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LIFE HERE, GROWN UP, CHANGE, BEST FRIEND

Friends (AUS)

• Gareth!
  
• Ash...
  
• Mike...
  
• Stephen...
  
• Arthur...
  
• May...
  

Friends (US)

• Kristen
  
• Betty...
  
• Christina...
  
• Jess...
  

AUS lifestyle:

• No car
  
• Expensive food and clothing
  
• I can't even go shopping alone
  
• I would have to live with someone else
  
• People are nice and yet obnoxious
  
• No family
• But I have Gareth
  
• Good reputation
• Clean air, but HOT air
• So isolated and boring...did everything just about
• Has plenty of jobs
• Good pay, but expensive living
• Not so powerful, but no killings (supposedly)

US lifestyle:

• I have a car
  
• Food is so cheap, as well as clothing (which is styles I like)
  
• I can go shopping alone
  
• I don't have to live with someone
  
• People are nice, obnoxious, but just like me
  
• I have my family
  
• But I have Betty (ugh) and Kristen 
  
• Bad reputation, and yet they fucking love us
• Cleanish air, but I don't even notice + colder weather (nice)
• Soooo much to do
• Still has good jobs
• Not as good pay, but fucking cheap living
• We're powerful -> Our power may be dying, but then others die too

Overall, I'm going to be happier in the US.  The only thing that will bother me is knowing that undeserving people will live in Australia (because I WANT TO LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY) and that most importantly...Gareth.  But, we have such a strong friendship that I can withstand only emails and seeing him every year.  We're so strong that he'll forever be my friend and we'll see each other for sure.

I've lost Betty and Jess, but really does it matter much?  If I have Kristen down the street, I'll be okay.  And with a job I can make new friends.  And if it doesn't work out, there's Gareth to go running to or another city.

UNI CLASSWORK  it was my last presentation ever.  Ever, ever, ever.  I was there early, followed by a few people I don't really talk to, then Nash who was a struggle (he just stares anymore and doesn't bother.  An asshole or has he always been this way?).  Finally, Ash came to the rescue and then Mike.  He was nicely dressed up and came straight to me.  "You're dressed up!"  "And he has shoes!" Ash added.  But then Mike left and I was left with my group and sort of Ash.

"Before class he came up to me and said he didn't mean to do that as far as giving me a 6.5 for "not putting in as much effort as the others" and that he's "really busy and must've mistake my true mark amongst all his papers."  I think he could tell on my face that I was thinking, "oh, bullshit, don't pull that" because he nudged me and said, "Don't take it personal."  Hmm."

Finally the presentation came and we were the last ones to go.  I wanted to be first, but it was okay.  Once I got up there it felt natural, but I felt so disconnected from everyone.  I need to get to the point where I can actually talk to them and know exactly what I'm saying word for word at the same time.  Also, passion.  I need to be more passionate without being annoying.

During the rest of the presentation Stephen walked past twice and May and I were laughing and waving.  Seeing Stephen actually made me feel better.

Afterwards he asked me a few questions, but they were so easy that I didn't mind at all.  Just clarifying.   May asked him, "Do you have any comments for our group?"  "I think the professor was really impressed because he said, "Great idea-- are you going to go through with it?"  (We all said no).  "Are you thinking of selling the business plan then?"  (We laughed- but I think he's serious)."

After the presentation I realized that I don't want to see most of these people ever again, and then ones I do want to see, I probably never will.  When I left I didn't say goodbye to Nash this time, because I'm tired of his pissy happy attitude.  He obviously doesn't care about me.

INVITES  "And then I talked to May and she invited me out to dinner with the rest of our group members since I'm going back home and ZeFeng's going back to China, but I sure don't want to go.  I have to go, but I surely don't want to.  Especially if Nash'll be there, since he's got this thing against me for some reason.  (Unless it's just his Indian-British background of just staring and not saying anything?)."

LITTLE PLEASURES  But I caught Mike on the way out, luckily because I thought he was long gone.  Maybe he was waiting up for someone or me, I don't know.  I asked him if he was going to the tute, and he said no (figures).  Then Armell walked past, the French chick, and she was oddly nice to me.  Mike hugged her goodbye and I was jealous, but also surprised at how touchy he is with people he doesn't even really know.

After Armell left, he was talking about how I could help him out and I told him, "What do I get?" HE HUGGED ME!  It felt so great.  How often do boys I like hug me?  Not often. What, just Geovanny, Gareth, and now Mike?  That's it.  And after he hugged me he said he'd give me something extra special.  He's such a lovable player.  And as he was leaving I called out, "See you in the brasserie!"  "I'll give you extra dessert!"  he called back.

UNI CLASSWORK  Beforehand I was with the boys chatting and trying to do some work.  And my last tutorial ever was fine- I brought my laptop and that was that.  I've never done it before, but it felt damn good just pissing around on the internet like every one else does.  Afterwards, our prof wanted a class photo.  Amei, Ying's friend, sat next to me and held me-- close!  And afterwards she got right in my face, just the way she is,to talk. Wow- talk about cultural differences.

LITTLE PLEASURES  That night at dinner Mike scanned my card and asked me about class.  Then he acted as if he was waiting so he could serve me, but then he had to serve the guy in front of me.  Dessert?  He ran over even though a woman already started serving me since no one was coming.  "Would you like anything else?" he said in a sneaky way, inferring to earlier in the day.  "Next time when there's chocolate I laughed."  I felt cool.

