Monday, 30 June 2008

Entry ?

"So the reason I had such a long nap is that I had my first presentation of the semester this morning. I woke up at 8am for my International Finance class, only for her to cancel ten minutes prior to the start (but a group of us were unaware, and waiting for her for ten minutes). That gave me two hours to practice my presentation, but meanwhile I was talking to the older Aussie who had my crying (I rarely cry in front of people I don't feel so comfy seeing that side of me, so that was kind of weird). I had my hair down, which I do maybe half the time, and he asked why I don't do it all the time....which for some reason means to him that I think I'm ugly and that I don't want to attract attention from men? Which I denied, and then started crying out of frustration.

My actual presentation was fine, although I'm out of practice, and that was my day before crashing and going to sleep for five hours."

ADVICE That was written to Gaz, but to get into more detail: yes, Stephen made me cry. He said I need to start wearing my hair down and showing cleavage to get guys, that I'm not doing so subconsciously. And I did start crying because he wouldn't stop and for some reason it just got to me. Not to forget, this was all before my first presentation of the semester.

UNI CLASSWORK The presentation itself was fine like I told Gaz and I was laughing and joking at the beginning. But for some reason my nerves got to me a few minutes in, but regardless, overall, it was fine I think. I hope I wasn't too nervous and didn't look down too much.

Naturally afterwards I felt so free because it was finally over with.

Sunday, 29 June 2008

Entry ?

At brekky:
CULTURE Ying was badmouthing the US, about how we make other people fat, and I told her otherwise. I told her that no one forces people to eat McD's every day, and that they are making themselves fat. And so since she badmouthed my country, I told her we blame them as well for copyright infringment (especially with Disney World) and for cheap products. I won't hold back any more. If she'll give me cultural shit, I'll give it right back. Actually, neither of us were offended much. I told her people bitch about the US because they're jealous we're so big and she said, yes, because we're so powerful.

Apparently she also was talking to Mike about me, so now I have to do damage control. Which part of, "it's only fun" does she not get? But at least she was trying to help me.

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Entry ?

YING I can't stand her, I just can't. And I may regret this down the road, but really does it matter? It's like Liz. I miss her like fucking crazy, and it was partially my fault, but really how often would I see her since she has a kid and lives in fucking Australia? Same for Ying- who will be in China. And like Liz, is she really a good friend? Yes, and no. It's just that she's constantly doing what only she wants. I have to constantly remind her of the important things (or does her English comprehension just suck?). She's cultures away from mine. And she's no fun to be with (she seriously thinks sitting on her ass is fun?).

As a result, when she came storming in like she does when she's pissed, with that ugly sour face of hers, I just went "meh" to it. I waved and was iffy as she was iffy as well. I didn't care and she was being asinine, so that's that.

(ADVICE) In fact, I took Stephen's advice to good use and stood up for myself. I turned down each of Miss Only-Think-Of-Myself's suggestions of sorts. She said I looked bad (her Chinese messed up way of saying what could be said in a more polite way of, "What's wrong?") and I told her that yes, I'm stressed as I have a lot of work to do. "That's why I asked you weeks ago to start this paper." And I repeated that a few more times to get it in her head that she fucked up and I don't appreciate it.

Then she said we should move, and I told her no. She wanted to go out of the couches, and I told her no. Then she wanted to go to her room and I said, "We always go to your room," I told her. She never comes to mine, so why should I go to her room any more?

Basically, even though I sent her the powerpoint on Tuesday, she didn't work on her part until last night and wasn't prepared for our meeting. So I told her we'll meet tomorrow as my part has been finished.

Then she looked over at the Canadian, and I rolled my eyes with her about him, seeing as neither of us can stand his arrogant ways. That lightened her up and she wanted to gossip, but I told her that I'm living a semester of doing what I want and not getting involved. Point being, her pissy mood changed but I could really care less.

BEST FRIEND/TEXT I took a nap and when I woke up I found a text from Gaz! It's been months since I've received one, and I haven't heard from him since Sunday, so I was extremely happy naturally. But after I text a reply to his HILARIOUS and CUTE text, I strangely didn't get a reply just like I haven't heard a reply from my email either. I don't get it? That's unlike him. But obviously him texting me after not reply to my email means he actually thought of me! He's thinking of me when he saw the game advertise on TV!

UNI RESIDENTS While I was texting him outside, waiting for the Bra to open, Elaine went by and she was happy to see me. Which means we went for dinner together and ate together, but it was actually a lot of fun. In fact, it was even more lively when Arthur came and he was laughing and joking with us. Elaine asked us about our accents and I teased Arthur about his "Canadian" one and he teased me about Ohio being hillbilly. Then we had fun teaching Elaine about not only accents, but also about the US and where it's best to live.

"My professor said, 'Holy Shit' like you and I thought, 'That's Jen's accent!'" made me laugh coming from Ying. In fact she's picking up my mannerisms. She's saying, "Jesus" to every thing like I do. Ha.

Friday, 27 June 2008

Entry ?

