Monday, 31 December 2007


Sunday, 30 December 2007


Saturday, 29 December 2007


Friday, 28 December 2007


Thursday, 27 December 2007


Wednesday, 26 December 2007


Tuesday, 25 December 2007


Monday, 24 December 2007


Sunday, 23 December 2007


Saturday, 22 December 2007


Friday, 21 December 2007


Thursday, 20 December 2007


Wednesday, 19 December 2007


Tuesday, 18 December 2007


Monday, 17 December 2007


Sunday, 16 December 2007


Saturday, 15 December 2007



Friday, 14 December 2007


UNI RESIDENTS Decided to do my laundry at 4:30am and I expected no one to be around, but as I passed the second bungie, two guys were on the porch. The blond I've been seeing stopped me and I had to backtrack and may not have been friendly but I was tired and didn't care. My knees shook, my mouth went dry, and I kept shifting. They were asking hard questions like why I didn't like Bond and if it was my attitude and why I was so shy. I was entertained and they weren't being mean, so I stayed. For over an hour. Accusing fun.

The blond kept over and over telling me I was a hot girl and they I had pretty eyes. If the other wasn't there, I would've reciprocated. But it's difficult when you have two guys. Then the blond hugged me twice, pushing against me, and it felt great. Warmth. Touchy.

The redhead asked if I'd go to Macca's and I decided I really didn't need to study. It was awkward because I'm shy and I was too tired to think, but it went okay. They kept talking like a date, question after question, and it was still entertaining for me. Two country boys. Australians. Hot. Well, the blond over the redhead.

The redhead kept saying goodbye and the blond walked with me, but I wish it wasn't so sudden with him. He said he'd see me in a few hours, and he was off to do his office hours for HSA.

After my exam I kept looking for him.
I'm assuming he's staying in Bungie 2 for next semester.

Well, there's this rule. He won't remember and it won't be fun for him, so just let it go. He's popular and could have any girl.

Next time I see him: make it sarcastic, say hi all cheery, and ask how his day was and tell him that I'm not so shy after all.

UNI CLASSWORK Ying arrived late as I figured to the exam but we were both like nothing happened and back to normal. Time apart did well. We hurried inside and the first look at the exam..."Fuck, this is easy!" I was out of there in no time and as I went to the back to get my bag, Hugh was there and he noticed me. But a regulated exam? Couldn't acknowledge him.

For the first time I walked out of the exam smiling at this university. I felt so great walking up to her and handing it in after 35 minutes. Stephen looked at me and I just flicked my eyebrows and smirked, as if to say, "This is exactly what she told us would be on it" since he got the post-grad student to reveal too much information for us. How awesome is he?

Two books, but I figure I've gotten cuts so she better treat my book well.

YING is her and so we had our last dinner together, first one in two weeks. It was actually nice and I couldn't stop smiling because I was officially done. Turns out she took the Reserve and will live across from me and will no longer bother me for dinner & lunch. She told me I'm lucky to be seeing Gareth and I just smirked. According to her the boyfriend's finally coming and taking her to Melbourne and Sydney and as if I'm supposed to be excited or jealous? Either way I didn't care and there she was borrowing me two books. To compensate I got my analysis books online for only $15 and $45 because she got two books for free. That's what's bothering me: how she gets two of her books next semester for free. How asinine is that?


Thursday, 13 December 2007


NEWCASTLE & EMAIL & BEST FRIEND I was giggling so much. I couldn't stop smiling.

Yeah, that's the guy I think. The sort who sounds all big and tough...until you do it back, then runs away with his tail between his legs (I tried being nice all the time at first but realised that that doesn't really work with him...makes him think he's the boss or something).

I don't know what we say instead...the city maybe, "into town", the suburb's name? Hmm...I'm sure we say downtown sometimes...don't we?

Well, I'll be in Newcastle when you get there then. I guess the bus stops at the train station (hopefully it's a decent really does look like it's going to be a wet summer this year, it's een raining for the last few days, and it's still overcast today).

Yeah, I know, I was always goig to be there on Saturday, just needed to work out when to get there, or whether I should come to the airport, however you wanted everything to go, that's all.

Eh, I think the only thing that worries my mum is whether you're getting bored or not, rather than having someone extra to deal with, and like I said, it's going to be a little christmas this year...oh and remember, a trip to Newcastle isn't really that far (it's actually pretty small when you think about it, kind of like you going to if it was Woolongong, that'd be slightly longish, but still not a big deal really).

To be honest, I think it'd be easy to stay for the entire time, whether it's just a day or lots of days, it's not going to bother anyone (I think it'd bother more if you had to stay in newcastle all that time)...I thought I could spent a few days (a week or something) in the Newcastle hostel, but then I doubt there's any accomodation available right? Anyway when your here it's easier to steel mum's car to get around.

