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UNI RESIDENTS Stephan was joking about how we're not the cool kids, and Mike turned around and said, "Jen, I think you're cool." He's a funny friend. But the best part was the end of class. Mike was wrestling me, actually playing like a kid with me and hitting arms and pulling, and then I poked his nose so he fake gagged. And then I said, "Is anyone coming?" which surprised myself. I rarely ask for attention. Mike looked but I didn't look since I hate coming off as clingy, and Toby came with me since we had HRM next. I moved. He moved. I stopped. He stopped. It just happened and we were laughing so hard about it. Playful much, Jen?

UNI CLASSWORK (As written to Gaz). "I went out for "coffee" twice this week, which is the most I've done that since...um...January? I went with my only group member left (more on that later), the Fijian Ashnita, after one of our meetings. We were talking about a mutual friend of ours and somehow that lead to her asking me to go for coffee, because she likes to gossip. Anyway, so not only did she have to gossip about people we both know, but she was pretty blunt about what she thinks is wrong with my country, but it was fun to talk about that. She did give me a compliment (I pretty much remember word for word things people say for a long time...I think I'm an auditory learner): "I've always thought Americans were loud and arrogant until I met you and Arthur." Yay, I guess...?

The second time was a couple of days ago on campus, at this place I've passed several times in the past year and a half and yet never went to. We met up for "coffee" (I got a hot chocolate this time, but mocha the first time) before our meeting with the HR director of Bond. Ying (or Elaine as I usually call her) didn't come because...well... she decided that we were "stupid" and that she didn't want to work with us any more. Mind you, this is after Ash and I waited and waited to get started all because of her. Not that I hold a grudge really, it's just funny considering.

So we were in class discussing this and all three of us went to talk to our Professor to check our idea with him. Meanwhile, Ying waited until we left and then told him that she wants to do a hotel instead of Bond for our project. So we're confused. He's confused. And Ying won't explain to us what's going on. Basically she's indirectly doing what she always does, and so now she's doing a 25 page project on her own because she's being stubborn. Ash and I were like, "what the fuck?" about it all, but we actually don't mind either way. I just can't figure it out (what part of "group work" does she not get?) and even Ying's friend ran into me and asked what was going on (apparently she's frustrated with her, because she pretty much badmouthed her own friend to me).

When we met with the HR director, this assume laidback Aussie guy who was so deadpan funny, he said the same thing we said. "I hate teamwork." Now if a 50 something HR director can say that, then yeah, apparently it happens at every single level you're at.

All the bad uni work aside (really does it ever end with my luck?), it's starting to dawn on me that I'm leaving Bond, which means I'm leaving all the cultural crap behind. It's good and bad, because it's really opened my eyes to just about every culture under the sun since you can find just about someone from every country here. I'm going to miss hearing all the different accents at once, especially getting excited when I hear the rare Aussie one. But most of all, I will just miss this overall experience and the people I know at this uni (considering I won't see the majority of them when I leave). But I suppose that's just one of the downsides of being an international student.

CULTURE I spent most of the weekend studying for a quiz I haven't been given yet, and a 10% exam that was pretty good. I was studying with two of the three Americans I know here, and it just kind of gives me a homey feeling I guess. I'm starting to really understand why foreigners/migrants cling so much to people of the same nationality. As much as I love the Aussie life, I still need to have something familiar every once in a while like an accent or someone who gets what I'm referencing in American pop culture or stupid American humor when it comes to joking. (I think our teasing/joking is American universal, in the same way sarcasm seems pretty universal here. I've noticed that Americans don't question my teasing humor, but non-Americans definitely do)."

DISCOVERED how at ease he put us at, or at least me, since Ash didn't need it. He shook our hands, we introduced ourselves. Then he gave us his card. Next he was so laid back that he sat back in his chair and commented on his office with jokes instead of getting right into it. I like that so much. Ash was a natural. She was talking to him like a conversation as well as making small talk, instead of going question by question. I have to improve my small talk skills and asking questions instead of just going, "yes" in agreement. Also, Jen, shake hands goodbye!

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner with Mike, as always now. It's almost a constant theme. He took care of me and neither of us were being friendly enough, but I didn't let it get to me. Then he had to come back to help the sides section, and he served me again with a, "Hello again." He had to say that, well technically not, but I'm still pointing it out. I told him, "The vegetarian...I guess" without realising it, and he said, "I guess?" And then I said, "And chips...and a lot of them in case" and he knew exactly what I meant. "In case you don't like whatever this is?" And that's when he finally smiled.

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UNI CLASSWORK (IFM) Just a bunch of uni related stuff today, even though it usually is anyway. But firstly it was international finance with an early Toby and Arthur coming in just after I did. We were laughing and joking as always, because Toby just has that type of personality and Arthur loves to flirt with guys and feel cool.

Mike came in late and neither of us paid much attention even though he chose to sit directly in front of me, until the quiz came and he chatted with me. And then when he went to leave, he smiled at me with a "Oh, well..." look on his face.

(IHRM) I went to drop some stuff off in the classroom and went back to my IFM classroom to find Arthur and Stephan leaving just in time. We walked over to the library where Art and I had a chat with our IFM professor. I see how he does it: he makes a nice comment and that gets them talking. Unlike me who just says hello to professors.

