Entry ?

EMAIL (a cut down version of just the paragraphs I like):

"I’ve decided to write out a whole new email. I had one written out a few days ago, but that’s a bit old now, so it’s only fair…even if there’s not much to add.   Bit old now?  I wonder what it said, but it's sweet that he wanted to write me a new one.  And this proves that he drafts emails like I do.

Ah cool, I was hoping you’d have a nice big list of things. If you left to much of that down to me it’d be hopeless. All I’m good at these days seems to be what the next meal’s going to involve. So we’ll actually have to do some of the stuff you want to in the end.  So I'm the organizer in our friendship, yay.  I know he means it to, which is cute.  But what does he mean by "some of the stuff" and "you want"?

 

So far everything on the list gets a big tick, so I bet everything else does too. Hopefully ticket prices stay low, ‘cause that’d be really fun (plus you’d get to see somewhere you haven’t been after so long again instead of Newcastle or Sydney (we always turn up there in the end).  So he's say that he likes the list I came up with, and that anything else I come up with does as well?  So he doesn't want to commit to Tassy by buying tickets, but he does want to go?

 

Cool, Tokyo aquarium (you’ll have to twist my arm on Tokyo disney). Harujiku? Is that what it’s called…and the old traditional areas to.  So he wants me to go to Tokyo with him down the road for real I take it?

That makes it eleven days- a week and a half…that’s almost tomorrow. Not long now.  I said only 14 more days, which means he realizes the time difference of when I wrote and is noting it. Is he saying this for me or for him?

 

And as exciting as it is, that is everything for now…maybe we’ll head to dinner sometime this weekend…I don’t know, but if I actually do something, your sure to know.  I'm sure to know.  Of course I am.

 

See you in a few days.(you’re so close to finishing!)."  I giggled at this.  I think he's really excited.  So going home to the US instead of seeing him last break was an awesome idea in the end.  

amei, art visit, ash diss but now out of my life

DREAMS  house fire one

CHANGE  "So there were some deer on the runway and my flight was delayed.  And then there was this freak snow storm.  Sorry I'm late."

Entry ?

LIFE HERE, GROWN UP, CHANGE, BEST FRIEND

Friends (AUS)

• Gareth!
  
• Ash...
  
• Mike...
  
• Stephen...
  
• Arthur...
  
• May...
  

Friends (US)

• Kristen
  
• Betty...
  
• Christina...
  
• Jess...
  

AUS lifestyle:

• No car
  
• Expensive food and clothing
  
• I can't even go shopping alone
  
• I would have to live with someone else
  
• People are nice and yet obnoxious
  
• No family
• But I have Gareth
  
• Good reputation
• Clean air, but HOT air
• So isolated and boring...did everything just about
• Has plenty of jobs
• Good pay, but expensive living
• Not so powerful, but no killings (supposedly)

US lifestyle:

• I have a car
  
• Food is so cheap, as well as clothing (which is styles I like)
  
• I can go shopping alone
  
• I don't have to live with someone
  
• People are nice, obnoxious, but just like me
  
• I have my family
  
• But I have Betty (ugh) and Kristen 
  
• Bad reputation, and yet they fucking love us
• Cleanish air, but I don't even notice + colder weather (nice)
• Soooo much to do
• Still has good jobs
• Not as good pay, but fucking cheap living
• We're powerful -> Our power may be dying, but then others die too

Overall, I'm going to be happier in the US.  The only thing that will bother me is knowing that undeserving people will live in Australia (because I WANT TO LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY) and that most importantly...Gareth.  But, we have such a strong friendship that I can withstand only emails and seeing him every year.  We're so strong that he'll forever be my friend and we'll see each other for sure.

I've lost Betty and Jess, but really does it matter much?  If I have Kristen down the street, I'll be okay.  And with a job I can make new friends.  And if it doesn't work out, there's Gareth to go running to or another city.

