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LIFE HERE, GROWN UP, CHANGE, BEST FRIEND

Friends (AUS)

• Gareth!
  
• Ash...
  
• Mike...
  
• Stephen...
  
• Arthur...
  
• May...
  

Friends (US)

• Kristen
  
• Betty...
  
• Christina...
  
• Jess...
  

AUS lifestyle:

• No car
  
• Expensive food and clothing
  
• I can't even go shopping alone
  
• I would have to live with someone else
  
• People are nice and yet obnoxious
  
• No family
• But I have Gareth
  
• Good reputation
• Clean air, but HOT air
• So isolated and boring...did everything just about
• Has plenty of jobs
• Good pay, but expensive living
• Not so powerful, but no killings (supposedly)

US lifestyle:

• I have a car
  
• Food is so cheap, as well as clothing (which is styles I like)
  
• I can go shopping alone
  
• I don't have to live with someone
  
• People are nice, obnoxious, but just like me
  
• I have my family
  
• But I have Betty (ugh) and Kristen 
  
• Bad reputation, and yet they fucking love us
• Cleanish air, but I don't even notice + colder weather (nice)
• Soooo much to do
• Still has good jobs
• Not as good pay, but fucking cheap living
• We're powerful -> Our power may be dying, but then others die too

Overall, I'm going to be happier in the US.  The only thing that will bother me is knowing that undeserving people will live in Australia (because I WANT TO LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY) and that most importantly...Gareth.  But, we have such a strong friendship that I can withstand only emails and seeing him every year.  We're so strong that he'll forever be my friend and we'll see each other for sure.

I've lost Betty and Jess, but really does it matter much?  If I have Kristen down the street, I'll be okay.  And with a job I can make new friends.  And if it doesn't work out, there's Gareth to go running to or another city.

UNI CLASSWORK  it was my last presentation ever.  Ever, ever, ever.  I was there early, followed by a few people I don't really talk to, then Nash who was a struggle (he just stares anymore and doesn't bother.  An asshole or has he always been this way?).  Finally, Ash came to the rescue and then Mike.  He was nicely dressed up and came straight to me.  "You're dressed up!"  "And he has shoes!" Ash added.  But then Mike left and I was left with my group and sort of Ash.

"Before class he came up to me and said he didn't mean to do that as far as giving me a 6.5 for "not putting in as much effort as the others" and that he's "really busy and must've mistake my true mark amongst all his papers."  I think he could tell on my face that I was thinking, "oh, bullshit, don't pull that" because he nudged me and said, "Don't take it personal."  Hmm."

Finally the presentation came and we were the last ones to go.  I wanted to be first, but it was okay.  Once I got up there it felt natural, but I felt so disconnected from everyone.  I need to get to the point where I can actually talk to them and know exactly what I'm saying word for word at the same time.  Also, passion.  I need to be more passionate without being annoying.

During the rest of the presentation Stephen walked past twice and May and I were laughing and waving.  Seeing Stephen actually made me feel better.

Afterwards he asked me a few questions, but they were so easy that I didn't mind at all.  Just clarifying.   May asked him, "Do you have any comments for our group?"  "I think the professor was really impressed because he said, "Great idea-- are you going to go through with it?"  (We all said no).  "Are you thinking of selling the business plan then?"  (We laughed- but I think he's serious)."

After the presentation I realized that I don't want to see most of these people ever again, and then ones I do want to see, I probably never will.  When I left I didn't say goodbye to Nash this time, because I'm tired of his pissy happy attitude.  He obviously doesn't care about me.

INVITES  "And then I talked to May and she invited me out to dinner with the rest of our group members since I'm going back home and ZeFeng's going back to China, but I sure don't want to go.  I have to go, but I surely don't want to.  Especially if Nash'll be there, since he's got this thing against me for some reason.  (Unless it's just his Indian-British background of just staring and not saying anything?)."

LITTLE PLEASURES  But I caught Mike on the way out, luckily because I thought he was long gone.  Maybe he was waiting up for someone or me, I don't know.  I asked him if he was going to the tute, and he said no (figures).  Then Armell walked past, the French chick, and she was oddly nice to me.  Mike hugged her goodbye and I was jealous, but also surprised at how touchy he is with people he doesn't even really know.