Once in class Ying chose to be a baby and sat on the other side, while being ignored by Thora (which made me laugh). I didn't care really, but I wished Ashnita was there at least to keep me company. Why is she turning this into something that it's not? This is not a Franzi episode where I'm being immature! It's actually the other way around for once, ha.

But then we had a debate, something I have never been good at. (DISCOVERED) I discovered though that I need to take more initiate. That I need to plan even more. That I need to start thinking more quickly and clearly. And that a good leader explains well and checks on others to see if they're okay. Somehow, thankfully, I lucked out and got the easiest part. Thank you for the forces for doing that.

(YING) It was hilarious watching Ying thinking she was cool because she was with the Germans and yet having our two Chinese students breaking her down. ("She really pisses people off," even Stephan said!).

Afterwards, Art told me to come find him, but instead I ran into Stephan first. Not bad, but that lead to yet another half amusing and yet half frustrating talk at Bond Cafe since Stephan thinks he knows all. It's hard to get word in edgewise and Art has no mind of his own, but instead listens to everyone like everyone is right (except me. I'm never right to him). But why do I mention this? Just because it's odd for me to have two friends who are 45 and 32ish. And yet I'm no longer embarrassed because it's fun. They get me and help me. I feel like I can go to them when I'm upset.

But then I had a group meeting. Me, Nash, Dino, and May. We were practicing and it was odd that I clammed up in front of them. And yet even though Nash sucked, I didn't like him criticizing me even though know one criticized him. May was incredibly sweet though. I just felt like I should've done better even though I practiced so much, truly. Oh, well.

This is why I always feel inferior, and yet I'm told that I'm not (ADVICE).

BEST FRIEND

"Hmm, have to find the proper marshmallows (test all the ones available- I think the Mr.Mallow ones look about right). You’ll have this stupid godiva chocolate bar sitting here waiting to (if dad sneaks in and eats it, I’ll have to kill him, seeing I’m trying to protect it)."

Awwww! My bestie can always make me feel lovely when he wants to. First he mentions it again out of no where, and then he's extremely defensive of it to make sure I get it! It's so Gareth to go "stupid" since I think he does that when he's trying to hide his romantic side or try not to lose face.

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UNI CLASSWORK  Our entrepreneurship lecturer is just...creepy.  And I'm not just saying that because he refuses to remember my name (seriously, eight weeks and you still can't get it even though I repeatedly tell you??).  May and I walked into his room because May is lovely and thought to have him re-check our work since somehow she knew he was full of himself (he didn't even check it correctly the first time).  And what I've learned is that he likes to stare at our chests. He's not a real professor.  And he smells bad with his greasy hair, fake men's vogue clothing, and terrible cologne.  But more importantly, I learned from May how to say, "This is per our email" and how to small talk to someone you're being introduced to.  Little business etiquette techniques.

DISCOVERED  I need to treat May like she's special, since she does it for me, and ask her repeatedly how she is and put my life aside while I talk to her.  

UNI RESIDENTS & LIFE HERE  After the meeting I received a call from Arthur, freaking out thinking something bad happened since he rarely calls.  But when I finally found him, we sat talking for almost an hour before Stephan came to join us- as strange as it is for me, I feel comfortable with those two older guys.  But the reason Art called is that there's a new possibility for me to stay on if I can convince my mom to let me do it.  Bond has teamed up with immigration and is offering a free program for us to get the two year requirement.  And Art found this out by chatting up several people- so talking always helps!

ADVICE  Life is about getting people to do what you want, and then you can get anything.  Give them something first.  Make them happy first, and then they will return the gesture.  

HOLIDAYS  "Jenn!  Jennnn!  Say hi!  Happy 4th of July!"  Said Toby after I caught him pissing on a parked car.  I had no idea it was him after first, but I felt cool shouting, "Happy Independence Day!"

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UNI CLASSWORK Tuesday, which as always, is Entrepreneurship and IFM. I went in ignoring the Canadian yet again, because he's arrogant and thinks he can act American, until he spoke for some reason. He asked if I've been paying attention to the election and I told him yes but I've given up. Okay, a good start, until he started his whole "I'm Canadian" and "The US is not ready for a black president" and "All the news here is American news" shit. I then chose to ignore him and decided to talk to Nash who is more intellectually stimulating. Once May came, as well as Dino, we were at our group dynamics laughing and joking. In fact, Dino's never joked and laughed so much with me before.

Next was my tutorial where I chose to ignored Mike, who for some reason (yet again) felt compelled to say hello. I ignored the first one (after what Ying did I didn't want to seem clingy now) but he said it a second time louder. He asked why I looked grumpy and I made up some stress issue.