Escape anywhere, I think the key to escape (or else the fun kind) is just to get away, and then work out what the hell's going on from there.

But baby octopus salad is so nice...or maybe that's when it's made in good restaurants? I think I might just cook whatever, and not tell you what it all is until you've chewed and swallowed it (might need a bucket handy). I had a flip through a few things to cook this far thinking
-blackberry and treacle pudding
-fruit salad
-mince pie (that's the fruit kind) ice-cream
-oysters (that's probably only for me though)
-mixed tomato salad
-canellini bean tabouhli
-bloody marys (never tried one, though I should)
-swordfish and tuna steaks (the fish version of chicken)
-mixed chocolates and cheeses
-beer and bubbley wine
It's all subject to change. To be honest I'd be happy with the oysters, chocolate, and beer.

Yeah, I've heard about the Where the Wild Things Are'll be kind of strange, I think Wes Anderson's making it (the guy who did Life Aquatic). Hmm, I have the feeling astro boy'll turn out to be like the new version of transformers or something...I'll have to get the dvd series some day.

Noozles?...I remember there was a cartoon about a bunch of weird underwater things once, could that be the Noozles? Oh pfft, a Koala! no, Never. Oh yeah, I'm thinking of the Snorks.

The same goes for pears I think, at least for the next six months maybe.

Anyway, that's my day etc pretty much, decided to leave my exercise stuff (at least the first session- usually do two thirty minute sessions two days out of three) until after lunch today, might just sit down and read the paper for a while.

So see you really soon



I might just buy the film anyway, it'll make me bee a bit more careful seeing I have to pay for it.

UNI CLASSWORK and RESIDENTS The rest of the day? I couldn't find Stephen, but luckily I went back and I ran into Arthur and asked him if he'd seen Stephen. He called and there was Stephen and I studying on the third floor of the library. Stephen went to ask Sudhir about the exam but instead found the grad student who offered to help instead. With his pushinesss and almighty attitude, he was able to get her to reveal too much information and so now we should be set with the exam. God, I hope so. Stephen said I'm set for Analysis next semester since he, Aurthur, and I will have a study group. That makes me feel really good.

GROWN UP I didn't feel grown up asking my mom to call to cancel my YHA stay.

ADVICE Stephen told me today I have to feel confident to get things done. But I also have to show an interest in someone or their work to get them to do what I want.

EMAIL Arthur sent this cute email:
Hello Jen,

Hope you are doing well and not stressing out too much during exam time.

Just wondering if you have the Marketing Fundamentals book, and if so hoping I can use it next semester.

Let me know. :0)

your friend,

King Arthur

YING It's odd not having Ying around for so long, but feels so good.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007


I giggled, I dreamed, I was surprised.

"So your landing in Newcastle right (CBD sounds wierd when it's Newcastle, it always makes me think Sydney, Newcastles CBD seems a bit pathetic a cute kind of way) , does that mean you know when the buses go and everything.

Yup, that's a baby octopus...I think I've figured out the key, don't get anything that resembles a whole dead animal (I'm guessing if there was a suckling pig on the dinner table you'd have to force it down), stick with things that don't have eyes and heads still attached, and preferably not bones either. It looks like it's going to be a pretty small christmas this year around, just you, me, mum, and (huff) big sis. Hopefully she'll be to preoccupied with the ugly little dog...and we can escape with the car or yet no plans for food have been set out...but I've got a thing for oysters and beer, but probably chuck in some sourt of cakey-puddingish-sweet desserty thing in (there was a fruit pudding in the paper the other day, which'd be cool with cream...I might even find the energy to try make my first mud cake...hmm), and other stuff (I've decided less food is better this year around...usually half of it ends up in the bin, and seeing as big brother and sister in law are spending christmas at the other place and coming for boxing day, they be too stuffed from the day before). Anyway, there'll definitely be a nice selection of chocolatey, unhealthy stuff like always. Hmm tuna, I don't know. Hmm maybe a pile of good chocolates, a summer pudding (that's the fruit thing...seeing a mud cake and chocolate would make you pretty sick), tuna and steamed vegetables (or something), oysters and beer, champagne etc...anyway, looks like christmas is going to be very unchristmassy (so any escape would be easy).

