Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FIFTY

trytyrrtyert

Hiya,

Okay, I'm still alive. I've found a little haven in the TAFE library which'll have to be my contact to the outside world for a while (looks like I can't use the university library for a while...well, not until I get a library print out from the Maitland library so that they can check out how bad my records are. After they see that, they'll probably decide not to risk it!). It’s not so bad really, just a little bus ride away, which is three dollars, so I’ll have to be careful with my money for now.

I’m slowly settling in, although I haven’t really gotten much done in the past week and a bit. It’s at that point where everything takes heaps of effort to organise and plan and get out of the way. So I guess I’m going to give myself little task to get done each day. This is the job for the day- emails, library books, mail mum’s key card back (I accidentally took it with me last week…yes it was a complete accident), rent a few videos for the next few days, wash clothes. That should just about do it for today.

I’ll get the Centrelink stuff out of the way tomorrow, that and sending my resume around. And I guess check out some job pages.

It’s taking a while to get along with the others in the house. A couple of the girls don’t really talk, I get along with one of them well though (at least we talk a bit when we’re in the kitchen…Ah, the kitchen, it doesn’t matter where I go, it always turns out to be the place to break down the first social barriers). I’m getting there really slowly with the guys to (there are seven people in the house, including me). I just know that by the time it feels like we’ve worked each other out, I’ll be moving on. Oh well.

Good news is, it’s beanie weather! So I’ve been giving them a good workout. It’s tricky trying to poke all my hair underneath…It’s almost time I got a haircut I think. It's been non stop raining down here, maybe it'll turn out like last year with the flooding (don't think so though).

Back in America, I’m jealous. Mottos are stupid things really, they never really describe the place “It’s better in Mentor” doesn’t really give you any clues does it. I’m not sure what Newcastle’s is…the steel city probably. Which reminds me, I’m living at 1/58 Steel St, Jesmond (I don’t know the post code or anything that detailed yet…but I will eventually!).

Urgh, I hope all the exams went well, my theory is you usually do well, and they didn’t completely F things up for you this time around, so that should’ve made things a little less painful. Ashnita!?! It’s like someone’s tried to smoosh up Anita and Ashley to make one name.

Thank god the group assignment’s done. Just think, by some crazy stroke of “luck” you’ll probably end up working with them one day years from now…imagine that.

Jesus, if only I was normal and had money! I could go to America, Darwin…everywhere by the look of it. Maybe I should tell mum who cares about the cycling gear, just estimate how much it’ll cost to buy the stuff and I’ll use it for that instead. Wonder how much it costs to fly to New Zealand…Tasmania?

I keep saying all you have to do is sit down and watch a few rugby matches and you’ll know all the rules (it’s a bit tough now though, they’ve just brought in a new set this year so you’ll have to learn from scratch again even I’m a bit rusty right now). And the big pity is, I can’t watch the rugby now seeing it’s only on pay TV, damn. Maybe I should check out the hotel down the road and see if they ever play it.

And cool, you made it back without anything bad happening to tiger.

So this week I’ll just be waiting out to see what kind of chaos breaks out in Canberra when the torch runs through (the house mates are going I think, so that’ll either be great or tragic).

That should just about make up for my absence for the last week and a bit. So stay tuned for the next exciting newsletter. Have some Hershey’s and root beer for me, and hey why not a French silk pie to (I swear it’s become one of my major quests in life to finally find one of those things).

See you, spoil yourself till your sick of it, might as well make the most you can of it.

Gareth.

tyertyert

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-NINE

11am; I found myself in daggy clothes in a nice, upper-scale bar. My first bar without Gaz in over two years. And there I was studying with a 40-something Aussie as he didn't care that we used it for three hours without buying any alcohol. I was afraid they'd kick us out, but he didn't care.

Why were we there? Studying for our Stats. Stephen managed, again, to harass the tutors and a teacher (I think?) to get the answers for the exam. ADVICE "It's all about resources," he always says.

2pm; Megan actually smiled at me. Jesse ignored me, but now that I know he only is nice to hot girls, who cares (but sometimes he's nice to me?!).

We were at the Bra when Mike found us and he joined. He luckily, thankfully, gave me the sheet the undergrads were given by the tutor since Neil didn't want to give us a revision this time. Now this would seem nice, but I think he only did it because I have him the mock exam answers last night and mentioned how I'm sick of people using me. But otherwise it wasn't rosy and fun with him. That made me a little sad, but really, does it matter? No. He'll never go for me.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-EIGHT

LIFE HERE "Hey, mate!" Megan said to me. I tried not looking at Jesse since he must think I have a flirting sensation for me. I'm beginning to think that even though I don't like him. It's just the Gaz factor. He's quiet and stand-off-ish, and I'm incredibly attracted to it.