After Armell left, he was talking about how I could help him out and I told him, "What do I get?" HE HUGGED ME!  It felt so great.  How often do boys I like hug me?  Not often. What, just Geovanny, Gareth, and now Mike?  That's it.  And after he hugged me he said he'd give me something extra special.  He's such a lovable player.  And as he was leaving I called out, "See you in the brasserie!"  "I'll give you extra dessert!"  he called back.

UNI CLASSWORK  Beforehand I was with the boys chatting and trying to do some work.  And my last tutorial ever was fine- I brought my laptop and that was that.  I've never done it before, but it felt damn good just pissing around on the internet like every one else does.  Afterwards, our prof wanted a class photo.  Amei, Ying's friend, sat next to me and held me-- close!  And afterwards she got right in my face, just the way she is,to talk. Wow- talk about cultural differences.

LITTLE PLEASURES  That night at dinner Mike scanned my card and asked me about class.  Then he acted as if he was waiting so he could serve me, but then he had to serve the guy in front of me.  Dessert?  He ran over even though a woman already started serving me since no one was coming.  "Would you like anything else?" he said in a sneaky way, inferring to earlier in the day.  "Next time when there's chocolate I laughed."  I felt cool.

Entry ?

I met Ashnita in the MLC for our meeting:

"My group meeting with Ashnita was...a complete dud...twice, just like I thought.  We met on Wednesday and we were there for 5 minutes before she said, "Want to go out to eat?"  In other words, after 5 minutes she didn't want to work, so I blew her invite off and went to get some other work done instead.  Really though, I was glad that I didn't have to sit there and work on the paper with her."  

During I found out that Mike had told her that he was going to go visit me (and he did, but I wasn't there).  Maybe he just went so he could talk to me?!  Not for uni reasons?  So I felt cool and important hearing that.  Then Ash kept telling me to go to Fiji and meet up with her.

"On the way out, Zala (the girl who tore Stephen and my group apart), apologized to me which completely shocked me.  But the real realization was the fact that gossip at this university is so freaking fast and widespread, no matter who you are (I know a lot of the people in my degree, but still, you know?  I'm not exactly someone who knows and talks to everyone)."

Ash drove me to the uni centre, during which I had to give her the latest gossip-- it's like I'm in high school again.  

I had met with Stephen earlier in the day and I found out that Stephen had told the Iceland bitch about the professional degree.  I'm just angry that he's making it easy for bitches like her.

So when I went to find them, it was easy.  I love how easy it is on campus to not only find someone on your own, but ask someone and they usually know.  But they were at the Wednesday by the Water and partially ignoring me, so I left.  I like not having to feel inferior, that's all.  

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UNI CLASSWORK It's Wednesday and I had a meeting with Ying and Ashnita, following the fall out with Ying yesterday and naturally I was worried that Ying would push me out of our group. And so there was a saving grace with Arthur texted to say he was in the library and I went to join him to avoid waiting alone. It was even better when Ash called to ask about what room we were in and I knew for sure that Ying didn't sabotage me.


UNI RESIDENTS Thus when I found Arthur outside the room I felt better since when Ying went by I didn't have to deal with her at all. Best came when Ash arrived, stopped to chat, and we were laughing with Art as well.


UNI CLASSWORK & YING Ash and I walked into the room. I sat semi across from Ying and we ignored each other until...I actually talked of her and she then semi looked at me and acknowledged my suggestions like I was doing. First I was surprised by her maturity, but also mine! While we were leaving Ash was talking about rugby and I felt cool because I watch it to and love it as well.


INVITES We were laughing about that, and when Ash and I walked out, we stopped by Arthur. Ash found out I was going back home in August/September, she invited me to stop in Fiji since she'd be home and said I could visit her.


UNI RESIDENTS Art and I walked over to the STA like planned where we ran into Toby on the way out. I was surprised, but he stayed 30 minutes to talk to us about his woes in life and I felt good because I love being with Arthur and running into people for chats. I know them as well, but I rarely stop to talk like Art does. And then we ran into Dino who sat really close to me for a guy and for a Chinese person...


