Thursday, 31 July 2008

Entry ?

I had a meeting with Ashnita at 1pm, so I went over to the library to see the boys, Stephen and Arthur, meanwhile. However, Ash sent me a text cancelling and I was elated that I didn't have to deal with it. But meanwhile I had to deal with Stephen and his bullshit. He started arguing with me that I needed PR to live there. "I don't want to live here. I love my country. Why should I?" "Australia's a haven!" I laughed at him. I couldn't stop myself. "I talked to my uncle, I talked to his friends, and I talked with two foreign doctors who all said this program is bullshit and I don't need a visa." Why does he even care? I wasn't upset, but I was shaking because I'm not used to taking him on. He wasn't even that passionate either, because for once someone was calling him out on things.

It felt great.

"Now I'm debating if I should do this," Arthur said. He's such a sheep. He'll do whatever someone persuades him to do, but it makes me laugh because he's so stupid. He's not doing this to live in Australia, but to get out of the US since Stephen's telling him it's going down.

"We'll miss your smiling face," Stephen said in all sincerity. Does he just want me to live here for someone to talk to with Arthur?!

I had to go to the cashiers and on the way I ran into the accommodation lady who still remembered me. How does she do it? She asked me about me being on the waiting list, and then off I went to cashiers with a nice lady to help me.

11:11 my iTouch said. Perfect timing.

Lunch was over in the cafe with my brasserie food with Stephen and Arthur again. The middle-easterner next to us was eyeing my seat as if he wanted to use it, so I asked, but he brushed me off. What, because I'm a useless girl? Regardless I felt good just offering at least.

But then Arthur brought up me leaving the Gold Coast and asked if I'm coming back up before I go home. What is he upset that I'm not doing the PR program? And Stephen's convinced I will want to stay because of Gaz, but I adamantly denied it because I won't. I already went through it and survived. So is this him just looking out for me, or being an asshole?

Then Stephen kept asking how long I will be on the coast. Uhh, why? Caring again?

The three of us went to see Aslihan, who was nicest to me and Arthur becasue we were polite and talked about her life. Stephen just barged in, sat down, didn't offer me a seat (Arthur did), and kept talking about his life. Aslihan was focusing on us two with chit chat, not Stephen. I watched him get what he wanted by asking directly if she had the answer for something, and when she wouldn't say, he got up and looked at her answer book.

What an asshole.

We ran into Alex on the way out, and he finally acknowledged me for the first time in almost a week, since Zala attacked us. It felt good to know there's nothing bad between us.

LIFE HERE Back with Stephen and Arthur while they did their thing, and I tried to work on HRM. I hate Stephen and yet I can't get away from him...that's terrible. I said the words "loo" and "oopsie daisy" since I've lived here so long and both boys noticed. "You sound Aussie." DUH, it's called assimilating. "You'll do well traveling," said Stephen. "I know. I assimilate unlike most people I meet here," with a gab at Arthur, wondering if he noticed.

LITTLE PLEASURES I had a nice talk to Mike at dinner again, and he asked me, "how's studying going?" just to get the conversation going. And it went. We talked about how you can tell what day it is by what they are serving. We talked about staying all day with Stephen and Arthur, even though I hate it, just because it happens. He scoffed at Stephen's stupid, "Australia is a haven!" which made me feel great that he agrees. Then he asked me to send him my IFM study guide with that flirting smile. All while bending down to talk to me (to hide, or to get closer, I don't know), which was lovely. "Yeah, you weren't there," He said when I mentioned how Ash told me he came to visit. Aw! We kept at it until the guy came by and asked for some chips.

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Entry ?

I met Ashnita in the MLC for our meeting:
"My group meeting with Ashnita was...a complete dud...twice, just like I thought.  We met on Wednesday and we were there for 5 minutes before she said, "Want to go out to eat?"  In other words, after 5 minutes she didn't want to work, so I blew her invite off and went to get some other work done instead.  Really though, I was glad that I didn't have to sit there and work on the paper with her."  

During I found out that Mike had told her that he was going to go visit me (and he did, but I wasn't there).  Maybe he just went so he could talk to me?!  Not for uni reasons?  So I felt cool and important hearing that.  Then Ash kept telling me to go to Fiji and meet up with her.

"On the way out, Zala (the girl who tore Stephen and my group apart), apologized to me which completely shocked me.  But the real realization was the fact that gossip at this university is so freaking fast and widespread, no matter who you are (I know a lot of the people in my degree, but still, you know?  I'm not exactly someone who knows and talks to everyone)."

Ash drove me to the uni centre, during which I had to give her the latest gossip-- it's like I'm in high school again.  

I had met with Stephen earlier in the day and I found out that Stephen had told the Iceland bitch about the professional degree.  I'm just angry that he's making it easy for bitches like her.

So when I went to find them, it was easy.  I love how easy it is on campus to not only find someone on your own, but ask someone and they usually know.  But they were at the Wednesday by the Water and partially ignoring me, so I left.  I like not having to feel inferior, that's all.  

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Entry ?

UNI CLASSWORK While waiting for class to start, the Canadian started talking to me again, even though I ignore his arrogant ass. Then class started, and thus the fun. I was nervous because we were told that we were going to be put on the spot and be called out with a lot of difficult questions. I wasn't happy, naturally, as I hate being put on the spot. That didn't happen since we didn't have time.

But instead, we had to give a group critique in the front of the class.

"Do you know what they call jumping jacks?"
" jumps."

"Don't you mean elevator?"
"No, I mean lift."

Why can't Arthur fucking assimilate like me? Why is he amazed that I have?

Monday, 28 July 2008

Entry ?

DREAM First day back at work in Target and Dale is there, but he for some reason doesn't recognize me. I go to call dad who says that he'll go to lunch with me, but even though I know that's him on the phone he denies it. I get angry and smart talk back to him. I can't figure out why he doesn't recognize me or is doing that on purpose.

UNI CLASSWORK Stephen needs power and control. That's why he's so nosy, I get it now. I told Arthur, just him, that he had to watch out for the professional degree since you needed a job for PR as well. Stephen was such an asshole butting in. And now he's taking the information as if he found it out, and he's on a power trip telling others. According to him, an internship=a job. Yeah... So what did the asshole say? "Give up," but I stood my ground and told him, yeah, because why do I care about PR for tax evasion? Aussie Kirsty was staring and I stared right back at her. Can anyone mind their own business in this fucking country?

Just to back peddle a little so I don't get confused in the future, but basically Stephen has been fucking us over the entire semester with his astrological view of finance. Mike went off on his own and got us started to finish our own project without the astrology part, but I ended up doing it all on my own anyway. I not used to that much responsibility. Ever.

So when Stephen went to present, he pushed Arthur out of it (who would be telling the class how the three of us went off on our own and used non-astrology) and spun it so that my money was only made because "I'm good at trading in gold according to my chart." Fucking retard, sorry the immaturity. And what happened? Zala attacked with, "So full of crap." But then it started to sound more like she was attacking our group as a whole, which was bullshit. But I didn't get hurt too much. Toby turned around and said, "I love you" while drawing a heart, like a fun and nice smartass.

When Toby went up there I was laughing so hard that I was crying. How often does that happen to me? "Did you know we could trade gold?....We didn't" in such a deadpan, serious voice. "We saw it, but we thought it was an asian currency." "We traded...10 units at a time. I traded 5,000 units at one point, but Kirsty wanted to kill me. We lost $500."

In HRM Toby was talking to our professor about where he was when major world events occurred, and I was just thinking how Toby is so natural at thinking of what to say and taking the initiative to talk to others. Of course Ashnita wasn't there and Ying was being a baby by hiding in the back away from me, and I was a little lonely without Ash. During the break I shared a lift with a girl who was making happy small talk about how cold it was, and then I ran into a guy who ran into me and we went back and forth with "sorry!" in a joking way.