My tutorial was actually pretty interesting as we had a question regarding J.C. Penney in our textbook (which was written by an American) and our professor said, "everyone knows them." So one of the Aussies told her that no, because it's an American company, and it's rarely mentioned in movies as is. So (Stephen) the Australian that spent five years in the US over 30 years ago piped up and said, "it's a store which sells clothing, sporting goods, the whole lot." My two American friends next to me turned to me to make "what the hell?" faces and I said, "Nooo" which apparently my professor noticed. So she asked me, "You disagree?" "Yes, it's mainly clothing." "It was in the 70s," Stephen said. I had to tell him it wasn't anymore, and then he started talking about it again from what he knew back in the 70s. So the first Aussie who spoke up said, "Can I hear from someone who actually LIVES there?" to get Stephen to shut up and turned to me and my friends to ask what exactly they sell and for how much they sell it.

But then it didn't stop there.

We then went to a question regarding Walmart...so Stephen went as far to argue with one of the Americans (Toby) that Walmart is only a small town store, so Toby turned to me for backup. "No, Stephen, they're all over, even in NYC," I told him. "NYC? Then it has to be a small store if it's there." "No, Stephen. It's actually huge, and spans several floors." Either he likes to be a knowitall even about things he doesn't know squat about, or he secretly wishes he still lived in the US (which I doubt, as much as he hates my country despite all the things he misses from it).

LITTLE PLEASURES After class Mike waited until I was facing the other direction and bumped into me sideways like a little kid. Flirting? Joking? Friendship? I don't know but it's fun!

YING it's finally a goodbye to Ying. I actually foresaw her telling me my bra was showing (I decided to go for a low cut tank top to show off cleavage after talking to Stephen yesterday) and yet I didn't think I'd finally snap. I just snapped not because she told me my bra was showing, but because I'm just so sick of it all. All the little things over the past two semesters have finally gotten to me. And actually, she was taking it well, and I wasn't mean at all and I was pretty much understanding considering (no yelling, no shaking, no name calling). But yet again her English skills still didn't get it no matter how much I repeated the main points. I told her that obviously I care, but because I want to be happy in my last semester, I'm only ignoring her. Bottom line.

DISCOVERED so there's my third female friend down the drain. No more link to China, but oh well, does it really matter? But I've discovered that I have to tell people right away when they're bugging me. I have to let the little things go for good. I have to invite friends out more often. So it was a learning experience all up.

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LITTLE PLEASURES like how the woman in the accommodation office still knows my name and I can be cheerful with her. How easy it was to email Christi and Mary Rose. Or even my group meeting this week for Entrepreneurship. I was on my way there when I ran into Nash and May and even though talk had a bunch of gaps, it wasn't so bad at all. May's just a natural with charm and talking, so much so that I wish I could do that. Talk to anyone. Fill in gaps. Say meaningful and yet useless things.

But what was so pleasurable about that? The fact that I did some pre-work and I didn't look so useless therefore. The week of I not only got started on my own part, but I also did some pre-work on what we would be doing together. I've (DISCOVERED) that I tend to claim up around those I think are better than me, and so I look and sound useless. Therefore, by doing some pre-work I didn't look inferior to them.

Which leads to my GREAT PLEASURE of the week. Jesse and I have had a period of time since the last time he was kind and open to me, but then today happened. We were a little cold and yet not mean to each other, and then he cracks a joke out of no where. Being the flirt I can be, I surprised myself as if I've known him for a while and said, "Aw, you're smiling!" To which he smiled throughout because of, and he just kept talking. It made me feel great. Just lovely.

YING emailed me, which I was deep down kind of hoping for because I'm tired of hating all my email friends. She started the shit and I didn't baby her, and as always, she stood up first. What can I say. I just can't keep female friends. Meh, whatever.

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YING & DISCOVERED I had brekky with Ying and I must say, that I have to learn how to hide my displeasure somehow. I told her three times that they used to do this brekky deal back in 072 and she didn't listen until the third time, making me think her "uh-huhs" are when she doesn't understand what I said in English. Fair enough. It has to be tough. But I have to learn to hide how disappointed I was that I paid $13 for brekky when said said "it's good" and I found out it was the same old deal they used to offer at Lakeside Grille.

TRAVEL & CULTURE "I'm expecting us to travel," she told me a little too firm. Usually I'm the only being snotty about making sure me and a friend travels, and her she was doing it back to me and I laughed inside. All along she led me to believe she wanted to go to a big city, and turns out her displeasure, blank stares, and silence meant she disagreed. I knew that she was unhappy, but how am I to guess why? I wish I could say how she did it, but I can't explain it in words. She just has a way of being forceful without being forceful. She told me she wants to see the real Australian, but then she doesn't want to spend money, and finally she wants to see nature related things.

So I came up with Noosa and she finally agreed. We're going next week, which is thrilling, and also our first over night experience travelling. Let's see how this goes, because usually I'm not too well behaved. I love new things, but I freak if I don't know what to do and start getting angry-stressed about it.

A step for our friendship maybe?

LITTLE PLEASURES the accommodation lady who somehow knows me smiled and asked how I was and asked if I was graduating when I went to turn in my room form. I felt great knowing that someone who only sees me a few times a semester remembers my name and situation.

And then there was Mike. Neither of us were smiling at first, but then I joked how all chocolate cakes are the same, which started a "nuh-uh" back and forth game. He just smiled the flirty smile and said, "See ya!" loudly when I left.