UNI CLASSWORK  it was my last presentation ever.  Ever, ever, ever.  I was there early, followed by a few people I don't really talk to, then Nash who was a struggle (he just stares anymore and doesn't bother.  An asshole or has he always been this way?).  Finally, Ash came to the rescue and then Mike.  He was nicely dressed up and came straight to me.  "You're dressed up!"  "And he has shoes!" Ash added.  But then Mike left and I was left with my group and sort of Ash.

"Before class he came up to me and said he didn't mean to do that as far as giving me a 6.5 for "not putting in as much effort as the others" and that he's "really busy and must've mistake my true mark amongst all his papers."  I think he could tell on my face that I was thinking, "oh, bullshit, don't pull that" because he nudged me and said, "Don't take it personal."  Hmm."

Finally the presentation came and we were the last ones to go.  I wanted to be first, but it was okay.  Once I got up there it felt natural, but I felt so disconnected from everyone.  I need to get to the point where I can actually talk to them and know exactly what I'm saying word for word at the same time.  Also, passion.  I need to be more passionate without being annoying.

During the rest of the presentation Stephen walked past twice and May and I were laughing and waving.  Seeing Stephen actually made me feel better.

Afterwards he asked me a few questions, but they were so easy that I didn't mind at all.  Just clarifying.   May asked him, "Do you have any comments for our group?"  "I think the professor was really impressed because he said, "Great idea-- are you going to go through with it?"  (We all said no).  "Are you thinking of selling the business plan then?"  (We laughed- but I think he's serious)."

After the presentation I realized that I don't want to see most of these people ever again, and then ones I do want to see, I probably never will.  When I left I didn't say goodbye to Nash this time, because I'm tired of his pissy happy attitude.  He obviously doesn't care about me.

INVITES  "And then I talked to May and she invited me out to dinner with the rest of our group members since I'm going back home and ZeFeng's going back to China, but I sure don't want to go.  I have to go, but I surely don't want to.  Especially if Nash'll be there, since he's got this thing against me for some reason.  (Unless it's just his Indian-British background of just staring and not saying anything?)."

LITTLE PLEASURES  But I caught Mike on the way out, luckily because I thought he was long gone.  Maybe he was waiting up for someone or me, I don't know.  I asked him if he was going to the tute, and he said no (figures).  Then Armell walked past, the French chick, and she was oddly nice to me.  Mike hugged her goodbye and I was jealous, but also surprised at how touchy he is with people he doesn't even really know.

After Armell left, he was talking about how I could help him out and I told him, "What do I get?" HE HUGGED ME!  It felt so great.  How often do boys I like hug me?  Not often. What, just Geovanny, Gareth, and now Mike?  That's it.  And after he hugged me he said he'd give me something extra special.  He's such a lovable player.  And as he was leaving I called out, "See you in the brasserie!"  "I'll give you extra dessert!"  he called back.

UNI CLASSWORK  Beforehand I was with the boys chatting and trying to do some work.  And my last tutorial ever was fine- I brought my laptop and that was that.  I've never done it before, but it felt damn good just pissing around on the internet like every one else does.  Afterwards, our prof wanted a class photo.  Amei, Ying's friend, sat next to me and held me-- close!  And afterwards she got right in my face, just the way she is,to talk. Wow- talk about cultural differences.

LITTLE PLEASURES  That night at dinner Mike scanned my card and asked me about class.  Then he acted as if he was waiting so he could serve me, but then he had to serve the guy in front of me.  Dessert?  He ran over even though a woman already started serving me since no one was coming.  "Would you like anything else?" he said in a sneaky way, inferring to earlier in the day.  "Next time when there's chocolate I laughed."  I felt cool.

Entry ?

CHANGE Today was such a learning experience. I ended up being in another world, figuratively speaking of course, and the Canadian's friend ended up calling me a bitch for not realizing she was talking to me. Hmm, people are so nice here. But the reason I bring this up is because it actually didn't bother me like it would've in the past. I barely even noticed-- I think my newly acquired "don't care too much about what others think" way of thinking is paying off.

