Friday, 30 May 2008

Entry ?

YING & DISCOVERED I had brekky with Ying and I must say, that I have to learn how to hide my displeasure somehow. I told her three times that they used to do this brekky deal back in 072 and she didn't listen until the third time, making me think her "uh-huhs" are when she doesn't understand what I said in English. Fair enough. It has to be tough. But I have to learn to hide how disappointed I was that I paid $13 for brekky when said said "it's good" and I found out it was the same old deal they used to offer at Lakeside Grille.

TRAVEL & CULTURE "I'm expecting us to travel," she told me a little too firm. Usually I'm the only being snotty about making sure me and a friend travels, and her she was doing it back to me and I laughed inside. All along she led me to believe she wanted to go to a big city, and turns out her displeasure, blank stares, and silence meant she disagreed. I knew that she was unhappy, but how am I to guess why? I wish I could say how she did it, but I can't explain it in words. She just has a way of being forceful without being forceful. She told me she wants to see the real Australian, but then she doesn't want to spend money, and finally she wants to see nature related things.

So I came up with Noosa and she finally agreed. We're going next week, which is thrilling, and also our first over night experience travelling. Let's see how this goes, because usually I'm not too well behaved. I love new things, but I freak if I don't know what to do and start getting angry-stressed about it.

A step for our friendship maybe?

LITTLE PLEASURES the accommodation lady who somehow knows me smiled and asked how I was and asked if I was graduating when I went to turn in my room form. I felt great knowing that someone who only sees me a few times a semester remembers my name and situation.

And then there was Mike. Neither of us were smiling at first, but then I joked how all chocolate cakes are the same, which started a "nuh-uh" back and forth game. He just smiled the flirty smile and said, "See ya!" loudly when I left.

But the best pleasure today was Ying, surprisingly. We talked on the phone about Noosa when we did the back and forth "bye, bye, bye" with such giggling that neither of us could stop. It was our own, "no, you hang up!" kind of game.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

Entry ?

My tummy and insides are gassy and the usual goes on. Every year around the same time my insides decide to fill with gas and make my life more difficult and embarrassing. I don't get how I can have months and months of good times and then bad times.

LIFE HERE Lunch I had Megan, who I used to think was "mean" in the past but has been slowly proving me wrong these past two semesters. She said, "Hello, Darling" and went right into, "How cold is it?" and I wish I could talk longer to her and I hope she doesn't mind. I want to remain on her good side. And how silly is it that I think about these things? But it's about networking, right? Here I am networking all over Australia, and not back in my own home.

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Entry ?

CULTURE "There you go, darling" she said as she handed me over my black, plastic food tray in the Brasserie. She just finished dropping a few chips in the spaghetti sauce, so I giggled, and we joked about how I was giggling at her, which made another guy laugh.

Aussie women aren't so bad if you learn how to deal with them.

UNI RESIDENTS Arthur came by to say that we better not go to Q1 due to the darkness, cloudiness, coldness, and potential ran. I agreed, however, I wasn't too happy with how he insists on visiting instead of just calling. It's creeping me out again, yet again, with how he's always around me and my room. I know he doesn't mean anything bad, but having a 32 virgin is creepy. He stares at everything and came sniffing my tea this time as I backed into my room in horror.

YING we had dinner again, but this time was awkward. I should of learn by now that she's quiet and feisty when some thing's bothering her. This time I didn't get upset when she thought I was deviating when I really wasn't and I have to learn to stay on topic-on-topic and just not deviate when someone is bothered (I didn't realize she was so upset at Ashnita for not working. I need to learn how to identify that). And I don't get hurt at the Asian silence any more either!

Otherwise dinner was a time of politeness; Darryl laughing at my mistake of saying "take-away", a muslim girl hearing my quiet "excuse me," and the weird server knowing I said "thank you" even though I mouthed it.

GREAT PLEASURES/EMAIL I finally read his email and I was surprised at it's length (I think that's the longest he's ever written me) and how sweet it was (see highlighted). Both have been a long time coming.