After HRM I had to meet up with Arthur and Stephen to work on our finance assignment, but instead they were at an MBA seminar to which I met them at for the free pizza. Stephen being a no-it-all said, "You should do it." "Why? Tell me, Stephen, why?" And he spun his bullshit. "Yeah? But why do I care? In the US MBAs are a dime a dozen and you're better with a specialzation." What beautiful words did I hear from him? "You're right." OF COURSE, YOU'RE NOT RIGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I KNOW SOME SHIT, TOO. Alex and company ignored me as they went around me to get their coats, so I purposely didn't move out of their way. But then Selva came up to apologize on the behalf of Zala that morning-- such integrity! And it made me feel so much better. I thanked him and we were just smiling.

Finally we got out of there and I was sitting with Stephen at a picnic bench while we waited for Arthur. Stephen bothers the fuck out of me, such a loudmouth who cheats the system, but he's helped me in the past and he can help me in the near future. He told me hat he wants what's best for me-- that having an Aussie passport will distill less hatred on me overseas (ughh...what about my accent though?) and will allow for cheaper taxes. I call bullshit. But while he's annoying, a know-it-all, and only instills bullshit in my head, he still acts like a protective father. He's like Mary Rose- you hate her, but love her.

Stephen told me over tea, after Art came, that he'll employ me in Malta and I'll get cheaper taxes one day. But what's really relevant about this is that while I was comfortable, he seemed lost without Arthur with us. Like he didn't know how to talk to me for some reason?

All three of us, plus Nokita (his son) went up to work on our assignment, and I'm already acting like Stephen's assistant with me doing all the organizing and fixing, and him thanking me.

After a long day of frustration...

EMAIL & BEST FRIEND it was perfect timing. As I literally walked into the door I saw my blue envelope (from May) and then I saw an email from Gaz being alerted to me. And this is after a semi-shitty day and hiccuping at 5:30, so it made my day. But what makes this special is the fact that he had already emailed me and I hadn't answered yet. So is he bored? Does he miss me? What? And he basically covered some of what he didn't in the last email:

  • He's telling me more about his family
  • He's reminding me even more of my dad ("finally found one of those old fashioned metal desk fans I’ve always wanted- even if the electrics need fixing. It weighs an absolute tone- it’s brilliant")
  • "We’ll have to check the place out, I bet there’ll be an old compass hidden away in there somewhere…" Did he want that, or did I? I think I did. WOW, he remembers more than I do!
  • "like a French silk pie"...again, him remembering the littlest of things
  • "They made a pumpkin pie as well (grammar they call it), but I’m still not too fond of them (it always seems to be connected to sickness…urgh)." Poor Bear, all because I made him one in Bathurst.
  • "I can pick up my next money envelope on Friday. I’m being good, I’ve only spent fifteen dollars so far (If I save up enough I might even be able to run away- How much does it cost to get to America at the moment? Just out of curiosity)."
  • "Excited about coming down! Such a bad liar." Huh, about me saying I was excited to come down?
  • It seems like he wrote this over a long time period.
  • "And that was my exciting day." Does he want emails more frequently now?
  • "I'll see you in a bit" again.

IM aw, May! My face was actually red and hot because she said some really kind things. And, what, I never IMed Liz this much? And here I am doing it, so far, twice a week? Three times a week? She's so talkative and loveable, like Liz, that it's easy
and it makes up for the loss of Liz.

CALL Then to finish the day Ashnita called to invite me out for coffee at 10pm, but I think it's only because she had no one else to go with. I told her I was too busy (honest) and that was that. Regardless, it was a nice way to top things off.

Sunday, 27 July 2008

Entry ?

DREAMS I had another odd dream, yet again. I woke up at 6am after dreaming that cats...were out to kill me. There was a storm we were hiding from or something, and there were good cats and bad cats. Then I dreamt that a plastic bag was eating me. It was shaped like how a kid draws a fish, and it had fangs. I was hiding from it and stomping on it to stop it from eating me...

UNI RESIDENTS I went to dinner and Mike was there. Just when I said hi to him, Toby was there butting in and smiling and so I had an excited, "Hi, Toby!" So I didn't get to talk to Mike, but it's okay. Afterwards when I went back to get my dinner wrapped, Toby was there and he asked how I was and he said, "Yes, you are lovely" to my "fun" reply of, "I'm lovely!" It's just a bad habit I picked up from somewhere. On the way back to the bungies I found Art at more door...and guess what? There's an 80percent chance I can move in with him and his friends! PR here I come...I hope!

Saturday, 26 July 2008

Entry ?

CHANGE Today was such a learning experience. I ended up being in another world, figuratively speaking of course, and the Canadian's friend ended up calling me a bitch for not realizing she was talking to me. Hmm, people are so nice here. But the reason I bring this up is because it actually didn't bother me like it would've in the past. I barely even noticed-- I think my newly acquired "don't care too much about what others think" way of thinking is paying off.

LIFE HERE But I'll move on to Arthur for just a tiny bit, because he's still hasn't changed much. But wait! He's finally realizing that yes, Aussies are just as bad as Americans as far as acting like assholes and bitches. I mean come on, it took him a year and a half to realize that?? And how did he not know that Aussies don't pronounce the "-er" in words, but with an, "-a" sound instead? How is a guy this stupid to the culture going to stay here, but I may not?! But most of all: he blames every fucking thing on Americans. I tell him all the time, how can you hate your own people? That means you're an asshole if you're calling all Americans assholes. He just laughed, dumbass. But then if Aussies do something differently than Americans, then he calls them stupid!

LITTLE PLEASURES I ran into Mike twice, and he sought me out two other times. I read my professor's philosophical novel last night, which just happened to talk about the universe giving us what we need (even though I don't fully believe in that...only somewhat) and here it was happening for me. Serendipity I suppose.

But I'll go back a little bit to the beginning. I was in the library waiting for Arthur, because he can't be alone and he made up some lame excuse for me to be there. Fine. While looking for him I ran into Mike and we said hi as he went to his meeting with Ash and company. Meanwhile I found Arthur and we went into a group room to "study" (I was, he wasn't). Mike happened to walk past and popped in to talk, but mainly to me. It was just stuff about International Finance, etc, but it was fun because Mike always has us laughing.

There's this thing about Mike...he just does it and is confident about it, but in a loveable way. So we went back to "studying" when he popped in again and stole my financials from my group to show his. Meanwhile Ashnita hears I'm there and comes over to say hi. To we're all laughing and talking as usual, but it's stuff like this that makes my uni experience fun.

And when they go to leave, Mike cuts through my room and he stays a few extra seconds to chat and say goodbye. Ash waves and they're all off. Or so I think. I then leave Art for a little bit (I get fed up with how slow he is) and run into Mike out by the Brasserie back room/Bungies. We're talk, he lights a cigarette, and I'm not sure if he wants a long chat or not, but neither of us are really pushing the other to leave.

I just love stuff like that.

A little bit later me and Arthur saw them writing, "A <3 J" in the sky via a skywriting plane. It's always so much fun to watch that. It's the second time I've seen it on campus, and like fourth I've seen in Sydney (the first two were in Sydney with Gaz three years ago when the swans won).

CULTURE I asked mom, "how'd you go?" without even thinking about my Aussie English, ha.

To back track a little bit, I found gaz's email, bright and early (10 min after woke up)!

Mum had fun in Italy [...]. Does he talk about his mom since I know here and I'm like family in some ways? Or because he has nothing else to say?

Yep, only three weeks till the next big adventure (oysters, kidneys, livers…and hotdogs). He makes me laugh-- all disgusting things. But really, so he thinks of this trip as an adventure?! Maybe I'm so over him that I never thought of it that way. [...]. Take things step by step, get excited about finishing and not having to worry about uni, then you can start panicking about planes and stuff. What's this in reference to? Leaving Bond? Because where does the plane thing come in then? Or is it about our trip and waiting to plan it until I'm done with Bond? What matters though is that he cares enough to offer advice.