But the best pleasure today was Ying, surprisingly. We talked on the phone about Noosa when we did the back and forth "bye, bye, bye" with such giggling that neither of us could stop. It was our own, "no, you hang up!" kind of game.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY

UNI RESIDENTS There we were in the uni centre as a improve tutorial that was much more fun that an actual tutorial and much more beneficial since I was asking questions. I actually learn when I'm relaxed and asking questions, and I wish I could do that during a uni tute. Regardless, there I was with the boys (Stephen, Arthur, and James) and it was fun that I was included of course. As for the actual excel exam, I think I did fairly well just because of those extra tutes!

Right before the exam I went out with Arthur and Stephen to eat Mexican and it was so good. Being out and about makes me feel healthy.

Ashnita got pissed at me, but I have tough skin and I don't care. Why do I care that she's using me and is now pissed that I won't let her? Am I supposed to be upset? I don't think so. No one should wait until the last minute to learn everything because they haven't gone to tutes. That's your problem.

DISCOVERED Three years on and I've realised that I don't need to solely rely on Gareth for love. May and Elaine are Liz. Stephen and Arthur are emotional support. I can do this!

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-NINE

NEW I did something new today.

• I was gravitated towards the sandwich section. I've been afraid because Megan runs it and I've never known how it works. It's been there staring at me in the face the entire semester, and so for some reason, something forced me to walk there. I just couldn't stop myself. Over to the sandwich queue. And it paid off. While she wasn't smiling, she still knew I wanted take-away, and off I was eating the most satisfying food I've had for a year. It filled me up with pure happiness.
• I was social. More on that a little later.

BEST FRIEND He hasn't emailed me nor Sam in a week. Something's off, but I'm actually pretty strong and not caring as much as I would otherwise. I'm planning to email him either a few days before I leave or straight after.

Edit: He's emailed me and while I was happy, I wasn't esctatic. In fact, it was short but at least semi-happy.

"Of course I'm hansome...I should be an underwear model (give me a year or so to work on the stomach though). I think I need a haircut though...but all the same, I'm kind of proud of my mop.

So we'll see how tomorrow goes, and hope the rest of your week is totally hassle free (we can dream)."

DISCOVERED I discovered that doing what I've feared is not so bad after all. Again, I just gravitated towards the post office and finally closed my mailbox and so now it's weird not having the part of me in Australia. I was afraid of how to go about it, but actually it was quite simple.

Today was an amazing, crazy day.

• 10am: I received a LOVELY text from May giving me hugs and hoping all my studying is going well (...
• 10:30am: I received a text and call from Ashnita hoping we could study.
• 11am: Elaine and I went to Fish Liquor for one last time, and then she was off (or so I thought).
• 12pm: Christina somehow knows I'm coming home to the US? I haven't spoken to her in months and m...
• 2pm: Stephen dropped by wondering if I've seen Arthur and we went on a search for him.
• 3pm: Stephen returned and we went over stats for an hour and a half.
• 4pm: Mike called (how the living hell did he get my number?!) and was natural as can be, asking i...
• 4:30: Arthur shows up and we stay chatting.
• 4:45: Elaine drops by and is pretty much shocked to find me, Arthur, and Stephen bullshitting tog...
• 5pm: I'm all alone :( But I'll see them all tomorrow.
• 7pm: Ash calls and texts, saying I don't have to help her any more (thank god!-- she was just bei...
• 7:20pm: Shivang emails about our CA project (hmm!)
• 8pm: Bear finally, finally emails!
• 9pm: Mike calls again about stats.
• 9:05pm: Mike shows up, so there's me flirting and blushing while he was acting like he's been the...
• 9:30pm: May sent me a lovely email in response to this morning.
• 10:30pm: To finish off, Betty replying to my email.

CULTURE hearing Stephen speak set something off in me and hearing the accent was really pleasing. Maybe because I was focusing on the fact it was Aussie that it registered in my head and all my pleasure senses went off.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-EIGHT

UNI CLASSWORK I woke up semi-nervous, which is silly considering I have no problem with presentations thanks to this school, but regardless I didn't want to go through it. You know when you think of something, and think, and think.

YING I ran into her and we got to talking about class and we bonded on our frustration of our group and Helen. Ying said she loved me twice, and then hugged me twice, in front of some girls.

DISCOVERED I love affection and yet I can't reciprocate it for some reason! I would love to say it back, but I always clam up. It takes me so long to be able to say it back.

LITTLE PLEASURES So Ying came in my room and sat on the floor with me to practice her part. It felt great to be able to help her. I felt like Liz, telling her to practice over and over again, that it was okay.

UNI CLASSWORK We did our presentation and something great happened: I went seven minutes without any notes at all! I felt powerful. So that's how they do it? Practice, practice, practice?

LITTLE PLEASURES During Ying's part I rubbed her arm since she was nervous and I helped the others with their slides. It felt great to care and to help out. Don't be selfish.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-TWO

I seem to be the helper this semester. I'm helping both Arthur and Ashnita with their projects, but Ash is only doing so because she waited last minute. And it feels good doing so, it really does. But it also feels good because for once I know something that I can pass on (besides with Ying who lacks total common sense in life).

