Entry SEVEN

Very emotional for some reason, wanting to cry, and showing Stephen I am human by saying I don't want to be here with a cracked voice, how I don't like Bond. It's stretching it, because it's really not that bad here, I'm just not having fun. I get closer and closer to people, but I miss Gaz even more and then it hits me how people have boyfriends and go out and dance.

Ah, that's why. Suddenly that "icky", crampy, bloaty feeling hit and I knew I got my period, which may be a reason for my sudden emotions.

WHAT I'VE DISCOVERED: Group work here is different. Everyone has laptops, which means they are messing around on facebook and flirting on MSN than actually doing the work. Be more confident in your work. It seems like a lot of people bullshit sometimes. Start early since people will not live up to their part.

SMALL GESTURES: I smiled at a girl walking on the bridge, a pretty Asian, and she smiled back, which made me feel so good. People here are usually too rude to return a little smile.

UNI RESIDENTS and CLASSWORK: Ashnita sat by me in the tute and did small talk until I left with her saying, "rest up." I hope the sick feeling I had made me look sick and not upset with her. I told her I was sick, so that's called paranoia. Paranoia with someone I only make small talk with- why do I do that to myself?

For some reason I was sad, and it wasn't Gaz since he's been good, but maybe the fact that I want a guy here to love me. As I was leaving the tute early I ran into Andrew, but I didn't look up and acted like I was lost in my thoughts with my pencil to my mouth like a little girl.

"Jen? Jen??" Andrew asked twice since I was passed him and lost in thought. "Aren't you going to economics?" he asked me. I told him I was sick. "I hope you feel better" he said with a wave as I thanked him and left.

So does he view me as a friend?