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I had a meeting with Ashnita at 1pm, so I went over to the library to see the boys, Stephen and Arthur, meanwhile. However, Ash sent me a text cancelling and I was elated that I didn't have to deal with it. But meanwhile I had to deal with Stephen and his bullshit. He started arguing with me that I needed PR to live there. "I don't want to live here. I love my country. Why should I?" "Australia's a haven!" I laughed at him. I couldn't stop myself. "I talked to my uncle, I talked to his friends, and I talked with two foreign doctors who all said this program is bullshit and I don't need a visa." Why does he even care? I wasn't upset, but I was shaking because I'm not used to taking him on. He wasn't even that passionate either, because for once someone was calling him out on things.

It felt great.

"Now I'm debating if I should do this," Arthur said. He's such a sheep. He'll do whatever someone persuades him to do, but it makes me laugh because he's so stupid. He's not doing this to live in Australia, but to get out of the US since Stephen's telling him it's going down.

"We'll miss your smiling face," Stephen said in all sincerity. Does he just want me to live here for someone to talk to with Arthur?!

I had to go to the cashiers and on the way I ran into the accommodation lady who still remembered me. How does she do it? She asked me about me being on the waiting list, and then off I went to cashiers with a nice lady to help me.

11:11 my iTouch said. Perfect timing.

Lunch was over in the cafe with my brasserie food with Stephen and Arthur again. The middle-easterner next to us was eyeing my seat as if he wanted to use it, so I asked, but he brushed me off. What, because I'm a useless girl? Regardless I felt good just offering at least.

But then Arthur brought up me leaving the Gold Coast and asked if I'm coming back up before I go home. What is he upset that I'm not doing the PR program? And Stephen's convinced I will want to stay because of Gaz, but I adamantly denied it because I won't. I already went through it and survived. So is this him just looking out for me, or being an asshole?

Then Stephen kept asking how long I will be on the coast. Uhh, why? Caring again?

The three of us went to see Aslihan, who was nicest to me and Arthur becasue we were polite and talked about her life. Stephen just barged in, sat down, didn't offer me a seat (Arthur did), and kept talking about his life. Aslihan was focusing on us two with chit chat, not Stephen. I watched him get what he wanted by asking directly if she had the answer for something, and when she wouldn't say, he got up and looked at her answer book.

What an asshole.

We ran into Alex on the way out, and he finally acknowledged me for the first time in almost a week, since Zala attacked us. It felt good to know there's nothing bad between us.

LIFE HERE Back with Stephen and Arthur while they did their thing, and I tried to work on HRM. I hate Stephen and yet I can't get away from him...that's terrible. I said the words "loo" and "oopsie daisy" since I've lived here so long and both boys noticed. "You sound Aussie." DUH, it's called assimilating. "You'll do well traveling," said Stephen. "I know. I assimilate unlike most people I meet here," with a gab at Arthur, wondering if he noticed.

LITTLE PLEASURES I had a nice talk to Mike at dinner again, and he asked me, "how's studying going?" just to get the conversation going. And it went. We talked about how you can tell what day it is by what they are serving. We talked about staying all day with Stephen and Arthur, even though I hate it, just because it happens. He scoffed at Stephen's stupid, "Australia is a haven!" which made me feel great that he agrees. Then he asked me to send him my IFM study guide with that flirting smile. All while bending down to talk to me (to hide, or to get closer, I don't know), which was lovely. "Yeah, you weren't there," He said when I mentioned how Ash told me he came to visit. Aw! We kept at it until the guy came by and asked for some chips.

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UNI CLASSWORK While waiting for class to start, the Canadian started talking to me again, even though I ignore his arrogant ass. Then class started, and thus the fun. I was nervous because we were told that we were going to be put on the spot and be called out with a lot of difficult questions. I wasn't happy, naturally, as I hate being put on the spot. That didn't happen since we didn't have time.

But instead, we had to give a group critique in the front of the class.


LIFE HERE
"Do you know what they call jumping jacks?"
"Yeah....star jumps."

"Don't you mean elevator?"
"No, I mean lift."

Why can't Arthur fucking assimilate like me? Why is he amazed that I have?

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CHANGE Today was such a learning experience. I ended up being in another world, figuratively speaking of course, and the Canadian's friend ended up calling me a bitch for not realizing she was talking to me. Hmm, people are so nice here. But the reason I bring this up is because it actually didn't bother me like it would've in the past. I barely even noticed-- I think my newly acquired "don't care too much about what others think" way of thinking is paying off.

LIFE HERE But I'll move on to Arthur for just a tiny bit, because he's still hasn't changed much. But wait! He's finally realizing that yes, Aussies are just as bad as Americans as far as acting like assholes and bitches. I mean come on, it took him a year and a half to realize that?? And how did he not know that Aussies don't pronounce the "-er" in words, but with an, "-a" sound instead? How is a guy this stupid to the culture going to stay here, but I may not?! But most of all: he blames every fucking thing on Americans. I tell him all the time, how can you hate your own people? That means you're an asshole if you're calling all Americans assholes. He just laughed, dumbass. But then if Aussies do something differently than Americans, then he calls them stupid!

LITTLE PLEASURES I ran into Mike twice, and he sought me out two other times. I read my professor's philosophical novel last night, which just happened to talk about the universe giving us what we need (even though I don't fully believe in that...only somewhat) and here it was happening for me. Serendipity I suppose.

