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SADNESS I'm a mess right now because I'm crying after watching 2 minutes of The Land Before Time. I guess when I was little it was the first time I realized that my mom would pass away one day, and so now I always associate that with this movie. UGH!

UNI RESIDENTS I told Mike, at dinner, that I'm job searching. Instead of being focused on himself like he almost always is, he said, "Where? Back home?" Or was it because he's wondering if I'm staying? I wonder if he thinks of me as a good friend. He acts like it enough, but not consistently, you know?

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LITTLE PLEASURES walking into the room after their class got out, and scaring Stephen who jumped back when he realized I was silently standing next to him. Mike saw me and said, "Hi, Jen!"

We walked over to the couches for our meeting and Mike asked, "Do you have your cozy?" when he saw my iTouch. How'd he remember? He actually does care and listen, doesn't he? It was just the little bouts of attention he gave me.

And then there was the pleasure of when our meeting ended and Stephen said I should go work for him since I'm so organized and he needs that. According to him, that's my niche and that he even told a friend, who said the same thing. That'd I be great for project management. Anyway, after that lovely compliment, somehow Mike knew I wouldn't want to work in Europe (Where Stephen's moving) and that made me feel good.

Stephen, his son, and Arthur and I had lunch together. For some reason it just worked out that way with Stephen not inviting us, but making it known we were going. So there I was in the Bra in line, getting my food.

"Which chocolate is it today?" Megan asked. "How'd you know?" "I know you," she said cheekily. Jesse was there, too. And I consider these two to be the "cool kids" of the Bra, and therefore it made me feel "cool" as well.

I found Stephen, his son Kik, and Art, and it was just fun sitting back and talking. I felt cool to be out of the ordinary and actually eating out with the sun shining, some good conversation, and some lively atmosphere.

After lunch Art and I went around runing some erronds for him and I noticed how much it felt like summer. It was warm, the sun was extra bright, and I wasn't wearing a jacket. In fact, I was wearing my comfy AE clothes and feeling good because I've been fake most of the semester and trying to wear dressier clothes to be non-American like.

We ran into Alex who acknowledged me, even though I didn't talk. We ran into Ann, some Chinese girl who introduced herself to me at the beginning of the semester but barely talks to me now. And then Art worked his magic at trying to get some info on this PR situation for us.

Then I hung out with Art in the library, like I've done since last semester. While on the computer:

IM ! Yay, May really is becoming like my new Liz. Very slowly, and unfortunately I will lose her when I move to the US. She messaged me for the first time through G-chat and I was so happy to see that because I miss feeling cool and messaging people.



SADNESS Meanwhile, I have to let Jess go. She hasn't bothered responding to me, and well, I guess that's that, right? I could try facebook messaging her when I return, or post a notice to see if she notices, but otherwise I guess chasing her around won't do much. I mean, it would be good because she likes to go out and party, but ah well.

All I can hope for is to reconnect with Jess, find Kristen, continue with Betty (ugh), and go from there. I will always have Gaz, but he's in Australia. As for May and Ash, they'll probably be there, but again, only in Australia.

It's tough living abroad!

Back to today though. While we were leaving the library, I finally asked him questions about his religion (LDS) and I was open about it, and he was open as well. I wasn't offending him I told him, I just wanted to find out from the official source. And basically, my views are still the same. They may be harmless, but it's still like a cult.

LITTLE PLEASURES (pt. 2) At dinner Mike walked over very fast to serve me even though his bit was supposed to be the second half of the line. He was happy, asked how I was like he always does, and I started chatting with him about the meeting earlier on. As he finished with me, he kept turned to me to talk even though he was going to serve the guy behind me. He just makes me always feel so special and good inside.

I was walking over to the dessert section and Toby was there with Ann (the one mentioned above) and he was talking to me, reminding me about our study session on Sunday. But the socialness didn't stop there! I went over to Jesse and I was second in line, but a bunch of guys showed up right after me. I started worrying thinking Jesse would serve them first (since he and I aren't friends so to speak, and Jesse will treat those he knows well better and I wasn't sure if he knew I was there first), but he went right for me. He teased me about the chocolate and take-away, and said "no worries" when I said thanks (he rarely does).

I felt soooo good today.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-FOUR

• Elaine found me in the Bra despite me faking not seeing them, so I had to snub her
  
• Therefore, I didn't know they were in the library and, no, I didn't apologise
• They were silent at first and I didn't care
• Then they were lively, either fake or real
• Finally, they walked out together with me in the back and then I saw Arthur
• I wonder if they noticed I left while they were still walking out?

"Thursday was the worst day I've had since my first semester (that was back in May when I was crying after a presentation where they embarrassed me in front of the entire class). After Thurs was all over I was just that mentally and physically exhausted after all the bad things over the day added all together.

But from the start, it was good. It was my last International Trade tutorial and I went out answering the majority of the questions, which is an accomplishment for me considering that a superiorly intelligent German is in there. I even went up to the board again to write out a problem after my Malaysian friend, May, pushed me to do so, after which they clapped again. But then the snippet of badness started. Two days prior the Fijian girl, Ashnita, asked me to stay after to help her with her stats project she stupidly waited the week of to do. I didn't mind even though a few others told me I was being too nice by offering my valuable time to someone just using me because they are lazy. So when I went to help her she actually snapped at me, "So what are you going to show me?" as if it was my job. May was sitting there and snapped back, "If you do your workshops you would know." Ashnita left class then, thankfully.

May's sort of like Liz. She's very, um, motherly. She knows I hate my marketing group with the utmost of passion, so she walked with me to the sushi place and offered to get me some, which I declined. That was the only good thing out of the day. After that, it started back up again when I went to the Bra to get my lunch and I ran into my group and had to tell them I'd meet them over there. I told told Ying I'd meet them at the library (again) so they took me as snubbing them, which was true in a way. I can't eat eat around people I don't know well enough. It completely freaks me out for some reason and so I eat really slowly, and they take it to be that I'm a slow eater, even though really I'm just trying not to make a fool out of myself. That and I didn't want to have to deal with them longer than I had to.

Then once I finished eating and went there I didn't see them at first and so I waited outside. Long story short they were in there, and no one was talking, and nor did I care. I'd given up on caring. I've lost my patience with them and I'm no longer the nice, happy-go-lucky Jen. I'm not mean, but at the same time I'm not my cheerful self, so I think they're taking it as me being mean. (Which means thankfully after Monday comes I won't have to see neither of them any more, but I will have to see Ying in my HRM class next semester). During it they did loosen up, I sort of did as well, but afterwards I was lagging behind, saw Arthur, and went to him while they had no idea I had disappeared.

Why I'm bothering to write all that unhappiness I don't know, but I guess it makes me feel better telling you what's going on. You know, sort of like getting it out and now it's better. So thanks for reading that. Bear, if only you were here to see the craziness of group work at this place! You wouldn't believe it. People are so lazy and touchy on top of it. Actually if you were here I'd probably poke your nose to make myself feel better, but then again you wouldn't like that."

It was also a nice surprise in the library hearing, "Jen" from Jillian and Stephen getting close behind me to have a private talk. I like associations.