LITTLE PLEASURES We were all there waiting for the class to open, minus the two Germans. It was funny with May and Toby and me all joking together, the South African going "hi, hi, and hi" to us all, with Mike on the ground next to me, and Ash coming up behind us. Just a social, fun, talking family. That's what I like about knowing these people, the small international classes, and the best part of this uni.

DISCOVERED May is so cute. She's my Liz! I just realized that! She makes me feel better. Tells me it's okay. Pinches me. Jokes. Teases. So there is a way to get back what you lost.

I won't discuss the meeting here since it's pointless to discuss how terrible they are. Instead I will discuss what I learned: DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS IN. Yes they fucked you over, but when you finally snap, they'll just think you're a bitch instead of realizing they're the ones to blame.

Afterwards I went to Arthur who is always fun to talk to.
I even helped Ying with her project.
And I picked a gum leaf to show to Arthur and his nice Canadian friend who didn't know you could crush them for the smell.
His Canadian friend said see ya to me. Friendly.
And then Shivang surprised me with a text message saying there was a way I could stay because Bond was offering a job (well, position, and it's not guaranteed).
It made me feel special.

GREAT PLEASURES then Gaz emailed me the day after I emailed him. Although it was short, it was to the point and it made me laugh and blush-- something he hasn't be able to do for months. He also seemed to be in a much better mood, so my email about my old journal entries of us must have done the trick?

{EMAIL}

"Yeah, it seems that way. Put eggs in something and it just makes things so much better.
Everything seems to be made of eggs too, so if someone says 'pfft, no way, spaghetti's
better', well pfft, spaghetti's made of egg so neh!

Well, I guess now I've learned that the page closes if I pull the cord out, so I won't be doing
that anymore...but like I said before, I'll probably just stick to the movies for big things. Got to the movies again after ages yesterday- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, which was good, and french, and stuff.

Oh, that's another thing that's bugging me too. My music box died on the way to the bus a
while back, so walking is extra boring. It's okay though (it was as cheap as chips, so it didn't
make me too sad...just gave me an excuse to see what happens to mp3 players when you
throw them really hard against the ground), I've decided to pretend I'm unfit and I'm starting
out for the first time, so my bodies sort of having a holiday. I'm sticking to normal people
exercise and gradually getting back up there (but then this is me talking, I'll probably send an
email saying I'm running around Australia next...which has occured to me in crazier
moments).

I think Australians generally have a habit of saying -y on the the end of names. Saves having to bother thinking up an elaborate nickname I guess.

The birds and the spiders any day over these stupid squeeking dogs. But I haven't seen a blue tongue in a long time, and it's starting to get cold here now too, so it'll be a while until the next one.

Piss-weak, it's kind of like saying crummy, pathetic...let's see, like letting off a firecracker expecting a massive explosion, but just getting a little pop.

I got 30 Days of Night Out and I've decided I just don't get vampire movies, it's just a bunch of actors with pointy theeth running around hissing...I need a bit more to relate to.

Well what do you know, the dairies actually come in useful in the end! I wonder what I'll think of mine if I read it years from now...if. I think the things I write down might be a little indeciferable after a while though, they not very descriptive. Maybe I should put a location and date next to each little entry.

Hmm, I seem to go through hugging periods...or more correctly the hugging barrier needs to be broken down all the time, because if it gets the chance it just builds itself right back up again...so annoying!

You know, I think that proves your my friend. I told the psych guy that what I'm really looking for in a friends is being dag and not worrying about what anyone thinks...sounds about right really.

So Liz is to blame! Of course.

Yeah I remember the business with the packing. I didn't notice Liz or Mary though. I remember being amased you keeping everything! The reciepts too!?! But...but...

Ah superbad, still among the small list of good movies I've seen this year (even if it was on dvd).

And now I'm of to watch Into the Wild, by you favourite actor Sean Penn...I've been meaning to watch it for a while now, I missed out at the movies (probably watching something better) so here's hoping it's worth the wait.

See you, and have a good night.

Gareth

PS I'll be checking out a place tomorrow night. I'll let you know how crap it is!

Hmm, 21 steps interesting. This will require my full attention. Hopefully I'll be in a good mood for it when I get back tomorrow (or alternatively it can chear me up if I'm not!). Sounds hard to write though. And, yeah, I guess I should really get onto stumbledupon now I've got this internet."

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-ONE

Arthur was sitting down eating, and didn't smile but waved. No "Jenn!" like he always does. I did the nice thing of going over and as he was being pissy since he screwed me over and I was pissy, I acted the same. It's about mirroring for me. And as dirty as this may be, but I don't need his help any more.

I received a wave from Elliott who hasn't noticed me on campus lately, and I smiled with a hi. Don't always assume people are snuffing you.

Class came and I was corned by Arthur's German friend, who is friendly to me, and we were talking even once we sat down.  I just feel awkward around him because he stares and smiles while he's waiting for me to talk, but even when I do, he's only thinking about what he will say next to impress me.  Nevertheless, isn't it all about socializing and testing the water?

Mike smiled at me and I joked that he was early.  