Plan for the day...I'll see if I can enrol for something before the day's out (the one I'm looking at...well, one of the two, is already full, but it offers another way of doing it for professionals it seems, it costs three grand, so I just want to see if that's all worth it). The other one looks like a beginners course (I guess that's not so bad though...seeing I'd definitley be a beginner's the printng and graphic design least I think that's what it is...those two things are involved somewhere along the way anyway)...then call house person (I called yesterday but who ever answered didn't talk...I never seem to get a nice simple 'hello what can I do for you' from the other end of the line). Sit down read (Alice through the looking glass), then maybe buy one of the crappy pay-per-view movies on TV (no.23 seems like the least painfull option)...then what ever really.

Well, good thing is it's just the one exam.

I'm sure you'll have the airports completely worked out, tell me what you what you want me do do at my end? (continuing from the top paragraph).

Hmm, so I guess I better get a few polaroid films for the next few weeks (and not let my sister steel it, she just end up using all the film if I do...and then find some way of making it my fault).

Got to avoid eating hot-soggy-weetbix everyday though, it's too special to go the way of tea, and pears. Maybe I should alternate with scrambled eggs or something.

Well, I'll see you on Saturday (just a couple of days till your exam is over).



Tuesday, 11 December 2007


I want to create beautiful things. I wish I had my old talent back, or maybe it's just on hold because of uni.

KNITTING A few days ago I finished a knitted cozy of a squid and also a few days ago I finished adding ears to my red & cream (original) ipod cozy. Knitting the bear ears made carrying that ipod around even more fun. It's embarrassing, but it's mine, it's fun, and it's cute.

CREATIVITY this creative piece from pushing daisies (season 1, episode 8) made me giggle so hard since it was unexpected, sweet, and the delivery was perfect. This is what sparked my desire to be creative.

UNI RESIDENTS Stephen stood me up, which is unusually, even though he is usually late. I was glad because I got there and didn't want him to show, even though it would've helped me. That's how I get these days. I want to do it, go to do it, and then I don't.

On the way to lunch the redhead wasn't very friendly, overly like usual, but on the way out I ran into one of the workers I see smoking under the passway and he said, "Oh, thanks, love" when I was holding my cup of coke and waiting for them to move a large door. It made me laugh and giggle.

Before dinner made me feel special. Stephen came to find me for the exam and it felt great running after him, all free, talking in the common room.

Dinner was fun. Brunette-teeth woman was laughing so hard because she didn't notice me standing there and short-blond got the take-away tray because she didn't hear. On the way back to my bungie for once Jillian jumped when she saw me on the porch and we were laughing so hard because I'm always the one jumping.

Afterwards I realized how nice it is not to have Ying around all the goddamn time. I like peace.
BEST FRIEND Gaz emailed me. It wasn't very friendly or caring, so I've already written a short draft to send tomorrow. Meh. I'm losing so much love for him.

Gareth's an asshole and I don't care, and then I do care. So I sent him a semi-cold, semi-fuck you email. Like a I don't need you kind.

Monday, 10 December 2007


Puking up baby octopus with small tentacles and separate large suckers. I was excite to get fish only to find the surprise all over it. First this and now Gareth not emailing me yesterday. Whatever, I don't care anymore. Christmas will be so depressing this year. No fun, no family, nothing to look forward to.

"Are you doing anything for the holidays?" The blond caught me off guard and I was going on and on while smiling and she looked interested. And I hope she took it as me being interested as well; since I like talking to her. She's now the nicest brasserie worker. Next time I see her I'll ask her if she's going to Sydney for New Year's Eve.

"Anything good at the Bra?"
Jillian's friend was nice and I was glad since they usually aren't. Made me feel great as well.

So with those two and Gareth emailing me, today didn't turn out bad after all.

Sunday, 9 December 2007


BEST FRIEND Well I gave him his chance to invite me to Christmas, but he didn't. Do I care? Not really, just as long as I have somewhere to stay those two weeks like he promised.

So Bear emailed me a second time last night (aw! it's been a while since he's done that):
"I had a little think about things today, and decided that next year I'll try to focus on getting back to normal again, getting my identity back (I'm not sure if I wrote it to you, or whether I just wrote it out in a journal to desperately try to stop thinking and get to sleep, but my sister told me that we all really just grown up versions of who we were as kids, but it can get lost behind all the layers of crap sometimes...I'm trying to believe that)."

" pizza in the world I've heard. Even I could fantasise about working in an embassy. Who needs to get married, it's outdated...Get a job at an American company in Australia, jump at the first chance you get to work in the embassy, then retire to a lasy cafe somewhere (away from Sydney). And I'll just go here there and everywhere with absolutely no identifiable goals or direction, and drive everyone crazy...It's unavoidable, I think that's the way it will always go (I'll retire at seventy though, or sixty-five maybe...provided I live that long...not being fatalistic in any way)."