And it's only been three days, yay! I don't feel as bad about that (handy thing is, I've got some things I can actually write about too).

Yeah I think that's right really. Armidale's not bad, I could live there happily, if I had a reason cold up there though. (I've got a bit of a short temper around these guys though, which is only natural I suppose).

Cooking pancakes right now for some reason (not exactly sure why, I'm not going to eat them...but I just have the urge to cook stomach's got a life of it's own at the moment, so I'm not really in an eating mood...not that that'll stop me I suppose, but I know I'll feel bad if I do). So I'm trying to work out what I can do with a combination of pancakes and steak for'll take some imagination.

I've finally managed to get the recruitment agency appointment out of the way, after weeks of trying. I managed to get out there yesterday (had to leave at six in the morning just to spend about half an hour there nodding and hmm-ing like I didn't already know everything they were telling me already (I'll scream if I have to go through that whole proccess again). But I managed to distract myself by staring at her wonky eye throughout the meeting, so I wasn't too bored).

They eat so much meet here...pretty much every meal...they keep complaining when I don't (although I guess there must have been a time when I did pretty much the same if they think it's so unusual for me not to).

Arms are still nice and smooth (I don't know if I told you, but I tore all the hairs out again...why??? I tell myself each time I do it that I'll never do it again, after they start growing back and it becomes so uncomfortable, but I must forget about it every time...?

I haven't had a haircut yet either, I'm going to look like a shaggy dog by the time we meet up.

I don't think I've been this light in ten years (honestly I must have been this heavy back in year 9 or something...and I didn't even try. But winter's coming along, so that's gotta do something...I'll be a sumo wrestler by the time the sun comes out again. 55kg- need to gain weight.

Armidale funnily enough is the NEw England area of Australia...maybe it's kind of like Maine without the water (and a lot smaller). It's kind of like Bathurst weather but it looks like Scotland (according to Dad, I've got no point of reference really, having not been to Scotland). Apparently it was all started out by the Scots, so it makes sense. So the only good thing about Bathurst combined with Scotland and that's pretty much the picture.

Apparently they've got eels in the river around here. I'm going to have to try and catch some soon. Maybe I'll be able to cook it myself and see what you think. Jellied eel, you'll love it trust me. It's kind of out in the middle of nowhere though, even more than trains (or buses even), so I'm a little trapped at the moment (not that that's so bad, but I wouldn't want to be out here for too long...god I really do have to get my license one day before I get too old, but then no one'll be driving cars pretty soon, what with the petrol problems and all).

Yeah, it does kind of make sense. But then South America and Africa are in the southern hemisphere. But then how can that compete with USA, Europe, China, and India. Massive amounts of people. I wonder why it worked out that way though? Did every one just decide millions of years ago "hey, let's just go up there and not bother with the stuff down the bottom"? After all, the weather's generally nicer down here (apart from California, Florida, Italy etc...etc).

Back exercises...yeah, I think I should take a leaf out of your book and start with stomach exercise, they seemed to help back in the old days. But I'm sure it's the same with you, it's just so hard to bother for long periods. Maybe one day I'll go back to the gym.

Yep the cinema's closing down, incentive to open my own (but I don't think arty movies are good business around here..or so the closing down would indicate). I've figure that everyone got tired of putting up with her permanent bad moods.

I feel for you. There's nothing worse than not being able to sleep in when you want to.

I'm completely reverting to my child like state...if I hadn't already a long time ago. I've been sticking with fantasy books for the while (and even borrowing picture books from the library)...but I'm sure it'll only be a short time 'till I fell guilty again and revert to more adult tastes (I've already marked out the books I'm going to dissappear from here when I get back to Jesmond in a few days).

I'll have to research those books...Bell Jar, and Edible Women. They sound awfully familiar but I can't place them...more to add to my list. I'm getting through the final Harry Potter at a rate of a few pages a month. I should have fought my way through it by the end of the year. They just got progressively more annoying as the series progressed. Even Ron need a kick up the arse since the goblet of fire.

Why bother changing the currency style, I though it was kind of iconoclastic of America...the green back and everything (and our money looks stupid anyway).