DREAMS I had the oddest dream, but it actually made sense for once. The set up? Well I was living in a garage, with my bed hear the roll up door, and the carpet was white and cream just like grandma's old carpet. I looked outside my windows and saw new cars on the left and old cars on the right, thinking, "Age divide!" But perhaps it meant the cool, rich kids versus kids that weren't. Anyway, I saw a whole van go by with all the cool kids from the left living quarters, driven by an Indian looking guy who was afraid he'd hit the right side of my garage. I was sad, so I went through the side door on the back wall and found my dad going through the mail. "You're scholarship went through," he told me holding up a freebie packet of diapers. I told him I don't have a scholarship, and I thought the diapers would be good for Carmen's pending child. Meaning? It's my life in the bungies. I'm stuck bored while watching others have fun. It makes me jealous. And the cars were in the right place accroding to where they park here as well.

So supposedly this girl on ThoseGypsies can draw our fairies and I tried it twice, with different account names, to see if I got the same deal. They both talk of singing, but that's just basic. Oh well, I liked the star one best.

and the message:
"hey beautiful, do you sing in the mornings?"

and the message:
"oh joyous one!
the stars sing your name
how blessed you are"

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Entry ?

BEST FRIEND Why is it starting up again? A couple of months ago he could go a couple of weeks without emailing me and it wouldn't get to me. Now I'm noticing again. I spoke to him on Sunday and maybe I'm worried because I think I messed up that call for him. It's just that when we talked, he said he'd be at his mom's for another day (Monday) and then be back at his Dad's. Which means that starting Tuesday he should've already emailed me the photo he himself said he'd do or ask for my address to send me that chocolate bar that he himself came up with doing. So I don't get it. Really, I don't.

UNI RESIDENTS Mike makes it worth it, he really does. All I asked was, "Do you hate people?" when he flipped off a co-worker in a frustrated and half-joking way. Then ike always, Mike got to talking about if I went to see Aslihan (he remembers??) and then about trading. It was fun as always, but this time it was busy and he had to get to work: "Okay, I have to get back to work." I wish it could've lasted longer, but there's always other times.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Entry ?

UNI RESIDENTS Bond has a nice area called the Cerum Theater where there are cream couches and rouge couches where you can use the wireless internet. And so every so often I will sit there because it's peaceful and rarely people go by unless they have a class in the theater. Not to forget that there's a huge wall of just windows which lets in lots of natural lighting and doesn't sufforcate me or make me feel like I'm in a drabby place.

And so sitting there means there's a potencial to run into people, which means I ran into a friend of Art's who talks to me...Peter, the German. Blond curly hair, stares when you talk to him, and glasses. But it was easy since it was only 7 minutes before he went to class and in fact I was making it continue with my questions. I like easy conversations.

We had our weekly entrepreneurship meeting, which is now fun. It's getting easier for me because I don't feel like I'm not as smart as them. I realize that I'm just as good, just not as experienced, that's all. Now I love going because of May's laugh, Nash's life stories, and Dino's smile.

YING Happiest soon turned to frustration when I ran into Ying at dinner while in line. She asked if I wanted to eat there, and I told her the truth: no. No more putting my comfort in line for her happiness. She never bothers for me, now does she? Naturally she took this to act like a five year old and speedwalk around the place for attention as if she's in a massive hury to get out of there. I laughed in my head at her and ignored her. "Your phone doesn't ring," her messed up English sentence said to me as she passed. "I had a group meeting, like every Wednesday, I told you that." Stop acting like I sit in my room doing nothing!

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Entry ?

skipped class
rest in pda

Monday, 23 June 2008

Entry ?

IFM exam
HRM - meh. got back at Ying take over.
art came and got after text.
mike: head about little girl, i not too clingy
ash: lots of laughing, suckying up, choco
(she may be too easy! and said again and all say that)

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Entry ?

called gaz! in paper j on that one. +xeolo phone bday play next year. +he will send me a picture this week, and chocs this coming week, and aw!
then study...
and art called for 15min and think just wanted to tlak. less nervous with him than gaz, why?
darrlyl stiffed, but meh. nice girl laughed with afterwards.

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Entry ?

It's Saturday and Stephen came to get me so we could study with Arthur. CULTURE And somehow while we were waiting for Arthur we started talking about the US and Australia, which made me feel good. I was well informed of both and had strong arguments, which means I've been still good with keeping up on my Aussie culture education.

UNI CLASSWORK I felt guilty that I didn't contact Mike yet, so I texted him to meet up and he showed up ten minutes later. He tried flirting but I wasn't having much of it, since I don't want to seem desperate after Tuesday's happenings. And when we all parted, it was just so "meh". We were happy and said our goodbyes, but nothing special. I felt weird because Mike rather study on his own than with me and Arthur. So there we were under the library dome talking rapidly and then departing as I was walking down the large steps back to the bungies.

Friday, 20 June 2008

Entry ?

DREAMS Last night I kept dreaming random things about Mike, and how I've finally got attached, which is not good considering I've leaving in two months. Part of me wants to chase after him and the rest of me is scared still. Why couldn't this happen earlier? But at least it happened!