"I'll try (I've decide if I can't, I'll go crazy and wander the streets in the middle of the night in my pyjamas, Donnie Darko style). You sleep well to."

But he didn't email me today?

DREAMS and AMERICAN HOME A disturbing dream woke me up. I dreamt that I couldn't find Melissa (Kolbow) or Nikki's (which?) phone number in my cell after re-connecting with them, leaving me no friends. I think it's because I won't when I get home. Gaz is all I have and he's in Australia. Then again, I already live a life of sadness. When he's down there, and I'm up here, I have to go everywhere alone anyway. Jess did email me back, but it wasn't pleasant. I did have Christina, but that's just a dream now, I think. There's Betty again though. And where's Kristen?

I hope the U.S. is doing this. I love Australia for this kind of stuff.

Saturday, 8 December 2007


Bear emailed me again first thing around 8am and I would've found it but hotmail was slow with delivering. Had brekky and was proud that I got my first take-away, my fourth brekky here. And it was allowed me to quench my craving for sausages and eggs while I scarfed them down in the privacy of my room. I took a walk afterwards with my Touch and it felt good to walk around with attitude while listening to music. But after that, my period brought cramps and bloating, so I was on the toilet all afternoon, unfortunately.

BEST FRIEND What does this mean?
"Yeah, I could find the daughter of some rich construction worker who has a claus that she has to marry to gain access to her inheritance, even though she doesn't want to, and we could come to some sort of deal...hmm, like a ten percent cut, so if she inherets say a hundred million...ooh, that'd be ten million. The worste thing is now I'm imagining it being possible,
I've got this stupid fantasy in the back of my head."

Well, there it is- he's either gay or bi.

"You know, I've never actually been to any christmassy thing, unless you count primary school carols (I don' used to happen before christmas anyway), just like I've never been to a new year's celebration. But I'm sure there's plenty of organising going on."

And does that mean me organizing or his family?

"15th of december, okey-dokey.
Not too long now...Eh, there'll be lots of stuff to choose from christmaswise."

That he'll meet me there?
That we'll do Christmas stuff together?

UNI RESIDENTS Dinner made me afternoon when the redhead and I were having easy conversation, just chatting each other up. Her smiling. And then asking me if I'm coming back next semester. Does she enjoy me? Am I really that friendly that they remember me and smile? Is it because I'm always smiling and saying thank you? James was odd-- he gave her a weird look and maybe it's because he was wondering what we were laughing about.

Friday, 7 December 2007


BEST FRIEND Now I'm worrying he'll never come live in America or that I'll never see him unless I come back to live here, even though he told me he wants to live there (and not Canada and not Australia). He's just not reliable. He's probably changed his mind and wants to stay here. Am I over-analyzing? Probably, but I don't care.

Best part of this slow day? Gaz emailing me at 8am and waking up at 10am finding it, smiling, feeling great.

Hours later I'm okay again, finished reading Angela's Ashes, and I finally finished Shrek 3 (which was not good, as I figured, but I'm desperate for entertainment). How funny it is how I track each day but not when I was actually having fun and creating this Aussie foundation.

Thursday, 6 December 2007


I woke up, let my hair down, and was amazed by the curliness the new humidity makes. I let it be, feeling lovely and different, and walked around like I owned it. Hiding in Cerum I found three emails, a first in a long time, from Gaz and Kenny and Jess.

This is not Christmas. No chrissy songs. No snow. No coldness or apple cider or chrissy decorations in stores like someone puked it all up.

Thursdays are great because it means the burger section at the Brasserie and she was nice enough to give me two patties, and there I was enjoying them alone at Cerum until two younger workers came half-way through and I waited and waited. They never left, so I did, to another part where I at in peace. Why do Aussies insist on sitting so close?

Wednesday, 5 December 2007


Extremely tired since I couldn't sleep until 3am since Jillian and company were on the porch laughing and whinging and being social pains. She's gone and it's so relaxing. She's here, and I can't stand it.

I more than doubled what I did last time!

Tuesday, 4 December 2007


I had a feeling I would run into Peter Meggitt and I can't explain why, but I actually did it and I was actually right and there he was standing with that smile at the counter of the Brasserie. I tried to play it off, try to blow it off, and he interrupted me while I was talking to the blond because he just cannot clam down. Move, move, move. Thankfully I shouldn't have to see him again. He treats his multinational students like prizes, trying to collect each country, and he doesn't enjoy the American ones. So, thank you Peter, no more of you.

Blond woman was nice thankfully, but not to Peter even though he explained to them that he's never done this before. And when I came back for dessert, the other Bond Cafe worker was very nice and smiled at me. The other one just doesn't express herself apparently.

