nature is when no one is around.

UNI CLASSWORK I slept in but somehow woke up thirty minutes before my tute, which was much more pleasurable this week. Why? He eased the pain with allowing us to borrow past papers for our workshop and then I actually had enough personal experience to talk about the reading today. It was friendly and I left smiling.

GESTURES I was going to let the lift shut but I heard the running heels and stopped it in time. She thanked me and was a very kind aussie, so it made me feel really good.

UNI RESIDENTS Ivette was in front of me in line for lunch and was nicer than she has been lately, said how it's week 9, and asked if I'm leaving over break. I enjoy run-ins with dormies now, unlike last semester.

Entry EIGHT-SIX

IM/Text/Email/Post/Call Bear called like he said he would, made my day, made me feel better. Less stress. Towards the end while I was sneakingly skirting around the fact that I wanted him to straight out invite me, he said that he'll be in Newcastle in a few days, once I said I'll let him know when about we could meet.

We both said, "How are you?" at the same time, we laughed, and he said, "I asked first." It was cute, flirty, fun. He talked a lot, almost non-stop throughout, until we both grew tired at the end. Not much about the actual reason he called, making me feel special, since he only wanted to talk.

He told me to cook a turkey for Christmas. "I'll need to borrow your oven," I told him and he agreed. Made me feel like he wants me around for Christmas.

He kept talking to the nine people in the house, but I wasn't jealous, just a bit annoyed. He seemed so happy to talk to them, he's changed. But it was so much fun every time the drunk girl came on to tell me Gaz loved me, that he's moving to Queensland, and that he always talks about me. I laughed, wishing it were true.

I skirted around again to see how long I could stay in Newcastle by telling him I don't know how long to stay in each since I've never been. He told me four days for Byron Bay and only one day for Port Macquarie.

"I have to get you a chickaroll [not sure the word] sometime," he said making me feel he's being more personable with me again. "And an Aussie pie." And then he told me I should get champagne and sushi for the beach on Christmas day. ("I can't have it still." "It's okay, I don't liek it." Did he want it with me?). "We can make it sushi and appletinis," he corrected. Aw!

An hour and 32 minutes.

Yesterday when he said, "I'll ring you tomorrow" and "see ya tomorrow" made me smile in anticipation for today!

Entry EIGHTY-FIVE

No, not turning this into a fashion blog, but I'm
starting to respect nice, chic looks. I want to look
like this one day.

1:05am; I decided it was smarter to come home and reek the benefits then it is to stay here and be bored. And, since I only have one mid-term, I can see Gazzy that entire week before! Plus, how can we have four weeks when he can't travel? And I can see him anytime now that he's even closer. So far Jessica P. is the only one I told. Awaiting her response! {edit: she was on facebook but ignored it. Hmph, typical of her}.

BEST FRIEND I woke up a few hours later feeling depressed over the midterm and then felt saddened over Gaz. Will he email? I hope so even though I keep telling myself that I don't care. And if he doesn't I'm calling him, although I'm not sure yet if I do it nicely or snarkingly.

{edit: So he did email me, although it wasn't very loving. Whatever. I give up, but I need him so I'll ignore it}

3:51pm; I tried calling Gaz who wasn't there, so I sent a text with the information instead.

5:09pm; We were on the phone for one hour. Nice ;) I felt much better afterwards, but then I felt guilty as if he went from 'going home is good' to 'you should stay here' because he felt like he had to. I really, truly didn't want him to offer for me to see him, but he did. He told me traveling the coast would be a good idea, but his motive? Either way, he said I could. And he really was trying to help me decide. And he offered...no, said...he would call tomorrow after I said I will think about the entire thing. Why'd he offer? Wow.

UNI CLASSWORK Well the exam was terrible from what I can tell, so now I have to work even harder and hope we passed the presentation and then hope he gives me at least half of participation points for showing up to his shitty class. What a terrible feeling. I haven't felt this yet at this school.

UNI RESIDENTS Elaine made me laugh, which made me feel better. Doing bad on the midterm (which I had to of) isn't so bad if I have the other points. (Hopefully Elaine will ask about our presentation on Thursday).

"I miss China." Finally she gets what I mean about Aussie not being that great, when all she did was criticize me. She told me, finally confessed, how it's not so great here and how she doesn't get why people emigrate here. Yes! That's what I mean!



On the way back to the dorm from shopping in Robina Town Centre (yep, that's right, I went there after successfully not going for months and months) I ran into Jillian. When I asked her how she was, she finally responded the way I wanted...about her life. She told me how all her work is becoming due, etc. It made me feel good, semi-important.

Entry EIGHTY-FOUR

BEST FRIEND I woke up late because I refused to get up, not realizing until after I was up that it was probably the fact I feel sad. Why am I suddenly depressed over him? He's done this before. Last time he updated his facebook and (told me he would write back soon?) I called to call it all of and he got sad and defensive and obviously it never broke. So it's all on Monday. If no response, then I call. If not the response I want, I call. If a response, I consider it because obviously my heart hurts without him.