UNI CLASSWORK Not much today in comparison to Tuesday except for a meeting for IFM, which Mike seemingly "forgot" about. Which meant that Stephen dropped into the Bungies to get me, and of course we couldn't find Arthur because he's slow and doesn't think to text people with where he is when he's supposed to be somewhere else. I had to endure Stephen for an hour with us trying to keep conversation going because when we're alone and there's nothing to talk about, we struggle. And when Art showed up, it's like someone poked us and we came to life.

Meanwhile Elaine walked by twice to which I ignored her and she ignored me, so it kind of made me feel empowering to not care. Because really, I do care in a way, but when it comes down to it, all I care about is having one less friend. Not her per se.

The great thing about Stephen is though, that he does teach us what we didn't learn in class and I actually listen and ask questions since it's just the three of us. It makes studying much easier and better for me.

CULTURE I took a break for lunch and ran down there only to be greeted by massive amounts of muslims girls. It was awkward only because I'm rarely around them and yet here they are in massive amounts this semester. Although it's great because that means I'm finally in contact with that culture. At the dessert counter there was Megan who said, "I prepared this earlier just for you" because she makes me laugh. Not bad for someone who I thought was a bitch last semester. A cultural lesson I learned long ago (that it takes a while for Aussie women to warm up to American girls) is still true.

ADVICE Stephen is always full of it. About how I should stand up from the start to prevent people walking over me (and then when I do stand up for myself they think I'm suddenly a bitch). And how "You're only worth what you think you're worth." And how I can do anything I want. And how I need confidence to just go in there and do it (if you act like you belong, they will believe it). JOB He told me that, yes, we learn on the job. Uni does not prepare you except for a foundation and discipline. And that I'm detailed oriented, so I need details before I start something or else I worry.

Talking with people these days, especially to Stephen, makes me realize that life experiences and reading the news does help so much when it comes to conversations. I feel smarter and I can talk about so much more now.

YING & LITTLE PLEASURES Finally at lunch I ran into Ying, unfortunately, and we were both surprisingly nice. She asked if I'd get take-away and of course I said yes, knowing she wanted me to invite her to eat with me, but I refused. Naturally she went off on her own despite me making small talk and stalked like a little kid when I stayed to talk to Mike about class. We talked for twenty minutes until he really had to go back to work (group work, exams, studying, Arthur's weirdness), during which he went out of his way to give me his number again (even though it's only for his personal use to have me call about when Stephen's "teaching" us again). Despite that, it still made me feel good for him to treat me so nicely. I'm not being used, as we're already friends, so it's okay. And turning out of instinct to see Ying staring as she ate her soup before she left was just pure gold. She's so jealous that it's easy to piss her off. Before I left he joked some more with me and then I was off to eat.

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Entry ?

UNI RESIDENTS Art visited me again, even though I don't like it, and this time I was much nicer. When he started last semester I was lonely and so I craved it, but then he started getting creepy. He started staring at things in my room and staring at me in a 32 year old virgin way. (This is why Mormons should not exist).

TRAVEL It was a nice distraction though, because he came to invite me with him and Stephen to the cafe, where we sat and talked for a little bit. After talking to Art I realized how silly I've been and if I had networked stronger, than I could've been five years down the road and visiting friends in each country of the world. And yes I know someone from almost every continent, but I'm still not good enough friends to call them up and visit. It actually made me sad and want to redo the last four semesters.

I find that I don't care if people see me with them anymore. Yes, they're odd looking and older, but meh. And best part was, when I got back to my room, Gaz had emailed me. So naturally I was excited.

Then Arthur asked if I wanted to stay and study with him, which I'm still believing is his way of just being around a girl. And I still said yes, and it upset me that once again he just used it as an excuse to talk and stare at me and other girls. Yes, he can't focus and has a learning disability, but really? He's not mentally retarded. Come on! This is why I'm happy I'm not a virgin, or else I'd be like him-- staring at the opposite sex and making disgusting remarks.

In fact, I got so upset that I told him straight out, "I'm going back to the bungies to watch Big Brother." I think he got the hint.

I need to stand up for myself more. Say it like it is.

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Entry ?

GREAT PLEASURES Wednesdays are usually slow or boring and today the Brasserie was slow as well. When I walked in there, absolutely no students were around, and of course I got nervous thinking I wasn't supposed to be in there. Like it was a fluke that the doors were open. And so naturally, as always, I started laughing and I asked, "Where is everyone?" to which Megan hugged and danced with me. She said something about keeping me company. I was laughing to hard to hear or remember. What makes this memorable is that Megan barely knows me really, and yet she's one of those people I envy who don't think twice and can make people feel loved somehow.

I went to get my dessert and of course Mike is there, just because he seems to always be in a place where I can talk to him. And so we were there for ten minutes talking, just stuff about class and how his manager "hates him" (why does he always tell me stuff from his life? A friend does that, I guess but I always saw as him only as someone to flirt with). He did something to fake peeve me, and so I joked that I hated him, and he said, "You love me!" again like he did in class yesterday as he went to serve a student. I wish I had more friends like him, or that I could know him beyond this place, but unfortunately in two months that will end.