LIFE HERE But I'll move on to Arthur for just a tiny bit, because he's still hasn't changed much. But wait! He's finally realizing that yes, Aussies are just as bad as Americans as far as acting like assholes and bitches. I mean come on, it took him a year and a half to realize that?? And how did he not know that Aussies don't pronounce the "-er" in words, but with an, "-a" sound instead? How is a guy this stupid to the culture going to stay here, but I may not?! But most of all: he blames every fucking thing on Americans. I tell him all the time, how can you hate your own people? That means you're an asshole if you're calling all Americans assholes. He just laughed, dumbass. But then if Aussies do something differently than Americans, then he calls them stupid!

LITTLE PLEASURES I ran into Mike twice, and he sought me out two other times. I read my professor's philosophical novel last night, which just happened to talk about the universe giving us what we need (even though I don't fully believe in that...only somewhat) and here it was happening for me. Serendipity I suppose.

But I'll go back a little bit to the beginning. I was in the library waiting for Arthur, because he can't be alone and he made up some lame excuse for me to be there. Fine. While looking for him I ran into Mike and we said hi as he went to his meeting with Ash and company. Meanwhile I found Arthur and we went into a group room to "study" (I was, he wasn't). Mike happened to walk past and popped in to talk, but mainly to me. It was just stuff about International Finance, etc, but it was fun because Mike always has us laughing.

There's this thing about Mike...he just does it and is confident about it, but in a loveable way. So we went back to "studying" when he popped in again and stole my financials from my group to show his. Meanwhile Ashnita hears I'm there and comes over to say hi. To we're all laughing and talking as usual, but it's stuff like this that makes my uni experience fun.

And when they go to leave, Mike cuts through my room and he stays a few extra seconds to chat and say goodbye. Ash waves and they're all off. Or so I think. I then leave Art for a little bit (I get fed up with how slow he is) and run into Mike out by the Brasserie back room/Bungies. We're talk, he lights a cigarette, and I'm not sure if he wants a long chat or not, but neither of us are really pushing the other to leave.

I just love stuff like that.

A little bit later me and Arthur saw them writing, "A <3 J" in the sky via a skywriting plane. It's always so much fun to watch that. It's the second time I've seen it on campus, and like fourth I've seen in Sydney (the first two were in Sydney with Gaz three years ago when the swans won).

CULTURE I asked mom, "how'd you go?" without even thinking about my Aussie English, ha.

To back track a little bit, I found gaz's email, bright and early (10 min after woke up)!

Mum had fun in Italy [...]. Does he talk about his mom since I know here and I'm like family in some ways? Or because he has nothing else to say?

Yep, only three weeks till the next big adventure (oysters, kidneys, livers…and hotdogs). He makes me laugh-- all disgusting things. But really, so he thinks of this trip as an adventure?! Maybe I'm so over him that I never thought of it that way. [...]. Take things step by step, get excited about finishing and not having to worry about uni, then you can start panicking about planes and stuff. What's this in reference to? Leaving Bond? Because where does the plane thing come in then? Or is it about our trip and waiting to plan it until I'm done with Bond? What matters though is that he cares enough to offer advice.

So far with centrelink I’ve been able to save up two 2 ½ grand. WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU HAD NONE! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SAVING WITHOUT TELLING ME? [...]. I think my chest was 87 centre metres, and I weigh about as much as a sumo wrestler at the moment (53kg- haven’t been that light since about year 8!)- the solution, I’ve checked out what women’s clothes are uni sex and I’ll see how that goes. [...]. There's his weight thing again, always mentioning his weight and scaring me when he does it. And is he gay or not? If I’m a good boy I should be able to save up maybe around three thousand before I pick you up in Newcastle/Sydney (it’s Newcastle right? 17^th?), which means we’ll actually be able to have some fun every now and then…hmm, Hobart…Perth…Fiji…McDonald’s! This is the best part. He's saving his money so we can do something together, irregardless if it's just for his sake or not. And he actually wants to do some real traveling! I just wonder why he hasn't mentioned this earlier, when I first told him I'm coming? Is that why he wanted me to stay longer than a week?