Rarely smiling isn't that bad...I always take the side that it makes the times when you smile so much better, because it doesn't happen so much. He must be a really great guy though.

It's cool that things are comfortable finally, pain in the arse that's it took ages though.

I walked around Singleton the other day, and realised I was right- I would be happy spending much more than a day in the place. I'm going to have to sit down and explain to the two of them here that I'd rather die than spend my life here (and maybe threaten to be a bit more proactive on that point if I do end up here...just kidding). But it does make me feel a bit dissappointed just walking around the place knowing I'm back here. I don't think you'd like it, even if I've been a bit enthusiastic demonising the place over the years.

Yeah I can understand being nervous going to the clubs around there. I guess the ones in Bathurst where like a high school dance in comparison (but then the few I went to in Canberra felt like that too, so matbe it doesn't matter where they are, maybe they're all the same regardless...I don't know, and I've got the feeling I'll never really be to worried about finding out).

Well two groups out of three's not least you can happily move on from the last one, and never have to go through that again (fingers crossed anyway).

Hey get the mittens and gloves, I'm going to get some gloves and beanies and stuff to add to the collection. Woolen undies- they must exist. I've decided to make the most of winter this time around and get all the nice warm floppy wooly things that I've never had, to wear around the house...I think I might even get some thermals for once (and don't worry, apparently it doesn't really get cold down here, so it'll be weak on my part to...maybe you can just prettend you grew up in Miami...or Death Valley even, I think that'd pass).

I guess it's just those people are the main stream...drink, party etc...same old same old boring. Where as you me and all the other's are alternative, we've got our own tastes...which has to be more interesting, after all even though I get jealous about them, I've never really felt like I'd want to be friends with those people. I've decided it's more about mixing with the people who are right for you, rather than the ones who are 'cool'. I guess they're kind of like the Mariah Carey of the people world, where as you, me etc are all the different things in between, they're pizza hut, where as we're the little woodfire pizza cafe that's not everyone's cup of tea.

I've actually been tempted to have a bath each night before bed, but haven't yet. Maybe tonight. I've been having hot drinks before bed, but I think I've grown used to them, they don't do anything anymore...except wake me up during the night to go to the toilet.

See you,

I'll be good, as long as you are to and don't worry, plenty of reading and movie watching planned.



Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Entry ?

UNI RESIDENTS Nash found me despite me trying to hide from him, because I find that things tend to work out that way. It's not that I don't like him, but just that unlike most mature aged students, I find it more difficult to talk to him. He's easy going, and yet I can't think of anything interesting to say like May can always do with him.

May was acting strange, friendly and yet weird, until she asked if I was going to the bathroom and I followed her. A girl thing I admit and it makes me feel all girly and loved like back in the day with Liz. Good old Liz days, yes. And here I have it again, and yet it took long enough to get here, that's for sure.

On the way back into class we ran into Toby who is always a fast talker and a crowd pleaser, so I tend to giggle and he actually commented on it this time. "You always laugh!"

Class was finally over. "Jen-Jen!" Ashinta said to me again, just like last week. Mike tagged with us and smiled at me as Ash talked and for some reason that made me feel good. It was like Mike wanted to be apart with us, as if we're all May semester buddies. And what is with Ash being so suave all of a sudden? Why butter me up with attention?

But after three hours of entrepreneurship, that means two hours of International Finance almost straight after. And when I got in there my closest friends (Art, Stephen, Mike) were missing and two of which came ten minutes into class. So even though I knew Toby and Zala and Vishen, I still felt kind of awkward in a way. Eventually when Arthur did get there, he moved really close to which I freaked and moved back. Lately he's been getting in my private area and a little too close, so I'm trying to not give him the wrong idea. Why are the wrong men attracted to me?

LITTLE PLEASURES Stephen eventually showed to and went, "Is that okay with Jen tomorrow?" regarding Q1, because here I thought they had forgotten about it.