I rushed to the next class where Ying joined shortly thereafter.  I was nice, but when I am, I feel so fake.  Regardless in one day I managed to fix all riffs amongst my friendships with Arthur, Ying, and Ines (Ying was level headed and asked Ines for the work, who did have it done, and now I don't care if she's pissed at me).  I had to "fix" Ines because of peer evaluations.  I had to fix Arthur because he is giving me two books for free.  I had to "fix" Ying because I have to fucking deal with her in HRM and there's group work in there. 

BUDDHISM  I know this is not buddhism per se, but it's about forgiving and creating balance right?  

There were teacher evaluations ("tevals" as they call it here) today and thankfully for the first time in my higher education career I spoke my true feelings.  And from what others are saying, they feel she's a bitch as well and the class is a waste of time.  I'm thinking she'll get a bunch of terrible reviews in a month's time.

DISCOVERED  I discovered that the so called elite in our group had the worst presentation.  Even if they appear smart doesn't mean they are better than you.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY-SEVEN

UNI RESIDENTS Some random was in the classroom when I arrived and would not leave until Toby showed and he got the idea, or was just not as ballsy any more. Either way I said hi to Toby and we were chatting and joking around, and he's not so bad. Yes, he has many friends whom he uses when he pleases, but for my purposes I feel the same way towards him. So it's mutually beneficial really.

The nice South African-NZ-Australian entered and we were all having fun, but then class started. But wait, it was actually fun today! I was called to the board to mark a line, unsure, and May helped me and the boys laughed nicely. When I was finished I walked back and Toby and Mike clapped, they all smiled, and I took a bow. It was funny. I like being fun as such.

May already has our entrepreneurship group chosen, so that leaves my HRM class. Amazing how I have it chosen way ahead of time, but it feels good to know I don't have to worry.

UNI CLASSWORK we had a group lunch, minus Shivang, and it was so uncomfortable. The best part was Megan, cool Bra worker, going, "About time!" when she went to grab the take-away and I told her no this time. It was just so awkward, and besides Ying playing back American stereotypes innocently, at least she kept up the mood. She has to learn that unless she goes to a country, what she hears is not necessarily true.

On the way to meet Shivang it was like a mini-group meeting on the steps. This is the socialness fun of Bond. Pass people, say hi, stop and chat, and feel good. It was me, Ying, Ines, "Fish" (South African above), Shivang, and later Arthur and Stephen. Stephen just said, "Marketing meeting?" and was an asshole passing. He just used Shivang for Finance and then kept walking. Best part was Toby passing and waving only to me and Fish saying see ya to me.

YING she may lack commonsense but she has one thing going for her: she's not afraid to interview people and ask people to do surveys. So she got our research for us, since none of us had the guts to do it. I congratulated her and she just beamed.

DISCOVERED this is like a re-discovery. Aussie men like to call me Jenny, especially my male professors here. I should go by it.

END Liz and I are officially over for good. She deleted her MSN. So goodbye to the Liz friendship, even though I knew it was over when I ended it in December 2006. She came back to me, and I was nice, but she wasn't as loving. So that's when it just died off. In her own famous words: Meh.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY-ONE

What discipline I have for writing in this thing every day. And just think, I didn't even record my fun days at CSU. I barely touched on them.

DISCOVERED how to beat Americans at their own game. They come to the Brasserie in droves and don't wait in a queue while it's opening up, so I go on the other side where only very few people wait and then beeline it to the register. Otherwise all thirty Americans take forever and cut in front. It feels good to be crafty without doing it in a mean way. And for the first time in three semesters, I was the very first customer.

Megan walked by and said, "Fish and Chips on a Friday! What a great meal!" I wish I could be as outgoing and carefree as her.

CHANGE for a change I took my laptop outside to stare at the stars, listen to the crickets, and breath fresh air. What a difference it makes. Watching the moon slowly creep across the sky and the southern cross before I can't see it any longer.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FIFTEEN

DISCOVERED  I stayed up the entire night, which was refreshing to walk to the IT labs at night and exit with the sun rising. If I make myself stay up the night, I feel like I'm being productive since I'm "up early." I worked on my stats project, discovering that I work best by example and the reason why stats was easy to knock out three weeks early is because I had May's work to review first.

But then I fell asleep because I didn't have caffeine the entire night, only to wake mid-afternoon to walk over to the library (resolution!) and enjoy it while cruising along with music. Just feeling the sun on my skin while it lasts. 

CULTURE  That's where I went looking for Arthur and found him, staying for a few hours to semi-help him and to just read the news myself.  His American friend, this black French-American chick, was being pushy and taking May's finished paper.  I told Arthur, don't tell people we have it or else we'll be caught for "copying" when we aren't.  Arthur's just too nice though.

Even though she was snotty to me and pushy, even though I was trying to help her, she placed her hand on my shoulder and said she'd see me later.  Some Americans are so full of themselves.

I then went and picked some pretty flowers.  I did this at Hargraves, now I'm doing it here

It makes you feel better just looking at the prettiness.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TEN

I've discovered that I really work when I'm under time constraint. Like today, I actually went through outlining our consumer behaviour paper because it was two hours before class and I needed something to do. Mostly why? I was listening to the soundtrack of Juno and Skins and then Lupe Fiasco's newest album. Music makes it all better.