YING came and got me out of surprise and for THREE hours we were talking. It felt like an hour, tops. But it was fun talking about Helen (We didn't get the lowest grade! Natalie's group got a 56%, which is terrible of Helen) and culture and how bullshit Australia is with their lies. No, it's not great to live here. They are biased, racist, hateful, and jobs aren't that easy.

GREAT PLEASURES I felt like I was flirting with Geovanny. He even started to get a little nervous and shakey. But for TWO AND A HALF HOURS he acted at home and we talked about life on campus, and going out, and how he "hates Americans" and it was so much fun. I was even letting him go on an ego trip with his little "me, me, me" stories. I just have to accept that men are like that. But like I kept telling him, I know more about him after tonight than the year I've known him. He thinks I'm a loser, half-kiddingly, so I told him the back story. It was just a pleasure talking to him, really.

I also learned that Darryl's an asshole because he hates take-away and he hates girls (he's gay).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-SEVEN

Um! So what a day. I spent in with Arthur and Stephen in my room, "studying" for Stats. We were chatting, having fun, and enjoying it.

The only uncomfortable part was eating with Arthur, Peter the German joining, and then his friend joining. They left me out. I didn't care because I'd rather not try, but still.

The most memorable part was the cute Aussie I'm getting a crush on. It's no longer Mike at the Bra, but Jesse. He warmed up earlier to me, but now it's feel friendlier. "Enjoy, no worries" he said today.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-SIX

LITTLE PLEASURES The difference between Gaz and Betty (and Ying), and Jess and Christina:

"Hey Jen!!!

How are you? You fly in this week right??? I was just wondering what your schedule is like so we can get together. I can come to you or if you want to see our apartment you are more than welcome to come over. Just let me know what is up. I will be out of town thursday and friday for a conference for work. Anyway I can't wait to see you.

Betty"

I mean, Christina came out of nowhere asking me to double date and Jess "remembered" (probably got facebook notice), but Christina did ask me to tell her when I'm back and Jess

And Betty and I have had our hiccups and she still offers! I actually went, "aw" to it.



UNI CLASSWORK & RESIDENTS I went to see Arthur and we walked over to Kauldeep's office to find out our marks, but on the way we ran into Peter (his German friend). Chatted and all three went up only to run into Elaine. I don't get her again. I tried talking to her about her desire for us to go home together, but she gave me the run-around. And the studying she wanted to do with us? Nope, seeing me Saturday. So I'm booking the shuttle on my own. Tough shit.

But what's cool about the Aussie system is that you can go to your professor anytime and they tell you your grades. I'm getting used to this niceness they provide. I'm no longer shy about it like I was at CSU.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-FIVE

UNI RESIDENTS (1:50 am) I was just thinking the other day how last semester I went to do my laundry at 4am and met the two guys next door who were still up after partying all night. Then I got sad about how that wouldn't happen again. But it did! Just on a lower level. I re-met Elliot who is nice, funny, but overly powerful with his "me, me, me" stories. I saw him standing there smoking and I wanted to say hi, but he was staring and I was unsure. So he asked exactly what the two boys last semester asked, "What're you up to?" And I answered laundry, the same as last semester, too. And there we were talking for an hour about our lives, non-stop. Unlike the boys, he's 25 and staying in the bungies. I kind of have a crush on him now. And at least I get to talk to him now, and make more friends. Cool friends, too.

LITTLE PLEASURES getting a ham and cheese sandwich, two of them, and the older woman remembering I want take-away.

AMERICAN HOME This is who knows I'm coming home:

• Jess (I told her)
  
• Betty (I told her)
  
• Christina (She found out- facebook?)
  
• Kenny (I told him)

All are seemingly excited, and Christina teased about a double date (she still thinks Gareth and I are dating, because I never corrected her out of embarassment), and today Jess surprised me with this:

I thought she forgot. And why is this a big deal? Because I won't have any friends in America. Betty and I are rocky, and on top of it she has a boyfriend. Kristen disappeared for some reason. Christina and I haven't seen each other in a year and a half (maybe?). And Kenny's the only one I regularly talk to, but really that's an odd situation. He doesn't have feelings for me, does he? God, I hope not.

