ADVICE Ran into the American dormie, Jillian, on my way to class and I purposely looked at her but didn't say anything. "Give two spoonfuls of salt and a spoonful of sugar," ran though my head subconsciously (best advice Pearly ever gave me). It worked because she asked when the cleaners come and then smiled big with thanks. Just tired of trying to come up with small talk with her and her acting as if I'm bothering her. So no more, it's up to her.
UNI CLASSWORK Was early as well as Joey, who didn't seem too happy to see me at first. We did the usual greetings and soon I gave up since he wasn't too into it. There's comfort in knowing someone for a semester and knowing nothing is wrong and then confirming this when
She sat next to me, perfectly as I had planned, although I didn't plan for her to be one of the last ones in. At first it looked as if she wasn't going to until I looked up and realized after she said hello, but I passed it off. I just felt awkward having friends in there and yet sitting at a table alone. Loneliness. Smiling trying to pass it off. Trying to look busy meanwhile, but trying not to go over the top.
Time came to pick groups and if I didn't have a friend, it would've been awkward as the way he set it up. Such a big class and a "go to it" reaction. She and I were together unspokingly and then a German in front kept turning around to watch us. He shyly asked if we had three yet and asked to join us, to which Elaine took over about thankfully. Then came the moment where he managed to mess up by thinking we were group five when we were really group one, thus wasting twenty minutes and leaving it a mystery to everyone but us. Not a big deal, but that we will have to go first, starting on October twenty-second.
UNI RESIDENTS After marketing she followed me down the stairs and asked what we would before the Brasserie opened, which was nice. An unspoken act that meant we would eat together, like as if it were expected. Which means every Monday and Thursday I will be eating lunch with her in the Brasserie, a nice social change. I love that. Although the first time around was easier since I was able to somehow come up with a bunch of questions, this time was more comfortable. I was slacking a little in the conversation department, but she was as well. Once dessert came she shared with me, yet another oriental custom I am still trying to get used to.
After lunch I was upset to see her go, but what can I do? I tried to hint that she could stay in my room for an hour before I had class, but she had already seen it while the cleaners were still there and that was good enough for the time being. I guess I'm trying to get her to fill my female friend void.
My last class, finally! I arrived early and then a weird looking German came in, with cross eyes and a funny shaped face, not that I'm making fun of him. I created small talk and he advanced it in a smooth way, and thankfully we were talking as Arthur entered. I was nice and said hello, he did that blank stare he does with the delayed "Jen", and I continued with the German. Ashnita soon entered, THANKS!, and so now I know I have a friend in there and that we can talk even more. She asked how my break was and we were laughing about Canberra (she remembered) and I asked how her's was. Like old friends, I love that. It always feels important when I know people and strangers watch.
Neva came soon after and I like her. This presentation shouldn't be too hard, and the class only has nine people who all seem so nice. A small class is so comforting, secure. Can say anything. And Neva makes it interesting, tells her stories, and doesn't try to cram in a lot of information. She smiles the whole time and makes it fun. She's renewed my faith in my major!
"See ya, Jen," Ashnita made a point of before she left ahead of me. It made me smile and feel so good. I can't wait to talk to her more.
DISCOVERED I'm becoming more open with my feelings with Gareth for some reason. I'm actually saying what I'm thinking and maybe our little fights in Canberra had something to do with that. Maybe I know how blessed close we are, how much he loves me, and what it feels like to push him away only to have him fight to stay. I feel secure.
But also how good it feels to have emails from Kenny, Melissa, and Jessica still in my inbox and how bad it is not to see one from Kristen, although I don't think we would've reconnected again outside of LEC.
Also, I tend to stay away from the unknown when it comes to empty stores and small town shops such as those in the country and those out in Hunter Valley. How do mom and Bear do it? I must be able to walk into a store with no one in it, my head held up high, and knowing that I have every right to be in there no matter what I look like.