CULTURE I told him that I don't mind people bashing my country really (only when it's Americans who think it's cool to bash now that they think Australia's completely godsent or something), but that it does bother me that Aussies are so one-sided about it. It's never what's also bad about their country, but rather it's always about mine. Nothing's wrong with good-old Australia...but every thing is wrong in the US according to so many of them. But being a true neutral thinking guy, fair all the way, he said this about my talk to my Fijian friend (Ashnita): Hmm, it wouldn’t be too hard arguing what’s wrong with Fiji either really, all of those coups and stuff all the time. I think the hard thing on you is that Fiji’s never in the news, where as every man and his dog get saturated with American news (hell, England’s barely ever in the news and it’s supposed to be a super-power, and I can’t remember actually EVER hearing about Canada in the news…your right, nothing happens there). I bet everyone’s an expert on China with all the news they’re getting now days. Yep, he remembers what I say about Canada.

[...] I think the trick could be just to leave with as many fond memories as possible, and not miss it to much. This is about me leaving Bond, my friends, and all the cultural fun. Again, it's him giving advice.

[...]

[...]

Hey, driver’s license, that’s long term thinking (if I get it now, you’ll still be driving anyway, so there). Ha, how did he know what I was getting at?? [...].

[...]

[...] I’ll let you know how it goes here. We always do that now, but it still means a lot.

See you in a little bit. And this as well, but at least this time he's talking about in a little bit.

Gareth.

Entry ?

IM  May IMed me like I hoped, because really, I miss my chats with Liz.  Although my chats with May aren't the same (she believes so much in God, we don't know that much about each other yet, and she's always too busy to stay on long), she still cares about me and it shows. I did what I used to do with Liz (since she's the first real friend I've ever had): encourage her and be happy about it.  I felt great.  And it was so much fun to see the little bubbles pop up in G-chat since I haven't used it yet!

UNI RESIDENTS AND GREAT PLEASURES  Finally getting off campus was a great pleasure, considering I haven't done it since June when we went to Noosa.  Stephen picked me up and I told him how good his haircut looks (I rarely think to compliment people for some odd reason) and we were off in an easy to go ride with easy talk.  Once at his house Arthur just walked in and sat down as if he owns the place, because Aussies are informal (CULTURE).   Their house is your house basically.

LITTLE PLEASURES  Helping the boys do their take-home exam was fun, just because I wanted out of campus for once.  There was no embarrassment like the last three times because I pretty much know Stephen and his house and his family well enough.  That's a little pleasure to get to that point.

Now I try to be patient with Arthur, but it gets to a certain point where you can't take his slowness and lack of focus any more.  He took 5 hours for a 3 hour exam, and we were rushing to get lunch once Stephen drove us back to campus.  I needed to make it there by 2:20pm and Stephen saw they were still serving...and I just made it literally by seconds.  Wow, considering I need my burger every Thursday.  (He cares enough to make sure they're still serving for me).

CHANGE  On the way to the Brasserie I was joking, "ooooh, Stephen!" in a sexy tone and I couldn't stop giggling because I'm never that cheeky.  Where is this personality coming from?

I met back up with them after they went to see Neva at Bond Cafe.  Before Stephen left I said, "And me!" about joining them tomorrow and he just smiled.  "I love this social side of you sweetie" and he kissed my head.  He's right, I'm definitely more happy and social.  

I'm starting to take charge and doing what I want, without worrying about others.  I know I belong. I feel like an alpha-female of sorts.  

Entry ?