LIFE HERE I mean, I will keep in contact with Stephen and Arthur and probably Ying, but what about May? Those four are the only really close people I know here, besides the best of them all (Gareth).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-FOUR

LIFE HERE It's like a little community with the same people over and over again, and if you need something, you just pop across our private part of the lake to get it.

The redhead at the Brasserie reminds me of myself sometimes. She's nervous talking to people, shakes a little when confused, and laughs it off. I used to be like that, and I still am in certain ways, but at least not all the time.

EMAIL "Don't worry about it, I'm sure you went absolutely fine. You probably did all the study you could anyway. Thirteen chapters is an absolute truck load (honestly I don't think I'd've had the patients after about chapter two).

Credits are great, distintions are brilliant, but when it comes down to it I'd always be content with a pass (especially in the subjects I don't really like...and that usually ends up being most of them anyway. I have the feeling once your done and haven't got anything to worry about, nothing'll matter so much as long as you get to wear the silly hat and shake a complete strangers hand.

I checked out the place eventually the other day...it's a house, and it's alot better than Canberra (not a palace or anything, but it's cleaner, and seems like it'll be a bit more relaxing). It's only 65 dollars a week, and that includes everything, electricity and all...damn I wish I was there longer and not just borrowing the place. Household chores- just cleaning the kitchen floor, and taking out the bins. So I'm going to head out there...well, in about half an hour I guess. I'm trying to keep the stuff to a minimum, so just my clothes, computer, and a few bits and pieces. Oh and food for the week (which shouldn't be so bad- he left a heap of stuff behind).

He's got a massive movie collection there, so I'm going to have to ration myself or I won't actually get anything I'm supposed to be doing done.

Well, I haven't really met the others in the house yet, but hopefully it'll be okay (apparently they're nice). It'll probably be hard to get to know them well though- they're straight from China, and still have to learn how to understand Australian english.

But anyway, that's what I'm up to lately. I hope you've got a good feeling about the test (and if not, just don't think about it anymore...it'll turn out you've passed anyway, so you don't have to worry).

See you (I'll have to find a library or internet place near the house, but it's near the uni, so it shouldn't take long).

Gareth."


I miss the days he'd joke and kid with me like he still does with Sam. At least he emailed me before he left to go (literally a half an hour before??).

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-THREE

UNI RESIDENTS I woke up on the German Ying lives with walked over with us, as she took the undergrad equivalent of our subject. I was surprised about how friendly she was towards me (and how I didn't have to worry about what to say), but soon enough we were there when Ines joined us. I tried to ignore her, but it was hard. She seems so pathetic at times that you can't ignore her lonely face. Why is this important though? Why write this down now? Well, I guess it's to say that I should give people a chance and that I'm getting out of my comfort zone.

UNI CLASSWORK the exam. My first final exam of my third semester that felt like a midterm for some reason. Maybe it's because I was so prepared and taking it much earlier than I was used to, so I was pretty relaxed about it. But was I really comfy? I was shaking. It's because Helen fucked us over so badly with the 66% and I needed at least 10% to pass. In fact, each time she passed me I would just bore holes into her back, and it was out of spite. And it's actually nicer than what I would usually do, and so I'm getting better. Then I started singing in my head, not because I didn't know how to answer, but because I was more relaxed once I realised that everything Ying and I thought would be on there, was on there. I felt pretty confident, but only time will tell if my parents' $3,000 was wasted. I just want to pass.

While waiting for Ying, something that makes me feel special and wanted, Natalie asked me about the exam and then the nice Aussie asked, too. There's something about finishing exams that makes people suddenly become sociable and nice to each other. And our conversation wasn't forced, which was a great learning experience for me as well. But I think I get too attached to people. Even though I was standing out there feeling like the semester isn't almost over and I won't see these people again, I still get attached and want to say goodbye to some of them. After spending 14 weeks with them, there's just this urge for some reason. I've always felt this way, even in high school.

Ying insisted on hugging me twice, and I think I felt the same way, because there was just this release of tension after it was over. I miss Liz hugs, but what's the use when we are officially over as friends?

LITTLE PLEASURES & CULTURE Ying accompanied me to me room and as I was afraid seeing some people outside, I still went bravely since Ying was there. The two Aussies were really nice and apologetic, making me realise that I miss having Aussie female friends. So joking and friendly and cute. She joshed that her stuff was all over the place and it reminded me of Liz.
Then when I had to go back again, it was more Aussies who were keen to talk after the American I've been talking to more and more (who knows Jillian) asked me how I did. It reminded me of Hargraves. She initiated the talk, I furthered it, and then the Aussies were asking questions. I wish I had the courage to stay longer, but never know what to do. Stay and talk? But I'm scared! I wish I had, but at the same time I don't want to barge in. This is Jillian's territory after all.

