Friday 7 September 2007

Entry TWENTY-NINE

WELLBEING I will build more relationships, tear down the anger and assumptions and just talk. I started this morning with an eight am run to the IGA and I chatted with the deli woman. It was the down time between waiting for the credit card to process and having me sign, so I told her it was a new one and how light the signature turned out. Just silly small talk, but I wanted to get used to it. To talk more. To smile. To get to know these people.

BEST FRIEND Last night I felt upset once I realized I wouldn't wake up to him in the middle of the night. And then I heard his voice and mannerisms like he was there regardless. His deep cough, this mmmrhhh, and his soothing voice.

When will he email? He promised and seemed determined to, so he will. If it takes a month then, well, I don't know. If so, then I will email the photos and ask for his address so I can send the postcard. Meanwhile it will be hard, but he said he would and he was sad, and so I believe it. Also, not to forget, I have a semester starting on Monday to keep me busy!

Just remember: "I guess I'll email you when I get back." "I thought we agreed I would?" I just can't remember what we said after that. And later on if the postcard had to do what that, or the fact I would miss him.

IM/Text/Email huh, hey, eh. Just minutes before I received a hiccup but I brushed it off, I'm too superstitious, although I was right! My first reaction- print it and then read it later when I can't hold the temptation anymore. Second reaction- that was quick! Only took him the next day. Third reaction- giggles. He's more open- poo and man arms?? The deal about this email is the fact I told him I wouldn't email first and he said he would, but I didn't know when. And I didn't expect it to be the next day! What's important about this is that I've always been the one to do it first. Not anymore, thankfully.

LIFE HERE I feel lost here. Nervous. Upset. Out of place. And yet I feel superior since I know what to do and there are people obviously wandering around for the first time. Looking at the lake. Stumbling on the steps. Looking at the postcards at the bookshop. But I still felt nervous this morning until I snapped out of it. At first I went to the bookshop and couldn't find my books right away, unlike last semester, and then I couldn't find the Bond postcard on top of it. I felt lost and then got nervous, so I had to leave.

LITTLE PLEASURES Gaz knows me so well. Too well, and got me a jasmine tea at the shops in Canberra, knowing I wanted a massive blooming one. So much better than others boys, namely Hugh who didn't listen to me when I told him the ones he found were too small. Gaz just gets me. And when I tried giving it back in the heat of an argument, he kept throwing it back to me. No matter what, he loves me for some reason. Today I then discovered the little pleasure of watching the tea bloom. Open slowly and then popped out little yellow flowers that floated to the top. then the red bits grew out with more yellow flowers tangled between. How beautiful life can be.

TRAVEL the people you meet are the best part. The ones that come and go and especially the ones that stay. The ones that hurt you and love you. Hugh. Nick. Dave. Pearly. Stephen. The Hargraves girls.

CULTURE I think I'm different from these new Americans because I didn't have an American group to hang out with. Instead of mocking and disgracing, I had to fit in and discover. Now I have to deal with others thinking I'm just like them, and I don't have an Aussie group to hang out with this time. Luckily I have a small group of "friends" started in my subject, and hopefully I will see a lot of them again. {Now I'm "home", I keep forgetting I'm still in Australia}. {The Americans are everywhere. It's so annoying. They are annoying. I don't want to blend in with them either}.