I studied properly by finally, finally, finally throwing my laptop off my desk and using it to actually study and not as a laptop holder. It felt great, too.

The dorm pain-in-the-ass is back, 5pm she arrived, and once again I planned her arrival by just guessing. All the noise, laughing, loudness, so I blasted the TV on 14 and they quieted down. I get this intuition where I just sense things. Although she wasn't loud that night, I still couldn't sleep as I wasn't used to her presence any longer.

Ying is unhealthly obsessed with me. She came to the dorm while I was masterbating, of all times, and then texted (I have no credit), and then called (two rings as always and I couldn't get to the phone fast enough). She was upset I had no contact with her when in reality that is not my job. She can't just use me. I'm busy, she's busy. She wanted to know where I was. Her English is bad and makes her sound like a bitch who is demanding where I am. Like, How Dare I! I hope I wasn't stern but I wasn't giggly nice, just asking her, "what's wrong?" Like, Why Contact Me Like This? Obsessed much?

Monday, 3 December 2007


Gareth didn't email me yesterday and looks like he won't today, so I guess I will head to the accommodation office tomorrow and book for the 6th of January and on. Then I have to figure out transport to and from the Newcastle airport so that I can do that on my own while booking a week in Brisbane (kill me of boredom NOW).

Ran into Romain even though I was trying to avoid him, because of embarrassment, but he turned around smiled big with a wave and hello. I want to become his friend, but I don't want him to think I have a thing for him. That's the problem with guys my age.

I walked over to the brasserie to get some dessert and chose a busy time by accident to have nice trendy girl who calls me "little one" scream to another to take care of me, "the little girl." I just smiled and knew why she said it and it didn't bother me that people by her turned to stare and look to see who she was calling that. Meh.

I slept for four hours and tried studying afterwards, slow, slow, slow as I was waiting for Gareth which eventually did come. Why can he control me like this? This time though, I wasn't sad, upset, or nervous. I was just lonely.

Sunday, 2 December 2007


Sable Sushi slept with me that entire night and stayed with me until 12pm before she went off exploring. I was out on the porch, very relaxed since Jillian is gone for the week, and I ran into both dormies. Audrey was nice as usual, but Ivette didn't want to talk as usual (and she has her boyfriend shacking up with her at the moment, up here from ANU). Does he really like sex on a pink, flowered doona like a teenager with carebears? I saw her room the one day, and it fits her.

"How's your day been going?" The blond Brasserie worker and I have been talking little bits for a while now, but this is the first time she's asked me this and it made me feel good. Like she cared. Like she wanted to be a friend.

Locked myself out of my room. there have been times where I've feared it but it never happened, but tonight it did. I walked to the security office pumped up and not afraid. First, cop was nice but not overly friendly. Second one was so nice, older, and jolly in a way. He asked my nationality and we talked about how half his relatives went to here and half with to America. I giggled and smiled since I didn't know what to say. He kept smiling, so he must not have thought I didn't want to talk to him and that I was nice.

Ran into Annabelle again. She was much nicer this time and it was she who stopped and back tracked to say hello. It these kind of run-ins that make me want to get to know everyone.

LITTLE PLEASURES There were fireworks for some reason and I was the first one to figure out that if you walked by the blocks, you could see them. Shortly after, all that had followed me to the picnic tables outside the bungies, followed me to the blocks. First a guy joined me and then two girls and two guys. Neither acknowledging me except the first, but all copying me.

Sable didn't come back, so I'm guessing she's gone. I didn't think I'd grow so attached, but I kept checking the porch every hour for her.

BEST FRIEND My so-called best friend didn't email me today after almost (or over?) two weeks of emailing me everyday now that he has free internet access at his mum's house. Am I worried? No. And I disappointed? Very much so.

Saturday, 1 December 2007


Ran into the Spanish speaking girl whose beautiful name I can't remember and from which country I cannot recall either. We talked for a good twenty-five minutes about nothingness really (finals, why I have to stay four semesters, etc). And she's always able to do that. I just don't know how she remembers me so well when I was barely in contact with her last semester?

While she I are were talking, Romain walked past, turned red, smiled big, and said hello. AH! I'm smitten with a French guy.

While coming back from the IGA I ran into Sable Sushi and she followed me all the way back to my bungie. She didn't want food this time, but she was much more relaxed. Everywhere I went she followed and she sat right next to me or under me each time. That night she slept with me until 10am, for the first time overnight, and it was so pleasing to have company for once. I miss Tiger like crazy.

"While tea is the world's most popular beverage, Americans consumer more than 80 percent of their tea iced." WOW, I knew that was true, but not to that degree.