Thursday 14 February 2008

Entry HUNDRED-EIGHTY-SIX

Carrier: United States Postal Service
Tracking #: EE963354565US
Status: We attempted to deliver your item in AUSTRALIA at 12:14 pm on February 12, 2008.
Details: At Foreign Delivery Unit, February 12, 2008, 6:47 am, AUSTRALIA
Out of Foreign Customs, February 11, 2008, 11:38 pm, AUSTRALIA
Into Foreign Customs, February 10, 2008, 12:33 pm, AUSTRALIA
Arrived Abroad, February 10, 2008, 12:32 pm, AUSTRALIA
International Dispatch, February 07, 2008, 8:28 pm, O'HARE APT/CHICAGO
Processed, February 07, 2008, 8:27 pm, CHICAGO, IL 60666
Processed, February 06, 2008, 3:38 pm, KANSAS CITY, MO 64121
Electronic Shipping Info Received, February 06, 2008

{I bothered with this to show what great lengths a package gores through and why it takes so long for stuff to get here}




DREAMS I dreamt that I was taking a bus home, and had asked the driver what bus to take, but got on his bus even though it was wrong. And I was too scared to get off so I was stuck on there, but somehow I ended up near Jeremy. Remember Eric Arko from junior high? We were at his house when I realized I could just walk home. So I did.

Ah, but it's Valentine's Day.

Waiting for class Toby came by and said, "What a great picture" and I had to smile because his happy attitude is always warming. Yes, when Ying's not around I don't mind him. And he joined me to talk in which was really easy to do for some reason. Then the two South Americans came, and Johanna came to talk, but only about class, and that was that. Even though Toby was talking to them he tried a couple of times to include me. I thought that was sweet when most people won't do that.

The Ying came and we figured out that we both have class at the same time and next door to each other, but luckily Ash came to save the day since I don't like being stuck with Ying any more. And when we walked into the room she told me to sit in the back with her, which I did. It was funny because usually Toby, May, and I sit in the back and when those two came in they sat with me, realizing each would be alone. And so it looked like we were joining forces against him, the professor who can't teach. But it wasn't meant that way.

He let us out half an hour early and I stood there while Ash and May came out. We were chatting and doing girly things just laughing, but they talked too much for me. I couldn't get much in and felt left out even though they joined me and didn't mean to do so. May's just that fake that she has to be the center of attention. And she's socially strong. And I could tell that they were sneaking stares at my upperlip and of course I did the bashful looking down habit I've developed in response last year.

Ash wished us a happy valentine's day and I took a chance I asked Toby, "Can I watch since I have an hour to kill?" once I realized they were in the room still. And so May had to join. And in doing so she had to ask about Ying with concern, but agrees that she's bitchy and we have to stay away with her at times. So it's not just me.

After Toby finished and was going to leave, the fun started. He made a comment about being gay and May asked, "Are you gay?" Well, to me as a western, it was obvious. But then she was asking rude questions: what makes you gay? how'd you know you were gay? are you shunned back home? I backed him up, feeling awkward for him, but he did well considering he barely knows us. "No wonder you act like that!" May actually told him! Ugh.

Group meeting was next at 12pm. Ying was already there and I walked up with May, someone she fought with, but they played fake and nice and hugging despite Ying going off on May's boyfriend for no reason. And the three of us stood there talking until Ines, from our CA group came, and surprisingly it was easy to talk to her as well. Since I am terrible at socializing. But the fun part was seeing Joey for the first time since last semester and him waving with that huge grin he always gives me.

The meeting went faster than I thought and easier since ideas do come best in groups and so we were out of there quickly. When I went for lunch the dirty blond was nice and remembered me, which of course made me happy.

Maybe I'm easily pleased.

Maybe I'm that socially deprived.

DEEP SADNESS well, he's officially an asshole. I was thinking, hmm, it's been four days, so he'll email on valentine's day! But nope, none. So, he can go fuck himself. First over four days since an email and now he doesn't even extend the friendship on v-day like last year. Maybe he's talking to Sam. Maybe he met a girl. Maybe he realized he's gay. Or maybe he was offended by my inoffensive email. Yes it's sad and I started BARELY crying once it reached the passing point, but I'm so used to him disappointing me that I'm not that sad. I don't cry really. I don't stop eating and not sleep. I'm fine basically. That's how much out of love I am with him. That's how badly he hurts me. And it makes me think, do I really want to stay here for an asshole? Nope.