UNI CLASSWORK my first meeting was with Ash and Ying, which was unpleasant in theory, but not so bad in practice. Ash was nice as always, seeing as she's a good aquaintance who gets just close enough, but never enough for me to dislike her. I can never stay friends with females for very long or else I start wanting to choke them because of their constant bullshit and difficulties. They always end up using me or getting too close and sufforcating me. With this in mind, Ash surprised me in a way. Like Mike and most like him, she just says and does what she pleases and people just go "okay" about it without arguging. So when she said, "I'm going to the U.S. and I'll visit you," it too me off guard since we're not that close. And if I were her, I would've danced around the issue or just asked instead of telling.

My second meeting was good in a bad way. This time I did all my work before hand so they don't think I'm doing nothing since I freeze up around them. That's fine and May liked it. However, that also meant they mooched off me and May still gave me the biggest part to do as "homework" for the next meeting. Naturally I was pissed off. Not at her since it's impossible to be mad at her, but that I had to do it after typing four pages of a four page requirement already by myself.

Mike's email for our IFM group made me laugh:

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Entry ?.

Tuesday means Entrepreneurship and then my tutorial for International Finance. Entrepreneurship was nothing significant, but international finance definitely was. Mike and I have known each other for over a year, but we've never been this close until this semester and he's never joked with me in this way before. And let's just say it was two hours of him flirting with me and me just blushing. It was all in fun, but then I started taking it seriously, and therefore I had to bring myself back down again to reality.

It started with him walking in ten minutes after the start and saying pretty loudly, "Hey, Jen!" Then he worked with the photos below, going back and forth. He non-stopped talked to me. Was very giddy, and even made me giggle when he schootched his chair towards mine until they were touching just to be closer to me. He kept leaning into to talk, shared with me some of this gum, his hands shook, and he kept giving a flirting and nervous smile.

I wish it could be serious, but I think he was just in a happy, flirty mood unfortunately.

After the tutorial he calmed down and we had a serious talk about our group project. We instinctively went one direction towards the bungies and market square, with Arthur running to catch up (such a five year old, and he's like 32!). Mike asked why I'm with Stephen yet again when he's constantly doing bad things to our group work and I made a funny: "Because I like being fucked?" as in "fucked over." I felt witty for once.

Monday, 16 June 2008

Entry ?

GREAT PLEASURE  This is a great pleasure because it's a bunch of little pleasures added up. Mike and I were non-stop giving each other attention, smiling, laughing, joking, and borderline flirting and it made me so giggly and happy beyond belief.  Why can't I feel that more often?  It got an excellent start with Mike coming in and saying, "Hello, Jen!" because I love when people say my name considering they rarely say it.  Of course he sat next to me, where we non-stop talked basically even though we were in class.  And he was so excited to show me his drawings, which are just like Gaz's with the small and rough lines that combine in pen marks to make a photo, and I joked with him in general.  It was like he truly enjoyed it, that was the difference.  Like we were close friends sharing secrets and fun.  

"Come on, you're holding me up!" he joked as he pushed me forward, the first time he's touched me ever.  All three of them joked about how they care about me and I told them that my life would be boring without them as we walked to the couch for our meeting.  And I pulled out my iTouch cozy without much thought and Mike said, "What's that!"  So they joked about it and he was so adament about naming it that he named it "Eskimo."  I thought that was adorable actually.  So this is life with other guys than Gaz?  He kept hi-5ing me when he like something I said.  So three touches in one day, for the first time ever.  I LOVED it.  

After IFM and our little mini meeting, I had my IHRM class.  Besides walking in and smiling like a dope and saying hi to Vishen, it was nothing out of the usual as I was still ignoring Ying for being a pain in the ass, and the professor was still being not so nice to me for no reason.  I come in smiling and saying hello and all he can do is stare blankly and say, "Hi" even though he's more cheerful towards others??  I'm not taking it too personal though, because really it doesn't matter in the end. 

LIFE HERE  At lunch I ran into Elliot from bungie 2 who moved to bungie 7.  He punched my arm in a friendly gesture even though we've only had maybe two conversations, and people I know better hardly do that, making me think how easy it is for some to make others feel like they are important.  And when I went to get my food Jesse knew take-away as always, and he knew the meatball sub just because I was standing in front of it.  Comfort of no words.  

On the way back to the bungies I saw a heart shaped cloud and smiled.  And I read, "Catch up on some zeds" and just giggled.  Then I saw this:  Queensland is running ads asking Queenslanders to kill any and all fire ants they find.  I thought it was a joke when they said they'd offer a $500 award if you report a nest, and then they called it a bio security measure...and I've just never seen anything like that.   They are sooooooo anal here.

Sunday, 15 June 2008

Entry ?

YING I was nice and she was nice, and so dinner wasn't bad at all. As usual I was doing the most talking, but this time it wasn't because I was bragging or being the centre of attention. I was just long winded with my answers, that's all. Plus I'm tired of her sabotaging my happiness. She repeatedly tries to discourage me and Gareth (just me and Gaz's FRIENDSHIP!) and tries to one-up me with Mike. Jealous, much? But I let her have it. I don't mess around any more.