Really wanted to do well on this test and I started over a week ago, but here I am forgetting stuff. So let's hope I at least pass. I want to pass this class so I never have this asshole again. What went wrong? Why am I forgetting most of it? I started so long ago, too!

CALL; Elaine called and wanted to know if I'd like to go for a walk. It was so easy going and again she had something on her mind: the Canadian usually emails every day and today he hasn't. Sound familiar to my situation? And so I tried my best to help her.

DISCOVERED It was so nice walking off the beaten path. We walked through a part of Varsity Lakes I haven't seen....all these businesses around like a mini-corporate area in the middle of nowhere. She even showed me a bakery I've never seen! It pays to look.


It happened a couple of hours ago but it's still in my head. Coincidentally Elaine was having the same problem as me, and then I overheard Jillian (who was speaking loudly) going through semi-emotional call as well, sort of like I was anticipating on doing with Gareth. She had the patience to ask her ex how he was first, and then asked if he wanted to resume their relationship, even long distance. He surprised me and asked if she wanted kids, and that he wanted two boys. Then she went into the details of their sex life (anal sex, etc). It was like a real-life soap opera.

Entry EIGHTY-THREE

No Gaz Email for some reason. But I'm not worried, I'm just curious.

Later I found, through his lovely facebook, that he was on at 1pm messing with his profile. Emailed me? Nope. So you know what? He better send one amazing fucking email, or that's it. And I mean it, because why would he do that after he promised?

Edit II: It isn't bothering me as much as it would in the past. It's just, why though? Why didn't he finish emailing me? And is that why he was answering friends funwall questions, since I told him to try harder? In the past I would assume the best, but not anymore. No more excuses for him. Or has he given up on me since he figures I'm leaving anyway?

And then I wanted cried the more I thought about it, because this means I'm losing my only real friend. Oh well, life sucks.

Edit III: I gave in a few hours later and emailed him a short and friendly email, but then again added, "Way to email me like you said you would. I think you're ignoring me, Mr. Gareth." Sam emailed him about him not calling her for Christmas, so I'm not worried. And if he cares, he won't be bothered by it. And if he is, then well, he's a wanker. (Does this count as chasing him? Because I don't want to chase anymore. Then again I didn't email him back, but he said he would finish it and meanwhile was on facebook...I don't know).

Edit IV: Now I'm angry and don't want to talk to him. Why do I do that? What makes us go from sad to fine to mad?

Edit V: I think it's just the fear that he's for some reason only read half the email and he's mad. Not the fact he's skipped over emailing me back. Rationally, I've done it and he's done it and we've all done it, but we don't mean it.

UNI RESIDENTS Elaine and I had brekky as planned and she did it again...pushed me to eat other things and this time I was firm. "No. I got this because this is what I want to eat. I have a small stomach and I don't want to overeat." "They should charge you half price," she replied. I don't know if she means it in a kind way, but she keeps doing it. And I eat, so what is her problem? There was Liz who was like a mother and did it in a nicer way, and there's Elaine who pesters me when there's no problem to begin with.

Entry EIGHTY-TWO

UNI RESIDENTS Elaine called an hour before we were meet. "Can you send me that email? They didn't send it to me and I need to talk to them." Hmm, blame it on them? I told her repeatedly that there was a deadline and that she should talk to them, but she didn't listen to me. I realize she might not have understood, but how can accommodation "forget" to send her the email...when they sent me four? And so I wonder what will happen. They can't do anything now for her. And she is the one who was so highstrung about moving off campus.

What perplexes me is how un-Chinese-like this is. Chinese aren't supposed to pick fights like that, be so forward.

Regardless, the lunch was much better than I thought and it was followed by an enjoyable walk with Elaine. But first, the actual dinner was very nice and fun towards the end as the Canadian knew exactly what I was feeling and it's so nice to talk to an Westerner for once.

He:

• Agreed with me on the "poppy syndrome"
• Told Elaine that, yes, I am right and that Aussies hate Americans on this campus
• Told me I should pretend I'm Canadian because of the above (cute!)
• Knew exactly what I meant by "I don't hang out with the other Americans" without me spelling it out
• Caught my "pop" and told Elaine about my Os sounding like As
• Told me he could tell I'm from Ohio by my accent
• He thought Iwas friendly, not as he expected from other Americans (aw!)

Elaine told me the last point while she called me in my room and asked for me to go on a walk with her. She stood there and told me to give her a hug (our first) and then she called me her best friend here. Yep, like Liz in a way. It's nice. But no Liz. Liz was fun and didn't have that cultural barrier. Elaine holds back too much.


Email; Gaz emailed me to my surprise. I thought for sure he wouldn't after I told him bluntly about how he seems to not care about me and how he has to try harder with others. So it made my morning to wake up and find his name in my inbox. It me even happier to see what he wrote at the end.

[Snippets] I kind of do feel a bit better, although it does feel like I'm admitting defeat a little bit, giving up [...].

Whole entire huh...wow that's even better than just the whole house [...].

Coincidence, meteorology was an idea I had floating through my head once upon a time.

Okay, so that's brief but they've only given me 1/4hr on the computer, everything else is booked out, so I should get around to finishing the rest of the email really soon.

Bye bye, be well.

I'll be back soon.