{The two photos Gaz sent me a little bit back.  Did he get even skinnier?  He's such a showoff that boy. He's not as shy as he comes off.}

UNI RESIDENTS & LITTLE PLEASURES  I skipped Entreprenuership by semi-accident after sleeping in through class since my body desperately needed rest. But meanwhile May sent a sweet message about how she missed me in class, and then a reply about how she hopes I feel better.  I don't know, friends like her are difficult for me to get, and so it's shame to have to leave it.  Yes, I'll have it long distance, but that's such a shame all together.

I went looking for Arthur and meanwhile missed Stephen's phonecall.  Before looking for Art, I had accidentally gone to the finance tutorial too early, by an hour, and I ran into Ying's friend Amy who wouldn't stop talking to me.  She's so friendly.  And I think it's because she feels the same way about Ying I do!  She says she'll only do what she wants to do, she's angry, and she won't listen.  Thank God most people see that.  

CHANGE  So when I got to the tutorial, Stephen and Art showed up but not Mike.  Turns out they wanted to invite me to lunch, but that was okay in the end that I didn't get the chance to go.  After talking to Zala and Alex, both stupid dumbasses (they only use you, and don't care about me), about the quiz, I moved to sit by Stephen.  I just got this urge and did it in the middle of class, not caring.  That's not like me at all.

GREAT PLEASURES  After class the three of us went to an empty classroom where I was being weird and flying paper airplanes.  Stephen said I've changed and I'm so much more carefree now that I've let go of my past in NSW and I have to agree.  I do have a non-neurotic, do what I want, just do it, whatever attitude now.  It feels great.  I was laughing so hard flying those airplanes.  And Stephen said, as I tidied and organized the room, that once again I'm going to Zurich to work for him one day.  He said that the three of us have to exchange personal information and keep in touch.  I love long-term friends, no matter the age.   When a professor came and I was giggling because we were being naughty flying paper airplanes (see I don't care), Stephen kept hugging me and kissing my head.  He adores me I think.  He's like an Aussie father.

Art and I ran into Vishen who waved like a queen (like I did as a joke) and came over to talk to us.  Shivang came as well, but he's such a user.  He's only nice to network and does not care about people (like Zala and Alex above).

At dinner the nice New Zealander girl knew I wanted take-away for the first time ever and when I went to get my dessert, a girl shorter than me was beside me!

Entry ?

Woke up at 12pm partly because I'm stressed and exhausted and still sick, and partly because I stayed up until around 3am. It's a curse. (CHANGE) I'm worrying about my first real job. How will I get past the interview, and even if I do, how do I know what to do? How do I apply what little I've learned? Does a degree really prepare you for a job?

Anyway, I did feel better the little time I was walking outside because the sun is so bright here that it just instantly cheers you up.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY-ONE

What discipline I have for writing in this thing every day. And just think, I didn't even record my fun days at CSU. I barely touched on them.

DISCOVERED how to beat Americans at their own game. They come to the Brasserie in droves and don't wait in a queue while it's opening up, so I go on the other side where only very few people wait and then beeline it to the register. Otherwise all thirty Americans take forever and cut in front. It feels good to be crafty without doing it in a mean way. And for the first time in three semesters, I was the very first customer.

Megan walked by and said, "Fish and Chips on a Friday! What a great meal!" I wish I could be as outgoing and carefree as her.

CHANGE for a change I took my laptop outside to stare at the stars, listen to the crickets, and breath fresh air. What a difference it makes. Watching the moon slowly creep across the sky and the southern cross before I can't see it any longer.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FOURTEEN

ADVICE May's advice is working. I'm acting like a leader now, taking it upon myself to take charge and send update emails. I even sent them the survey I MADE and told them they are to question seven people this week. We'll see if they do it. If not I'll be firm then. This is going to be the real world, isn't it?