At dinner I ran into Mike and I didn't want to be too clingy since I've been the last week, and instead waited for him to speak first. Which he did. We laughed about him missing the meeting because he missed class and how weird it is that Stephen trusts him. It just makes me feel loved to talk to the brasserie workers, especially Mike, since people do it all the time if they're special enough.

Monday, 26 May 2008

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES Today got to a great start with walking out of the bungies and running into Mike who was looking back at me, after probably noticing me walking out of my bungie before I noticed him. Wow, run on sentence. Talking was not that easy, because he said he was tired, but it was just lovely walking with him. He went to get coffee and I went to class early. And when he got to class, there were two empty chairs between me and one of his acquaintances. Instead of sitting next to her, he sat next to me and said, "You treat me so well" when I offered to handle his coffee as he dealt with his laptop.

CULTURE Then he poked me and I placed a paper clip on his sleeve and he flipped me off the Aussie way (a backwards peace sign). I giggled.

I'm babying him like I babied Geovanny. Oh no. But at least I know he and I won't be having sex. I don't see Mike doing that with me.

UNI RESIDENTS Once again I said, "Hi, boys" to Arthur and Alex and I again said, "Hi, men" when Arthur pretended to be offended. Alex is the only German I like here and we've been slowly getting to know each other over the past three semesters.

YING & CULTURE In IHRM Elaine didn't sit by me and Ashnita, and instead invited over her Chinese friend. That just goes to show that people of our same backgrounds will always be more important to us. Do I mind? Not really. In a way, but really, it's no big deal because I do the same to her. I just can't stand the Chinese culture and when her and her friend are speaking Cantonese I just need to shut it off. Ugh. There's just something about that language.

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Entry ?

YING asked me over for brekky in the Brasserie, which was really pleasing actually. I had a weird skip to my step going around as if "this is where I belong and people want me to be here." Afterwards Ying asked me to the library with her, which was no problem, until things got heated up and I offered her to go to my room since the girl by us was being too loud. When we got to my room she offended me once again. She gave that look, that blank look, when I told her she could sit at my desk. "How about my room?" I never fight back and I should. That's unfair that we always do what she wants to do.

I ended up staying in her room for two hours, an hour of which was for some reason dedicated to her asking me about my virginity and partying ways in 2005. She's the first person I've told that to since I told Franzi and Lisa back in 2005 and 2006. I can't believe I told her that, but I'm tired of Elaine/Ying thinking I'm one-sided.

UNI RESIDENTS Next was dinner with her, considering we spent almost the entire day together. Mike was working as I knew he would be, just like most nights, and I didn't get to run into him until he came over to turn on the TV above our heads. He was working all the way across the Brasserie and he just happened to come over to turn on the TV right above us? An excuse to talk? Either way, even if I'm thinking too much into it, I loved it.

I smiled and asked what he was doing, and then he started talking to me. It's so easy to get him talking to me and I love that. When he left to go back to the dessert station, Ying and I cleaned up and went for our dessert. She went first and started flirting with him, because for some reason she thinks my friends are automatically her friends. He gave her two bananas because she joked that the first was too ugly and rotting, and so he gave her a second, to which she didn't understand. "Take it!" I told her, joking. She didn't get what schmoozing someone gets you: extra food. I felt like I was teaching her how to flirt, ha.

"Now I see!" she told me. I told her that flirting is fun and makes you feel good. She was referring to that.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Entry ?

art over
elaine call; how know something wrong?
diinner; in room and realized friend for life. talked of want u.s. stay. told wish could visa, for real.

Friday, 23 May 2008

Entry ?

I saw Mike again at dinner, which I spaced out and stared at the ice cream case as he took care of two giggly girls without much care to them. I don't want to be too...clingy, like I'm used to being, especially after this morning where I kept touching him and he me. And so when he said, "Hello!" in a cheerful way I knew it was my cue to be good. I smiled and asked for a paddle pop and he took my ticket in a jokingly forceful way, to which I joked, "be nice to me or I'll kick you out of our group." We talked about it for a few minutes as some more girls approached, not that he cared, which made me feel more special actually.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Entry ?