GREAT PLEASURE knowing Gaz will email soon and then my Sunday convos with Mike. I ran into him as I was getting a second fork, and he was standing there watching the plasma TV. I smiled at him and he smiled at me. He had his sleeves rolled up so I teased him about his "muscles" and he laughed and joked back. And that's when he got talking. I gave him a, "What are you doing look?" and he said in response, "I'm watching gladiators. What did you watch as a kid?" It's just little flirting instances like this one that I adore.

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Entry ?

Woke up at 12pm partly because I'm stressed and exhausted and still sick, and partly because I stayed up until around 3am. It's a curse. (CHANGE) I'm worrying about my first real job. How will I get past the interview, and even if I do, how do I know what to do? How do I apply what little I've learned? Does a degree really prepare you for a job?

Anyway, I did feel better the little time I was walking outside because the sun is so bright here that it just instantly cheers you up.

Friday, 13 June 2008

Entry ?

EMAIL I was feeling awful sad but I wasn't sure why. Was it the tension with Ying? Was it the stress of uni? Or was it not hearing from Gaz in a week-ish? But then of course I felt better after hearing from Gaz who emailed me later in the day and surprised me with a "Hey Jen" which is something he hasn't done in months and months and months. I could tell it was rushed, but only because he was writing it in an internet cafe of sorts probably. Regardless I loved:
"Hey, I like that beanie, and the red one (even if you don't believe it), it's gone a bit fluffy now though..and if next summer's anything like it was this time, I'll be needing plenty of beanies too. But anyway, must dash, time limits and people staring and all. Hope uni is a breeze, just think, you'll have a masters, smart arse.
See ya (I'll have internet again in a few days I think, so I'll tell you how things are going)."
What is important is why I loved this bit. Well for one, he must really want me to knit him more beanies since he won't shut up about how he really likes the ones I've knitted when I thought we were over the topic. Then he said the bit of me being a smart arse because I told him I feel inferior to them here. And then of course the promise that he'll write soon.

UNI RESIDENTS Arthur texted me and I met him in the library to work on our IFM assignments together, but of course on the way I had to run into Ying. Yes I hope I looked kind when I kindly said hi to her, but we'll see if she takes me not stopping to talk as a bad thing. Yes I was being cold, but in a nice way, because I'm over her. She's more pain than pleasure.

LITTLE PLEASURES Besides Gaz the award of the pleasure today goes to Mike. It's just the little things I love. And with Mike today it was a little thing when I went there and he asked right away, "what'd you think of Art's email?" So we get in a serious and nice discussion about it, with his full attention on me. I felt lovely. Really.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Entry ?

LIFE HERE I'm still exhausted from having a cold, but I still managed to rag myself out of bed and go half-eyed open to the bathroom to get ready. (How do the Chinese type so fast? I've been doing this since I was nine years old! The Chinese at this uni do it at lightning speed). So right now I'm in the uni centre building, on the decent couch, facing the wall of glass windows-- as if down the road I will remember when I am. I just watched a group of what appears to be Aussie walk by and the one guy was a cute surfer type with teh bleach blonde like hair and cute strut.

I would love to spend a day just people watching to see what the girls are wearing and what the latest trends are, but that means being in the open. It's not like I'm a recluse, but this campus still kind of makes me uneasy. The people I know are still a smaller group of people, and so if I'm in the open, I feel so exposed to every one else.

Then I think of CSU and how I really wasn't comfy there at all. In fact, the only time I was was when I was back in Hargraves. As far as classes went, I barely knew two people tops. And yet here, I met basically everyone through my classes and I see a handful of them outside of classes. And so I did much better. Although I barely got a new Liz in both Ying and May combined. Oh well. I have Gaz still and that's all that matters at the moment.

Gareth hasn't emailed me in the past few days or so, but thankfully Christi has so I can interview her for my entrepreneurship presentation.

Otherwise it's been an odd occurrence of a day. I was thinking about Ying emailing me for dinner, and I think she called my phone. Then I was thinking of Arthur and our assignment, and he texted me that night. Finally, I was thinking about not having a monthly song for seeing Gaz this time, but then I found "August" listed on Rage (I'll see him in August, just like I had a September song in 2005 and a December song for 2006).

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES like how the woman in the accommodation office still knows my name and I can be cheerful with her. How easy it was to email Christi and Mary Rose. Or even my group meeting this week for Entrepreneurship. I was on my way there when I ran into Nash and May and even though talk had a bunch of gaps, it wasn't so bad at all. May's just a natural with charm and talking, so much so that I wish I could do that. Talk to anyone. Fill in gaps. Say meaningful and yet useless things.

But what was so pleasurable about that? The fact that I did some pre-work and I didn't look so useless therefore. The week of I not only got started on my own part, but I also did some pre-work on what we would be doing together. I've (DISCOVERED) that I tend to claim up around those I think are better than me, and so I look and sound useless. Therefore, by doing some pre-work I didn't look inferior to them.