YING During our group meeting I was happier towards her than usual, until she started her usual shit. She called over a friend, after Shivang left, to chat in Chinese and of course I blew her off after that. Not in the mean way, but then she was cold after I didn't talk to her (in a busy way, not mean way). She asked for me to help her with stats, but I told her no since I had to go help Arthur and that I was already half way through. It felt WONDERFUL to blow her off, as always. I'm nice to her but I refuse to be close to her anymore.

Otherwise I spent the afternoon and some of the night with Arthur working on stats. It actually makes me feel more sociable joining him in the librayr. It beats being in my room alone.


UNI RESIDENTS So what is the advantage of just talking to people? You can rely and network later on. I mentioned to Adriana that I had a survey to do and she was all game! It was great, but I need to learn to know my stuff. To be able to "sell" what I'm doing.

CHANGE I moved my bed 180 degrees and what a difference a major change makes. I feel so new and free now.

Entry HUNDRED-FIVE

According to the news this morning: "Mr Rudd used his victory speech to underline his determination to continue the relationship, despite his policy of a staged withdrawal of Australian combat troops from Iraq, in consultation with the US.

He singled out the US for the first special mention, ahead of countries in Asia and Europe, as the nation with which Australia had a special relationship."

Yay!

And from the NY Times: "Mr. Fullilove said Mr. Rudd’s experience regarding China was unlikely to make a significant difference to Australia’s relationship with the United States. “I would counsel against people assuming that because Kevin Rudd speaks Mandarin there would be a big rebalancing of the relationship in favor of Beijing,” he said."

Double Yay!

I woke up late, feeling free, after almost finishing my WTO presentation last night. No Gaz today, making me wonder if he took my political talk the wrong way? I'm tired of the droves of Japanese tourists, older tourists, snapping photos of our campus like it's some palace. I hide from pretty girls, skinny, with lots of makeup and skimpy clothing like I'm completely inferior.

CHANGE My perception is changing. I'm thinking more about the world we live in.
Walking on campus I noticed ants scrambling away and I wondered why they didn't go near the building where no one walks. Then I remembered that they are tiny and can't see far enough to tell if it would be safer and how easy it is for me to see that. And that, I too, am like an ant in a way. Like the night I wondered the area looking for a store, thinking I would know if one is near by, but the world was too big to tell. And there was a store right under my nose, but I couldn't tell with my small perception.

I'm also thinking more like a business woman, although I don't remember the most recent example. I'm also thinking like a team member/business student. I walked past the newly set-up tables thinking, "Now that will promote team work." What about my perception of a student? Have I changed and I can't tell yet as I'm in the middle of it? I feel like I'm working harder and putting more thoughtful effort in, producing better material, but am I?

YING I got fed up with Elaine today; I'm not being obnoxious, I'm just being western. But she takes everything as me insulting her when that's not true. And I don't find her "I don't know anything about Australia, nor do I want to learn" cute either. I wasn't mean, but instead of giggling and being happy, I started to walk away and said I would see her tomorrow at the end of our walk. If she can force me into things I don't want to do by repeating it over and over, I can act western and stand up for myself for once.

UNI RESIDENTS Matt made me feel "cool" again, like back in Bathurst. He drove past as I was walking with Ying and he honked three times and waved. (!)

Entry FORTY-FIVE

{EMAILS}
Best friend emails: Bear.
American friend emails: Christina, Jess, Kenny, Melissa at times, and once Kristen.
Family emails: Mary Rose, Lisa, Marcia, and sometimes Cassidy.

Christina's response to "I hope to see you when I get back": Get a hold of me when your back in the states mate!



CHANGE Will he remember? No. Did I get out without him noticing the plate? Hopefully. It was like a little adventure in the way that it deviated from the typical and there I was feeling awkward until I got to the fourth floor to stash my food. Temporarily. In a drawer of a random sink down a semi-secluded hallway.