So far with centrelink I’ve been able to save up two 2 ½ grand. WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU HAD NONE! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SAVING WITHOUT TELLING ME? [...]. I think my chest was 87 centre metres, and I weigh about as much as a sumo wrestler at the moment (53kg- haven’t been that light since about year 8!)- the solution, I’ve checked out what women’s clothes are uni sex and I’ll see how that goes. [...]. There's his weight thing again, always mentioning his weight and scaring me when he does it. And is he gay or not? If I’m a good boy I should be able to save up maybe around three thousand before I pick you up in Newcastle/Sydney (it’s Newcastle right? 17th?), which means we’ll actually be able to have some fun every now and then…hmm, Hobart…Perth…Fiji…McDonald’s! This is the best part. He's saving his money so we can do something together, irregardless if it's just for his sake or not. And he actually wants to do some real traveling! I just wonder why he hasn't mentioned this earlier, when I first told him I'm coming? Is that why he wanted me to stay longer than a week?

CULTURE I told him that I don't mind people bashing my country really (only when it's Americans who think it's cool to bash now that they think Australia's completely godsent or something), but that it does bother me that Aussies are so one-sided about it. It's never what's also bad about their country, but rather it's always about mine. Nothing's wrong with good-old Australia...but every thing is wrong in the US according to so many of them. But being a true neutral thinking guy, fair all the way, he said this about my talk to my Fijian friend (Ashnita): Hmm, it wouldn’t be too hard arguing what’s wrong with Fiji either really, all of those coups and stuff all the time. I think the hard thing on you is that Fiji’s never in the news, where as every man and his dog get saturated with American news (hell, England’s barely ever in the news and it’s supposed to be a super-power, and I can’t remember actually EVER hearing about Canada in the news…your right, nothing happens there). I bet everyone’s an expert on China with all the news they’re getting now days. Yep, he remembers what I say about Canada.

[...] I think the trick could be just to leave with as many fond memories as possible, and not miss it to much. This is about me leaving Bond, my friends, and all the cultural fun. Again, it's him giving advice.



Hey, driver’s license, that’s long term thinking (if I get it now, you’ll still be driving anyway, so there). Ha, how did he know what I was getting at?? [...].


[...] I’ll let you know how it goes here. We always do that now, but it still means a lot.

See you in a little bit. And this as well, but at least this time he's talking about in a little bit.


Friday, 25 July 2008

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES & UNI RESIDENTS running around campus with Stephen and Arthur. We were laughing so hard, just going around running errands. Stephen told me that he's serious about hiring me, and he'll pay me $90,000 a year to do so. "What, are you hiring me early?" I had joked when he asked me to read over his paper. "I'm serious," he replied. Up to Neva's, who said, "Hello, Jennifer" when she saw me, meaning she does remember me. Then down to the HSA building, where Vishen was there chatting with me and Stephen, and it's always fun. Run ins with class friends, just catching up.

Dinner, Mike, Angela. As usual, but it's great because seeing them makes me happy. Angela and I were doing some small chatting, and then it was over to Mike because I can talk to him longer as he's at the dessert counter. He kiddingly grabbed my dessert ticket and I told him about how Art and I tried to stop Stephen from forging his signature this morning. We were talking about that and he told me about how he has to study for International Finance, but he has a group meeting tomorrow. In fact, now that I think about it, I told him how we're starting tomorrow, so he probably assumed that was an invite to join (it was), and that's why he said he has an entrepreneurship meeting tomorrow. But of course a guy had to come up behind me, although Mike never pushes me to leave just like he didn't do today, but we still had to cut it short. We smiled and said see ya, and then I was out of there feeling so good.

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Entry ?

IM  May IMed me like I hoped, because really, I miss my chats with Liz.  Although my chats with May aren't the same (she believes so much in God, we don't know that much about each other yet, and she's always too busy to stay on long), she still cares about me and it shows. I did what I used to do with Liz (since she's the first real friend I've ever had): encourage her and be happy about it.  I felt great.  And it was so much fun to see the little bubbles pop up in G-chat since I haven't used it yet!

UNI RESIDENTS AND GREAT PLEASURES  Finally getting off campus was a great pleasure, considering I haven't done it since June when we went to Noosa.  Stephen picked me up and I told him how good his haircut looks (I rarely think to compliment people for some odd reason) and we were off in an easy to go ride with easy talk.  Once at his house Arthur just walked in and sat down as if he owns the place, because Aussies are informal (CULTURE).   Their house is your house basically.

LITTLE PLEASURES  Helping the boys do their take-home exam was fun, just because I wanted out of campus for once.  There was no embarrassment like the last three times because I pretty much know Stephen and his house and his family well enough.  That's a little pleasure to get to that point.

Now I try to be patient with Arthur, but it gets to a certain point where you can't take his slowness and lack of focus any more.  He took 5 hours for a 3 hour exam, and we were rushing to get lunch once Stephen drove us back to campus.  I needed to make it there by 2:20pm and Stephen saw they were still serving...and I just made it literally by seconds.  Wow, considering I need my burger every Thursday.  (He cares enough to make sure they're still serving for me).

CHANGE  On the way to the Brasserie I was joking, "ooooh, Stephen!" in a sexy tone and I couldn't stop giggling because I'm never that cheeky.  Where is this personality coming from?

I met back up with them after they went to see Neva at Bond Cafe.  Before Stephen left I said, "And me!" about joining them tomorrow and he just smiled.  "I love this social side of you sweetie" and he kissed my head.  He's right, I'm definitely more happy and social.  

I'm starting to take charge and doing what I want, without worrying about others.  I know I belong. I feel like an alpha-female of sorts.  

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Entry ?

UNI RESIDENTS Ash and Mike. Mike and Ash. So Ash and I had our meeting this morning, and it was easy enough. She praised me for my draft of our paper, but then again her standards aren't that high. I used emailing her the newest version as an excuse to get her gmail address just in case. And then at lunch I saw Mike, naturally. He smiled really big and teased me and wanted to talk. That's what I love about him. He loves to talk, but I don't think it's just to me unfortunately. Either way, it's always a pleasure.

GREAT PLEASURES Later Mike surprised me with his eager knocking, just standing outside my door in his jumper and trackies smiling at me. It completely caught me off guard, but I must confess that I somehow knew this would happen one day. I just did somehow. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is simply because I've always wanted us to become better friends and it's slowly happening. Too bad it's happening now, and not over a year ago, back when I had plenty of time at this university.

He had me laughing, just running around and trying to find a way to light his cigarette, so I had to sit down as he did his thing. I find his super-hyperness as exciting, but considering I'm more Holdback than that, I just had to step back. I waited my porch for him and once he had his cigarette lit, he joined me where we started talking easily as always. Non-stop, and never too superficial. Besides Stephen and Arthur at this uni, he's the only other one that really knows anything private about me (Ash recently as well...) and so I feel close to him. Now if he feels close to me, again, I don't know.

"Don't lock me out, Jen!" he teased when I went back to my room to get my jacket. I told him how I'm leaving soon and how sad it is, and he seemed confused, and then he asked when I'm leaving. I can't gauge it. Is he disappointed to lose me? Or just making small talk? I can't remember the details really.

I just have another Gareth on my hands now, which is great. The trick is getting to the same point, because Gaz was much easier. It was just natural for us to keep in touch and for me to come visit. But with Mike...he's too good for me unfortunately.

Earlier in the day....I passed Selva and Arthur, had a chat with them, and then went to my second meeting of the day with Ashnita to see our professor. I just find little run ins as fun. Well, most of the time. On the way back I ran into Ying who chose to be a sore loser with trying to ignore me (not meanly, but awkwardly) and I rolled my eyes as she stupidly moved to the wrong side. We both ignored each other. It was never supposed to be this way, unlike with Liz and Franzi, so this is all Ying's problem for once.

And then the close of the day was an hour visit from Arthur, sitting watching TV, and telling me how Stephen took my tease to a literal sense and will pick me up tomorrow to join them while they do their exam.

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Entry ?

{The two photos Gaz sent me a little bit back.  Did he get even skinnier?  He's such a showoff that boy. He's not as shy as he comes off.}

UNI RESIDENTS & LITTLE PLEASURES  I skipped Entreprenuership by semi-accident after sleeping in through class since my body desperately needed rest. But meanwhile May sent a sweet message about how she missed me in class, and then a reply about how she hopes I feel better.  I don't know, friends like her are difficult for me to get, and so it's shame to have to leave it.  Yes, I'll have it long distance, but that's such a shame all together.

