Wednesday 10 October 2007

Entry SIXTY

Stayed up the whole night and as I was walking to the mailbox to mail Kenny and Gaz's postcards, I realized that I was more awake with no sleep than I am with eight hours of sleep. The thunder claps just roar through, vibrating, making me wonder how I was ever afraid of such a beautiful sound.

The tute was uneventful, although he annoys me more and more and Melissa is so sweet to me. It was better because I was so tired I didn't care about him, and it helped although some of the time I couldn't focus and think.

Woke up after five hours and found his email with no feeling because I just don't care as much any more.

Why am I crying? Is it because I think he'll forget, despite him remembering and having it in his (old and maybe new) mobile, just because he hasn't mentioned it even though I have? Is it the deja vu of him forgetting last year? He's why I'm depressed. I've already written a draft if he forgets and if he's not loving, because fuck it. Why have someone around who doesn't appreciate me after all I do for him?

Suddenly I feel better, not worrying about my birthday till it comes and realizing that I'll deal with it when it happens IF something happens.



Yeah, sounds like a good idea to me to, but Bron just raised the possibility that she might be going to Orange (and Mum maybe too), so it’d be easier if I could just hitch a lift with her over there (even if I feel like a break from her as well).

I’ve started to notice the nauseous pain in my intestines has become annoyingly frequent (almost constant…ouch). It feels a bit better today (hmm, just like I said, crap at the start of the week, slowly better by the weekend...?)

It looks like the AIS thing is slowly being strangled from both ends anyway, I no longer work Wednesdays either…apparently that was only a temporary two week thing (which’d be nice to have known earlier...I found out when I called to say I couldn’t make it this week again- using sickness as an excuse, not entirely convincing, but I hate to go into the yucky details). So that takes me down from about twelve hours a week to two! (including not working in the kitchen anymore (at least not until I tell them I feel like it again).

I’m getting through Harry Potter so slowly. I’ve just reached the point where Ron runs of like a little bitch.

You’d think she would’ve got the customs thing worked out by now- pumpkin seeds? Tell her to send a package of suspicious white powder, I want to see what happens.

I guess once this years over they’ll understand why your not drinking yourself stupid every week.

I don’t know, I’m living of chai at the moment, which I guess is warm milk just with a whole lot of crap thrown in. I can’t tell if it’s doing good or not…I think I’ll have to wait till I stop (you know, maybe it is the problem, but I like it too much!)

Anyway, tattoo parlor tomorrow evening, let’s see if I can’t repair this thing. Then hopefully of to Orange on Friday or something.

Hope your okay, treat yourself to a drink every now and then (especially since your getting your work done early!), and I’ll start brainstorming for work ideas…not very positive about that one though…

Bye,
Gareth