LIFE HERE {As written to Gaz} Strangest thing happened. I was in line at the Brasserie and the place was packed (even the "reserve" section was filled) and for some reason I was getting nervous. Typically my heart races and I just want out of there because meanwhile people are pushing and blocking your way so you can't see the food. But I was surprisingly calm and, I don't know, I actually felt like I live here now. Like this is my home in a way, whereas last semester I would do just about anything to get out of this uni. And the other day, my communication lecturer made fun of Cleveland like it has no importance and all I could think is maybe he's never heard of it? I mean, I admit the place is not up there like NYC and LA, but I don't understand why he would mock it, not that I care much because it's just interesting to see that reaction.

Also the other day I realized that even considering how I lived last semester (basically in seclusion unless I was in class), I don't mind living on my own, so to speak (technically, do I live on my own if I'm in a dorm?). Then again, maybe I don't mind because there are the dormies and I go to class regularly which forces me out amongst all those cliques, which I would stay away from otherwise.

Entry FORTY-SIX

I'm preparing myself for embroidery. I want to learn per Krisatomic's examples. She makes it look so nice, and very un-granny like.

UNI RESIDENTS Elaine didn't even look at me when she came in class, nor did she wait for me. Do I care? Not really, but because I'm not close to her and I know I have to see her on Thursday for our meeting. And it felt great not having to sit in the cafeteria with her, forcing conversation, and watching her suck up her food. It felt good, like I was free, even though she does not suffocate me. The question is though, why?

Stephen joined us, which was my ticket to avoiding German guy, "Damien". Joey had said, "Jen!" and I looked up to see Stephen walking in to sit n front of me. We talked throughout in bits, being friendly, but he's not his usual happy self (maybe because he's being forced to take classes, and it's not me?). We talked on the way out which helped in two ways: one, gave the purposely delaying German guy a reason to back off, and two, if Elaine saw it was a way for me not to come to her.

The most important aspect of that class Icelandic girl. We were sort of cold to each other, not acknowledging the other until I asked her if it was okay if I opened the window for air. Then she added more, I added, and so forth for fifteen minutes until people really started to come in and join us. It was nice, and easy, and fun. I didn't really listen to her accent, but she's really nice. Why are the good ones always finance or some other unrelated major to mine? At least I have Arthur and Ashnita.

Woke after my nice nap to hear the lullaby- seriously, what are the chances? Bear emailed me and he seems happy and he even gave me a title again, something he hasn't done since I've come home from Canberra.

Why do I put it off? I know it won't say anything bad. Is it fear of what he didn't say or maybe that once it's over, it's over until next time?

{Reading his email: I actually said, "Fuck" at it's length. I was amazed he's written so much- maybe even the most he's ever written? I was smiling, I was very happy. He got deep with his job and roomie situation. He wished me good luck again with my assignments. He even attached a photo of a journal entry he likes (from page 4!) via the link I sent him.


CHANGE If I move back home, I'm not longer the exotic one. My travelling will be behind me, unless I keep it up. But regardless, I will no longer be the Aussie girl, or will I? And recently, I think I want to keep up with the exotic motif by learning Buddhism for good. I want to buy Teach Yourself Buddhism by Clive Erricker and finally have a religion I believe in....and yet I feel like I'm betraying God as a Catholic. It's difficult. Then there's Florida. I want to vacation in Florida for a bit, and maybe even look for a job. Jess wants to come as well. I just feel the need to be free.

IM/Text/Email/Post Somehow I've managed to perfect the typical introduction talks with new students.
1. Is this your first semester?
2. How do you like it?
3. What do you think of the class?
4. Do you live on campus?
5. Have you seen much of Australia yet?

UNI CLASSWORK I went to the library, feeling very scholarly with my Bond tote to hold my books. A nice elderly woman took care of me, and I felt sort of awkward when the nice Chinese man I saw upstairs came down and watched my "Chinese" titled books go under the scanner. Maybe it made his day? Either way, it felt great walking down the steps with all my books and starting to type out my section of the marketing paper.