I found Arthur in the library and he enjoys talking to me, I know it, as well do I. It's nice to go at the end of the day and see a friendly face and be sociable instead of a recluse like I was at the beginning of my stay at Bond.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-TWO

UNI CLASSWORK On the way to the library, or rather to really pick up our assignment, I ran into Ying. Then of course Shivang found us (how are Indians so sneaky?) and that's when we were shocked that we received a 66%. I've never gotten so low on an assignment before, and we were pretty much livid. Stephen walked by and said we should talk to Ray Gordon, the head of business, but instead we kept level heads and it actually pushed me to study that much harder.

WELLBEING I told Stephen that he made me feel better by saying I only need 10% of my 55 point exam to pass. I told him and he seemed to enjoy it, so whatever makes him realize that his support actually keeps me sane. But it is completely true.

Then to make me feel even better, I told Arthur that he and I should go to Q1 next semester, and that Stephen should come if he wants, too. And they both agreed and we all thought it'd be rather enjoyable. Yes, they're both older than me, but really, I'm getting used to older friends. I had Doris at Target and now them here. It makes me feel more mature and connected, since they understand me and can help me when it comes to school matters. No immaturity.

YING came to my room when I was eating and I told her I could bring my half eaten lunch to the tables so I could eat with her. It was rather relaxing and we made each other feel better considering we were still getting over the shock of the 66% exam. Arthur came to join us and it even lightened the mood even more.

LITTLE PLEASURES I told her, "Why don't we study together? Just talk it out?" And so we did on the lawn with the gorgeous hot sun. It actually felt good to study with someone.

But then it got cold and we went to her place to study and talk it out so much that my voice went hoarse. She misinterpreted my, "I may stay up the whole night" as wanting to stay over and there I was going to the bungies with her to get my blanket and pillow. It happened so fast that I didn't even have time to be uncomfortable with the situation. In fact, this is the first time I've done this, besides with Gaz and Liz, in years and years. I didn't even want to do this when I first met Liz!

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-ONE

LIFE HERE Lunch with Stephen and Arthur meant I was asking for "for here" just as Jesse went to grab take-away and Megan and him both stopped and looked at me. Megan was teasing me and Jesse was surprised. This is what it's like to live on campus.

UNI RESIDENTS So it was me, Arthur, and Stephen eating together until Shivang passed and sat down. I didn't want him to. I don't like him. I just got stuck with him for group work and don't want to bother with him otherwise. He used us basically, and do I really want him to use us? No.

Life is fun with Stephen because he does what he wants and when he wants. The mediacentre was still in development, but he walked right in as the businessmen stared because it seemed to be their private opening. Even though it's OUR campus. They coaxed me in and when I was finally in, I felt naughty. We were hanging out looking at the insides which is something very few students have experienced yet.

UNI CLASSWORK & LIFE HERE I kept running into Neil, my IT professor, and that's what it's like on campus. You see people and they know you, and you feel like you're in a community. And when I went to find Neil's office, I ran into Shravan who remembered me and Kauldeep who thought I wanted to see him. It's all helpful and nice.

UNI RESIDENTS & CLASSWORK the not so nice thing was finding out that Ashnita copied me word for word without me knowing. So I got a warning thank god, and Arthur and May made me feel better. May and I kept emailing back and forth, so I find that her loveliness is so Liz like and comforting. But like Liz, I don't know how to pay her back. Ugh! I wish I could.

ADVICE Arthur came to visit me that night. I need to STOP acting like I'm better than him because I've lived here twice as long. I need to stop putting his excitement of living here down. Now.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY

UNI RESIDENTS There we were in the uni centre as a improve tutorial that was much more fun that an actual tutorial and much more beneficial since I was asking questions. I actually learn when I'm relaxed and asking questions, and I wish I could do that during a uni tute. Regardless, there I was with the boys (Stephen, Arthur, and James) and it was fun that I was included of course. As for the actual excel exam, I think I did fairly well just because of those extra tutes!

Right before the exam I went out with Arthur and Stephen to eat Mexican and it was so good. Being out and about makes me feel healthy.