Which leads to my GREAT PLEASURE of the week. Jesse and I have had a period of time since the last time he was kind and open to me, but then today happened. We were a little cold and yet not mean to each other, and then he cracks a joke out of no where. Being the flirt I can be, I surprised myself as if I've known him for a while and said, "Aw, you're smiling!" To which he smiled throughout because of, and he just kept talking. It made me feel great. Just lovely.

YING emailed me, which I was deep down kind of hoping for because I'm tired of hating all my email friends. She started the shit and I didn't baby her, and as always, she stood up first. What can I say. I just can't keep female friends. Meh, whatever.

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Entry ?

LIFE HERE It makes me feel happy when I talk to Toby (the gay Spanish-American), and Alex (the not so bad German), and Arthur (the Mormon American) in class. Life here is sociably good. I'll miss that when I leave.

Monday, 9 June 2008

Entry ?

LITTLE PLEASURES I do have a wonderful mom (Ying always tells me so). She called at 7am to wake me up without me even asking her to, which was lovely considering I slept through both alarms. Although I didn't make it to class since my nose kept bleeding 5 minutes before it started, and I was too sick to bother anyway. Now I feel really guilty, but that always happens. Always.

YING So I don't know what it is about her that I want to rip my hair out about. Just like with Franzi, too. It's like I get bored very easily and once they fuck something up, I just never forgive them. In fact, today, I don't even know how it started. It just did. And I wasn't that bad, but I was frustrated that she always wants it her way and can't compromise with me, so I won't budge then. I left without saying anything to her, no biggie. Then she was in line behind me in the Brasserie, directly after class, and called out my name. I was nice. Then she ignored me, so I got to ignore her lastly by walking past her and then out the door. I felt great. Evil, but great.

It's not only her inability to do only what she wants, and never what I want, but also that she still pissed me off from two semesters ago on Val Day by ignoring my greatest achievement here (winning the Top Class award). Hey, at least I know why I hate her.

EMAIL Two emails that were funny or special today, and neither from Gaz surprisingly.

From Kenny:
well, all for now. Take good care.
look forward to hearing from ya again soon,
next time I email Doris, I'll tell her hi for ya.
always your pal-Kenny

From Mike:
Steve, Jen..... .... an Arths

Thanks for coming to class on this fine day!!
So apparently the assignments were rubbish so they are to be redone!!
Everyone just described the organizations instead of critiquing and forming an opinion on them we have to do it again for Monday!
Check Ilearn for updates!
An we need to have a progress report on the trading assignment! Thats due tomorrow! We need to discuss where we stand and all that rubbish, i think she'll put stuff up about that on Ilearn aswell!!!

Let me know what you want me to do for the "progress report"

Mike D

I hope you bastards had a good sleep in!!


Sunday, 8 June 2008

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LITTLE PLEASURES It's a slow sunday, but somewhat an accomplished one. There's this "gay" guy I've seen around who is such a cute Aussie. I want to be his friend, but I've never talked to him...until today. He was so kind and smiley and we were both shaking. I don't know why, but we were. He reminds me of Gaz- quiet and not aware of his cuteness. At least I got to finally talk to him before I leave Bond, finally after over a year.

Saturday, 7 June 2008

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TRAVEL  We woke up and we had to leave early because of my cold.  Fair enough.  And even though she promised me she'd ask about greyhound at the YHA, she did her sneaky Chinese thing (CULTURE) and without disagreeing with me directly, went behind my back to do what she wanted.  And so there we were taking the local buses to only God Knows Where.  We luckily and unluckily ended up in Emundi, which had that gorgeous "real" Aussie look with the bogan houses and small streets without that artificial look.  The small town look I love.  

It was unlucky because Ying got us lost because she didn't want to take the Greyhound.  To be fair, not booking ahead like I wanted was good because I got sick and wanted to go early (although we could've easily called to reschedule), but I was frustrated.  I should've booked on my own, and I told her that after she asked what I was thinking.  We were nearly lost.  To be fair, she does think more clearly headed at times and so she thought of waiting for the next bus to the station at Nambour.  I don't even remember what I was thinking, but I was surely mad enough at her not to think straight to be honest.  And she asked the bus driver "for Brisbane" so we got to pay the train ticket while on the bus too, which was awesome.  So it's good things and bad things with her really.  

It doesn't matter.  It's just that I have to go with my gut of planning so that I don't get stuck lost in a city, which I hate.  May work for some, but doesn't for me.  Yes it's an adventure and sometimes cheaper, but that's your problem if you get lost and not mine.

Once we got back to Bond, I was so excited that I instantly felt better.  Bond's my home.  Which is sad since I'll be leaving it shortly.

Friday, 6 June 2008

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TRAVEL & YING  It was a bit awkward being in the car with Nash and his wife while trying to make conversation, but Ying did a fair bit and Nash was so good himself.  All questions about the pending trip, the events back home, what our parents do, and about their business.  I wish I knew how to make small talk and what to ask without sounding stupid.  I need to learn by listening to others though.  And luckily I had Ying who loves talking to older men there with me (Nash is in his 40s).

