CULTURE & YING I wished Ying a 新年快乐 ("Happy New Year"), making me feel culturally more aware and culturally sensitive at the same time. Then I sacrifised my salad and gave it to her since she didn't want to pay for dinner.
LIFE HERE stephen keeps asking if I've found a loophole for a visa and he wants me to stay here. He's telling me there's a way around it and that I just have to stay for a semester and pay for that one class. He told me to ask Jade, that she would help. And that to come back to him. At least someone cares!
"i don't want to admit to myself that others influence my emotions as much as they do. i wish i could be someone who's completely self-reliant, someone who doesn't freak out (inside) if a friend is distant or a boyfriend doesn't call or an acquaintance doesn't acknowledge me. i wish i could teach myself to be less anxious and more go-with-the-flow. i can be very level-headed when dealing with others' conflict, but if it's just about me or just in my head, i can't stop obsessing. i revel in routine, but dream of the courage to flit about. i can't even make it a few hours without making a to-do list and planning out exactly the order that i'll accomplish errands and tasks. i feel like i'm in a rut, but honestly, i would feel even more out of control if i let it all go."