I went looking for Arthur and meanwhile missed Stephen's phonecall.  Before looking for Art, I had accidentally gone to the finance tutorial too early, by an hour, and I ran into Ying's friend Amy who wouldn't stop talking to me.  She's so friendly.  And I think it's because she feels the same way about Ying I do!  She says she'll only do what she wants to do, she's angry, and she won't listen.  Thank God most people see that.  

CHANGE  So when I got to the tutorial, Stephen and Art showed up but not Mike.  Turns out they wanted to invite me to lunch, but that was okay in the end that I didn't get the chance to go.  After talking to Zala and Alex, both stupid dumbasses (they only use you, and don't care about me), about the quiz, I moved to sit by Stephen.  I just got this urge and did it in the middle of class, not caring.  That's not like me at all.

GREAT PLEASURES  After class the three of us went to an empty classroom where I was being weird and flying paper airplanes.  Stephen said I've changed and I'm so much more carefree now that I've let go of my past in NSW and I have to agree.  I do have a non-neurotic, do what I want, just do it, whatever attitude now.  It feels great.  I was laughing so hard flying those airplanes.  And Stephen said, as I tidied and organized the room, that once again I'm going to Zurich to work for him one day.  He said that the three of us have to exchange personal information and keep in touch.  I love long-term friends, no matter the age.   When a professor came and I was giggling because we were being naughty flying paper airplanes (see I don't care), Stephen kept hugging me and kissing my head.  He adores me I think.  He's like an Aussie father.

Art and I ran into Vishen who waved like a queen (like I did as a joke) and came over to talk to us.  Shivang came as well, but he's such a user.  He's only nice to network and does not care about people (like Zala and Alex above).

At dinner the nice New Zealander girl knew I wanted take-away for the first time ever and when I went to get my dessert, a girl shorter than me was beside me!

Monday, 21 July 2008

Entry ?

UNI RESIDENTS Stephan was joking about how we're not the cool kids, and Mike turned around and said, "Jen, I think you're cool." He's a funny friend. But the best part was the end of class. Mike was wrestling me, actually playing like a kid with me and hitting arms and pulling, and then I poked his nose so he fake gagged. And then I said, "Is anyone coming?" which surprised myself. I rarely ask for attention. Mike looked but I didn't look since I hate coming off as clingy, and Toby came with me since we had HRM next. I moved. He moved. I stopped. He stopped. It just happened and we were laughing so hard about it. Playful much, Jen?

UNI CLASSWORK (As written to Gaz). "I went out for "coffee" twice this week, which is the most I've done that I went with my only group member left (more on that later), the Fijian Ashnita, after one of our meetings. We were talking about a mutual friend of ours and somehow that lead to her asking me to go for coffee, because she likes to gossip. Anyway, so not only did she have to gossip about people we both know, but she was pretty blunt about what she thinks is wrong with my country, but it was fun to talk about that. She did give me a compliment (I pretty much remember word for word things people say for a long time...I think I'm an auditory learner): "I've always thought Americans were loud and arrogant until I met you and Arthur." Yay, I guess...?

The second time was a couple of days ago on campus, at this place I've passed several times in the past year and a half and yet never went to. We met up for "coffee" (I got a hot chocolate this time, but mocha the first time) before our meeting with the HR director of Bond. Ying (or Elaine as I usually call her) didn't come because...well... she decided that we were "stupid" and that she didn't want to work with us any more. Mind you, this is after Ash and I waited and waited to get started all because of her. Not that I hold a grudge really, it's just funny considering.

So we were in class discussing this and all three of us went to talk to our Professor to check our idea with him. Meanwhile, Ying waited until we left and then told him that she wants to do a hotel instead of Bond for our project. So we're confused. He's confused. And Ying won't explain to us what's going on. Basically she's indirectly doing what she always does, and so now she's doing a 25 page project on her own because she's being stubborn. Ash and I were like, "what the fuck?" about it all, but we actually don't mind either way. I just can't figure it out (what part of "group work" does she not get?) and even Ying's friend ran into me and asked what was going on (apparently she's frustrated with her, because she pretty much badmouthed her own friend to me).

When we met with the HR director, this assume laidback Aussie guy who was so deadpan funny, he said the same thing we said. "I hate teamwork." Now if a 50 something HR director can say that, then yeah, apparently it happens at every single level you're at.

All the bad uni work aside (really does it ever end with my luck?), it's starting to dawn on me that I'm leaving Bond, which means I'm leaving all the cultural crap behind. It's good and bad, because it's really opened my eyes to just about every culture under the sun since you can find just about someone from every country here. I'm going to miss hearing all the different accents at once, especially getting excited when I hear the rare Aussie one. But most of all, I will just miss this overall experience and the people I know at this uni (considering I won't see the majority of them when I leave). But I suppose that's just one of the downsides of being an international student.

CULTURE I spent most of the weekend studying for a quiz I haven't been given yet, and a 10% exam that was pretty good. I was studying with two of the three Americans I know here, and it just kind of gives me a homey feeling I guess. I'm starting to really understand why foreigners/migrants cling so much to people of the same nationality. As much as I love the Aussie life, I still need to have something familiar every once in a while like an accent or someone who gets what I'm referencing in American pop culture or stupid American humor when it comes to joking. (I think our teasing/joking is American universal, in the same way sarcasm seems pretty universal here. I've noticed that Americans don't question my teasing humor, but non-Americans definitely do)."

DISCOVERED how at ease he put us at, or at least me, since Ash didn't need it. He shook our hands, we introduced ourselves. Then he gave us his card. Next he was so laid back that he sat back in his chair and commented on his office with jokes instead of getting right into it. I like that so much. Ash was a natural. She was talking to him like a conversation as well as making small talk, instead of going question by question. I have to improve my small talk skills and asking questions instead of just going, "yes" in agreement. Also, Jen, shake hands goodbye!

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner with Mike, as always now. It's almost a constant theme. He took care of me and neither of us were being friendly enough, but I didn't let it get to me. Then he had to come back to help the sides section, and he served me again with a, "Hello again." He had to say that, well technically not, but I'm still pointing it out. I told him, "The vegetarian...I guess" without realising it, and he said, "I guess?" And then I said, "And chips...and a lot of them in case" and he knew exactly what I meant. "In case you don't like whatever this is?" And that's when he finally smiled.

Sunday, 20 July 2008

Entry ?

DREAMS I had a dream about Mike and Ash in class. He was was standing or walking some some books to his side, and he smiled. Ash sat next to him. I was wondering how they knew my name? Then I walked down a hall and saw Meatball on the ground with Jess. I was lying with them, remarking how light brown and incredibly fuzzy he was.

(Why am I dreaming about Mike and Ash??).

UNI CLASSWORK Toby, Arthur, and I were studying so to speak. But Toby kept asking questions, and I can't study in groups as is, so I used my dying laptop as an excuse to get out of there. For a little bit at least. I'm just too exhausted to study. He's so easy with talking, but I can't even remember what seemingly random questions he asked. It was about my past at least.

CULTURE It was just fun watching him flirt with another gay. That's the first time I've seen that in person.

On the way way past my dorm a little bit later Toby was pretending to hide when we were passing each other in front of the Bra. "You're supposed to be studying," I joked. "I need energy, Jen!" I'm so much more outgoing this semester!

BEST FRIEND After leaving them I hooked my laptop back up and...found an email from Gaz. Perfect timing! I'm not sure how that works sometimes...

Nothing really much to mention this time. I think we've exhausted the excitement of me coming down to see him now. But there were a few things that stuck out at me. Like, how he mentions the food again and reconfirms it and confirms again that we will be going to his beer place. Or his reaction to me watching a movie I remembered he hated, and I had dragged him to: "You re-watched Elizabethtown! Ouch." (he's using italics!). Kind of reminds me of how little I really did know him then, when he couldn't even tell me straight out that he didn't like the movie afterwards. Not that I hold it against him! And then this:

"Oow, that sounds really good. Where's the hotel in NSW? It would be perfect if that worked out [...]." (I told him I was looking in both Queensland and NSW, but he specifically asked about NSW! He obviously wants me to stay. Now if it's for myself, him, or both of us I don't know.