But I'll go back a little bit to the beginning. I was in the library waiting for Arthur, because he can't be alone and he made up some lame excuse for me to be there. Fine. While looking for him I ran into Mike and we said hi as he went to his meeting with Ash and company. Meanwhile I found Arthur and we went into a group room to "study" (I was, he wasn't). Mike happened to walk past and popped in to talk, but mainly to me. It was just stuff about International Finance, etc, but it was fun because Mike always has us laughing.

There's this thing about Mike...he just does it and is confident about it, but in a loveable way. So we went back to "studying" when he popped in again and stole my financials from my group to show his. Meanwhile Ashnita hears I'm there and comes over to say hi. To we're all laughing and talking as usual, but it's stuff like this that makes my uni experience fun.

And when they go to leave, Mike cuts through my room and he stays a few extra seconds to chat and say goodbye. Ash waves and they're all off. Or so I think. I then leave Art for a little bit (I get fed up with how slow he is) and run into Mike out by the Brasserie back room/Bungies. We're talk, he lights a cigarette, and I'm not sure if he wants a long chat or not, but neither of us are really pushing the other to leave.

I just love stuff like that.

A little bit later me and Arthur saw them writing, "A <3 J" in the sky via a skywriting plane. It's always so much fun to watch that. It's the second time I've seen it on campus, and like fourth I've seen in Sydney (the first two were in Sydney with Gaz three years ago when the swans won).

CULTURE I asked mom, "how'd you go?" without even thinking about my Aussie English, ha.

To back track a little bit, I found gaz's email, bright and early (10 min after woke up)!

Mum had fun in Italy [...]. Does he talk about his mom since I know here and I'm like family in some ways? Or because he has nothing else to say?

Yep, only three weeks till the next big adventure (oysters, kidneys, livers…and hotdogs). He makes me laugh-- all disgusting things. But really, so he thinks of this trip as an adventure?! Maybe I'm so over him that I never thought of it that way. [...]. Take things step by step, get excited about finishing and not having to worry about uni, then you can start panicking about planes and stuff. What's this in reference to? Leaving Bond? Because where does the plane thing come in then? Or is it about our trip and waiting to plan it until I'm done with Bond? What matters though is that he cares enough to offer advice.

So far with centrelink I’ve been able to save up two 2 ½ grand. WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU HAD NONE! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN SAVING WITHOUT TELLING ME? [...]. I think my chest was 87 centre metres, and I weigh about as much as a sumo wrestler at the moment (53kg- haven’t been that light since about year 8!)- the solution, I’ve checked out what women’s clothes are uni sex and I’ll see how that goes. [...]. There's his weight thing again, always mentioning his weight and scaring me when he does it. And is he gay or not? If I’m a good boy I should be able to save up maybe around three thousand before I pick you up in Newcastle/Sydney (it’s Newcastle right? 17^th?), which means we’ll actually be able to have some fun every now and then…hmm, Hobart…Perth…Fiji…McDonald’s! This is the best part. He's saving his money so we can do something together, irregardless if it's just for his sake or not. And he actually wants to do some real traveling! I just wonder why he hasn't mentioned this earlier, when I first told him I'm coming? Is that why he wanted me to stay longer than a week?

CULTURE I told him that I don't mind people bashing my country really (only when it's Americans who think it's cool to bash now that they think Australia's completely godsent or something), but that it does bother me that Aussies are so one-sided about it. It's never what's also bad about their country, but rather it's always about mine. Nothing's wrong with good-old Australia...but every thing is wrong in the US according to so many of them. But being a true neutral thinking guy, fair all the way, he said this about my talk to my Fijian friend (Ashnita): Hmm, it wouldn’t be too hard arguing what’s wrong with Fiji either really, all of those coups and stuff all the time. I think the hard thing on you is that Fiji’s never in the news, where as every man and his dog get saturated with American news (hell, England’s barely ever in the news and it’s supposed to be a super-power, and I can’t remember actually EVER hearing about Canada in the news…your right, nothing happens there). I bet everyone’s an expert on China with all the news they’re getting now days. Yep, he remembers what I say about Canada.

[...] I think the trick could be just to leave with as many fond memories as possible, and not miss it to much. This is about me leaving Bond, my friends, and all the cultural fun. Again, it's him giving advice.

[...]

[...]

Hey, driver’s license, that’s long term thinking (if I get it now, you’ll still be driving anyway, so there). Ha, how did he know what I was getting at?? [...].

[...]

[...] I’ll let you know how it goes here. We always do that now, but it still means a lot.

See you in a little bit. And this as well, but at least this time he's talking about in a little bit.

Gareth.

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QUOTES

"In Canberra I’m stuck in a bit of a rut. My friends are comfortable with their boyfriends and office jobs, and I was always worried no one wanted to do things like travel with me. Al made me realise I should do it myself."

That's from, embarrassingly, Bridgette from Big Brother 08, but it holds true to me. Especially since of late. I'm stuck in a rut at the moment, my friends are branching off, and I feel alone. I need to start living myself. I keep saying it, but I'm not doing it yet. That's my goal then. (And at least others feel the same).

QUOTE & CULTURE
And a funny quote...

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon." --Comedian Chris Rock

Anyway, I am in a rut of sorts. I want to do something crazy, adventurous. I want to move to South Africa or New Zealand. I want to stay here, but where would I stay? Where would I get a car? What about friends through? Gareth's my only one here really! Ugh, it's so frustrating. Then I got to thinking. What about moving to an US territory? And if not that...what about an adventurous part of the US?

