So Bear emailed me a second time last night (aw! it's been a while since he's done that):
"I had a little think about things today, and decided that next year I'll try to focus on getting back to normal again, getting my identity back (I'm not sure if I wrote it to you, or whether I just wrote it out in a journal to desperately try to stop thinking and get to sleep, but my sister told me that we all really just grown up versions of who we were as kids, but it can get lost behind all the layers of crap sometimes...I'm trying to believe that)."
"Naples...best pizza in the world I've heard. Even I could fantasise about working in an embassy. Who needs to get married, it's outdated...Get a job at an American company in Australia, jump at the first chance you get to work in the embassy, then retire to a lasy cafe somewhere (away from Sydney). And I'll just go here there and everywhere with absolutely no identifiable goals or direction, and drive everyone crazy...It's unavoidable, I think that's the way it will always go (I'll retire at seventy though, or sixty-five maybe...provided I live that long...not being fatalistic in any way)."
"I'll try (I've decide if I can't, I'll go crazy and wander the streets in the middle of the night in my pyjamas, Donnie Darko style). You sleep well to."
"Naples...best pizza in the world I've heard. Even I could fantasise about working in an embassy. Who needs to get married, it's outdated...Get a job at an American company in Australia, jump at the first chance you get to work in the embassy, then retire to a lasy cafe somewhere (away from Sydney). And I'll just go here there and everywhere with absolutely no identifiable goals or direction, and drive everyone crazy...It's unavoidable, I think that's the way it will always go (I'll retire at seventy though, or sixty-five maybe...provided I live that long...not being fatalistic in any way)."
"I'll try (I've decide if I can't, I'll go crazy and wander the streets in the middle of the night in my pyjamas, Donnie Darko style). You sleep well to."
But he didn't email me today?
DREAMS and AMERICAN HOME A disturbing dream woke me up. I dreamt that I couldn't find Melissa (Kolbow) or Nikki's (which?) phone number in my cell after re-connecting with them, leaving me no friends. I think it's because I won't when I get home. Gaz is all I have and he's in Australia. Then again, I already live a life of sadness. When he's down there, and I'm up here, I have to go everywhere alone anyway. Jess did email me back, but it wasn't pleasant. I did have Christina, but that's just a dream now, I think. There's Betty again though. And where's Kristen?
I hope the U.S. is doing this. I love Australia for this kind of stuff.
I hope the U.S. is doing this. I love Australia for this kind of stuff.