He finished with his/our usual affirmations. Telling me that he'll let me know how something specific in his life is going, and wishing me luck/etc when it comes to my life. This time it was aimed at a job and PR for me, aw.

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner that night, Mike was there as always. I just said hi and went on with my order, but he asked about finance and if we had anything to do for it. I told him about the quiz and the look on his face was worried. Now I know he's using me, but don't we all use each other time and again? Anyway, he was stalling serving the guy behind me to talk and I said, "take care of this guy first and then I'll tell you," as the guy was smiling at me as Mike and I talked. Whoa, assertive much, Jen? It was all in good fun. Either Mike was stalling as usual for me and being a good friend, or he was worried for himself. I'll never know. Either way, he joked at the end, "Do you think I have time?" "Do you want me to help or not?" and he shrugged a "not me" kind of shrug with a smirk.

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Entry ?

I'm debating what I should do. I have so much to write about because I was gone basically the whole day. Where do I start? Write everything or just the bits that really stand out? We'll see.

Well, it all started out with a nightmare of sorts.

DREAMS I'm in a long and wide hall that reminds me of Lake Catholic High School. I apparently have killed a girl and I look down at the floor and notice a pool of dried blood they have not cleaned, wondering why not. I go to the water fountain and through an open door I see Suzie and Katie (elementary days) crying. Then I wonder, why am I STILL having weird dreams involving Katie considering I haven't seen her since junior high? But there's something to do with Jess, my sister. I guess I blamed her for the killing. Meanwhile I'm in my basement with Tiger and Sparkie (huh? I dream about our old cat?) with plane tickets to Zambia. I'm hiding from mom and when I go to feed my cats, I find the tickets.

Cut to the second part of the dream. I'm in Zambia. And I'm wondering in my dream why I've chosen such a random place. But all around me are black people dancing, all surrounding me, in their native dress. They're dancing up and down, and when I look up, I see a semi-circle of them clapping and banging drums.

Then I woke up.

CULTURE Cut to waking up at 6am and then again at 7am. I got ready to go meet Arthur, and I miscalculated and got to the library before it opened at 10am. So I was sitting there with three giggling muslim girls and one guy. There are always multiple girls and one guy, and he's always got that alpha male thing going on. I caught him looking at me, and then he went to the vending machine to get a snack while singing something that sounded like a terrorist song or prayer. Not that I'm mocking it, but it made a sick feeling in my stomach. I can't help it.

LITTLE PLEASURES Selva, Arthur's friend past by, and thoughtfully came over to chat to me. After which, Vishen came and sat with me to have a chat before the library opened. It's always pleasant to have random conversations with people I know and yet barely know.

CULTURE Once in the library, up to the top floor, I chose the computer in the corner. I was the only one, and the next person to come was a Westernised Asian who sat right next to me....with the entire room empty as is. Then Ying's friend, a girl I don't really know, came over and waved in my face (cute Asians) and then was talking to me on and off while we sat there (she too sat next to me, even though every thing else was empty). When I went to leave she was really nice and waving and giggly. Wow, but pretty cool.

IM But not to forget during the above...May IMed me again through G-Chat! I saw a "may says" pop up and I got excited. I looked around to see if anyone saw me chatting. I felt so cool (see chat log in gmail account!). She's becoming my Liz. Now to do that with others as well. She started it, so I can do that with others, too.

I went over to the group study room to meet Arthur, as he's clingy and always wants to study and yet we never study because it's just a reason for him to socialise. Once there Toby and Vishen, who were in the room over, kept going by and joking with us through the window in our group study room. Toby kept dropping in to talk and do the "going up the stairs" and "going down the stairs" manoeuvres. Then Vishen walked past and stuck his tongue out with his hands against the glass. When Art and I left, I waved like a queen with them mimicking me.

BEST FRIEND Art and I went to the IGA to get some groceries and he's acting too much like Gaz. Yet with Gaz did this stuff, I was smitten because Gaz is attractive. Art is hideous (sorry!). Anyway, Art was reminding me of Gaz with how he got a basket for me and held it. And then he took forever shopping.

AMERICAN HOME I called mom back since I missed her call and apparently she's checking the economy for me; I don't think she wants me to do the professional degree. I guess we're technically not in a recession yet, and she's talked to several people who are hiring master's degrees and that she had a 24 year old patient who is doing what I want to do in *Cleveland* (work for an international company with an IB degree, and she only has a bachelor's). We agreed: even if the US goes, so will Australia with it. Not to forget, the cost of living here is fucking ridiculous. Even if US food goes up, Australia is still more than that.

UNI RESIDENTS We also ran into Ann, the one Asian girl who knows my name but barely talks to me. She's cool, but we never clicked really.

But it didn't stop there. Nope, Selva was back and with Zala this time. She actually complimented me, but that was about the extent of her attention to me. She's so fake. She can't even pretend to care I exist, just as I don't with her either.

And that about finished our day about. Once again Art was being a pain in the ass not really studying, and so I left early.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES going into line with a smile at the Bra, and the older woman happily grabbing take-away without me saying. Then the usually grumpy woman talking first. And then Mike and I smiling hello and goodbyes (with no talk in between, because I sometimes feel like I don't want to be clingy).

GREAT PLEASURES May emailing back that we have to do something before I go back to the USA with a :( attached.

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES walking into the room after their class got out, and scaring Stephen who jumped back when he realized I was silently standing next to him. Mike saw me and said, "Hi, Jen!"

We walked over to the couches for our meeting and Mike asked, "Do you have your cozy?" when he saw my iTouch. How'd he remember? He actually does care and listen, doesn't he? It was just the little bouts of attention he gave me.

And then there was the pleasure of when our meeting ended and Stephen said I should go work for him since I'm so organized and he needs that. According to him, that's my niche and that he even told a friend, who said the same thing. That'd I be great for project management. Anyway, after that lovely compliment, somehow Mike knew I wouldn't want to work in Europe (Where Stephen's moving) and that made me feel good.

Stephen, his son, and Arthur and I had lunch together. For some reason it just worked out that way with Stephen not inviting us, but making it known we were going. So there I was in the Bra in line, getting my food.

"Which chocolate is it today?" Megan asked. "How'd you know?" "I know you," she said cheekily. Jesse was there, too. And I consider these two to be the "cool kids" of the Bra, and therefore it made me feel "cool" as well.

I found Stephen, his son Kik, and Art, and it was just fun sitting back and talking. I felt cool to be out of the ordinary and actually eating out with the sun shining, some good conversation, and some lively atmosphere.

After lunch Art and I went around runing some erronds for him and I noticed how much it felt like summer. It was warm, the sun was extra bright, and I wasn't wearing a jacket. In fact, I was wearing my comfy AE clothes and feeling good because I've been fake most of the semester and trying to wear dressier clothes to be non-American like.

We ran into Alex who acknowledged me, even though I didn't talk. We ran into Ann, some Chinese girl who introduced herself to me at the beginning of the semester but barely talks to me now. And then Art worked his magic at trying to get some info on this PR situation for us.

Then I hung out with Art in the library, like I've done since last semester. While on the computer:

IM ! Yay, May really is becoming like my new Liz. Very slowly, and unfortunately I will lose her when I move to the US. She messaged me for the first time through G-chat and I was so happy to see that because I miss feeling cool and messaging people.

SADNESS Meanwhile, I have to let Jess go. She hasn't bothered responding to me, and well, I guess that's that, right? I could try facebook messaging her when I return, or post a notice to see if she notices, but otherwise I guess chasing her around won't do much. I mean, it would be good because she likes to go out and party, but ah well.

All I can hope for is to reconnect with Jess, find Kristen, continue with Betty (ugh), and go from there. I will always have Gaz, but he's in Australia. As for May and Ash, they'll probably be there, but again, only in Australia.

It's tough living abroad!

Back to today though. While we were leaving the library, I finally asked him questions about his religion (LDS) and I was open about it, and he was open as well. I wasn't offending him I told him, I just wanted to find out from the official source. And basically, my views are still the same. They may be harmless, but it's still like a cult.