Luckily the three hour drive was almost non-stop conversation and soon we were in Noosa on Hastings street.  Something inside of me just knew where to go because Nash pointed the direction, but Ying didn't trust me and had to ask a bunch of strangers.  So when I found out I was right, of course I was personally elated.  And at the same time I knew I wouldn't get along with traveling with her.  Gaz and I know our way well enough- we don't have to stick out as tourists by asking people directions.  It just bothered me.

Noosa was gorgeous and full of rich, old folks.  It's called Heaven's Waiting Room and the name is quite correct.  Although it reminds me so much of Naples, which makes me not only dislike it but also like it.  Yes, it's full of rich shops and rich old people, but the sun is bright and the sand is white and there's brightly colored modern houses.  You know, bright burnt orange and yellows and blues.  I love tropical housing colors.  

(CULTURE)  The Chinese are impatient.  They call out and ask questions when the person is attending to another because they must have to fight for attention amongst the billions of them.  So I finally had to ell her, "This is Australia.  They take their time" even though I wanted to say, "Slow the fuck down.  She'll get to you. Yes, they're a little bit easy going, but not that easy going."  

We sat on the beach...studying...for a bit.  We go all this way and she just wants to sit?  I didn't complain since I just meditated as I stared off in the distance.  With Gaz I get to do things at least.  We move and see places.  With her, it was sitting.

I was proud that I wasn't a pain in the ass and was pretty easy going trying to please her, like Gaz would do for me. 

Once I got to the hostel I instantly missed traveling with Gaz.  It does make a difference when you're traveling with someone you truly care about and want to be with.  With Ying, the hostel felt threatening in a way.  I felt like I was sitting there with a bunch of strangers and with no one to cling onto.

And so she dragged me to get some wine and we sat in the almost empty living room to drink it (this is the first time I've successfully drank a glass since my 21st birthday when I threw it all up!).  Yes, I couldn't back her up in trying to get some because I was scared.  And also I felt inferior with people socializing with others and not feeling shy.  Why can I never do that?  Why could I partially do that in Hargraves, but not any time thereafter?  

That night, we had an adventure because she lacks so much commonsense.  We went to the National Park and I told her we couldn't be there in the dark.  Yet, she ignored it thinking I was just being my anal self.  It was fun enough going through the first time until it started getting dark and she insisted on going to the beach route (seeing as there were several trails).  Once we got there it was deserted and I read the map to see how we could get home.  "We'll just follow the beach" she tells me even though I pointed out that the beach was different from the main one we were on earlier.  She couldn't grasp that concept.  

And so once again I was right and for once she actually apologized to me.  We had to run with our two mobiles lighting the way.  "I thought the moon would come through!"  Really?  The moon will shine through the dense leaves?  Have you ever been in the woods before?  Ugh!  

Although it was so much fun running through the woods in the dark thinking I would die.  No really, I knew it would be okay and for once I wasn't stressing out at all.  I could've fallen down the hills or down the side of the small bridges.  It was such an adventure and I'm glad it did happen though, because when I think of Noosa, I will think of that.

After those shenanigans we sat down and ate a donut for dinner while watching people walk by in clubbing dress, ready to pick up.  She wanted me to go out with her but I told her no.  Basically I'm not her puppet for fun.  Find someone else to do those things with you, because that's not me.  Really though, it would be fine if I wanted to do those things and it was because I was using her.  Is that how Gaz felt?  As if I was using him to go out for fun when I thought he was then like that?

I was dead sick that night and mom called to see if I was okay.  Instantly I felt loved and okay in that big scary YHA with strangers who made me feel inferior.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

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LITTLE PLEASURES I always have feared the phone, so much that at times I just won't do something but at other times it's okay. I'm fine if something is straight forward, but I'm not if I don't know what to do. And as usual Ying was listening to me and was acting like I was just being a pain in the ass when really I was scared and I told her that. Sigh. But I actually called and it was so easy once I did it! Why do I get so afraid? I miss Liz and Franzi pushing me in a nice way and encouraging me. They were real friends. Double sigh.

UNI RESIDENTS I went to get a salad at the Lakeside Grill for the first time in at least an entire semester when I ran into Artika, one of Ying's friends whom I know by association. How she knows my name, I'm not sure, and why she called me over I'm only vaguely certain (to make it appear like she knows more people on campus). Regardless though, it made me feel like I had more friends anyway.

So the day before at my meeting, Nash heard me mention my trip to Byron Bay and offered to drive me and Elaine/Ying. Very kind and that is why networking in Australia is awesome! It was easier for me in Bathurst, but it's not so bad here in Robina either. And so that was set, and I just had to call Ying to tell her that my YHA was booked. When I did, I even offered (surprisingly) to eat a salad with her before her tutorial.

Tutorial? Yep, she invited me to see this American guy that's supposedly the best of the best and I was thinking there was no way in hell. She's known for sleeping with older men and thinking they're just "brilliant" and so I had to see if this was just her odd ways or not.