Ashnita got pissed at me, but I have tough skin and I don't care. Why do I care that she's using me and is now pissed that I won't let her? Am I supposed to be upset? I don't think so. No one should wait until the last minute to learn everything because they haven't gone to tutes. That's your problem.

DISCOVERED Three years on and I've realised that I don't need to solely rely on Gareth for love. May and Elaine are Liz. Stephen and Arthur are emotional support. I can do this!

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-NINE

NEW I did something new today.

• I was gravitated towards the sandwich section. I've been afraid because Megan runs it and I've never known how it works. It's been there staring at me in the face the entire semester, and so for some reason, something forced me to walk there. I just couldn't stop myself. Over to the sandwich queue. And it paid off. While she wasn't smiling, she still knew I wanted take-away, and off I was eating the most satisfying food I've had for a year. It filled me up with pure happiness.
• I was social. More on that a little later.

BEST FRIEND He hasn't emailed me nor Sam in a week. Something's off, but I'm actually pretty strong and not caring as much as I would otherwise. I'm planning to email him either a few days before I leave or straight after.

Edit: He's emailed me and while I was happy, I wasn't esctatic. In fact, it was short but at least semi-happy.

"Of course I'm hansome...I should be an underwear model (give me a year or so to work on the stomach though). I think I need a haircut though...but all the same, I'm kind of proud of my mop.

So we'll see how tomorrow goes, and hope the rest of your week is totally hassle free (we can dream)."

DISCOVERED I discovered that doing what I've feared is not so bad after all. Again, I just gravitated towards the post office and finally closed my mailbox and so now it's weird not having the part of me in Australia. I was afraid of how to go about it, but actually it was quite simple.

Today was an amazing, crazy day.

• 10am: I received a LOVELY text from May giving me hugs and hoping all my studying is going well (...
• 10:30am: I received a text and call from Ashnita hoping we could study.
• 11am: Elaine and I went to Fish Liquor for one last time, and then she was off (or so I thought).
• 12pm: Christina somehow knows I'm coming home to the US? I haven't spoken to her in months and m...
• 2pm: Stephen dropped by wondering if I've seen Arthur and we went on a search for him.
• 3pm: Stephen returned and we went over stats for an hour and a half.
• 4pm: Mike called (how the living hell did he get my number?!) and was natural as can be, asking i...
• 4:30: Arthur shows up and we stay chatting.
• 4:45: Elaine drops by and is pretty much shocked to find me, Arthur, and Stephen bullshitting tog...
• 5pm: I'm all alone :( But I'll see them all tomorrow.
• 7pm: Ash calls and texts, saying I don't have to help her any more (thank god!-- she was just bei...
• 7:20pm: Shivang emails about our CA project (hmm!)
• 8pm: Bear finally, finally emails!
• 9pm: Mike calls again about stats.
• 9:05pm: Mike shows up, so there's me flirting and blushing while he was acting like he's been the...
• 9:30pm: May sent me a lovely email in response to this morning.
• 10:30pm: To finish off, Betty replying to my email.

CULTURE hearing Stephen speak set something off in me and hearing the accent was really pleasing. Maybe because I was focusing on the fact it was Aussie that it registered in my head and all my pleasure senses went off.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-EIGHT

UNI CLASSWORK I woke up semi-nervous, which is silly considering I have no problem with presentations thanks to this school, but regardless I didn't want to go through it. You know when you think of something, and think, and think.

YING I ran into her and we got to talking about class and we bonded on our frustration of our group and Helen. Ying said she loved me twice, and then hugged me twice, in front of some girls.

DISCOVERED I love affection and yet I can't reciprocate it for some reason! I would love to say it back, but I always clam up. It takes me so long to be able to say it back.

LITTLE PLEASURES So Ying came in my room and sat on the floor with me to practice her part. It felt great to be able to help her. I felt like Liz, telling her to practice over and over again, that it was okay.

UNI CLASSWORK We did our presentation and something great happened: I went seven minutes without any notes at all! I felt powerful. So that's how they do it? Practice, practice, practice?

LITTLE PLEASURES During Ying's part I rubbed her arm since she was nervous and I helped the others with their slides. It felt great to care and to help out. Don't be selfish.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-SEVEN

LIFE HERE When I went back to look at my Bathurst journal I noticed how much I really captured Australia. And yet here I'm whining about people I know...more about my uni life. Not much about Oz. But then again, it's my third time here, so really I don't have those first time experiences any more.

UNI CLASSWORK Bond's library is actually pretty inviting compared to LEC's and CSU's. Outside is nice to sit outside in the sun, and inside has extremely high ceilings and amazing natural lighting and so it's not depressing in any way. You see people you know and it's no problem getting anything done.