LITTLE PLEASURES (pt. 2) At dinner Mike walked over very fast to serve me even though his bit was supposed to be the second half of the line. He was happy, asked how I was like he always does, and I started chatting with him about the meeting earlier on. As he finished with me, he kept turned to me to talk even though he was going to serve the guy behind me. He just makes me always feel so special and good inside.

I was walking over to the dessert section and Toby was there with Ann (the one mentioned above) and he was talking to me, reminding me about our study session on Sunday. But the socialness didn't stop there! I went over to Jesse and I was second in line, but a bunch of guys showed up right after me. I started worrying thinking Jesse would serve them first (since he and I aren't friends so to speak, and Jesse will treat those he knows well better and I wasn't sure if he knew I was there first), but he went right for me. He teased me about the chocolate and take-away, and said "no worries" when I said thanks (he rarely does).

I felt soooo good today.

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

entry ?

told ash yes job. we gossip IFM ying joined, good. ying byes- aw.

i used to think americans were all arrogant and loud until i met you and arthur (he he he).

we were talking alex, and something then asked coffee since talk gossip. 1hr 30, bought mocha, WhAT? virginity,

tak mike, told me out since lost friends as well. remebered canberra. told of gaz story since she's known for while.

told a group goodbye dinner/dance. told how mike really great guy to talk to,and suck never see or talk to again.

her as well, but he never see.

saw mike lunch; i hiiii and he smiled. we then talk meeting. for until silent asians. "i'll do it with you." about

presentation. "you're going to get diabities!"

email may: she hugs, i love, we reconnected.

went to see art. selva included me; alex his usual look and smile.
we gave each oher that look, smiled non stop, see what i have to deal with? and kept talking till gave me my food.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Entry ?

I just hiccuped, and I'm wondering if Gaz is thinking of me through giggles. It not like I'm obsessed like I used to be, or in love so to speak, but really he's the only one I can count on. Which makes this whole PR thing even more fucked up. I want it, but I don't want to stay at Bond another semester. Such drama.

I have to go see Ying and Ash tomorrow since we have a meeting. Now that I got

Monday, 14 July 2008

DREAMS There was something about Liz (ugh, when will I ever get over her?) and bombs. She was telling me that she was on vacation in Iran and it was great, but every time a plane flew over she was scared of being bombed. So I went to swim in this vast ocean, but I was scared every time a plane flew over. Cut to me in some fancy building. On the PA system so boring guy is giving a talk. I go to take the lift down to do some errand for him. I run into a bland lady who says that "they are never coming back" about guys at war. I tell her they are. She looks at me and says, "They're never the same" about when they return. On the way up the elevator/lift gets stuck and I go across the room to take a spare one. But this one leads to some fancy room with chocolates and procures on tables and a kid's bike in the middle....but I don't have my glasses and my eyes are out of focus. The room is some fancy executive room. Then I wake up.

Two days ago I dreamed I was trading gold and kept losing. So much that I started crying. (This is about our Forex game. How serious do I take it??).

-IFM: alex all smiles but i not hi for some reason. toby in dancing and making me laugh continuosly. i made a point to ask him about IT to sympathize.

-BREAK: short mtg with steph and art. we told him $8K on our own and he was shocked- since he's not in control anymore? ran into pam- hi. then ash and walked over with her.

-HRM: i talked in class. alex turned to smile at me about loud clssroom next door. whispered talk with alex. ash took initiviate to talk to prof. ying kept "ash", "ash". ha. after went to leave, alex stopped to talk to me about exam marks. walked with ash and gossip about entre tomorrow.

-LIB: called mom to say failed, but okay. but went to lib to see art, she caled back, and no i didn't fail! used inter while talked to mom. alex came to visit but always fast and for his agenda. okay, not always. male ger and female ger and female french all nice since art with me. ying power walked by a few times, ha. then talk art from 1pm=6pm. so social. fun. smiles. tell art see myself in him. stand up for self.

-AMY: swating, but nice even thought in my head not to. but paid off. nervous talk fast and hardly eye contact when talking. but soo nice. touched to reassure. "look forward to hearing".

-DINNER: MIKE. he told wasn't there, asked miss, told entre, etc. He didn't pass it over to here, but rather kept with it. smirk bye.

US learned since here: guys suck, are arrogant, no respect, and not romantic. we judge each other by he state we live in. we are proud of US.

top 3 boy moments:
sem 2- tim and ginga
sem 3- elliot, mike stand talk
sem 4- mike outside porch and dorm area talk

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Entry ?

"In Canberra I’m stuck in a bit of a rut. My friends are comfortable with their boyfriends and office jobs, and I was always worried no one wanted to do things like travel with me. Al made me realise I should do it myself."
That's from, embarrassingly, Bridgette from Big Brother 08, but it holds true to me. Especially since of late. I'm stuck in a rut at the moment, my friends are branching off, and I feel alone. I need to start living myself. I keep saying it, but I'm not doing it yet. That's my goal then. (And at least others feel the same).

And a funny quote...
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon." --Comedian Chris Rock
Anyway, I am in a rut of sorts. I want to do something crazy, adventurous. I want to move to South Africa or New Zealand. I want to stay here, but where would I stay? Where would I get a car? What about friends through? Gareth's my only one here really! Ugh, it's so frustrating. Then I got to thinking. What about moving to an US territory? And if not that...what about an adventurous part of the US?

I spent all day thinking about how I can make more friends and get closer to the ones I have. I need to learn to invite people out, send emails, and ask how they are with real interest. I need to make more of an effort, and not just for Gaz. I messaged Jess through facebook, but she hasn't replied yet. Hmm. But I'm not worried.

Before dinner I forced myself to go to the couch area of the uni centre building so I could study some more. Previously, surprisingly, I actually dedicated a lot of time to studying and figuring out IFM. But also isolating myself forced me to focus even more.

BEST FRIEND Before heading into the Bra I noticed that Gaz emailed me while on my iTouch and my head tilted to the side with a smirk on my face and an uplifting feeling inside. There I was on the balcony above, by the Bra, with my iTouch in my hand and a big smile on my face.

LIFE HERE After venturing inside the Bra, not caring who would be working or who was around (trying to avoid Ying, and Daryl, the asshole manager), I was happy enough to make small talk with Angela (the bubbly redhead). And when I got back to eat my take-away dinner (as always) and watch Big Brother, my nose was scrunched up in utter disgust with wide eyes and lowered eyebrows when a commercial for Macca's came on. "McAmerican bagel with spicy ketchup and bacon." Oh, lovely. So American, too...

But can I live here? I talked with mom about the recession in the US and she told me she'll take care of me if it ever does get bad, but that it won't. And really, can I live here alone? No car? No house? High prices for everything? Yes, I won't have Gaz, but I can always apply for citizenship later or see him every two years, right? Because if I live here, how often would I see him? I don't know really. But so I remember: I'm going to apply for jobs here regardless and see what happens.

EMAIL So back to Gareth. I finally got to read his email all the way through now that I had dinner.

"So today was dad’s birthday lunch (don’t know why, but I volunteered to do the cooking, and if I thought you were a fussy eater…wow, I hadn’t seen anything yet. But then at least I got to eat all the anchovies!)." (He he he. Sort of like saying, "I know you and I'm acknowledging it, too).