To top it off, I re-feel in love with David Sedaris after finding videos of him online.

UNI CLASSWORK I failed my 10percent midterm for customer analysis like I knew I would so now I'm missing like 6 percent from my total. But it's only 10percent, right? I've been in worse situations, right? I didn't freak, then I did in private, and then I was fine again.

YING Zala came up to talk while Ying came as well, and Zala kept talking to us both (me at first) and it was fine. But thankfully the boys (Arthur and Stephen) came and the doors to the classroom opened so I could get away from Ying.

I have to get it to the girl: she has guts. I sat down and was nice but cold, and she started tearing up and she said something about her weight. So I was blunt and told her that I was worried since she talks about it a lot and that I just want her to be okay. See, I can show emotions. And that's been she started getting happier. She even asked to have dinner next week.

My Best friend emailed me the day after I emailed him, which for some reason is something has hasn't done in a while (that I can remember at least). So while I wasn't expecting one, I was hoping for one, and it made me feel so much better in regards to failing my one midterm.

• There was an email from Sam there today, not much, but hey it's an email. The problem is I never have anything to say...all the people I know are doing something with their live, unlike me. It's kind of hard to make what I'm doing sound interesting, and not boring instead. Finally, more Sam talk to make me feel included. And I'm pretty happy that he's relieved. Because I'm happy when he is.
  

• I guess that's what I mean by the whole themepark thing in Australia. You may as well see Australia (tasmania, north west Australia, northern territory etc...although your parents sound like that'd just make them bored). I've decided Australia are crap when it comes to running decent theme parks. Does he think my parents are coming here?
  

• And Owen's coming along on the weekend with the whole posse, so I'll wait and see how that turns out. Finally calls him by his name.
  

• So I'll let you know how tomorrow goes, fingers crossed...should be a problem...and I have to remember to get my eye appoinment booked, I noticed just how bad my eyes are getting! Yay, he'll let me know ;p
  

• Messing around with camera settings. The water bottle was with "vivid" and the others were with "dawn/dusk." I'm trying to either achieve an over saturated look or a muted look.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-ONE

I slept from 5am to 5pm. It felt great, but that's how depressed I am. I'm better though! I smiled once I got out of my bungie. I realized that I have Jess and Betty, and that I just have to put up not emailing him (which is a chore) and not receiving birthday wishes. Importantly I did discover that I am too anal, that I take it out on him in the wrong way, and I need to calm down with my friendships.

I especially felt better when it was dinner and Mike was there to smile at me. Life does go on.

*The big question now: "Why did he ignore my email on Tuesday?" He hasn't checked his mail since Thursday/Friday, so he must be in Sydney.

*Think of now. Yes, he badmouthed me, but with reason. If he didn't like me (he called himself a wanker and said he felt weird reading it), then he wouldn't have continued emailing me. Like he said, he's lonely. And it was MY choice to leave.

*So wait till Sunday/Monday to see if no response and then just email that snarky one asking for my things. Don't wait around this time.

Entry HUNDRED-EIGHTY-SEVEN

"Are you laughing, Jen?" The blond who barely sees me knows my name? What?! So that made my day in the brasserie.

EMAIL I almost forgot that he finally emailed me after five days. I woke up at 10am, checked the email, saw none, went to the bathroom, and returned to find it. I checked out of sadness, then saw it, not believing it to be him, and it was. I had no feeling. In fact, I was angry at first. No valentine's day? Nothing about my email? But it was long. And he said this, "Hope uni life isn't to stressful just right now (and all the rest of the time too). Gave [sic] a root beer and apple turn over for me. I'll have a hot chocolate (tea?)." Hmm? "Gave a root beer and apple turn over for me" means that I should "have" a root beer and apple turn over for myself for him? As in he knows me and what will make me feel better? Not sure, but seems likely since he added, "I'll have" at the end. Regardless he finally spoke of me and how I'm doing here at least.

DISCOVERED I picked up my award this morning, thinking that this must be what it's like walking into an unknown building and then trying to find the office for an interview. Because I was only semi-familiar with the building and unlike yesterday when I tried frantically to search for it, I walked through knowing I was allowed in there. So I searched around and finally found her office, she was nice enough, too. I always do this thing when I get nervous where I starting babbling and laughing and not giving eye contact. I must stop that.

YING May's right, Ying is pushing us away and then getting angry when we react. She wanted to meet for sushi, and there I was being yelled at and controlled by the Koreans. No, I don't like to be pushed to decide NOW and no, I don't like to be controlled. No wonder Ying goes up to westerner counters and demands service. Anyway, when we sat down I knew this would be difficult. She started talking about Helen, easy enough. But she was being cold and staring at my lips, which I covered up in an obvious way. She really has to non-stop stare? Maybe that's what pushed her over the edge? Then I smiled and looked down bashfully and told her that I won the top class award like Arthur, and only found out yesterday, so I didn't get to go to the ceremony. She didn't say anything but stare and say, "uh-huh." Cultural thing? Not like boasting? Tough shit, you do your cultural thing to me all the time. But she seems hurt by valentine's day, maybe because I didn't wish her one, even though she barely knew what was going on (only because her boyfriend told her that in the U.S. we do it even for friends).