I spent all day thinking about how I can make more friends and get closer to the ones I have. I need to learn to invite people out, send emails, and ask how they are with real interest. I need to make more of an effort, and not just for Gaz. I messaged Jess through facebook, but she hasn't replied yet. Hmm. But I'm not worried.

Before dinner I forced myself to go to the couch area of the uni centre building so I could study some more. Previously, surprisingly, I actually dedicated a lot of time to studying and figuring out IFM. But also isolating myself forced me to focus even more.

BEST FRIEND Before heading into the Bra I noticed that Gaz emailed me while on my iTouch and my head tilted to the side with a smirk on my face and an uplifting feeling inside. There I was on the balcony above, by the Bra, with my iTouch in my hand and a big smile on my face.

LIFE HERE After venturing inside the Bra, not caring who would be working or who was around (trying to avoid Ying, and Daryl, the asshole manager), I was happy enough to make small talk with Angela (the bubbly redhead). And when I got back to eat my take-away dinner (as always) and watch Big Brother, my nose was scrunched up in utter disgust with wide eyes and lowered eyebrows when a commercial for Macca's came on. "McAmerican bagel with spicy ketchup and bacon." Oh, lovely. So American, too...

But can I live here? I talked with mom about the recession in the US and she told me she'll take care of me if it ever does get bad, but that it won't. And really, can I live here alone? No car? No house? High prices for everything? Yes, I won't have Gaz, but I can always apply for citizenship later or see him every two years, right? Because if I live here, how often would I see him? I don't know really. But so I remember: I'm going to apply for jobs here regardless and see what happens.

EMAIL So back to Gareth. I finally got to read his email all the way through now that I had dinner.

"So today was dad’s birthday lunch (don’t know why, but I volunteered to do the cooking, and if I thought you were a fussy eater…wow, I hadn’t seen anything yet. But then at least I got to eat all the anchovies!)." (He he he. Sort of like saying, "I know you and I'm acknowledging it, too).

"Have to go to Sydney and find that bloody beer place, I’ve just asked for directions from someone who lives there (I’ve got no better idea where it is though but…). Apparently they have a Belgian beer place at the rocks which serves the best oysters and mussels (more your thing maybe) that come with about fifteen different choice of sauces…I’m salivating. Oh, and I’m determined to get a bowl of the hot pot stuff that we had in Canberra (instead of a massive octopus) this time around (I think it’s called stone bowl and not hot pot…that’s where we made the cock-up). Oh, and yum cha…that’s a winner, you can’t go wrong with that because there’s something for everyone. That’s including the eats maitland place too. Hmm, fun, fun."

"You stay as long as you want to and that’s an order (so that’s about up until I start making you bonkers (or the boredom) or the other way around…which should be a decent amount of time. Either that or my mum will get sick of us both (she won’t…unless I really work at it), and kick the two of us out (which’d be fun really, if I don’t touch my centrelink money I could even live like that for two or so days!)." (AW! For real though? In December you were sick of me though. But in August you didn't want me to leave, hmm. I just love the way he puts things- so great. Loveable in a Gaz kind of way).

"Remember the pie place in Newcastle? Well it’s probably not the same as you know at home, but the hotdog I ate was pretty good…and I here there’s an even better one in Sydney (but that would mean spending too much time in Sydney (which makes each of us pain in the arses, so I think mussels and stone bowls and yum cha sound like enough at least for beginners). All we’d have to do otherwise is go to the shops and we’d find sausages (or a butcher…either or)." (So he's definitely planning lots of stuff for us to do in Newie and Sydney, aw, but also trying to figure out solutions for my cravings.).

"There are a couple of Australian films out right now, so you might be able to finally get the ‘never seen an Australian movie in Australia’ monkey of your back." (I haven't said anything since his birthday...)

"Star watching sounds like a good plan. I used to love reading my dad’s books growing up."

"You are silly, I’ve seen the trailer for wall-E…I don’t know how at any point that film could make you cry (although I understand The Land Before Time, I think that made my eyes water a little bit too)." (Pet-ish name!)

"The chocolate remains safe…phew (I had a little shock earlier when dad went in and came out chewing something…but I think he was just eating nuts or something)." (He wants me to know still that they're okay, AW).

"You have a good new week to (it’s almost holiday time), I’ll see you ‘round." (For my benefit, or his?).

He's being personable again. He's also still on about what we will do when we see each other. And for the first time in a long time, he's called me a semi-pet name. I'm loving it all so much.

CALL Arthur called me and we talked for 40 minutes since he takes so long to say such a simple thing. Regardless it was nice from the monotony. That's for sure. It's so easy for him to get close to people, where I would second guess that.

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UNI CLASSWORK I got back into doing my weekly readings, not realizing I've ever strayed, and now I feel much better. I feel so much more productive for once.

LIFE HERE I spoke to mom this morning and she saw no problem with the internship program, just as long as they do what they promise. I was shocked and in fact I was the one who was doubtful!

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UNI CLASSWORK  Our entrepreneurship lecturer is just...creepy.  And I'm not just saying that because he refuses to remember my name (seriously, eight weeks and you still can't get it even though I repeatedly tell you??).  May and I walked into his room because May is lovely and thought to have him re-check our work since somehow she knew he was full of himself (he didn't even check it correctly the first time).  And what I've learned is that he likes to stare at our chests. He's not a real professor.  And he smells bad with his greasy hair, fake men's vogue clothing, and terrible cologne.  But more importantly, I learned from May how to say, "This is per our email" and how to small talk to someone you're being introduced to.  Little business etiquette techniques.

