During my tutorial I started crying after thinking of Gaz's email. Why so cold? Why mention how he should be in contact more and yet he doesn't? But meanwhile Arthur came by to visit, just an excuse of returning my calcultor, since he gets bored and wants to be social. It was actually a nice distraction from my midterm and didn't want him to leave, actually. Regardless, after he did, I emailed Gaz at 2pm:
I will write a proper email later (I'm rushing to study this international trade stuff for tonight), but out of curiousity, why haven't you come seen me? You mentioned not calling more (but you don't call at all...) and not messaging more, then you mentioned that all of that is not being enough compared to seeing me. I guess I've been telling myself that $98AU return is a lot of money for you, but I've been here for ten months in which you could've saved during.
Not a major issue, but I am only here for six months and I don't know if I'll ever be back considering your government makes immigration tough for non-Brits.
And I did try calling, by the way, if your phone says so.
But now I'm off to study and deal with this defer issue (she said no AGAIN, so another tactic must be used).
Jen
Three and a half hours later he replied:
I could write a page of how hard it is to get around. But your right, when you think about it I could have easily saved up enough money here and there by now. But I haven't, and I could blame that on a bunch of other things (So being what?), but that's not going to get me anywhere or change anything. I haven't called my Dad for a while, and I'm sure I've got a break in the not to distant future so there's an option (he thought of an option). I wouldn't hold my breathe getting a job (at the moment I've got a feeling that'd mean going to Sydney and not Newcastle, which'd also mean dropping out of yet another course. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't get to the end though, the way things feel. But I'd feel like dying if a stuffed up again). To be honest right now I'm worried about failing with the whole thailand thing (he mentioned it!), if I find a job and the course get in the way (but poor excuse), then it's good-bye TAFE! (talking to the psychologist today, he seems to think I'm not eligable for study allowance, and I can't get jobsearch allowance because I'm studying...so works the only option). I do want to get to America one day (For me or to travel?), but if I'm realistic, I'll be an older man before I can afford just to get there, I think I've hit the point where travelling has become a retirement dream (unless I go for broke right now, and die young! Which is a plan). By the looks of it I'm not actually going to be able to afford to get to Sydney anyway. I'm not going to read over the email to check for mistakes or bad wording because I'll just be tempted to delete it all or reword it to avoid things (?). Bye the way, while it's popped into my head, my phones been broken for months, I haven't been able to do anything about it, which makes me wonder how many important unread messages or missed calls I have on that thing. But the gist is, if you feel like it's the best thing for you to call it quits and move on, that I'm not worth the energy put in for what you get in return then I'll I can accept that (He thinks I want to?). As you know, I'm pretty solitary by nature (although it'd make it pretty damn solitary- although...not much more when I think about it) so it'd be kind of per-usual (sorry to get all shitty just at the end to!) (So does he want me to or does he think I want to leave?).
Good luck with the study (urgh pain),
Gareth.
PS keep bugging them with the going home issue...the whole world can't be arseholes (So he said the last two which were nice as well).
So, good or bad? I sent him a VERY nice email asking him if we could just talk on the phone. I'll wait to see his response. And so I'm sad but at the same time I don't care. I mean I will down the road when I have no one to talk to, but when I'm back in America, he'll be exactly like a penpal really.
Meanwhile, before I sent the reply and after I got his, Ashnita nicely distracted me by coming over while we were waiting for the exam. She might be popular, but she still sticks with me. After she came the South African whose name I don't know came and we were making nice chit chat. He had guts to join after Ash and I were together. But really, then the German (cute, nice one) came and he had even more guts. We all kept it going but it was still like we were testing the waters with the two guys joining us and not sure what to say. Good thing is, we're all in International Financial Management together next semester.
Best part was that night when I went to dinner out of the blue, after deciding earlier that I wouldn't bother, and Mike coming right up to me and asking about the exam with that gorgeous smile of his. He stuck around and talked and then off, placing this massive smile on my face.
Meanwhile, before I sent the reply and after I got his, Ashnita nicely distracted me by coming over while we were waiting for the exam. She might be popular, but she still sticks with me. After she came the South African whose name I don't know came and we were making nice chit chat. He had guts to join after Ash and I were together. But really, then the German (cute, nice one) came and he had even more guts. We all kept it going but it was still like we were testing the waters with the two guys joining us and not sure what to say. Good thing is, we're all in International Financial Management together next semester.
Best part was that night when I went to dinner out of the blue, after deciding earlier that I wouldn't bother, and Mike coming right up to me and asking about the exam with that gorgeous smile of his. He stuck around and talked and then off, placing this massive smile on my face.