And so I was outside when Ines showed, she smiled, I said hello back. Then I thought, if she's pretending to be nice, I should play along. Don't be cold just because she was nasty yesterday. So I pushed the talk and it worked. We were smiling, even if it was fake. Which led to a happy Ying when she showed.

Flash forward to inside the library in a group study room. We were all getting along again and it was about time, with us talking and laughing and smiling. Ines cut down the eye rolling and looks, and I didn't bother to care when she did. Great thing on my part was this: I cared enough about them to help them. I pointed out that Shivang might want more slides and Elaine could practice again on me. I may work out well with a manager as long as I can control my emotions.

CULTURE we are the most diversified group in the class, and so Shivang came up with the idea to have our last slide say "Thank You" in all four of our languages. It was unifying. It was closure to the rockiest project ever.

BEST FRIEND Afterwards I went to the Bra and the gay guy from South Tower was there as always. I'm attracted to him physically even if he is gay (I'm assuming) and it got me to thinking of Gaz. Why I was attracted to him is because he's a little bit feminine. And there was a guy who had the similar manly/primitive facial look and same mannerisms. He was standing there very femininely with one leg over the other and one arm across his chest and the other to his lips as he thought. Just like Gaz. It's like they lack the manly confidence but that's what attracts me.

LIFE HERE I was walking around 8:40pm to relieve some stress, just thinking about how this is my home. How this feels like my home, a place I go to for refuge, and that walking on campus is like walking around my neighbourhood. But then I got sad realizing that if I were in Bond, I'd be able to walk to a friend's place to go hang out. That's the downside of this place, that I don't have a Gareth or Liz here. But otherwise I finally feel like Bond is my home. That feels...wow.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-SIX

But as always it changed on Saturday when the French girl decided to be a bitch and be nasty to me for no reason (honest, I did nothing to provoke it). She was huffing and rolling her eyes and giving looks to Shivang because she was put out for being at the meeting. So Elaine told me to calm down (even though I wasn't acting angry?!) and so I then did act angry. I finally completely snapped at her and Ines, finally standing up for myself. I told them I'm not the angry one, that "they" (as in Shivang and Ines) are the ones (although I was having so much fun at going at them that I don't remember exactly what I said). I was just soooo excited though for standing up for myself. Ines actually calmed down like her tail was between her legs and when she had one more little snap at me, I just gave it right back. Then she was being decent. Such a little nasty, immature girl.

Oh my god, I seriously am not mean until people use me and provoke me over and over again. Then I let them have it. And doing it to Ines was the most fun I've had all semester.

Watched Black Water just to hear the accent. It's a shame I very rarely get to hear the accent of the country I'm in.

Other little snippets?

• May: I pulled a Liz on her. I passed by a window and waved by pressing my face close. I was trying to be cute like Liz used to do to me.
  
• Arthur: Thankfully he was upstairs when the debacle happened so I could run to him for some company. He's my Gaz since I can't have Gaz here to comfort me.
  
• Mike: At dinner he asked about stats. I know, not a big deal, but it entertains me when he talks first.
  

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-FIVE

8am: In line and said hello to Megan, who said nothing in return. This is not unusual. She has her on days and her off days, and why does it matter if a Bra worker likes me anyway? But after she was finished and I felt awkward standing there will silence, she said something really fast. Was she telling me I could come back for more and she "wouldn't look"?? If so, I thought that was nice considering.

9:02am: Arthur had met me and soon enough Stephen arrived so that we were there in his shed working on excel. How unlike my usually, now that I have been back home, but now I don't mind as much as I'm comfy with them. We were just there easily talking and for once I was actually thinking and not just assuming the answers. I felt better, too, studying this with them.

3:30pm: A ride home with Stephen and three of his kids. Being around all Aussies is nice, and with Stephen's kids, they think nothing of foreigners. I like that. Just three Aussie accents- it's homely. And being in an Aussie car and watching the Aussie kids after school is wonderful. I actually feel like I'm in Australia when I'm out of Bond.

Arthur and I will walk more next semester. We won't stay on Bond day in and day out.