DISCOVERED  I need to treat May like she's special, since she does it for me, and ask her repeatedly how she is and put my life aside while I talk to her.  

UNI RESIDENTS & LIFE HERE  After the meeting I received a call from Arthur, freaking out thinking something bad happened since he rarely calls.  But when I finally found him, we sat talking for almost an hour before Stephan came to join us- as strange as it is for me, I feel comfortable with those two older guys.  But the reason Art called is that there's a new possibility for me to stay on if I can convince my mom to let me do it.  Bond has teamed up with immigration and is offering a free program for us to get the two year requirement.  And Art found this out by chatting up several people- so talking always helps!

ADVICE  Life is about getting people to do what you want, and then you can get anything.  Give them something first.  Make them happy first, and then they will return the gesture.  

HOLIDAYS  "Jenn!  Jennnn!  Say hi!  Happy 4th of July!"  Said Toby after I caught him pissing on a parked car.  I had no idea it was him after first, but I felt cool shouting, "Happy Independence Day!"

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GREAT PLEASURE  This is a great pleasure because it's a bunch of little pleasures added up. Mike and I were non-stop giving each other attention, smiling, laughing, joking, and borderline flirting and it made me so giggly and happy beyond belief.  Why can't I feel that more often?  It got an excellent start with Mike coming in and saying, "Hello, Jen!" because I love when people say my name considering they rarely say it.  Of course he sat next to me, where we non-stop talked basically even though we were in class.  And he was so excited to show me his drawings, which are just like Gaz's with the small and rough lines that combine in pen marks to make a photo, and I joked with him in general.  It was like he truly enjoyed it, that was the difference.  Like we were close friends sharing secrets and fun.  

"Come on, you're holding me up!" he joked as he pushed me forward, the first time he's touched me ever.  All three of them joked about how they care about me and I told them that my life would be boring without them as we walked to the couch for our meeting.  And I pulled out my iTouch cozy without much thought and Mike said, "What's that!"  So they joked about it and he was so adament about naming it that he named it "Eskimo."  I thought that was adorable actually.  So this is life with other guys than Gaz?  He kept hi-5ing me when he like something I said.  So three touches in one day, for the first time ever.  I LOVED it.  

After IFM and our little mini meeting, I had my IHRM class.  Besides walking in and smiling like a dope and saying hi to Vishen, it was nothing out of the usual as I was still ignoring Ying for being a pain in the ass, and the professor was still being not so nice to me for no reason.  I come in smiling and saying hello and all he can do is stare blankly and say, "Hi" even though he's more cheerful towards others??  I'm not taking it too personal though, because really it doesn't matter in the end. 

LIFE HERE  At lunch I ran into Elliot from bungie 2 who moved to bungie 7.  He punched my arm in a friendly gesture even though we've only had maybe two conversations, and people I know better hardly do that, making me think how easy it is for some to make others feel like they are important.  And when I went to get my food Jesse knew take-away as always, and he knew the meatball sub just because I was standing in front of it.  Comfort of no words.  

On the way back to the bungies I saw a heart shaped cloud and smiled.  And I read, "Catch up on some zeds" and just giggled.  Then I saw this:  Queensland is running ads asking Queenslanders to kill any and all fire ants they find.  I thought it was a joke when they said they'd offer a $500 award if you report a nest, and then they called it a bio security measure...and I've just never seen anything like that.   They are sooooooo anal here.

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LIFE HERE I'm still exhausted from having a cold, but I still managed to rag myself out of bed and go half-eyed open to the bathroom to get ready. (How do the Chinese type so fast? I've been doing this since I was nine years old! The Chinese at this uni do it at lightning speed). So right now I'm in the uni centre building, on the decent couch, facing the wall of glass windows-- as if down the road I will remember when I am. I just watched a group of what appears to be Aussie walk by and the one guy was a cute surfer type with teh bleach blonde like hair and cute strut.

I would love to spend a day just people watching to see what the girls are wearing and what the latest trends are, but that means being in the open. It's not like I'm a recluse, but this campus still kind of makes me uneasy. The people I know are still a smaller group of people, and so if I'm in the open, I feel so exposed to every one else.

Then I think of CSU and how I really wasn't comfy there at all. In fact, the only time I was was when I was back in Hargraves. As far as classes went, I barely knew two people tops. And yet here, I met basically everyone through my classes and I see a handful of them outside of classes. And so I did much better. Although I barely got a new Liz in both Ying and May combined. Oh well. I have Gaz still and that's all that matters at the moment.

Gareth hasn't emailed me in the past few days or so, but thankfully Christi has so I can interview her for my entrepreneurship presentation.

Otherwise it's been an odd occurrence of a day. I was thinking about Ying emailing me for dinner, and I think she called my phone. Then I was thinking of Arthur and our assignment, and he texted me that night. Finally, I was thinking about not having a monthly song for seeing Gaz this time, but then I found "August" listed on Rage (I'll see him in August, just like I had a September song in 2005 and a December song for 2006).

Entry ?

LIFE HERE It makes me feel happy when I talk to Toby (the gay Spanish-American), and Alex (the not so bad German), and Arthur (the Mormon American) in class. Life here is sociably good. I'll miss that when I leave.

Entry ?

My tummy and insides are gassy and the usual goes on. Every year around the same time my insides decide to fill with gas and make my life more difficult and embarrassing. I don't get how I can have months and months of good times and then bad times.