WELLBEING I now actually feel much better, just like when I got rid of Franzi, because it's like a bad part of my life is finally gone and I don't have to deal with it no longer. I no longer have to worry about her ugly Chinese stares, pauses during my happiness, and belittling of my life. Not to forget those forced conversations and annoying dinners.

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GREAT PLEASURES I told Arthur the night before that I would stop by that morning just to say hello, and so I had this little gut feeling pushing me to go at this certain moment in time. And so when I got there I was surprised to see May and Arthur was just leaving for his appointment. May told me to sit, and I thought, "You're just like Liz." She invites me in, thinks of me, and is always cheerful. And so I sat with her in a comfy state, just helping her to sell her IT book.

Then she invited me to lunch with her and Elaine and then asked me to go to a seminar with her the next day (doing as Liz once said, "You don't have to" as if she was forcing me and I was just giving in).

I pretty much felt loved.

And I even felt comfortable walking with her over to market square to get her lunch and then back over to find a sitting Elaine waiting for her.

take away, little one? smile, big smile
push to go see, and there was may and then to lunch and to class tomorrow invite; 11-1:30
go to arth for a wlak, 1hr 15 min

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UNI CLASSWORK Tuesday morning, my second day of classes and my last day of classes for the week. I arrived not too early but I was still the first one in, with some stuck up girls to follow. I didn't bother looking up and neither did they as they passed. As so that's how it goes when you're all in your final semester and know who you want to know already.
But eventually May, Nash, and Ying arrived together and Ying somewhat ignored as May and Nash sat next to me. I don't get Ying and I never have. She has these weird moods where I try to please her and it's never enough and she just acts like she barely knows me. But to be fair, I do it to her too at times.

INVITES & GREAT PLEASURES I discovered May was engaged and was genuinely happy for her. Not jealous, but only happy for her. And like Liz she invited me to her wedding in Malaysia and it was just so exciting for me. I finally get to make up for my Liz mistake. I should've never ended our friendship but it was destroyed as it was anyway.
Later in the day May came to my room with Arthur and me to see it, and it made me feel good. Besides Art, Ying, Mike, and Stephen, and now her, no one else has come by.

LITTLE PLEASURES Mike sat behind me again and so I said, "Why do you always sit behind me?" "Because I love the view," he quirped. And then he asked why I dressed up and when I told him it's because Americans are bashed for being casual, he said, "But I hate when girls dress up." I felt lovely. Then for some strange reason I felt loved when Ashnita said, "Jennifer" like Liz used to, as in a teasing way.

Entry FORTY-FIVE

AMERICAN HOME We were never that close at work, with him only paying me attention towards the end when he had something to say or he wanted to tease me like he did Doris. In fact, at first I didn't like him much because he would come over when Doris was training me and not even look at me. And so it was slow, and therefore I was amazed and confused when he asked for my email address before I left. Was it because I was going to Australia? Came down here and it was awkward at first with the emails, but now he emails almost instantly the next day. I should be flattered, I know. And when/if it stops, I will miss it.

Opening my email in the morning I found two from Kenny (normal), one from Lisa, and none from Bear. I was disappointed in the Bear reaction, but then again I know he will on Monday, his day off. Just love knowing he loves me. He is my source of comfort, communication, sanity, and love. Now I have Elaine and I'm not so dependent on communicating with him since I actually have a friend here, but she could never replace him.

Lisa cried when I told her Geauga Lake as we know it no longer exists. I was surprised by her reaction- crying? I understand we spent almost all our lives there, but crying?

Christina also emailed me (hotmail account, as usual, just like Liz). It is going great, hope you are doing good, drop me an email sometime about your travels and what you have been up to. Is that sincere? She didn't have to reply or even send the original email, so I guess. I hope it is because I do miss her friendship and hope to see her when I get back. In fact, I should tell her that.

DISCOVERED I realized as I was drifting off to sleep the other night how Liz has impacted me. I treat Elaine with girl-love because Liz taught me how. She taught me how to maintain female friendships. Too bad ours didn't work.

