WELLBEING Basically nothing today. I slept from 4am till 5pm, and it felt great. It was like my Target days when I was so exhausted and I would just crash the whole day.
Part of me worries he won't remember even though he has (or at least had it in his old phone) in his phone that it's my birthday on Monday. And so part of me also hopes he doesn't remember so I can get all this rage out on him. Does he really love me? His last email was unloving and he didn't today even though he should be home, so if none on Sunday and Monday, then that's it. Tuesday I will have the satisfaction of calling and being a bitch and just ending this heartache. What's the point? But then again I get emails and *some* support every other day, so I would lose that. Then again, once I leave, that's it...
Part of me worries he won't remember even though he has (or at least had it in his old phone) in his phone that it's my birthday on Monday. And so part of me also hopes he doesn't remember so I can get all this rage out on him. Does he really love me? His last email was unloving and he didn't today even though he should be home, so if none on Sunday and Monday, then that's it. Tuesday I will have the satisfaction of calling and being a bitch and just ending this heartache. What's the point? But then again I get emails and *some* support every other day, so I would lose that. Then again, once I leave, that's it...
I'm also afraid that if he does remember, then he may not make it special for me and I'll be disappointed.
But do I really want to lose him? In Canberra I had the option and I tried, and yet I worked my way back to him...
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