LIFE HERE Lunch I had Megan, who I used to think was "mean" in the past but has been slowly proving me wrong these past two semesters. She said, "Hello, Darling" and went right into, "How cold is it?" and I wish I could talk longer to her and I hope she doesn't mind. I want to remain on her good side. And how silly is it that I think about these things? But it's about networking, right? Here I am networking all over Australia, and not back in my own home.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-EIGHT

LIFE HERE "Hey, mate!" Megan said to me. I tried not looking at Jesse since he must think I have a flirting sensation for me. I'm beginning to think that even though I don't like him. It's just the Gaz factor. He's quiet and stand-off-ish, and I'm incredibly attracted to it.

YING came and got me out of surprise and for THREE hours we were talking. It felt like an hour, tops. But it was fun talking about Helen (We didn't get the lowest grade! Natalie's group got a 56%, which is terrible of Helen) and culture and how bullshit Australia is with their lies. No, it's not great to live here. They are biased, racist, hateful, and jobs aren't that easy.

GREAT PLEASURES I felt like I was flirting with Geovanny. He even started to get a little nervous and shakey. But for TWO AND A HALF HOURS he acted at home and we talked about life on campus, and going out, and how he "hates Americans" and it was so much fun. I was even letting him go on an ego trip with his little "me, me, me" stories. I just have to accept that men are like that. But like I kept telling him, I know more about him after tonight than the year I've known him. He thinks I'm a loser, half-kiddingly, so I told him the back story. It was just a pleasure talking to him, really.

I also learned that Darryl's an asshole because he hates take-away and he hates girls (he's gay).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-FIVE

UNI RESIDENTS (1:50 am) I was just thinking the other day how last semester I went to do my laundry at 4am and met the two guys next door who were still up after partying all night. Then I got sad about how that wouldn't happen again. But it did! Just on a lower level. I re-met Elliot who is nice, funny, but overly powerful with his "me, me, me" stories. I saw him standing there smoking and I wanted to say hi, but he was staring and I was unsure. So he asked exactly what the two boys last semester asked, "What're you up to?" And I answered laundry, the same as last semester, too. And there we were talking for an hour about our lives, non-stop. Unlike the boys, he's 25 and staying in the bungies. I kind of have a crush on him now. And at least I get to talk to him now, and make more friends. Cool friends, too.

LITTLE PLEASURES getting a ham and cheese sandwich, two of them, and the older woman remembering I want take-away.

AMERICAN HOME This is who knows I'm coming home:

• Jess (I told her)
  
• Betty (I told her)
  
• Christina (She found out- facebook?)
  
• Kenny (I told him)

All are seemingly excited, and Christina teased about a double date (she still thinks Gareth and I are dating, because I never corrected her out of embarassment), and today Jess surprised me with this:

I thought she forgot. And why is this a big deal? Because I won't have any friends in America. Betty and I are rocky, and on top of it she has a boyfriend. Kristen disappeared for some reason. Christina and I haven't seen each other in a year and a half (maybe?). And Kenny's the only one I regularly talk to, but really that's an odd situation. He doesn't have feelings for me, does he? God, I hope not.

LIFE HERE I mean, I will keep in contact with Stephen and Arthur and probably Ying, but what about May? Those four are the only really close people I know here, besides the best of them all (Gareth).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-FOUR

LIFE HERE It's like a little community with the same people over and over again, and if you need something, you just pop across our private part of the lake to get it.

The redhead at the Brasserie reminds me of myself sometimes. She's nervous talking to people, shakes a little when confused, and laughs it off. I used to be like that, and I still am in certain ways, but at least not all the time.

EMAIL "Don't worry about it, I'm sure you went absolutely fine. You probably did all the study you could anyway. Thirteen chapters is an absolute truck load (honestly I don't think I'd've had the patients after about chapter two).

Credits are great, distintions are brilliant, but when it comes down to it I'd always be content with a pass (especially in the subjects I don't really like...and that usually ends up being most of them anyway. I have the feeling once your done and haven't got anything to worry about, nothing'll matter so much as long as you get to wear the silly hat and shake a complete strangers hand.

I checked out the place eventually the other day...it's a house, and it's alot better than Canberra (not a palace or anything, but it's cleaner, and seems like it'll be a bit more relaxing). It's only 65 dollars a week, and that includes everything, electricity and all...damn I wish I was there longer and not just borrowing the place. Household chores- just cleaning the kitchen floor, and taking out the bins. So I'm going to head out there...well, in about half an hour I guess. I'm trying to keep the stuff to a minimum, so just my clothes, computer, and a few bits and pieces. Oh and food for the week (which shouldn't be so bad- he left a heap of stuff behind).

He's got a massive movie collection there, so I'm going to have to ration myself or I won't actually get anything I'm supposed to be doing done.

Well, I haven't really met the others in the house yet, but hopefully it'll be okay (apparently they're nice). It'll probably be hard to get to know them well though- they're straight from China, and still have to learn how to understand Australian english.

But anyway, that's what I'm up to lately. I hope you've got a good feeling about the test (and if not, just don't think about it anymore...it'll turn out you've passed anyway, so you don't have to worry).

See you (I'll have to find a library or internet place near the house, but it's near the uni, so it shouldn't take long).

Gareth."


I miss the days he'd joke and kid with me like he still does with Sam. At least he emailed me before he left to go (literally a half an hour before??).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-ONE

LIFE HERE Lunch with Stephen and Arthur meant I was asking for "for here" just as Jesse went to grab take-away and Megan and him both stopped and looked at me. Megan was teasing me and Jesse was surprised. This is what it's like to live on campus.