READING It was such a beautiful, and yet chilly, day that I went to my secluded spot outside the Business building to read since I was too afraid of the lake steps. I tried, I really did, but there were too many people walking around for once. For shame, being afraid as being seen as a "dork". I finished Memoirs of a Geisha, although it was disappointing towards the end and I just wanted it over with about about pages to.

INVITES Kenny has invited me and Melissa to a Tribe game next year, and it made me so happy I was dancing around. Knowing that I will have friends when I get back is very important to me.

(Where is Jess? She hasn't replied to my email lately.)

Around 5:45pm I had to wait for Jillian to leave, only to find out how wonderful it was that it happened. I came across a waving, smiling Ashnita who stopped me on the way to the IGA. She asked what I was up to, I asked her if she moved (yes!), we talked about regional study, and she invited me to a housewarming party! I really want to get closer to her. She'd be a great and fun friend.

Then walking the boardwalk I ran into Anna from communication. It took both of us a second to realize who each other was and she was so happy, smiling, talking. She told me it was "good for you" that I was walking with my groceries (extra weight) and we said, "see ya."

ADVICE It pays off to even say hello and sit next to people in class.

Entry FORTY-THREE

UNI CLASSWORK AND RESIDENTS She's difficult, but I knew that from the start. She thinks from a Chinese prospective, forgetting we're in Australia, thinking I'm lying about Aussie women working while pregnant! And then the presentation. She's a fucking hard-head. On the bus to Pacific Fair, where I offered to join her for her mistake while she returned a shirt, she was arguing with me about the presentation. She told me, not asked me, that I had to give it...even though so far I'm the one doing all the fucking work. Things got better, but then in her room on the way back she was odd. Cold. Upset? And I asked when to meet for lunch and she said something about doing some reading and going at 11:40, but not about meeting me. I told her I would be there at 11:30, but never went. I don't play games.

What to do, what to do?

"Hey guys," Jillian said as she passed through while the skinny Malaysian just mouthed something to me (so unusual). I was surprised by both: that Jillian bothered and the Malaysian wasn't her usual chatty self.


IM/Text/Email/Post Just happen to be awake as it came! It was such a pleasant coincidence.

UNI RESIDENTS I got back to my room after the meeting not worrying, but wondering what was up. Why did she act so pissy? She took over, wouldn't listen, wouldn't look at me at first, and didn't want to present any part of the presentation. And yet things changed and we were all talking and laughing at the end, all such headstrong personalities, and she waved goodbye with a "Bye, Jennifer!" I just didn't understand.

But then she called my dorm and sounded really strange. Not cold, but scared or worried or sad. She asked to have dinner with me so we could talk (after I offered to come over, why Liz has helped so much in the past). Honestly I was worried, it was like she was depressed.

I sat outside the brasserie waiting, not afraid of people looking, and she came. For forty-five minutes we talked about her problem, how she doesn't think she can do well with the Aussie school system, or English. That's why she was acting strange, trying to hide the fact that she is scared and doesn't think she'll do well (hence wanting me to present). I tried to help, assuring her that I've been through it, and at the end she looked better. She said I had helped, and it looked it, but she still looked a bit worried.

It felt great to help. And now I know our friendship is okay, too.

DISCOVERED I get really frustrated when a non-native English speaker misunderstands me and acts like I'm the unitelligent one. Also, I need to be more patient when this happens.

INVITES Audrey caught me as I was going in my room and she was coming out. She's so cute, that smile on her face the entire time, and waving hello and goodbye. I was talking to her before she had to leave, about how "jealous" I was that she was going swimming, and she invited me to come next time. That made me feel very good.

Entry FORTY-TWO

DISCOVERED I rarely look closely at myself, the little dots of brown covering my arms. Ones I've never seen before. My skin is such a pretty shade of golden brown that I envy those who have it naturally.

INVITES Damien, I think that's his name, asked me out during marketing, or at least I think he did. He kept asking questions the entire time during marketing and I was mumbling, "uh-huh" Apparently that's him flirting? But lesson learned, make sure you know what they are saying. He asked me if I would go to the beach with him right after class, and thankfully Elaine had just asked me at the beginning if I would go to lunch with her. My saviour.