EMAIL I was blurry eyed when I turned on the internet, saw Gaz's name first, then mom's, and then two others I don't remember to be honest. The night before I read the clock at 11:13 and figured he would indeed email me, since that how it happens instead of 11:11. As crazy as that sounds, I don't do much wishful thinking as I used to. I'm not crazy anymore. In fact when I was speaking with Elaine last night, saying it out loud made me realise that I really don't care as much any more. Yes, I do, but definitely not as much.

His email will remain unopened until I bother with it.

GREAT PLEASURES It was lunch time and I was dressed in my black pants, AE dressy shirt, with some pretty make-up on when I spotted the surfer at the sandwich station. I wanted to avoid him because

doesn't bother me//its the same and smiled and kept talking after. both wrapped for.

Monday, 19 May 2008

Entry ?

I was going to ask Stephen if I could be in his group, but the great thing about your second semester, third, and fourth semester means that relationships have already formed and you know you'll be okay. No awkward wondering if you'll be in someone's group or not. In fact, Stephen just assumed I'd be in his group, which worked out.

I had so much bad gas that I had to miss my second seminar of IHRM after suffering the entire time in IFM with noises occurring. And because of that, Stephen and Arthur and I went to the MLC (the hip place at Bond where students go to study. So like a library without the books, and people can talk, and it's open and colorful). Basically lots of people go there and so naturally it's not uncommon to see someone you know, like Ashnita. She came over to chat a little bit, as she had skipped IRHM as well.

But the run-ins don't stop there. I ran into Adriana, someone I met in economics a year ago (tall as me, huge smile, thick accent, always happy, barely knows me and loves to talk) and then shivang (from my group work last semester). Run-ins are what makes this uni fun for me.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Entry ?

brekky with ying
i've never heard that; smiling and jokingx2; "that's a main" "Sooo??" see ya
babies and puppies, then mike. what timing, a litle nerves since only me now.

Saturday, 17 May 2008

Entry ?

she asked for ant help and pushed door open
then came back to tell all outside her door, aw
sat outside; just missed
elliot try to push her to communicate; so ask if any work so sit and TV
Australians actually call shrimp "prawns." The widely-held perception of "tossing a shrimp on the barbie" dates back to Australian tourism advertisements of the 1980's, which deliberately use the term "shrimp" because they are aimed at foreign audiences.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Entry ?

I was thinking today about the times I slept in a bed with Gaz, while reading The Bell Jar, and how I can't remember exactly what it was like each time. Sure I remember the first time. I snuggled up to him while he was behind me, the eve of my birthday, and he held me as the clock struck. I was so brave. And then there's the time that I was drunk and he walked in, on the opposite side, so I joined his side and he held me to sleep all snuggled up. Then there's the four weeks of times in Canberra, which were not sexual at all.

I loved each time.

But this morning I've made semi-good on my goal to be more outgoing and less reclusive. In fact, I ran to the library to get The Bell Jar when I came back with Candace, the new Canadian, opening her room and asking me if I have ants. I took Liz's old ways and got her ant spray and told her to let me know if she needs it again.

That's when it got me thinking:

(that's how- liz invited to come by and then did herself)
she remembered me still
elaine called dindin
arthur came by
dinner with ying
walk around; told elaine will miss and sad. told of liz.
ran into articka, shivang

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Entry ?

CULTURE I was waiting behind this quiet Indian girl I've been seeing around for a bit, when she was chatting with the older gapped tooth lady about how quiet it is. The woman allowed me in to talk and we told her that it's because the Americans are gone. "Are you Canadian or American? Sorry." She told me that the sensible Americans, like me, stay around. I was surprised she was nice about it, because I always expect Aussies to be mean about Americans.

UNI RESIDENTS I went to see Arthur like I told him I would, but he was grumpy and so I didn't stay long at all. In fact he was nicer when I left, but I didn't care. I wasn't mean, but I wasn't exactly nice like I usually am. So I guess I'll let him be until Monday in class, which also means I won't get to use the Multi-Media Learning Centre meanwhile.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Entry ?