UNI RESIDENTS So it was me, Arthur, and Stephen eating together until Shivang passed and sat down. I didn't want him to. I don't like him. I just got stuck with him for group work and don't want to bother with him otherwise. He used us basically, and do I really want him to use us? No.

Life is fun with Stephen because he does what he wants and when he wants. The mediacentre was still in development, but he walked right in as the businessmen stared because it seemed to be their private opening. Even though it's OUR campus. They coaxed me in and when I was finally in, I felt naughty. We were hanging out looking at the insides which is something very few students have experienced yet.

UNI CLASSWORK & LIFE HERE I kept running into Neil, my IT professor, and that's what it's like on campus. You see people and they know you, and you feel like you're in a community. And when I went to find Neil's office, I ran into Shravan who remembered me and Kauldeep who thought I wanted to see him. It's all helpful and nice.

UNI RESIDENTS & CLASSWORK the not so nice thing was finding out that Ashnita copied me word for word without me knowing. So I got a warning thank god, and Arthur and May made me feel better. May and I kept emailing back and forth, so I find that her loveliness is so Liz like and comforting. But like Liz, I don't know how to pay her back. Ugh! I wish I could.

ADVICE Arthur came to visit me that night. I need to STOP acting like I'm better than him because I've lived here twice as long. I need to stop putting his excitement of living here down. Now.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-SEVEN

LIFE HERE When I went back to look at my Bathurst journal I noticed how much I really captured Australia. And yet here I'm whining about people I know...more about my uni life. Not much about Oz. But then again, it's my third time here, so really I don't have those first time experiences any more.

UNI CLASSWORK Bond's library is actually pretty inviting compared to LEC's and CSU's. Outside is nice to sit outside in the sun, and inside has extremely high ceilings and amazing natural lighting and so it's not depressing in any way. You see people you know and it's no problem getting anything done.

And so I was outside when Ines showed, she smiled, I said hello back. Then I thought, if she's pretending to be nice, I should play along. Don't be cold just because she was nasty yesterday. So I pushed the talk and it worked. We were smiling, even if it was fake. Which led to a happy Ying when she showed.

Flash forward to inside the library in a group study room. We were all getting along again and it was about time, with us talking and laughing and smiling. Ines cut down the eye rolling and looks, and I didn't bother to care when she did. Great thing on my part was this: I cared enough about them to help them. I pointed out that Shivang might want more slides and Elaine could practice again on me. I may work out well with a manager as long as I can control my emotions.

CULTURE we are the most diversified group in the class, and so Shivang came up with the idea to have our last slide say "Thank You" in all four of our languages. It was unifying. It was closure to the rockiest project ever.

BEST FRIEND Afterwards I went to the Bra and the gay guy from South Tower was there as always. I'm attracted to him physically even if he is gay (I'm assuming) and it got me to thinking of Gaz. Why I was attracted to him is because he's a little bit feminine. And there was a guy who had the similar manly/primitive facial look and same mannerisms. He was standing there very femininely with one leg over the other and one arm across his chest and the other to his lips as he thought. Just like Gaz. It's like they lack the manly confidence but that's what attracts me.

LIFE HERE I was walking around 8:40pm to relieve some stress, just thinking about how this is my home. How this feels like my home, a place I go to for refuge, and that walking on campus is like walking around my neighbourhood. But then I got sad realizing that if I were in Bond, I'd be able to walk to a friend's place to go hang out. That's the downside of this place, that I don't have a Gareth or Liz here. But otherwise I finally feel like Bond is my home. That feels...wow.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY-SIX

LIFE HERE Life in Queensland is cooler than NSW at times. Instead of kangaroos, we have blue-tongued lizards on campus.

UNI RESIDENTS It started off well and ended great. I went to the business building to re-fill my waterbottle only to turn around and see Ash and Arthur walking towards me. So we walked around chatting when we met up with Stephen, and then met up with an Aussie girl I only know by site while I held the lift for it. It was socially beautiful.

But then I was waiting for Arthur in the loo (ha, nice word, Jen) and I heard, "Hellooooo!" with that Chinese accent. It was Ying, just when I thought I had come late enough to avoid her. But no, there she was annoying me. Instead of asking for Fish Liquor's approval, she had to be a strict pain in the ass as always. Always and forever.

After class I was waiting outside for any of my friends (Stephen, Arthur, or Ash) to come out but there was Mike. Cute Mike. The one who is hot but is famous with all the American study abroad students, and so I don't like to get too attached to him. He may think he can use me and then I'll let him.

So I was standing there and he asked what I was looking at and started walking as he was talking...so I walked with him. We talked about our classes. About how I should break into the social world. And about staying to live here. It was easy for us, surprisingly. And this was the longest conversation we've had since he cornered me in the brasserie about the stats exam, so it was thrilling. And this was the first conversation, long one, we've had outside the brasserie.

He gave me that flirt of a smile as we parted at the Brasserie steps.

At the brasserie Toby made me smile by sneaking up and teasing me, so I nudged him back. And the cute blond Aussie worker? He was nice again today, giving me the largest chocolate cake and smiling.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY-TWO

GREAT PLEASURES Arthur just happened to find me in the library shortly after it opened and I heard that famous, "Jennnnn!" from him. It was perfect timing really. And following him, an hour later, was Stephen who brought more pleasure to it by hugging me after joking about sexual harassment. This is the second Aussie to hug me that way- as if choking, but caressing, and it's soothing. Just like Tim, the Aussie from Bungie 2 did last semester when flirting with me. Now, Stephen's double my age, but we are just friends. Enough said. I haven't laughed so hard in so long, that I was trying to catch my breath and my face was red.