"Have to go to Sydney and find that bloody beer place, I’ve just asked for directions from someone who lives there (I’ve got no better idea where it is though but…). Apparently they have a Belgian beer place at the rocks which serves the best oysters and mussels (more your thing maybe) that come with about fifteen different choice of sauces…I’m salivating. Oh, and I’m determined to get a bowl of the hot pot stuff that we had in Canberra (instead of a massive octopus) this time around (I think it’s called stone bowl and not hot pot…that’s where we made the cock-up). Oh, and yum cha…that’s a winner, you can’t go wrong with that because there’s something for everyone. That’s including the eats maitland place too. Hmm, fun, fun."
"You stay as long as you want to and that’s an order (so that’s about up until I start making you bonkers (or the boredom) or the other way around…which should be a decent amount of time. Either that or my mum will get sick of us both (she won’t…unless I really work at it), and kick the two of us out (which’d be fun really, if I don’t touch my centrelink money I could even live like that for two or so days!)." (AW! For real though? In December you were sick of me though. But in August you didn't want me to leave, hmm. I just love the way he puts things- so great. Loveable in a Gaz kind of way).
"Remember the pie place in Newcastle? Well it’s probably not the same as you know at home, but the hotdog I ate was pretty good…and I here there’s an even better one in Sydney (but that would mean spending too much time in Sydney (which makes each of us pain in the arses, so I think mussels and stone bowls and yum cha sound like enough at least for beginners). All we’d have to do otherwise is go to the shops and we’d find sausages (or a butcher…either or)." (So he's definitely planning lots of stuff for us to do in Newie and Sydney, aw, but also trying to figure out solutions for my cravings.).
"There are a couple of Australian films out right now, so you might be able to finally get the ‘never seen an Australian movie in Australia’ monkey of your back." (I haven't said anything since his birthday...)

"Star watching sounds like a good plan. I used to love reading my dad’s books growing up."

"You are silly, I’ve seen the trailer for wall-E…I don’t know how at any point that film could make you cry (although I understand The Land Before Time, I think that made my eyes water a little bit too)." (Pet-ish name!)

"The chocolate remains safe…phew (I had a little shock earlier when dad went in and came out chewing something…but I think he was just eating nuts or something)." (He wants me to know still that they're okay, AW).

"You have a good new week to (it’s almost holiday time), I’ll see you ‘round." (For my benefit, or his?).

He's being personable again. He's also still on about what we will do when we see each other. And for the first time in a long time, he's called me a semi-pet name. I'm loving it all so much.

CALL Arthur called me and we talked for 40 minutes since he takes so long to say such a simple thing. Regardless it was nice from the monotony. That's for sure. It's so easy for him to get close to people, where I would second guess that.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Entry ?

WELLBEING  I was with Arthur in the MLC today after he asked me to join him.  All was fine, until it just hit me that I do wish I made things differently.  I wish that I got close to the American Jess so I would go out partying.  I wish I could've gotten closer to Mike sexually.  But then I thought- really?  Yes, maybe I missed something, but maybe there was a reason for otherwise?  Jess was too cool for me.  Mike was too hairy, and is a great friend regardless.  Overall really, I've had a great run here.  I have my close class friends, and many non-class acquaintances, and I also rid myself of my desire of staying here (almost rid myself at least).  Yes, I could have partied more, but at least I did that during my study abroad.  It just wasn't right here.  I never met those girls, like Liz and Bec, who took me under their wings.  Instead I had a bunch of class friends.  Ah, well.  No regrets really.  That's what life should be about.  

I could regret not having a boyfriend right now.  I could regret living with Gaz during the breaks instead of traveling even more.  I could regret pissing of Liz.  But this is life, right?  I want change and at least I'm getting that.  

Friday, 11 July 2008

Entry ?

I slept most of the day away, but fuck, it felt great. I got up for lunch and had a hotdog, and then just slept until dinner almost.

UNI RESIDENTS however, not all was lost, because there's always Mike at dinner. "How are you?" he nicely said, but without any flirt. Instead of asking him how he was, I went into what I wanted from the dessert section since I don't want to be too clingy still. But then I told him how we made $1,300 trading gold just today and his eyes blew up. He stayed to talk even though two people lined up, and I was the one who broke it off. I always love talking to him. It wasn't flirty, but it was still nice.

Thursday, 10 July 2008

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UNI CLASSWORK even though I woke up late, I was proud in that I finished my entrepreneur paper after almost two hours' work in the library. When I work in the library, on my own laptop, I actually get much more done. Unfortunately, for the rest of the day, I didn't study international finance like I planned. I just worried about my HRM project and what we were going to do about that (but hopefully we can come up with a compromise and Toby's group hasn't started either).

UNI RESIDENTS But I did run-into Arthur that night when I went to the library on purpose, knowing he'd be there. It's just a comfort thing of mine, to see someone each day (whoever it may be) so that I don't feel lonely. On our walk back to my bungie and his parting way to his sharehouse, we ran into Peter "the German" and we had a nice chat with him. Art is always good when we run into people we both know since he always stops to talk. I usually just pass and say hello.

But naturally, there's always Mike at dinner to look forward to. We smiled at each other. He jokingly grabbed my card with force and I joked back, "Be nice to me!" in an innocent girl kind of way. He then asked me happily, "How are you?" and I continued my little girl act with a smile and flirty tilt of the head. He then went into how his day was and we chatted until someone came up behind me in line. I get a kick out of him.

In fact, I was just thinking how much I'd like to get drunk and how it's been a year since I last did get drunk. I wonder if Gaz will do it with me? If not, I'll get buzzed on my own.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

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UNI RESIDENTS & CLASSWORK out of bed, got ready, and went upstairs to the fourth floor where I unsurprisingly found Arthur, but surprisingly found Vishen. We were laughing, joking, just having fun. Ying came around and said hi to Vishen, because if he weren't there she wouldn't have done anything other than walked past, but she did ask what room we were in. I stayed with the boys while she went in there, huffed that no one was going in (Ash still hadn't arrived), and stormed off. Meanwhile Ash came and joined us for a chat before we went in for out meeting.

The meeting itself was a lot of fun because Ash and I are just sarcastic with each other and she just gets it. In fact, being with Ying didn't do anything even though I don't care much at all (seeing as I'm fed up with her, not the other way around). She went on ignoring me like a big sook, and I just laughed with Ashnita, who agreed with me about Dave looking at our boobs while talking to us (that's when Ying wanted to talk to me- "shock").

Ying wanted to make sure I knew she was going somewhere, but neither Ash nor I asked her where she was going (in my head I was thinking, "let it slide Ash, let it slide"). And I so-called got back at her when Ash and I were talking about Fiji and I said, "I'll think about it, I want to, but I'll be in Newcastle for a month." "With your "friend?" Ash joked. We may not be close, but she still knows enough about my life for us to talk. And at the same time it probably pissed Ying to hear I was going to see Gaz for a month, and that Ash knew.

Ying left first thankfuly, which left me and Ash and Arthur and Vishen all saying see ya and smiling goodbye.

I went to grab lunch and Milke was there- after our four hour discussion yesterday we weren't awkward at all, and we were nice, but just not chatty that's all. And when Jesse went to serve me at dinner, he was nice to me (because he saw me with Mike yesterday?).

My second meeting was as fun as the first, but not as amusing. We were laughing and it was easy, and it was wonderful how May takes charge since I don't have to feel stupid as she is smarter. And thankfully May didn't mention Ying and Me as an issue, so I was happy about that.

I guess I wish I could put into words what I learned today:
*Ash made a professional cold call to a law firm, asking for the department first, introducing herself, and then our project. She made it so easy.
*May knows what to do and leads straightaway. She just gets projects, but it also helps since she has other assignments to go off of. She thinks about what she's typing instead of just going with her first instinct (like I do).

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

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UNI RESIDENTS & GREAT PLEASURES I had to stand up in front of the class and I was caught off guard by our professor's answer. Now normally I would be really embarrassed, but this is my semester of "whatever" with those things. But the main thing for me to remember is that while I really don't know them too well, the American girl and the Brazilian girl were so nice and supportive of me. The American smiled and mouthed, "Good job." I thought it was sweet.

Today was all mostly about Mike. Wonderful, lovely, Mike. I went to talk to Ash, and since he sits there, he wasn't deferred by me "ignoring" him. Instead he said, "Hi, Jen!" with such excitement and I mimicked, "Hi, Mike!" back laughing.

During out IFM tutorial Mike actually showed, and it was weird because he sat in front away from me for some reason. But I didn't take much notice, since I don't want to get myself attached to him. And I soon forgot it because Aslihan (the professor) said, "Jen knows. She's organized." She barely knows me and she knows I'm organized! I felt special actually.