(AMERICAN HOME) "I went to this lecture to check out this professor who is supposedly the "best professor ever" to some people and I was extremely curious to see how that could even be. Apparently he teaches at a top American MBA uni and is here for 7 weeks out of the 14 since he's that busy. When I went I had to admit that he actually made the 4 hour lecture incredibly interesting, so much that I didn't even realize I was there for 4 hours (plus, I wasn't that interested in the subject of Branding but he made it that much fun). He kept telling me, "You're accent sounds strangely familiar!" and "My friend here would know what I'm talking about" when he mentioned American companies. After class he went up to me and asked which state I'm from, which led to him making me feel at home because he actually knew all my sports teams and the "mistake on the lake" history of Cleveland."

LITTLE PLEASURES dinner that night, Jesse was lovely again. I was half asleep and asked for a paddle pop forgetting to say "chocolate" as well. So he smirked (the first rare part) and said, "there are actually 4" (the second rare part- joking). Once again I just felt elated.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

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TRAVEL & YING  I did feel really bad afterwards because I tend to let me emotions and frustration out without really meaning too.  It's just that she makes me want to gouge my eyes out and I can't explain why.  She doesn't listen to me and I'm constantly repeating myself.  I told her that I can't charge her room to my credit card and yet she insists on doing it.  But when I talked to my mom and she overheard, then she finally changes.  Well, listen to me in the first place.  I don't say things just for the fun of it.

CULTURE  The best part was having her sit in my room because I know she hates my room.  I know she thinks it's inferior to her room just because it's older, although I've had her room and it feels like you're living in a hotel.  I've told her the week before that she never comes to my room and it upsets me, after I told her to come to mine and she gave me a blank look with no response.  I won't deal with her Chinese culture any more.  That's sad for me to say, but I'm fed up with it.

The nice thing was going into the Brasserie after having to deal with Ying and having Jesse be nice and ready with my take-away.  He's rarely nice to me and so it's always a pleasure when he is.

GREAT PLEASURES  I was waiting for my group at the wrong time of 2pm, unknowingly, but there was this kind Aussie blond in the hall with me.  She sat and I took her lead, only making a comment on it, which lead to a decent introduction conversation.  It is fun making chit chat with strangers.  But the real great pleasure came with Ash and Mike.  They asked what I was up to and Mike was so willing to help me, and just wouldn't stop until he really had to go.  That surprised me since he's always given me attention, but never this much attention.  And then he also said, "You're higher in my books now" when Ash asked if I was going to see Sex & The City and I told her that I've never seen an episode.  Does he like me?  I wish, but I don't think so.  Although while he stood extremely close to me as he was determined to get ahold of May for me by using his mobile gave me that electricity feeling.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

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She was struggling to get people to participate, so for some reason my mouth just opened and words spilled out when she was asking if any one had an answer for the last problem, number 22. My mind just jumped on it for some reason and I took that leap, and I succeeded.

"The International finance professor has taken to actually getting desperate for answers during our tutorials since no one answers. And I'm still surprised that I volunteered to go up to the board and work out a problem for her, something I basically never had to do ever in my life, and yet I find myself doing it a lot here at Bond. I was laughing at myself, which was silly because there's serious Germans in there, and I don't like feeling stupid in front of such intelligent people, but I had friendly faces and so it made me feel better. Plus my professor even gave me a chocolate for doing it."

LITTLE PLEASURES Other than that, my morning got to a great start with a run-in with one of the cleaners while I was waiting for my classroom to be opened up. Such an Aussie bogan with her dress and hearty demeanor, but that also means she was kind and very talkative (CULTURE). So kind that she wished me a good day as I passed.

UNI CLASSWORK Nash gives us lollies all the time, which is such an Indian cultural thing to do I noticed (CULTURE). And so they may scare me because they are far more superior in their knowledge, but I've learned not to let Nash and May deter me. Like today when May took my executive summary and then fixed it a little, and yet her version was far from perfect as well.

UNI RESIDENTS Alex the kind and cute German is someone I love to kinda flirt with. During his presentation in IHRM he kept smiling and I kept smiling, and so he smiled when he saw me smiling. I just can't help it. Then there's Toby, who is gay, and so I can definitely play with that and not feel it's doing anything wrong. He turned around and we waved at each other. I just have fun joking around with certain people (Ash, Alex, Toby, and Mike).

On the way to my IFM tutorial I passed Alex who was on the mobile, and we both waved, which made me giddy for the above reasons. And in class it was just me joking with him, Toby, Mike, Arthur, Stephen, and Vishen. It makes me feel so loved.

"Jen-Jen!" Stephen always calls me.

Monday, 2 June 2008

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In HRM as I was studying before class, Alex made sure to turn back a few times to chat with me. He really is a nice boy, and to be honest, I don't even remember where our so-called friendship even started.
During Toby's presentation he was laughing, so he made me smile, he waved, and so I waved. He's a great Spanish-American in my eyes.

Sunday, 1 June 2008

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tel emotions, similar situation, relly my friend
mike: he had to come back. "just studying? taht's all you do." i was speechless with mouth open and he said, "see ya!" so i joked, "thank, james" to his smirk.
my last sem?! don't bother any more. don't care.