Another great pleasure? Being in a tall building and looking down on the rest of the world, which is why I want to go to the Q1 building in Surfers after learning it's the tallest residential building. But this is something I also discovered a few months back after flying home from Gaz's place: the thrill of a plane ride. Don't think of it just as transport, but also as a ride, as a thrill It's literally being on top of the world and for a few hours (or more) you get to have the ultimate amusement ride and watch people get bigger and smaller. You get to ride through clouds after staring at them most of your life. You get to be larger than it all.

UNI RESIDENTS & YING Ines was actually on time for our observation, then came Ying ten minutes later. She's pissy all the time, and has been this entire semester. But it's to the point that I don't care at all (since I didn't care much before) and I find her very annoying. I'm hoping that next semester I won't have to deal with her and that she takes strategy instead of Entrepreneurship. It's just that she's too annoying and lacks commonsense ("They are all driving here, so they must live far away." "No, they're just lazy. It's a cultural thing. Like you guys don't drive everywhere in China, but they do here" and the other two agreed). It's just too easy to correct her, not that I'm bringing her down on purpose, but she has to realize that she doesn't know it all.

Regardless of how irritating she is, I have to stop with her. I have to stop thinking of her as a friend, and strictly as another girl, and that will stop the badness from both sides.

CULTURE We all parted and thankfully Ying went opposite with Ines and Shivang went with me. What I like about Shivang is that he may be a pleaser and smile and do whatever it takes to get his way (He is Indian) but it still makes you feel good. He gave me a really cheerful, "See ya!" as we parted on the boardwalk.

LIFE HERE This is what I like about uni life: you can run into friends and be exceptionally social. I ran into Arthur in the labs, without even trying, and so we had a fun hour and a half. On the way out I walked in the rain with happiness and carefree-ness, eating chips which satisfied my hunger for junk food. It was bliss. I was so satisfied after that.

.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-TWENTY

UNI RESIDENTS I tried to socialize with Toby and Alex, but either they were in bad moods or just wouldn't have it. I failed, but at least I tried, and it's not like it's going to deter me anyway. But when May came in, she was always bubbly and I love talking to her because she makes me laugh and smile. We would give each other looks during class and it was just FUN.

DEEP SADNESS Then this happened, which scared me since I have an STD (trich) and may become infertile because of it (as written to Gaz):

I'm in the uni centre, the main building on campus, eating my lunch and there's this loud girl here (let's just say I'm on the fourth floor, she's on the third, and I can hear her perfectly). And she's on skye with her mom saying she thinks she has AIDs because she went to Bryon Bay and some guy bled all over her. She's whining that she wants tickets home so she can go to the her doctor because she thinks she's dying now. Her mom keeps yelling really loudly back: "YOU DON'T GET AIDS LIKE THAT. Did he bleed on a CUT? Did you share NEEDLES? Have you had UNPROTECTED sex?" "I don't do drugs! But I did have unprotected sex with Joel. Just Joel, I swear. Just him, really."

I wonder why is she announcing it to the the entire fourth floor? She keeps going back and forth. One moment she wants to leave, and the next she wants to stay since she'll never be in Australia again. Stay, go, stay, go.

Ooooh, drama.


LIFE HERE This is what it's like to live in the Gold Coast: I did my laundry and I have sand all over my "clean" clothes because the person before me went to the beach. I laughed, actually. I found it amusing for some reason.

TEXT Ines sent me a text about our group meeting with "xoxo" at the end. Hmm, girl friend love? But are we really that close of friends?


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Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FIVE

After our tutorial, in which I saw Ying look at me out of the corner of my eye as I left without acknowledging her, Arthur asked me to go to the postgrad drinks. So time comes around, Stephen calls, and I'm walking over with him so we can wait for Arthur to finish his exam. We stood there talking easily for almost forty minutes about this and that, etc, and how I should apply for a visa here since it will do be good down the road to have two citizenships.

Arthur finished, we walked over, and it was only twenty minutes left until postgrad drinks was over. Me being scared, as always, didn't want to bother but those two acted like they belonged and it was their right and got in without paying. In fact, I stood back until they coaxed me.

The German, the cute one I have a silly crush on, was outside and Stephen went right to him to talk. He has amazing skills like that. Barely knows him and can just talk and keep it going without any awkward pauses. And so when he did I stood near and eventually they moved closer while the German kept including me.

Eventually we were inside and Stephen was sitting right there, keeping in mind that he's married and like a father to me, but he still acts like a 25 year old boy. He kept hugging and joking, being really loud. I felt semi-intelligent being able to talk about visas and booming economies and the election. Usually I'm not that news worthy intelligent.

Kept hugging and so close.

On the way back I said "footpath" and Stephen said, "Footpath? You've been here too long!"

And once in the bungie Stephen was talking about Gaz for about thirty minutes. He said I love conflict, and that Gaz takes it, which is why I nitpick and fight and we never part. He said that I have to keep my eyes open meanwhile. And that Gaz is just needy and wants it, which is why he doesn't come but wants me to come.

The best part? We were loud enough that Jillian heard and knew I wasn't a loser. It made me feel good to have friends there and to talk about my personal life so she knew.