After class I hung back to wait for Arthur, but meanwhile Mike was holding back waiting for me. "Why are you dressed up?" he asked me, like he does every time I dress up. But then he added, "Are you going to the bungalows?" So he followed me. And we walked past the cafe and out by the carpark. And naturally I felt nervous in a way, even though it's only Mike, because I'm rarely alone with guys my own age any more that aren't Gaz. "How are you going with the trading game?" he asked me. He's a smooth one that doesn't have to worry about talking, that's for sure.

Somehow we got on the subject of Europe, his favorite topic since he went on the trip, and then he stopped to talk. We talked, all up, from 1:50-5:10. Almost three and and a half hours. It was definitely one of the highlights of my time in Bond by far. And even though that sounds pathetic, it's not considering this is me and I rarely mesh well with popular people, especially popular males.

What makes it special is that he was so open with his past, and even though he's popular, he's not cocky at all. He treats me well, treats me very well in fact, and he always makes me laugh. Best of all, he doesn't use girls and he respects us so much.

But I was also open with him. We were talking about how American girls are sluts, and then I told him that I waited myself. I offered up details for some reason, shyly, and he was so shocked that he kept laughing with this surprised look on his face. Then I told him about the Gareth saga, with full truth (without saying that we never really dated in the first place), and I felt free. I kept telling him, "Usually I'm not this open. Usually it takes me longer."

We were talking about how people don't even know where South Africa is and how they can't figure out why white people where there (since he's South African), when Ying walked past. Perfect timing considering I was just telling him how she knew neither, but she didn't hear it probably. I was just happy that she was storming past, knowing full well that I was there with Mike, talking in the carpark, with him sitting on the fence barrier as if he's been there a while.

Then his co-worker, Jesse, walked past and saw as well. I mention this only because it gives me more cred to Jesse now.

Then Mike finally acknowledged his girlfriend, but I figured it out a while ago. I was totally okay with it. I mean, it would've been nice, but we've always been in the friend stage.

The trick is, he comes off cool and confident because he was a res student and is apart of res wars, but really he isn't. Deep down he is sensitive and caring. Wow.

I asked him why Stephen asked him to be in our group, since he can't stand him, and he said, "because I'm friends with you and Arthur." As silly as that is, I felt so great because he acknowledged the word "friends" about us. And it made me think back in Bathurst the first time Gaz said it about us, and how from there our friendship just got so much stronger. I wanted the same with Mike.

He defended my quiet American life, with my friends who don't party too much, and he said he enjoys that lifestyle as well. I felt great when he said that. He's only been partying since he's joined Bond, became a res student, and the rest of A-Block had to know who he was. I always knew that, because from day one he walked in the classroom insecure, searching for someone he knew but not knowing anyone. You can just tell.

But I can't forget: halfway through he went to my bungie to "piss" and when he was finished, he walked onto my porch and sat down. I joined him, not expecting him to stay even longer, but there we were doing that. He has a way of just taking charge, but always doing the right thing.

Overall, it's so easy with him. He's so intelligent, fun to talk to, and he makes me laugh. Conversation doesn't falter between us.

Monday, 7 July 2008

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UNI CLASSWORK (IFM) Just a bunch of uni related stuff today, even though it usually is anyway. But firstly it was international finance with an early Toby and Arthur coming in just after I did. We were laughing and joking as always, because Toby just has that type of personality and Arthur loves to flirt with guys and feel cool.

Mike came in late and neither of us paid much attention even though he chose to sit directly in front of me, until the quiz came and he chatted with me. And then when he went to leave, he smiled at me with a "Oh, well..." look on his face.

(IHRM) I went to drop some stuff off in the classroom and went back to my IFM classroom to find Arthur and Stephan leaving just in time. We walked over to the library where Art and I had a chat with our IFM professor. I see how he does it: he makes a nice comment and that gets them talking. Unlike me who just says hello to professors.

Once in class Ying chose to be a baby and sat on the other side, while being ignored by Thora (which made me laugh). I didn't care really, but I wished Ashnita was there at least to keep me company. Why is she turning this into something that it's not? This is not a Franzi episode where I'm being immature! It's actually the other way around for once, ha.

But then we had a debate, something I have never been good at. (DISCOVERED) I discovered though that I need to take more initiate. That I need to plan even more. That I need to start thinking more quickly and clearly. And that a good leader explains well and checks on others to see if they're okay. Somehow, thankfully, I lucked out and got the easiest part. Thank you for the forces for doing that.

(YING) It was hilarious watching Ying thinking she was cool because she was with the Germans and yet having our two Chinese students breaking her down. ("She really pisses people off," even Stephan said!).

Afterwards, Art told me to come find him, but instead I ran into Stephan first. Not bad, but that lead to yet another half amusing and yet half frustrating talk at Bond Cafe since Stephan thinks he knows all. It's hard to get word in edgewise and Art has no mind of his own, but instead listens to everyone like everyone is right (except me. I'm never right to him). But why do I mention this? Just because it's odd for me to have two friends who are 45 and 32ish. And yet I'm no longer embarrassed because it's fun. They get me and help me. I feel like I can go to them when I'm upset.

But then I had a group meeting. Me, Nash, Dino, and May. We were practicing and it was odd that I clammed up in front of them. And yet even though Nash sucked, I didn't like him criticizing me even though know one criticized him. May was incredibly sweet though. I just felt like I should've done better even though I practiced so much, truly. Oh, well.

This is why I always feel inferior, and yet I'm told that I'm not (ADVICE).

"Hmm, have to find the proper marshmallows (test all the ones available- I think the Mr.Mallow ones look about right). You’ll have this stupid godiva chocolate bar sitting here waiting to (if dad sneaks in and eats it, I’ll have to kill him, seeing I’m trying to protect it)."

Awwww! My bestie can always make me feel lovely when he wants to. First he mentions it again out of no where, and then he's extremely defensive of it to make sure I get it! It's so Gareth to go "stupid" since I think he does that when he's trying to hide his romantic side or try not to lose face.

Sunday, 6 July 2008

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Nothing much to report today other than mom calling me for the weekend check-up of sorts. I got a late start, but really I didn't have much to do. And as far as Mike goes- unfortunately neither of us were feeling the friendliness. In fact, I finally got to ignore the Asian-Canadian today after she ignored me last time (made me feel good).

Saturday, 5 July 2008

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UNI CLASSWORK I got back into doing my weekly readings, not realizing I've ever strayed, and now I feel much better. I feel so much more productive for once.

LIFE HERE I spoke to mom this morning and she saw no problem with the internship program, just as long as they do what they promise. I was shocked and in fact I was the one who was doubtful!

Friday, 4 July 2008

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UNI CLASSWORK  Our entrepreneurship lecturer is just...creepy.  And I'm not just saying that because he refuses to remember my name (seriously, eight weeks and you still can't get it even though I repeatedly tell you??).  May and I walked into his room because May is lovely and thought to have him re-check our work since somehow she knew he was full of himself (he didn't even check it correctly the first time).  And what I've learned is that he likes to stare at our chests. He's not a real professor.  And he smells bad with his greasy hair, fake men's vogue clothing, and terrible cologne.  But more importantly, I learned from May how to say, "This is per our email" and how to small talk to someone you're being introduced to.  Little business etiquette techniques.

DISCOVERED  I need to treat May like she's special, since she does it for me, and ask her repeatedly how she is and put my life aside while I talk to her.  

UNI RESIDENTS & LIFE HERE  After the meeting I received a call from Arthur, freaking out thinking something bad happened since he rarely calls.  But when I finally found him, we sat talking for almost an hour before Stephan came to join us- as strange as it is for me, I feel comfortable with those two older guys.  But the reason Art called is that there's a new possibility for me to stay on if I can convince my mom to let me do it.  Bond has teamed up with immigration and is offering a free program for us to get the two year requirement.  And Art found this out by chatting up several people- so talking always helps!

ADVICE  Life is about getting people to do what you want, and then you can get anything.  Give them something first.  Make them happy first, and then they will return the gesture.  

HOLIDAYS  "Jenn!  Jennnn!  Say hi!  Happy 4th of July!"  Said Toby after I caught him pissing on a parked car.  I had no idea it was him after first, but I felt cool shouting, "Happy Independence Day!"