UNI RESIDENTS We went to Pacific fair together, me skipping regional study, and enjoying it. We laughed so hard. Three hours long went so fast, that's how easy it was. I finally have a friend to shop with, (a female I mean, to replace Liz), and I love that. Someone to help me to get a new wardrobe. She even made fun of the Chinese, herself:

(an email to Bear):
"This may be funnier in person (one of those "you had to be there" things), but I have to tell you this. Know how there's a general consensus about Chinese made products as to their quality? Well the Chinese girl was looking at a shirt at Supre and was asking where it was made (I figured China, but I looked anyway). And when I told her she actually shouted, "No! Chinese clothes are horrible, the colors run!" Don't think I've ever heard that from a Chinese person before, so I as pretty much shocked to her response and highly amused."

IM/Text/Email/Post I was gone all day until 7pm, so I didn't have time to think about Gaz and I didn't wonder once if he had emailed me. And he did, I felt so much better at that, like someone told me they loved me. I knew he would, I had no doubt, but just wondering when.

My favorite part: "Yay! Thank god, one presentation done, yeah, I always had a buzz after finishing my speeches- even if they were bad though (probably just the stress messing with my head I suppose)."

Entry THIRTY-SIX

Class makes me tired. I went to bed at two am thinking I could easily get up at 6am, only to wake to a bunch of talking and thinking, "everyone is up at seven am?" It was half past eleven, and I was so upset I slept so much. Still tired, my eye ache, and I haven't been able to get much done except to buy my two course books. That's it. I hope Bear emails me because it's been two days and this is the pattern. Every second day. Please email me even though I missed my eleven-eleven wish! I hiccuped and I hope that's a good sign. This as the heat sticks to me and I feel the weight of my dark clothes. I'm not cute enough to dress like them, I feel odd. Once I'm finished with my masters, will I feel special, different? Those will PhDs like to flaunt it, so will I have that with my masters? None of my friends from LEC have one! I should feel good. Then this thought came: maybe he'll actually acknowledge my birthday on time this year. Not get me anything I know, but at least remember.

ADVICE The girl, the young snotty brunette, took care of me and didn't bother acknowledging me, so for now on I will do the same. I won't even say hello.

INVITES Elaine, my new Chinese friend, called about the meals and I'm glad that she calls about questions like that. Must mean she's not that close to anyone, which is great considering I'm not that way another either when it comes to campus. She asked me to call when I'm studying so we can do it in the library, and I said for sure. So come next week we should do that!

The heat is getting better, but I still don't like. Buy fresh fruit as often as I can to get some cold juices in my stomach in an attempt to mellow out the hot tea I need for a caffeine rush. Sounds of summer, helicopters buzzing and 'brrr brrr' ahead. Construction workers with their backup beeping from their large trucks. Shovels, machinery. I want to close my window but I can't because I'm trying to not use the A/C. It's not so bad having open windows as I can people watch and hear their somewhat private conversations, which keeps me busy as I'm locked up inside.

IM/Text/Email You're such a dork with your dorky smile, warm feeling inside, and beating heart as your slowly read the email you sent him and you happen to receive his reply. I was calm about it, but worried before the notification knowing that I won't hear from him over the weekend. So, thank you.

After receiving a still unread email from him and pleasing myself as the yank walked from the common room, I was ready to start reading some of my assignments. Get started early, that's what I have to do. Done well so far, but could've done better.

Several hours later, before the day was officially over, I finally opened his email. It wasn't so much from fear but trying to make it last. That, and I'm always afraid it will be so short and boring. Yep, I was right. Nothing special at all except that he got the postcard (surprised he mentioned it), thanked me for the photos (unusual of him), wanted to send me a photo of the tattoo design, and he said he'll write again soon (or he meant me, don't know). Content wise it was short, but I guess he still loves me and is telling me everything considering his life is slow (no lie this time, I experienced it).

So meh, I'm just glad he emailed :)


supposedly means 'Jenny':
أنثي الطائر

Entry TWENTY-FIVE

64 cm (25 in); 10 hours (fast and slow),
all my pale blue yarn is finished!

















