Sunday 14 October 2007

Entry SIXTY-FOUR


OLD My stomach feels sick, gurgly, and larger than usual, begging me to pay attention to it, when I see old Hargraves students on facebook. I see their fun photos, remembering when I used to share those times, and how I will never have that back again. I see them happy, wondering if they even remember me.

Pre- AUS-BIRTHDAY Elaine texted me and asked me what I was doing for dinner, and when I told her fish and chips, she asked to meet me at the Brasserie. I didn't get it. But then she surprised me with a bar of chocolate and wished me a happy birthday. She thought of me! And so that made me feel good, and but then I have to learn to calm my true feelings. I had told her in the text I was going to get Fish and Chips- I didn't want the Brasserie. Why don't people listen? And I get frustrated and it shows.

On the way I ran into Matt, the BBQ guy, who wished me a happy birthday and said he had knocked on my door to see if I wanted to come. That made me feel important. But I must've messed it up by not going.

Since he hasn't mentioned it in his email about my birthday, I plan to call tomorrow at 10am if I don't here from him:
1. tomorrow night call him: bitch him out.
I'm surprised you didn't remember my birthday....well, not really because you didn't care with my first one (remember telling me that?) and the second one you completely forgot about even though I hinted so many times like this time. I was crying the day before knowing you would when I read your email and you didn't mention anything.

2. BE NICE; bear, did you forget or did you irgnore me? ght i don't now what to do with you. my first, second, now third. you owe me one kickass surprise, you got me?

3. Hi handsome bear, guess what today was?


IM/Text/Email/Post
Hmm...hmm...that's a tough one (still haven't heard from the red cross people since...doesn't sound promising). Yeah, it's a pain, but in the end, unless an amazing job jumps into my lap in the next week or two, I guess I'll have to go through the whole centrelink thing all over again...huff.

Now that's something you'll be able to enjoy (at least you should be able to), big, fat, CHEAP mangos, and lots of them. They were five dollars each in Canberra the other day, and they were the crap ones!

Kids always stare at me in trains...it's scarey, especially when they're a foot away from you. Good thing is I'm home, but still in the middle of the getting better phase (I hope...sore throat and nose are gone though, so that's a step in the right direction).

No you weren't bad, just like I said, if you were like that, I probably would've decided to just watch the TV. But I didn't, because your not.

Is she the sort you can just bug and bug to change their mind, I've never been to a theme park, but I wouldn't want to go on my own, hey! maybe that guy!...no, no, just kidding.

What's a double rainbow? Two rainbows on top of each other?

Ah, lucky for me you don't miss what you don't know, always living on campus and all...then again though, I did enjoy the bus ride back from the AIS...but that could've been a bad sign.

I hate to think how bad the house's going to smell to me when I get back after being away...my nose won't be used to it anymore. It'll smell so badly.

You may as well go to the barbeque, I know exactly what you mean by the whole stressed thing, but at the same time I always hate myself later for chikening out and not going.

Anyway, I'll let you know how the whole being home thing goes (going to be early is the greatest thing in the world)

Bye bye,

Gareth.

Depression sucks and I slept until 11:30pm and found this which was sent shortly after 8pm, not really expecting one, but assuming I would get one considering he was at home with free internet. It made me extremely happy, gave me enough energy, and pepped me up overall. Although no mention of my birthday, his tone was beautiful and I loved how joking he was, something he hasn't been in a while. Therefore, I decided that if he gave me no notice on my birthday, then I would be nice and call with a kind tone. BEST FRIEND I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. He makes it all better. He's my only close friend in the world.