I ended up saying, "Well, I have to go call my mom about my award since no one is congratulating me and I feel like crap" and walked away. Do I care? Honestly, no.

Dinner came and I didn't tell the redhead that I wanted take-away considering everyone else remembers, but she didn't. Meh, doesn't mean anything other than that's why I used to say it all the time. On the way back I ran into the bungie 2 guy again, the one I see at least one a week, and he literally waved again. Maybe, you know?

Later Arthur came to visit again to talk. I love when he does!

.

Entry HUNDRED-SIXTY-EIGHT

DISCOVERED Today I discovered that the IT and library Labs do indeed burn CDs.  And so I used this function to finally burn gaz photos of Canberra, Newcastle, and even Byron Bay. I also discovered that I am the new featured user on listography.com.

YING she loved my hair down and from there we were laughing and having fun.  We talked for over an hour and a half during which I finally urged us to get going.  Not because I didn't enjoy it, but I don't like sitting too long and talking with her...just because.  And on the way back to my bungie we ran into Jillian who said hi first and then "Ivette" who smiled big at me.  So I pretty much felt like I belonged.  

BEST FRIEND & EMAIL  Three hours after I emailed him, his response came back. And it was a pretty good one, too.  

"(like you said, each time you see me it feels like I've changed a bit. I don't think it's that I've changed, I'm still the same person like always, it's just a few more bricks have been knocked out)."

 
"You know It's the first black beetle I've ever seen, miniture or full sized, that's new! Oooh, it's wind-up!"
 
"Ooh, books and stuff."

"How long has the couse work taken so far?"
 
"Anyway, see ya, hope you do get some calls"

ADVICE “Life is too short to not take a moment and try fun things like this. We’re doing it."

Entry HUNDRED-SIXTY-ONE

DEEP SADNESS Tiger may be passing away, and I cried over the phone, but softly. I can't be with her and I feel incredibly guilty. I feel horrible, my baby of over twenty years.

DISCOVERED Not that this is grown-up per se, but I went to talk to the front desk to ask about the reserve and discovered that it's not so bad asking for help. Don't be afraid to just ask.

Also discovered that Gaz must want what is best for me, and that's why he sacrifices his feelings so I do what I want. That must be a true friend.

UNI RESIDENTS Second time in a row I've seen Jillian and once again she's really talkative. We ran into each other and she asked how my classes are going and then told me how she's working harder this semester. Talk, talk, talk, no lag in conversation. It was actually enjoyable besides being really surprising.

YING I met for dinner with Ying who wasn't very nice or talkative or smiley. And she wasn't because, I guess, something was bothering her. So if she's like that then something's wrong?

Entry HUNDRED-FIFTY-SIX

DISCOVERED the post office gentlemen was nice and I went to him with a clean slate, not expecting him to be not-so-lovely, and it worked. Walking back I made my first run-in with Jillian of the semester who gave me a great cheery smile and hello, as well as asking back how I was. Again, I learned not prejudge with past experiences but to start anew when there has been a break.

UNI RESIDENTS I noticed the "German" guy from marketing stalking the hallway along with me, but before I could acknowledge him, Toby (the Mexican-American) came by and said, "So Elaine said you spent break with your boyfriend." First of all, she assumed he was my boyfriend and I never told her so, neither did I contradict. Second of all, why was she telling my business when she begs me not to tell hers? I giggled and Toby said it was because he asked. Normally I would find this cute, even romantic in a way, but this is Toby...the bisexual. And so I took it as a really friendly gesture and we chatted before we made our way into the room.

Once inside I sat on the opposite side since the "German" guy sat where I wanted, and that's when May walked in. She sat right next to me, placed this permanent smile on her face, and kept talking. How easy conversation is after a semester of not seeing each other? And James, too. He walked in and I told him it was the right room, since they had changed the room numbers except that one. We laughed about it: "They changed all the buildings!" "I know, I got here and she told me I was in building 15, but I was like, 'no, I'm supposed to be in the bungalows!'" and all three of us laughed.

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you belong, if the class is small and you know the people from previous times.

Dinner, "Nothing's changed, nothing's changed," she told me when I asked for take-away. I belong here.

BEST FRIEND he emailed me back again, that day, but it wasn't what I wanted--- not that I expected it to be. In fact, I knew it wouldn't be lovely and that it would be devoid of emotion. But to his credit he wasn't any different than usual, even though sometimes he can be lovely. I just feel like I'm unwanted, not that Sam's in his life like she was before, so it must be normal.

UNI RESIDENTS 1:30am I heard banging on the walls and shouting, "Whoever is up, come drink with us! Come, have a beer with us! Whoever is up in here!" I was half asleep but very tempted to go, but at the same time scared. It's not like when I was outgoing the first time in this country when I at least had Liz to accompany me. I think that is the difference, because if I had a girlfriend to go with me, things would be better for me and more relaxing since I could rely on sticking with her while having fun and not being dependent on just myself.