It is still relaxing, but I don't like the feel of the yarn anymore. It rubs, it's rough, and I feel like I'm stretching it too much. Starting the brown was a little difficult to get the casting on down again, but then it was simple again. I love the color, so muted and easy and not blue (which you can get sick of if you see it a lot). And as I was counting 35 stiches, I remember that reading Harry Potter and watching the movies is why I started knitting in the first place. I wanted a Harry scarf! This project was started as a Christmas present for Gaz since he was always complaining about the weather. Will I give it to him? Not sure.



IM/Text/Email

Hey,

Well, today's appointment day to get this tattoo drawn up (I think I've forgotten all my ideas- I don't know how the hell I'm going to explain what's in my head? Iv'e decided to just try empty it, and hope it doesn't cost anything yet!). I'll have to see what they say about being in a swimming pool- probably not allowed so I'll have to delay it for a while....

Lucky for you I can't check out the list you sent on this computer (firewall), probably a good thing for me too I'll start to get big ideas (you can have too much of a good thing).

Fun giving speeches to kids!?! Have you gone mad- speeches fun? I'll get nervious as much as talking to adults (I've just realised I've never really worked with kids in any way what so ever).

You seriously don't know what gourmet means? Usually it just means good ingredients and fancy food (where ever it comes from- ie no fish and chips, vanilla ice-cream (unless it's made with real vanilla beans etc) and so on and so forth).

Eh, don't worry, you probably worked out by now that it's way too hard to get lost in Australia.

And cool, I'll try to make sure I'm at the bus place right on time (maybe I should visit the pub for dinner, and walk from there).

I'll tell you how my day went when you get here.

See you,

Gaz.

INVITES Tonight, in a handful of hours, I will be having a somewhat uncomfortable dinner with Arthur and Stephan, at Stephan's house. I kind of hope others will be there as well to take half of the attention off of me, but I don't think so. Happy I was invited, that I get to do something different, but it's uncomfortable since my fallout (quiet one at least) with Arthur and how I am the youngest by far. My finickiness when it comes to food shouldn't stop me from eating, however.

The dinner was already set up, beautifully in fact. Each corner had two little burners and two mini frying pans, along with a platter of butter cubes. The rest was just covered with capsicum, egg plant, beef, fish, chicken, bacon, onions, and you name it. I loved the idea, something that came from Europe. You sit for hours cooking mini meals and you can eat whatever you like. Even picky eaters would be happy.

Although he continually talked of himself for four hours long, I began to like him. I felt comfortable and I was amazed how he can insult. "I get along with Americans," he told us. Yet he always has to be a know-it-all, a real turn-off. He talked of things beyond me, his experiences, and about the business world. Every time I mentioned something, he turned it to himself.

(CULTURE) He swore big time in front of his six year old daughter. Drank a lot and drove home going over the line. He just grabbed food with his hands. Yes, even "refined" aussies are hicks. Or "easy going" as he says.

He knew I wasn't happy here because my friends aren't up here. Amazing.

Four hours of him talking and on the way home he invited us back again. He kept insisting in fact, that he needed something to talk to now that he'll be on research. My only regret? Not saying at the very end of dinner thank you.

UNI CLASSWORK I have this urge to buy my books for next semester now that I have nothing to do. I have the urge to distract myself and to get a head start, although I was so excited once all the weight was lifted off at the finish of my Global Business final and I realized that was it. No responsibilities for three weeks. Three weeks of carefree fun until another three months of reading and studying!

DISCOVERED just kept walking and I discovered that even the old can look new if you're in a pleasant mood and looking around. I discovered that one bridge on the way to the wetlands actually leads to the island in the middle. A nice hideaway I will have to discover at once I have time.

Entry TWENTY-FOUR

Lately I've been coming to terms with my breasts. Being naked more often, looking, and embracing.

I fucked myself over with Global Business, so I guess I will be paying to re-take it. It just sucks having to give those presentations again, but at least I will be prepared.

"You are fucking kicking ass! Go Jen! Now don't panic!" When I study I talk to myself. I'm dramatic. I use my hands. I get angry at myself if I miss something easy. But I'm proud of what I've accomplished, considering how I started out, and I hope that I do well since I genuinely tried! My driving need right now is sleep; I'm looking forward to getting this over, hopefully not feeling to guilty, and just sleeping and sleeping.

