Entry TWO

I'm so tired and yet I can't sleep. I toss and turn. Maybe it's my back pain. Maybe it's because I'm worried I may not wake in time tomorrow for the cleaners.

MORNING I tried staying up all night, not that I wanted to, but I knew that if I didn't then I would be sleeping when the cleaners came. A weird dream woke me up. It was someone receiving a blowjob and I'm not sure who was involved. It was odd enough to arouse me and realize it was past nine am. Twenty minutes is all it takes to get ready if I don't take a shower. That's long because I scuffled around the room looking for things I might have missed to hide from the cleaners. I can't trust them. They steal. They destroy. They barely clean.

AFTERNOON I should be outside enjoying the sun, but instead I am stuck in the library for a "group meeting" of sorts. I should be taking the walk I missed this morning by sleeping in so I can feed the ducks my old bread.

The meeting wasn't so bad. Andrew showed, sat by me again, and he asked if I was Canadian, which started the whole American thing. He was kind about it, and I hope I was as well, but I tried to assert I wasn't the "typical American". We played with Google Earth and I showed everyone the uni and where I live. It was fun...and well I love attention. I miss that about working at Target, where I always had lots of attention, from lots of people. In the end Joey and Andrew high-tailed it out there, barely without any notice, and I just shrugged it off. I used to be one of them, but for some reason I was determined to do my part for this project. Maybe it's how Stephen screwed me over in Global Business by telling me I would do half, and then doing the whole thing when it came time for it. I was red, hot, and speechless. Yet I didn't feel it until I got home an hour later and I declared to myself that I wanted to go home. Now look how strong I am! Look what you can do if you put your mind to it, the strength you can have.

EARLY EVENING There was another part to our meeting. Before I could realize what was happening, Stephen was walking toward Market Square and I was following unknowingly. I was worried, but not scared, about what to do considering I had no money and he acted too quick for me to figure out what was going to happen. He told me it was okay and paid for our meal and he could care less. Surprisingly it was easy to talk to him before we sat down to work on the highlighting for our project. We talked. On and on. His bragging slowed down. For the first time ever, he was asking questions instead of dominating the the conversation. He kind of scared me by saying that you need to be sponsored for PR, but that citizenship takes 48 hours since Australia is desperate for citizens! Then I worked on him, like Andrew, but I was more careful. I told him that I do assimilate, that I love what I do, and that I love to learn along with the travel. He told me that we (he and I) are needed by companies since we do well with change. I think he changed his mind about me, that I truly want to be here.

BOYS Are Gareth and I okay? Why is it taking him three days? I jumped on his back and shoved a knife in there, and yet he told me he loved me, and so I'm sure that if I can survive that, I can survive anything. Maybe he's just busy and those days straight of hearing from him was his down time with nothing going on. I happened to catch 11:11am that made me smile with relief, so maybe that's a sign that all is well.


READING: The Old Man and the Sea
DAYS TO CANBERRA: Twenty-three