6:54pm: I found Arthur after I went to the library early and soon Ines joined me. She was being nice, and so I was. Then Elaine. She wasn't pissy, and so we weren't. Then Shivang. And so there we were all laughing and actually having, dare I say, fun. The librarian even got pissed at us, but meh. I even included Arthur and he was joining in the fun. Outside Ines made a point to say goodbye and there we were, off we go. Thankfully I had Arthur, but then Elaine joined. I begged Arthur to walk the rest of the way with me, deviating from his route, so he did. But of course Elaine had to smooth it over and talk like she's friends with him. She does that to everyone. But no worries Arthur walked with me and she was upset she had no one else to walk the rest of the way to the reserve with. Whatever. I'm much nicer to her, but I don't care.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-FOUR

• Elaine found me in the Bra despite me faking not seeing them, so I had to snub her
  
• Therefore, I didn't know they were in the library and, no, I didn't apologise
• They were silent at first and I didn't care
• Then they were lively, either fake or real
• Finally, they walked out together with me in the back and then I saw Arthur
• I wonder if they noticed I left while they were still walking out?

"Thursday was the worst day I've had since my first semester (that was back in May when I was crying after a presentation where they embarrassed me in front of the entire class). After Thurs was all over I was just that mentally and physically exhausted after all the bad things over the day added all together.

But from the start, it was good. It was my last International Trade tutorial and I went out answering the majority of the questions, which is an accomplishment for me considering that a superiorly intelligent German is in there. I even went up to the board again to write out a problem after my Malaysian friend, May, pushed me to do so, after which they clapped again. But then the snippet of badness started. Two days prior the Fijian girl, Ashnita, asked me to stay after to help her with her stats project she stupidly waited the week of to do. I didn't mind even though a few others told me I was being too nice by offering my valuable time to someone just using me because they are lazy. So when I went to help her she actually snapped at me, "So what are you going to show me?" as if it was my job. May was sitting there and snapped back, "If you do your workshops you would know." Ashnita left class then, thankfully.

May's sort of like Liz. She's very, um, motherly. She knows I hate my marketing group with the utmost of passion, so she walked with me to the sushi place and offered to get me some, which I declined. That was the only good thing out of the day. After that, it started back up again when I went to the Bra to get my lunch and I ran into my group and had to tell them I'd meet them over there. I told told Ying I'd meet them at the library (again) so they took me as snubbing them, which was true in a way. I can't eat eat around people I don't know well enough. It completely freaks me out for some reason and so I eat really slowly, and they take it to be that I'm a slow eater, even though really I'm just trying not to make a fool out of myself. That and I didn't want to have to deal with them longer than I had to.

Then once I finished eating and went there I didn't see them at first and so I waited outside. Long story short they were in there, and no one was talking, and nor did I care. I'd given up on caring. I've lost my patience with them and I'm no longer the nice, happy-go-lucky Jen. I'm not mean, but at the same time I'm not my cheerful self, so I think they're taking it as me being mean. (Which means thankfully after Monday comes I won't have to see neither of them any more, but I will have to see Ying in my HRM class next semester). During it they did loosen up, I sort of did as well, but afterwards I was lagging behind, saw Arthur, and went to him while they had no idea I had disappeared.

Why I'm bothering to write all that unhappiness I don't know, but I guess it makes me feel better telling you what's going on. You know, sort of like getting it out and now it's better. So thanks for reading that. Bear, if only you were here to see the craziness of group work at this place! You wouldn't believe it. People are so lazy and touchy on top of it. Actually if you were here I'd probably poke your nose to make myself feel better, but then again you wouldn't like that."

It was also a nice surprise in the library hearing, "Jen" from Jillian and Stephen getting close behind me to have a private talk. I like associations.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-THREE

It's that time to move my laptop and study.
Revision here I come.

YING will I ever, ever understand here? She stormed to the back row with me, three seats down after her computer didn't work. No hello, nothing, but I could see her repeatedly looking over and I refused to acknowledge that I noticed. She had no feeling when she finally asked me for help, so I gave none back. Don't expect happiness when you give me none.

UNI RES At the end I went over to ask Stephen for help when he grabbed me for a hug and placed the side of his forehead against mine, making me feel loved. Happy.

Meanwhile Ying stood near huffing. I didn't pay her any attention. She huffed more. I still ignored her. Finally she huffed off. Why should I pay her attention when she sees I'm busy talk to Stephen? She ignores me when talking to others, so why should I do what she won't do for me?

While out on a walk I found a big, white, fluffy cat and then I ran into Jillian's friend. She's nice and we had the longest chat yet. I'm practising networking.

Entry TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-TWO

I seem to be the helper this semester. I'm helping both Arthur and Ashnita with their projects, but Ash is only doing so because she waited last minute. And it feels good doing so, it really does. But it also feels good because for once I know something that I can pass on (besides with Ying who lacks total common sense in life).