ADVICE Pass or fail, I've learned to keep up with all subjects and that I should study even the "hard" one early on, as I go along.

Try to portray yourself as a more positive person.

UNICLASSWORK and UNI RESIDENTS early, as always because otherwise I get nervous, and I chose a spot on the overhang that was sort of hidden and yet I could be seen. I was doodling swirls when I heard, "studying hard?" from Mike. He did the nervous laughing shaking thing he does when it seems like he is flirting with a girl, me. And it was so easy talking to him and I love it, because I still have my innocent crush on him, and I want to befriend him, and I love his South African accent. It's so rough and different, and yet so pleasing.

Ashnita joined us, mind you that generally these two don't always come to me, and I felt special. She sat close and we were all talking and then she did something that made me feel better. She was talking about waxing her mustache, so that made me feel better since she's one of the few that looks at where my lip is. She was so comfortable talking about it, so I should be, too!

Helped each other study and we got to chatting about how James feels I should be more social. "Come, you'll know us," Ashnita said when I told her how awkward it would be to go to End of the Semester Bash (although I ended up not going- you can't show up alone and without a decent outfit to wear).

"Canberra?!" they both joked. "Who's there?" asked Ashnita. Girls are so tuned in. "Ohhh, a boyfriend!" Mike joked. It's the kind of joking a male friend would do, one that knows you and is comfortable, so it felt really good.

We wished each other good luck as we went to take our final exam. I was situated as the last one in the Global Business row, but I had a nervous wreck of a woman next to me who kept glancing over and shaking the table. I was iffy on the actual exam and afraid to be the first to leave, but I did after Ashnita walked by and we smiled at each other.

Then, it was over! I felt relieved, as if all the weight was gone, and I couldn't stop smiling. I had no idea how grumpy or exhausted or stressed I was until I walked out of that hall.

Checked with accommodation about my room being still alloted to me, so easy, and then ran into Stephen who told me to meet him tomorrow at 6pm. While we were chatting, Gillian, the Canadian, looked at me and smiled as she ran. "I really need to pee!" she laughed.

The moment I hit my bed back in my room, I didn't wake for two hours. Something woke me up and I walked over to my laptop, which was still brightly running, and saw Gaz's email with a smile on my face. I knew it would come, but there was always that risk. I also knew it would be short considering there wasn't much to say, but he did the one thing I wanted. Gaz told me he would pick me up, since he never specifically said he would (just that I could stay at his place). That was one of the reasons I got upset, and here I was stupid about that, as always.

Two more hours of sleep and I woke with the urge to walk, but then I got a few minutes in to where the sun made me sweat right away. That was it, so back to my dorm I went.

Over two months since it's been since I've seen her, the one I met my first day, and I couldn't even remember what she looked like, and yet she remembered me. I smiled regardless, knowing there was a chance, and I was right. She came up to me and asked when I was leaving, etc, while we smiled and easily talked away. It always feels good.

The politics! Two women cut in line, but I ignored it, and I got out faster in my line regardless. I kept my calm and didn't get in a bad mood, so it felt so good. Why bother upsetting yourself??

Then I ran into my roomie again, and here was twice after two months, what are the chances? But I was glad as we chatted again, easily, while she walked over to dinner. I found out I will have the dorm to myself starting Sunday, so I was happy to hear that. I will use the fridge and TV, check out those magazines, and walk around easily. I'm only somewhat comfortable with them still.




Half asleep, knowing there was a good chance it would come, and it was there. I woke up after two hours, stumbled over to my alive laptop and noticed his name. Although it didn't really register, I stumbled back to bed and slept easily another two hours. Before I opened it I knew it would be short, after all there was noting much to say except about me coming. Overall I was happy considering I didn't really imply for him to come pick me up:

"And cool, I'll try to make sure I'm at the bus place right on time (maybe I should visit the pub for dinner, and walk from there).

I'll tell you how my day went when you get here."

CULTURE It's so odd hearing "aluminum" the American way...