GREAT PLEASURES I told Arthur the night before that I would stop by that morning just to say hello, and so I had this little gut feeling pushing me to go at this certain moment in time. And so when I got there I was surprised to see May and Arthur was just leaving for his appointment. May told me to sit, and I thought, "You're just like Liz." She invites me in, thinks of me, and is always cheerful. And so I sat with her in a comfy state, just helping her to sell her IT book.

Then she invited me to lunch with her and Elaine and then asked me to go to a seminar with her the next day (doing as Liz once said, "You don't have to" as if she was forcing me and I was just giving in).

I pretty much felt loved.

And I even felt comfortable walking with her over to market square to get her lunch and then back over to find a sitting Elaine waiting for her.

take away, little one? smile, big smile
push to go see, and there was may and then to lunch and to class tomorrow invite; 11-1:30
go to arth for a wlak, 1hr 15 min

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK Tuesday morning, my second day of classes and my last day of classes for the week. I arrived not too early but I was still the first one in, with some stuck up girls to follow. I didn't bother looking up and neither did they as they passed. As so that's how it goes when you're all in your final semester and know who you want to know already.
But eventually May, Nash, and Ying arrived together and Ying somewhat ignored as May and Nash sat next to me. I don't get Ying and I never have. She has these weird moods where I try to please her and it's never enough and she just acts like she barely knows me. But to be fair, I do it to her too at times.

INVITES & GREAT PLEASURES I discovered May was engaged and was genuinely happy for her. Not jealous, but only happy for her. And like Liz she invited me to her wedding in Malaysia and it was just so exciting for me. I finally get to make up for my Liz mistake. I should've never ended our friendship but it was destroyed as it was anyway.
Later in the day May came to my room with Arthur and me to see it, and it made me feel good. Besides Art, Ying, Mike, and Stephen, and now her, no one else has come by.

LITTLE PLEASURES Mike sat behind me again and so I said, "Why do you always sit behind me?" "Because I love the view," he quirped. And then he asked why I dressed up and when I told him it's because Americans are bashed for being casual, he said, "But I hate when girls dress up." I felt lovely. Then for some strange reason I felt loved when Ashnita said, "Jennifer" like Liz used to, as in a teasing way.

Entry ?

Betty's probably pregnant and getting married. She's the last person I thought would, but here she is. And so now what do I do? Stick with her so I have someone in the US? I think Jess is way too unreliable and won't get close to me. And then that leaves and okay Kenny who I think I'll have the same problem with. And also Melissa and Kristen. So I think that means that Kristen and Betty may be my closest and the least likely to deviate that much. Especially Kristen. I have Ying, but she'll be in China! So I'll have to talk to her on Skype. And I'll have Arthur in North Dakota, but really, that's a stranger friendship. He's older than me. And I'll have Stephen and May in Australia. Not to forget the best one of all: GARETH.

Monday, 12 May 2008

Entry ?

fix previous.
and do missed. and his second email. and trip down here on sunday.
take pics of my outfits. so mon= jeans with brown sweater and black tank and brown shoes.
tues=mickey black and white with black and flats.

UNI CLASSWORK I woke up at 4:30am freezing, so I never went back to bed, but instead headed over to the IT building to play around on the internet for an hour. I feel powerful on campus. This is exactly what happens when I know the end is coming and I feel at home and I feel like it's mine and I feel like no one can judge me because I know what I am doing by now.

I went to the uni centre early and sat in the classroom, playing on my iTouch. I was dressed to kill with my brown Gap sweater, blank tank top with a triangular cut, new cute jeans, and a pair of relaxed brown shoes to play it down.

UNI RESIDENTS I heard Toby first, all the way down the hall, and when I saw him Vishen was right behind and I was just laughed. "Hello, again! Another semester, huh?" and it was just that lovely to see familiar faces right off.

I sat down and talked to Toby about his "intense" trip to India when Arthur and Stephen walked in, followed by Mike. They all sat next and behind me, with Arthur to my side and Stephen and Mike behind me, just like old times in Stats.

I got that famous smile from Mike at dinner again. I haven't gotten that at dinner in a long time and so it felt good.


Phone with elaine