LITTLE PLEASURES We were all there waiting for the class to open, minus the two Germans. It was funny with May and Toby and me all joking together, the South African going "hi, hi, and hi" to us all, with Mike on the ground next to me, and Ash coming up behind us. Just a social, fun, talking family. That's what I like about knowing these people, the small international classes, and the best part of this uni.

DISCOVERED May is so cute. She's my Liz! I just realized that! She makes me feel better. Tells me it's okay. Pinches me. Jokes. Teases. So there is a way to get back what you lost.

I won't discuss the meeting here since it's pointless to discuss how terrible they are. Instead I will discuss what I learned: DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS IN. Yes they fucked you over, but when you finally snap, they'll just think you're a bitch instead of realizing they're the ones to blame.

Afterwards I went to Arthur who is always fun to talk to.
I even helped Ying with her project.
And I picked a gum leaf to show to Arthur and his nice Canadian friend who didn't know you could crush them for the smell.
His Canadian friend said see ya to me. Friendly.
And then Shivang surprised me with a text message saying there was a way I could stay because Bond was offering a job (well, position, and it's not guaranteed).
It made me feel special.

GREAT PLEASURES then Gaz emailed me the day after I emailed him. Although it was short, it was to the point and it made me laugh and blush-- something he hasn't be able to do for months. He also seemed to be in a much better mood, so my email about my old journal entries of us must have done the trick?

{EMAIL}

"Yeah, it seems that way. Put eggs in something and it just makes things so much better.
Everything seems to be made of eggs too, so if someone says 'pfft, no way, spaghetti's
better', well pfft, spaghetti's made of egg so neh!

Well, I guess now I've learned that the page closes if I pull the cord out, so I won't be doing
that anymore...but like I said before, I'll probably just stick to the movies for big things. Got to the movies again after ages yesterday- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, which was good, and french, and stuff.

Oh, that's another thing that's bugging me too. My music box died on the way to the bus a
while back, so walking is extra boring. It's okay though (it was as cheap as chips, so it didn't
make me too sad...just gave me an excuse to see what happens to mp3 players when you
throw them really hard against the ground), I've decided to pretend I'm unfit and I'm starting
out for the first time, so my bodies sort of having a holiday. I'm sticking to normal people
exercise and gradually getting back up there (but then this is me talking, I'll probably send an
email saying I'm running around Australia next...which has occured to me in crazier
moments).

I think Australians generally have a habit of saying -y on the the end of names. Saves having to bother thinking up an elaborate nickname I guess.

The birds and the spiders any day over these stupid squeeking dogs. But I haven't seen a blue tongue in a long time, and it's starting to get cold here now too, so it'll be a while until the next one.

Piss-weak, it's kind of like saying crummy, pathetic...let's see, like letting off a firecracker expecting a massive explosion, but just getting a little pop.

I got 30 Days of Night Out and I've decided I just don't get vampire movies, it's just a bunch of actors with pointy theeth running around hissing...I need a bit more to relate to.

Well what do you know, the dairies actually come in useful in the end! I wonder what I'll think of mine if I read it years from now...if. I think the things I write down might be a little indeciferable after a while though, they not very descriptive. Maybe I should put a location and date next to each little entry.

Hmm, I seem to go through hugging periods...or more correctly the hugging barrier needs to be broken down all the time, because if it gets the chance it just builds itself right back up again...so annoying!

You know, I think that proves your my friend. I told the psych guy that what I'm really looking for in a friends is being dag and not worrying about what anyone thinks...sounds about right really.

So Liz is to blame! Of course.

Yeah I remember the business with the packing. I didn't notice Liz or Mary though. I remember being amased you keeping everything! The reciepts too!?! But...but...

Ah superbad, still among the small list of good movies I've seen this year (even if it was on dvd).

And now I'm of to watch Into the Wild, by you favourite actor Sean Penn...I've been meaning to watch it for a while now, I missed out at the movies (probably watching something better) so here's hoping it's worth the wait.

See you, and have a good night.

Gareth

PS I'll be checking out a place tomorrow night. I'll let you know how crap it is!

Hmm, 21 steps interesting. This will require my full attention. Hopefully I'll be in a good mood for it when I get back tomorrow (or alternatively it can chear me up if I'm not!). Sounds hard to write though. And, yeah, I guess I should really get onto stumbledupon now I've got this internet."